Authors: Sandra Kitt
He was tall and husky, with a thick, dark mustache, florid cheeks, and a stomach that extended over his gun belt.
Leah, also taken by surprise, was stunned by his tone. “Excuse me?”
“You know you don’t belong here.”
“I’m here with—”
“Look, you know the routine. Get your ass back up front.” He grabbed Leah by the arm and jerked her toward the door.
Leah immediately resisted, her surprise gone and anger replacing it. “Let go of me. What do you think you’re doing?”
The officer shook her. “What do you think you’re doing,” he mimicked her. “Don’t give me that shit. Your pimp can post bail, else you’re here for the duration. Now move it.”
Jason came through the door carrying a small, brightly wrapped box. He stopped at what he saw.
“Jason …” Leah cried.
“Let her go, Spano,” Jason said clearly, blocking the door.
“You know this woman, Horn?” Spano asked, not letting go of Leah’s arm even when she tried to pull free.
Jason stepped into the room right in front of Spano. “I said, let her go.” His tone was hard and direct.
For a moment Spano looked like he wanted the confrontation to go further. But he abruptly let Leah go, pushing her slightly off balance. “Another one of yours, eh? You better be careful, man. You turning on us?”
“You pig,” Leah said scathingly.
“You fuckin’ nigger whore …” Spano turned to her.
Leah was too angry to move.
“Shut the fuck up! Get out of here, Spano. While you still can,” Jason ordered dangerously.
Spano puffed up his chest, but then thought better of whatever he was going to do. He backed off. “Fine with me. To each his own, man.” He pushed roughly past Jason out of the room.
It was suddenly too silent.
Jason looked down at the box he held. He wanted to put it down quickly. To hide it. Then he heard Leah move, and as he turned to face her she rushed past him out the door. He started after her.
“Leah …”
She was too angry to cry. Too indignant to feel anything but cold rage. She wanted to get out of there as fast as she could. Leah ignored Jason’s call and frantically tried to remember which corridor led to the exit.
“Leah, wait a minute.” Jason ran after her.
No one tried to stop her, but several officers and other civilians paused at Jason’s raised voice and the young black woman hurrying down the hallway.
“Leah …” Jason got hold of her arm and forced her to stop.
“Let go of my arm,” Leah said, breathing heavily.
“I’m sorry, Leah. I—”
“That bastard thought I was a prostitute. He had no right to talk to me that way.”
“I know. It’s just that we don’t usually get a lot of women around here unless—” Jason stopped.
“Unless they’re hookers, junkies, thieves, or victims. Or like those girls up front, right? Then why did you bring me here?” she asked, bewildered. Her heart was pounding in anger.
When Jason didn’t answer immediately, she shook his hand off and again headed for the door.
“I’ll take you home,” Jason said after her.
Leah kept moving and Jason had to run to catch up to her. He moved to block her path. Leah stopped.
“I don’t want you to take me home. I’ll get home by myself.”
Leah pushed roughly at Jason’s chest and he grabbed her arms firmly.
“Leah!” he said forcefully, shaking her.
Leah finally stopped struggling and stood still. Her breathing was ragged and deep. When she didn’t resist anymore, Jason let go of her arms. “I’m taking you home.”
Leah didn’t argue.
The ride back to her house seemed interminable. Leah felt a knot of outrage twist her stomach. It combined with too much wine from the party. Too much confidence that the worst was over. Too much hope that the new year might really be different. Leah couldn’t forget the hostility and disrespect that had been hurled at her by the officer. She was trying not to let him undermine the chance she’d been willing to take with Jason.
She was furious. And disappointed. She was tired of feeling both. Leah knew, however, that the damage had been done. All she could do for the moment was not let it build up inside, not sure of what would happen to her if it was released.
I told you so … I told you so …
Leah rubbed her throbbing temples and wondered what in the world she thought she was doing here with Jason. But she knew. When he reached out to clasp her hand, giving it a squeeze, she jerked it free. Jason captured it again and held it tightly.
“I’m sorry,” Jason offered again. He knew it wasn’t enough for her.
They entered the silent house as the sun was coming up. There was going to be a bright beginning to the new year. To Leah it seemed absurd. The timing was way off. Jason followed her into the living room. But she wanted the good-bye to be quick and short.
