Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) (37 page)

The realization of where Vanessa was coming from
struck Blake like a slug to the chest.  He was angry and the thought crossed his mind of someone doing that to Jasmine. He saw red.  He knew he would kill him with his bare hands without a moment’s hesitation should he ever be given the chance.  He pulled Jasmine closer to him just to assure himself she was safe. 

He could imagine even a peaceful man like Justin would have done the same had he had the opportunity. 
Frank now took an understanding to how and why Vanessa had always treated him with kid gloves.  Even before the beating, he knew she didn’t trust him.  Now he couldn’t blame her because he understood better than anyone in the room how something horrible from your childhood could mess you up for life. 

Sheridan asked, “Vanessa can you tell us what happened?”

Vanessa took in a very deep breath and let it out very slowly.

“
I used to work at the little store in our neighborhood.  Mr. Matthews was the sweetest man you ever wanted to meet.  He treated black people with dignity and respect. You couldn’t find anyone to say a bad thing about him.  On my 16
th
birthday I had to work the close shift.  It was a Saturday.  I had been working there almost a year.  I came in with my hair done and make-up on for the first time. I was feeling really beautiful.” 

She sm
iled at that part of the memory.

“I had my first date ever that night and I was so excited.  Mr. Matthews
closed up the store.  I was counting the money in the register.” 

She started to tremble but Justin wrapped her in his arms as she continued. 

“He came over and told me how beautiful I was and how much I looked like a woman.  Being young and naïve I smiled and thanked him for the compliment.  He stroked one of the curls in my hair and there was this look in his eye that made me realize something wasn’t right.  I tried to hurry up and finish with the register.  He came around the counter and put his hand on my shoulder.  When I eased out of his grip he said, don’t run, it will only make it worse.  I stared at him confused and scared out of my mind.  I did exactly what he said not to do and turned to run.” 

She took a deep breath
as she had to relive this. She never told anyone but her husband and that was because she had to explain to him why on their wedding night she froze.  He was so understanding and patient with her. She loved him severely for that.  He’d waited until she felt safe.  Then he showed her what sex was meant to be between a man and a woman. 

Jasmine felt sicker as
her mom went on with the story. She didn’t want to hear it but she knew this was such an important part of the process.  She didn’t know if this was such a good idea after all.  Everyone in the room was silent and patiently waited for Vanessa to unburden her hidden truths. 

Justin rubbed her back and wh
ispered, “It’s almost over sweetheart. It’s okay.  I’m here for you.” 

She nodded, took a deep breath and said, “
He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me down behind the counter.  I screamed and he slapped me.  He told me if I screamed again he would kill me and I believed him.  I tried to fight back but he was so much stronger than me.  It seemed like the fight in me made him more excited.  He ripped my underwear and he violated me.”

Jasmine buried her face in Blake’s chest and wept.  He held her a little tighter knowing there was really no r
eal comfort he could offer her.  Sheridan was a bit choked up but managed to keep her voice steady. 

She asked, “Wha
t ever happened to Mr. Matthews? Did you report the crime?” 

Vanessa let out a sarcastic chuckle, “I never told a soul except for my husband on our wedding night. 
Mr. Matthews told me that no one would believe me because his reputation would never be tarnished by a slutty nigger.  Foolishly I believed him. I ran home and scrubbed my skin until it was raw.  I quit my job.  I used to have nightmares, but they stopped when I met Justin in my early twenties.  Every now and then I can still smell his smoky breath and his lustful sweat.  It makes me sick to my stomach.”

She looked at Jasmine, “After that I never wore another st
itch of make-up or made any fuss about my hair or my clothes.  I wanted to be as plain as I could manage and to never stand out for any reason.  In my mind bringing attention to myself only brought unspeakable pain and suffering.  If it wasn’t for your father intervening I would have had you looking like an old maid.  That’s why I never complained about you running around like a little tom boy with Blake.  I’d honestly hoped you’d stay that way.  I can admit now that I was jealous of what you had with Lisa.” 

She glanced over at her friend.  Lisa’s face showed
she was startled by the revelation. 

“It hurt me so bad that Jasmine had to go to you to learn how to embrace being a woman but it was somethin
g that I just couldn’t give her.  I didn’t want to stand in her way.  That’s why I never said anything about it.  I knew you truly cared for her so that gave me comfort.”

