Authors: Sandra Kitt
At four in the morning, Jason woke up with a soft groan. Leah made him take more aspirin and water, which he accepted silently, taking her presence for granted, and then he promptly went back to sleep.
At six-thirty, Leah washed her face and hands and straightened her clothes. She felt stiff and exhausted. She hadn’t been able to get a minute of sleep. She began to gather her things, digging in her purse for a comb. It was then that she discovered that her wallet was missing.
It wasn’t her wallet, actually, but a small leather folder that snapped closed. It contained her Social Security card, AAA membership, a driver’s license, and an emergency twenty-dollar bill. She never carried credit cards, and money was kept in a separate zippered compartment of her bag.
Immediately the handball session came to mind: sitting on the bench with the boys’ things dumped around her. Slack. But it could have been any of the boys. Leah frowned over the possibilities. Any one of them could have seen her as an easy mark. The question was now, should she say something to Jason? Would it start an investigation of the night’s events and get the boys into more trouble? Was the twenty dollars worth it? Did she want to be the target of worse derision?
Leah had money to get home. Her ID’s could be replaced. The thought of awakening Jason and asking his help never entered her mind, but a terrible sense that she was all alone again did.
Leah checked on Jason once more. The swelling had gone down, but the black and blue bruise he’d have to live with for a while. She closed the window shades to redirect the morning sun, and set a clock radio to wake him up at eight. Leah wrote out a short note on a paper towel, including the message from Peggy. Taking a last look at Jason, she left the apartment.
Jason awoke with the sounds of Tone Loc rapping in his head. He still had a headache, but the acute pain and dizziness of the previous night were gone. He guessed by the silence that Leah must have left early this morning because he remembered her presence all night long. Not seeing her, however, made Jason feel let down and annoyed.
He sat on the side of the bed, holding his head in his hands and thinking about why Leah would have left. He couldn’t find a satisfactory answer. What did occur to Jason was that he was in a bad mood and he couldn’t figure that out, either. He just wished that Leah was there. It wasn’t as if he was only now realizing how good it was to wake up and find her quietly nearby, or how nice to roll over and reach for her to make love. Leah made him comfortable. Even when they were apart, it only seemed temporary and he didn’t usually mind. Only right now did he feel strange.
There was a ghost of her that lingered, an essence that Jason admitted was part of his life and he’d become used to. He took it for granted.
He went to the bathroom and saw the note only on his way back to the bed. He read it through twice and cursed under his breath. He’d almost forgotten about his meeting with Peggy. He wished now that she hadn’t tried to reach him. He wished he hadn’t agreed to see her. He felt uneasy with Leah having taken the call. It was too complicated.
Jason groaned and impatiently tossed away the message. His head was killing him, and he couldn’t seem to think straight.
The date with Peggy was short-lived and a mistake.
It was hardly a date at all, since it never got started. That was probably Peggy’s fault. Jason picked her up from her banking job on Flatbush Avenue in the Flatlands section of Brooklyn. Immediately Peggy asked about the “friend” who’d answered the phone the night before.
“So who was she?” Peggy asked, her blue eyes startling and beautiful in a pale face surrounded by a mass of very dark, wavy hair. She was petite and very pretty.
Jason shrugged impatiently. He never handled this part very well. Other women’s curiosity about other women. “A friend. Just like she said.”
Peggy reached into Jason’s windbreaker pocket for his cigarettes and helped herself to one. She took her time lighting it, throwing the dead match out a crack of the open window.
“Can you be more specific?”
“Her name is Leah,” Jason answered smoothly. He intended for that to be enough information. “You’re looking great. How have you been?” he asked, glancing briefly at her.
“Don’t change the subject. I’m not through yet.” Peggy smiled sweetly.
Jason sighed. “Drop it, Peggy.”
“Well, did you take her to one of your games?”
“You hate sports, remember? And the guys on my teams.”
Peggy thought it over. “And you got hurt and she sat up with you?”
“I told you she was a friend.”
Peggy gave Jason a very wry look. “Men don’t have women for friends, Jason. That’s a myth.” She exhaled from the cigarette before tossing it out the window half smoked. “Are you fucking her?”