“Thanks for the party. I had a wonderful time,” she said automatically. Her voice was flat.
“I’m really sorry, Leah. It shouldn’t have happened. Spano is an asshole.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said tonelessly. “You don’t have to explain.”
Slowly he approached her. He gently touched her shoulder, taking the box out of his jacket pocket. “Here. I had something for you. It’s not much, really.”
Leah looked at the offered box and almost recoiled. “I don’t want it.”
“Take it.” he pushed it into her hand.
Indifferently Leah began to tear the paper from the box. She lifted the lid to find a coffee mug inside. She stared at it blankly, puzzled. She looked at Jason.
“What is this?” she asked impatiently.
“I thought that … if you ever have to leave me coffee again …”
Leah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What did he mean,
again?
Wasn’t he paying any attention to what had happened just now? Was he so insensitive not to know that what his fellow officer had put her through mattered?
The injury was compounded because for no reason, Leah vividly recalled walking into the den and finding her sister and Allen locked in each other’s arms. Just how many times was she supposed to forgive and forget? How many more humiliating moments before someone realized that her feelings, her needs, mattered, too?
“Again? You’ve got to be kidding.” She started to laugh.
And Leah couldn’t stop laughing; she wasn’t even sure what was so funny.
She
was.
Jason
was. The world was hysterical. The laughter hurt so much she started to cry.
Jason knew too late the gift was a dumb idea. He felt like a jerk with Leah laughing like that, like he didn’t get it. But he should have, he told himself. How was he to have known that the trip to the precinct would turn out as it had? The mug had been meant as a private joke just between him and Leah.
“Leah …” Jason crooned, touching her arm. She knocked his hand away, dropping the box in the process.
“Don’t touch me!”
He watched as she walked away in the direction of the den. Then she stopped. She didn’t go in.
Leah turned around and Jason stood watching her. Waiting for her. He knew what was happening and he couldn’t just leave. It began to get to him, her face distorted with hurt and anger. He suddenly hoped to God that Leah wasn’t going to blame him.
Jason slowly closed the distance between them. He reached out to pull Leah to him in one fluid motion. He gave her no time to say anything as he quickly kissed her. The kiss, completely unlike the others, was demanding and possessive. It was meant to overwhelm and obliterate. It was meant to protect and to give and say, “I’m sorry.” It was meant to bring them together before they were torn further, and forever, apart.
Leah felt desire and panic sweep through her, each fighting for dominance. The kiss was like a drug, stripping her of all resistance. It was invasive. She began to respond, to return his ardor. Suddenly everything else was wiped out. This had nothing whatsoever to do with the incident at the precinct. That was quickly set aside because the issue wasn’t Spano and his ignorance. It really was just about her and Jason.
Leah forced her head to the side, trying to catch her breath. Tears rolled down her face.
“What are we doing?” she asked, bewildered. “What are we doing?”
“I thought we were doing a pretty good job of kissing each other,” he whispered. He angled for her mouth again.
Leah turned in the circle of Jason’s arms, her back against his chest.
“No, no. What are we doing like this? You and me,” her voice shook. “Why me, Jason? What is it with you anyway? Is it because I’m black? Do you have some sort of bet with the guys at the station? Am I the—the next conquest?”
“Leah, it’s not like that. I swear it isn’t. I like you; can’t you tell? I’ve never known anyone like you.”
“What does that mean, like me? I’m not so different. You could have anyone you want, Jason. Anyone.”
Jason vividly recalled a similar remark from Joe. He turned her around and looked at her. He could see she was agitated and scared.
“Look, I find you attractive and I like being with you. I don’t want to stop seeing you because of what happened. Or because of anything else. I’m not just trying to jump your bones.”
Leah pulled away from him.
“I’m trying to get to know you. It’s important to me. So how do I convince you I’m for real?”
“Maybe you can’t. Maybe it’s just not possible. Tonight is a good example of why it’s not. Nothing changes, Jason. Ever.” Leah looked beseechingly at him. “Everything I’ve ever heard, ever been taught, ever saw or read says we shouldn’t be here like this. This just can’t happen. Not after so much history and hate.”