Her eyes shifted to Blake, “I’m so sorry about what I said to you.  I can’t imagine how that must have made you feel.  Deep within my heart I know that you’ve always been the best thing for Jasmine but my life taught me to look at you a little different
ly.  I’m sorry that I couldn’t put that aside and let you two be happy.” 

Blake cleared his throat and said, “It’s okay now that I understand why you felt that way
.  It won’t be held against you. I promise.” 

Vanessa took a moment to hold on to Justin and to get herself together.

Sheridan asked, “Justin, how has this affected you?” 

A little
alarmed Justin cleared his throat.  He took a nervous glance at his wife. She rubbed his leg giving him reassurance that it was okay to speak his mind. 

He began, “I love my wife with all my heart and I never wanted to push her into anything that she wasn’t comfortable with.  I was so happy just to have her that I was willing to accept her as she was because that’s who I fell in love with.” 

Sheridan saw the reluctance and prompted, “But…” 

He smiled and said, “But
…”  He hesitated. 

Sheridan said, “It’s okay Justin we are all married adults here.
” 

He
sheepishly smiled and continued, “I would have loved to see her in a sexy dress every once in a while or some high heels, maybe a little red lipstick sometimes.” 

Blake grinned.
He knew exactly where the man was coming from.  There was nothing like seeing your woman all glammed up just for you, especially in a sexy high heel. 

Justin turned to face his wife, “
Sweetheart, it’s not that you need it because you’re gorgeous without it and your body is still incredible after all these years but one of the things I’m hoping for is that you will embrace being a woman and flaunt your beauty just a little.”

Frank l
et out an understanding chuckle, Lisa elbowed him.  Vanessa blushed, but didn’t respond.  Jasmine stood and walked to her mother.  She knelt down in front of her and looked in her eyes. 

“
Mama, I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m sorry I didn’t try sooner to understand you instead of always picking a fight.” 

Vanessa grabbed her d
aughter’s face, “It’s okay baby. You could never understand something that I wasn’t willing to let you see.  I’m sorry too.” 

She hugged her for several moments.  When she let go Jasmine stood, wiped her face and took her seat next to Blake.

Vanessa looked at Blake and Jasmine and asked, “There’s something I’ve been curious about for a long while now.  Since we are sharing our deepest secrets I believe you and Blake have been keeping a secret for years and I really want to know what it is.” 

Lisa said, “I agree, something happened between you two freshman year in college and whatever it was it changed both of you.” 

As a memory came flooding back, Justin asked, “Does this have anything to do with that weekend you just showed up at home upset and you were hiding from your mother?” 

Disbelieving
Blake asked, “Jasmine, you went home during those three days?  Is that what changed your mind?” 

All eyes were on Jasmine and her
queasiness kicked into overdrive.  It was now her turn to bare her soul.

Jasmine could feel a headache coming on as all eyes were on her.  Usually Blake was in her corner but she’d left him in the dark on this one as well.  The thought of telling their parents that not only was she stupid enough to get pregnant her freshman year
but she chose to abort their grandchild was very depressing. 

Sheridan asked, “Jasmine
, is this the same thing that you shared with me during our telephone consultation?” 

Jasmine was
surprised at how perceptive their parents were.  All this time they knew something happened, they were just not sure what. 

Jasmine nodded. 

Blake asked, “Jaz, what is she talking about?” 

“Baby you know this
.  You just don’t know all of it.  I don’t think I can do this Blake, oh God, I think I’m going to be sick.” 

She put her hand to her mouth and took deep breaths.  Because of what Blake had just learned about Vanessa he reserved his anger and decided to wait her confession out before he got mad.  He knew she would struggle telling their parents this and he was prepared to break the news for her.
  Wherever she was weak he had to be strong.  This had always been and probably would always be her Achilles heel. 

Jasmine hid her face with one hand from pure shame and grabbed Blake’s hand with the other.  He knew she was asking him to do this part. 

He cleared his throat and said, “Yes, there was something that happened freshman year of college and it did change our friendship.  This is really hard for Jasmine so I’ll just get this over with.  Jasmine had an abortion our first semester of college.” 

While their parents gasped, Jasmine broke down in tears and she could not bring herself to look any of them in the
face. 

It took a moment to sink in
, but Lisa jumped up and got in Blake’s face.

“Boy did you get her pregnant in college?” 

She started hitting him really hard with a pillow from her sofa. 

“Blake Michael Jessup I will have your hide for this.”

Blake was taken aback by his mom’s outburst and was using his arms to block his face.  The only other time he had seen her angry like this was when she pulled a gun on his dad.