Jason’s foot slammed on the brakes when he realized he’d almost run a red light. He stared at Peggy dumbfounded. “Jesus Christ, Peg. What the hell is this?”
“I’m only interested in my competition.”
“She’s not your competition because she’s none of your business,” Jason answered in irritation. “I haven’t seen you since last summer. I didn’t become a recluse. I met someone and I like her. That’s it.”
“You still haven’t answered the question,” Peggy persisted, her tone getting a tad testy.
“I’m not going to answer the question.”
Peggy pouted and stared out the windshield. “You’re fucking her.”
“Look …” Jason tried to be patient, unable to comprehend how they’d ever gotten started on this conversation. “We never had any holds on each other. No contract, no promises, no commitments. We never expected our affair to go anywhere—”
“It was a relationship,
not
an affair,” she said, annoyed.
“I didn’t get bent out of shape when you went back to your ex that time, did I? Or when your boss tried wining and dining you? It’s your life and it has nothing to do with me.”
“I just didn’t expect a woman to answer your phone, that’s all.”
“So what? It could have been my sister.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“Leah was there because I wanted her to be. Sorry if you have a problem with that.”
Peggy continued to pout, restlessly shaking her foot. “Leah. Sounds exotic.”
Jason nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess.”
“So if she’s so wonderful, how come you made this date?”
Jason’s mouth quirked cynically. “This is not a date, and you called me. Something about needing my advice. Is it your ex again?”
Peggy grimaced. “I lied.”
She turned to Jason, letting loose the full force of her charm. She smiled beguilingly and stroked her hand along his thigh. “I really missed you. I wanted to see if you felt the same.”
Jason frowned and eased his shoulders back against the seat. “Peggy,” he began cautiously, “it’s been a long time.”
“I know. But it could be good again if you give it a chance,” she pleaded sweetly.
Jason glanced briefly at her and shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
Peggy crossed her arms and stared out the window. “Is it this Leah? Is she pretty?”
“Yeah, she is,” Jason responded. He again glanced at Peggy. “As a matter of fact, she looks a little bit like you.”
“Nobody looks like me,” Peggy said, arching a brow seductively. “How?”
“She’s slim. Has wavy hair.”
“Does she have blue eyes, too?” Peggy asked with a laugh.
Jason frowned. “No. Actually, Leah’s eyes are very dark.”
Peggy settled back into her seat.
“She’s black …”
Peggy’s head snapped around in Jason’s direction so quickly her dangling earrings slapped against her cheek. “What did you say?”
Jason could tell he’d said something to upset her. “I said she’s black. Why? Is that a problem?”
“Is that a problem? Are you crazy?” Her eyes were wide with disbelief.
“What’s the matter with you?” Jason asked, trying to keep his eyes on the traffic.
“Of course you’re fucking her. What a stupid question.” Peggy’s voice rose. “Stop the car. I said,
stop the car!”
she screamed.
Jason cut off another car, its horn beeping angrily, as he pulled over in front of a fire hydrant. “Shit,” he muttered, putting the car in neutral and turning to face Peggy. She was pressed back against the passenger door, glaring at him.
“Peggy, what’s going on? What is the matter with you?”
“You have some goddamn nerve, Jason, calling me for a date now.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t call you,” he shouted impatiently.
“I’m talking about your black girlfriend, that’s what. How dare you screw some nigger tramp and then expect me to go out with you?”
Jason was stunned. His mouth dropped open and he struggled for words. “She—she’s an artist. Leah is …” he said, trying to make sense of what was going on.
“What the hell difference does that make? She’s probably been in and out of more beds than you can count. What if she’s got AIDS? What if she infected you?”
Jason just stared at her. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this the same woman he’d known for almost three years, saying these things, suggesting these things?
“She’s not a tramp,” he responded tightly.
“She’s black and you’re fucking her. What do you think that makes her?” Peggy ranted.
Jason felt his mouth clamp tight. He felt a vein in his neck fill with hot blood. A muscle worked reflexively in his jaw. “You’re white and I used to fuck you,” he said through clenched teeth. “What does that make you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “A damned fool. I can’t believe you’ve actually been touching, kissing and”—Peggy’s mouth twisted with horror—“and sticking it to some dirty black female. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. No way am I going to follow an act like that. It’s disgusting!”