“You’re giving me more power than I deserve.” Carefully he reached out and took hold of her hand. “What we do should matter to no one but us. What we are to each other shouldn’t be decided by some committee or by history. It’s only our business, Leah. Yours and mine.”
“It’s everybody’s business!” Leah said wildly. “What do you think that incident was about the night you brought me home from the hockey game? Remember those black teens on the corner? Remember that officer at the precinct? Don’t you get it, Jason? It’s not just you and me.”
“Okay, so maybe me being white and you being black is a problem for other people.”
Leah looked at him, incredulous, and laughed shortly.
“But I’m not the whole world. You only have to deal with me.”
“We can’t …” Leah moaned.
“The first thing you do is to forget Spano. He and I have never liked each other. He knows nothing about you. Do you really care?”
Leah wanted to believe him. She blinked rapidly.
Jason tightened his hold on her and stepped closer to Leah. “You and I have not committed any crimes. What happens here is of our making. That’s enough of a responsibility. Don’t let a history we’ve never lived get in the way. I don’t know about you but I wasn’t here a hundred years ago … fifty years ago …”
“You think it’s that easy, eh?” she whispered.
“Why not? I’m not the enemy, Leah.” When she said nothing Jason tugged gently on her hand. Fresh tears began to fall. “Do you want me to leave?”
Her stomach roiled. His thumb was rubbing over the back of her hand. Leah looked into his gray eyes. They were slightly red but perfectly focused. She could see that Jason wanted her. And she knew in that instant her answer to Jason was not going to be what it should be. She didn’t want to think beyond the moment. And for the moment she didn’t want to be alone.
“No.” Her voice was almost inaudible.
Then slowly Jason began to ease the coat off her shoulder and down her arms. Leah stood still like an obedient child. Jason threw the coat onto the sofa and added his leather jacket. He turned back to her and, holding her very carefully, started to kiss her again.
Leah’s heart raced, and she felt like she was slipping down the side of a glass incline. The trip was fast and smooth and felt exhilarating. She couldn’t stop and she couldn’t detour. She would never recover. Leah put her arms around him. As her own desire and her need for control fought each other, a flood of disconnected thoughts flashed through her mind. Allen on Thanksgiving night. What Gail would say. What her dad would say. Leah was consumed with confusion, guilt and fear … but she knew she wanted Jason, too.
“The den …” Jason mouthed hoarsely against her cheek, pressing her close to his body.
He was already aroused. He was hard and the feel of him pressing against her stomach seemed to make her spine flex.
No! Not the den …
“Upstairs. My room.”
In her room the shades and curtains were drawn against the morning and the rest of the world. Jason got the bright kimono off her shoulder, and it slid to the floor. He took off his gun holster, and it landed on the vanity cushion with a heavy thud. His eyes were heavy-lidded and soft with passion.
Leah could feel his body heat standing so close to him. She was aware of every nuance of their mounting desire. Jason gingerly pulled the lacquered sticks from her hair, but the knot was secured in place.
Jason was enjoying the soft, pretty look of her, her eyes bright in the half-darkness of the room, her breathing softly hurried … her skin warm and smooth. He touched her throat. Looked long and carefully at her body. He touched her breasts, her nipples, his gaze coming back to her eyes for reaction. Leah let him see all he needed to see.
Jason took his time. He wanted the moment to last as long as possible. Gently he cupped his hands around her face and brought his mouth back to hers. Leah closed her eyes. Jason’s mouth wandered over the planes of her face, to her ears and to that extremely sensitive spot under the lobe. He lingered there and she melted against him.
Neither of them would remember later how their clothing ended up strewn about the room, or who closed the bedroom door. They were both filled with so much passion that every other consideration was crowded out. They climbed under the sheet and coverlet and came together. Jason’s gentle hands seemed to be everywhere. In her mind and with her body Leah could clearly outline his weight, his stomach pressed against hers, and the hard, thick feel of his penis. He pushed her legs apart and settled between them. He continued to administer kisses until Leah felt helpless beneath him. Everything about him felt hot. His skin, his mouth—the darting assertiveness of his tongue as it danced with hers. His hands exploring and stroking. Her tears now, trailing from her eyes into her temples, were because of a profound sense of relief, an astonishing surprise.