Sheridan said, “Lisa calm down, please, calm down.” 

Lisa’s outburst snapped Jasmine back to attention. She would defend Blake against anybody even his mother. 

She
stood and got in between them, “Stop! Ms. Lisa wait, it wasn’t Blake’s baby.  It was not Blake’s baby.” 

Lisa barely heard Jasmine’s words the first time but the second time it registered.  She was breathing hard and staring at both of them like
they were strangers. 

Panting hard she asked, “Ok
ay, what exactly happened between you two?” 

Jasmine pinched her nose and took a deep breath. The look on her parents face broke her heart
.  She knew without a shadow of a doubt that she had officially been a disappointment to them. 

Jasmine
said, “Everyone just calm down, take your seats and let me explain.”

Vanessa was livid, “Explain what Jasmine
, I don’t think there is any explanation needed.  You had sex, got pregnant and killed the baby.  Does that about sum it up?”

Her mother’s words felt like a slap that would sting for a while. 

Blake interrupted, “Now wait just a minute. It wasn’t like that.” 

Vanessa stood, “You stay out of this Blake
.  You better be glad you didn’t have anything to do with this.” 

Sheridan decided not to interrupt and let this play out.  She knew
what tipped Jasmine’s decision.  She wanted to see how her decision would be perceived once that was made known.  She began quickly jotting down notes of how each parent reacted.  Of all people Frank came to her defense. 

“Vanessa, please take your seat and give her a chance.
This room is supposed to be free from judgment. Let’s give the kids a chance to tell us the whole story.” 

Justin’s heart was broken because he regretted not pushing harder that day to find out what was wrong. 

He grabbed his wife’s hand and said, “Calm down Vanessa and take your seat, please sweetheart.” 

She obliged her husband’s request.
               

Justin looked at his daughter, “I am so sorry baby girl that I didn’t push harder
that day for you to tell me what was wrong.” 

Vanessa rolled her eyes, “What are you talking about Justin?” 

He said, “I could have stopped this. We both could have.” 

Blake looked at Jasmine and asked, “Baby
, is that why you changed your mind because you went home?” 

Jasmine said, “Blake I was s
o grateful to have your support.  I really wanted to believe it was possible.  Even though I knew I had you in my corner I knew I couldn’t do it unless I had my parents in my corner as well.” 

She stole a glance at her parents and then continued, “I came home that day to tell you guys that I had gotten pregnant and that I
wanted to keep the baby.  I just hoped that after your initial disappointment we could put our heads together and figure it out.  But when I came home, mom you were on the phone and…” 

Vanessa’s hand went up to her mouth as she gasped, “Oh my God, that was when we found out about Rachel getting pregnant and having to come home.” 

Jasmine nodded. 

The realization of what pushed her daughter to make the decision floored Vanessa
.  She began to weep. 

“Jasmine
, I am so sorry.  I can’t imagine how scared you must’ve been with me ripping that girl to shreds for being stupid and what I said about no child of mine better bring home a bastard child.” 

Jasmine said, “Mom
, I can’t pin it all on you. It was just so many reasons why I decided to do it.  Ms. Lisa, you will be happy to know that your son did everything in his power to get me to change my mind.  It is a decision that I regret daily, but there you have it.  That’s our secret.” 

Blake stared a
t her, “So that’s what happened.  That’s what changed your mind.  I’ve wondered about that for years. I just didn’t want to bring it up.  Why didn’t you tell me?” 

She
responded, “I really don’t know why I didn’t tell you but her reaction to Rachel scared me so bad I couldn’t tell them. Without their support I just couldn’t do it.” 

Blake grabbed her face, “Ah baby, I wish you would have told me that.
  We could have found a way to work through that.” 

With much regret she said, “
It’s water under the bridge now. There’s nothing that can be done about it.” 

She was right and he knew it but it brought a fresh sting to a very old wound.

Lisa asked, “Well Blake, if you’re not the father then who was it?” 

The question startled both Blake and Jasmine. 

Jasmine said, “You guys, it doesn’t matter who he was. He didn’t want anything to do with us.  That was also one of the factors weighing into my decision.  There isn’t any good that can come from revealing the father.” 

Vanessa asked, “What else are you hiding Jasmine?  I mean what is the big deal about giving us his name.” 

Jasmine swallowed hard, “I’m not hiding anything mom. I just don’t see the point.  He is irrelevant.” 

Sheridan interrupted, “Jasmine this is an opportunity for everyone to get everything off their chest.  Are you sure you don’t want to
disclose the father?” 

Jasmine nodded her head, “Yes I’m sure.” 

Blake whispered to her, “Why don’t we just tell them baby.” 

“No,” she said
in a hushed voice, “Think of the consequences for other people.  Let’s just leave it where it’s at.  Please, I gave him my word.” 

He
stared at her for a moment and realized it wasn’t just their secret it was someone else’s and they couldn’t risk the potential fallout. 

He put his forehead on hers, “Ok
ay.  I got your back babe.” 

Blake said, “I’m sorry but Jasmine is right. We have our reasons so please don’t be mad.  Respect that we know what’s best in this situation.  We have enough on our plate to deal with so all the details don’t really matter.”

Sheridan saw their parents weren’t too thrilled about his answer.  She decided now was a good time for a break.

“Okay guys I think it’s time for a break.  A lot has been revealed, emotions are raw but truth is coming out and that’s the important thing. 
Please don’t be discouraged. I promise you won’t feel this way when it’s over.” 

She took a look at her watch and said, “Let’s take about thirty minutes and meet back here.  There are very nice grounds to the office that you can walk to stretch your legs or regroup and think about any questions you may have so far.  I need to
take a break to fine tune some of my recommendations.  Does anyone want to say anything before we leave?” 

She got no response, “Okay
, I will see you all in thirty.” 

Frank, Lisa, Justin and Vanessa all stood and headed out the door. 

Jasmine told Blake, “Baby, I don’t feel good. I feel like I’m going to be sick.  I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Sheridan noticed that Jasmine h
as begun to look a little green.

She
asked, “Are you okay sweetie?” 

Jasmine said, “I don’t feel so good.  I think I literally can’t stomach all the
confessions in this room.” 

Blake stood and extended his hand to her, “Come on baby
, let’s get you some fresh air.” 

They headed out to the hallway and Jasmine felt the vomit rising.  She
shoved her purse at Blake and took off running looking for a bathroom.  Finding one a few doors down she ran in and headed into the handicap stall and retched everything she had eaten that day.  Blake was very close on her heels, not caring that he was in the women’s restroom.  When she finished and flushed the toilet he helped her up. 

She headed out of the stall to the sinks in the front of the bathroom and began to rinse out her mouth and wash her face.  Blake placed his hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever.  She dried her face with a paper towel and took in some deep breaths.

Blake asked, “Well, did that make you feel better?” 

“A little but not much.” 

“Do you think it’s something you ate?” 

“No I don’t
because I didn’t eat anything new or unfamiliar today.  I don’t know baby, I’ve been feeling sick all day.” 

“This is so unlike you babe.
Do you think it’s just because today is so stressful.” 

“I have no idea
, but can you get me a ginger ale or a sprite?” 

“Yeah baby sure.” 

“I’m gonna stay in here just in case I’m sick again.” 

As he headed out the door, something occurred to him and he turned to ask, “Is your cycle late?” 

Jasmine blinked like he was speaking Portuguese. 

“
What?” 

“Baby did you miss your period?”
 

“
Oh my God, Blake it is late.” 

“How late?
” 

She started counting on her fingers, “Like five days late.” 

“How about I get that ginger ale from the drug store on the corner that I saw when we came in and pick up a pregnancy test too.” 

“Baby, are you crazy?
I am not going to take a pregnancy test right now.” 

“Oh yes you are.
You don’t think we are going to be able to wait to know this especially at a time when our focus cannot afford to be split.” 

He flashed her favorite grin and walked over to her and kissed her forehead. 
             

“Jaz if
you’re pregnant then I just need to know and I can’t wait.”

Her mind was
blown.  This was the last thing she expected from today. 

“Okay baby, go get the test but hurry because we don’t have much time.
” 

“Okay be right back.” 

Jasmine dug through her purse for some gum and went to the waiting area in the restroom as Blake ran out.  She knew this was what they both wanted but her mind was on the first child she carried.  She was so grateful that God may have seen fit for her to carry another one but her heart ached for the child that never was.  She wanted to be a good mother.  She placed her hand over her belly. 

“Please God, if I’m carrying a child, please take care of my baby
and let it be whole and healthy.  I will spend the rest of my life loving it and cherishing it for the beautiful gift that I now know it is.  Please take care of my first born that’s up there with You and help me to forgive myself so that I can love this baby with no limits.”