With that Peggy struggled to get the car door open and quickly climbed out. She slammed the door and began hurrying away. Jason had no problem letting her go. But he sat in shock in the suddenly quiet car, staring after Peggy until he couldn’t see her anymore.
Then he faced forward and stared just as long out the windshield. He felt as if he’d just been kicked in the stomach. His hands were clenched into fists, and the muscles in his thigh quivered. Jason dug for his cigarettes and lit one. He was annoyed to see his hand shaking slightly. He seemed to have trouble slowing his breathing. The vein in his neck felt like it was going to burst. He was too angry to think straight. He couldn’t even say what he was angry about.
When Jason finally pulled away from the curb, he didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do the rest of the night. But for the moment the only place he felt safe was locked in his own car.
He spent a miserable night tossing and turning and scrambling the bed linens. When the sun rose the next morning, so did he. There were dark circles under his eyes and the feel of cotton in his mouth. He showered, shaved, and stared at a face that was still a few years short of middle age. His hair was turning gray over his ears, and this morning lines seemed deeply etched around his eyes. Too many lines that were evidence of too many wars, and he sensed there was another battle on the horizon.
He had to get out of the house. He got into his car and drove without hesitation to Leah’s. He rang the bell gingerly and listened for sounds inside. Minutes later, when the door finally opened, two heads and two pairs of questioning eyes appeared in the doorway. It was now 6:00
A.M.
“Oh, for God’s sake …” Gail muttered darkly, and disappeared inside again.
Leah looked with suspicion and surprise at Jason standing in her doorway. She pulled her robe closer around her and silently motioned for him to enter.
The first thought that entered her mind, however, was what had happened the evening before with Peggy. Finding Jason on her doorstep didn’t necessarily reassure Leah. It was a surprise to see him like this, and she wondered if it was possible that Jason had somehow been aware of her restless night of doubts. Did he have some of his own?
“What’s wrong?” Leah asked as soon as the door was shut. “Has something happened?” she asked quickly, looking at him as if expecting to see bullet holes or a stab wound.
Jason felt an odd relief at her concern. “I’m sorry. I thought maybe you’d be up having breakfast already,” he said lamely.
But if Leah thought this sounded weak, she gave no indication of it. After a second she padded toward the kitchen in her bare feet, Jason following slowly behind.
He stood watching as Leah got two cups and prepared instant coffee. Jason sat at the small round kitchen table and took off his jacket. Leah glanced at him over her shoulder.
“I’m always finding you on my doorstep,” she mused.
“And always saving me with coffee.” Jason took the offered mug he’d given her on New Year’s Eve. He watched Leah as she took a seat opposite him.
“And what am I saving you from this time?”
“Things that go bump in the night?” he offered nervously.
“I don’t buy that,” Leah murmured, resting her chin on a curved fist. “I don’t think you’re afraid of anything. You’ve been through too much.”
“You’re wrong. I’m afraid all the time. There are lots of things I can’t handle. Lots of things I don’t know about.”
“Then you’re no different from anyone else. Maybe that’s not so bad. Maybe that’s what life is all about. Just trying to handle all the stuff.”
“Maybe …” he said softly, staring in the cup.
She shifted in her chair, staring at her hands. “How’s your head? I see the bruise is almost gone.”
He shifted, too. “I’m okay. I probably deserved it.”
Leah frowned. “I don’t understand.”
His chuckle was dry and silent. “Every now and then a good knock upside the head should shake some sense loose.”
“Did it?”
Jason looked at her, slowly and carefully examining the features of her face, the bright eyes that always gave him her complete attention. The full mouth that when she smiled … “I don’t know,” he murmured, blinking.
“Jason, it’s the crack of dawn. Do you realize we’re talking nonsense?”
She’d meant it almost as a joke, but when Jason looked at her, she was surprised at the serious intent of his gaze. She wondered why she was being carefully examined, and she fussed with her robe. He never answered, just stared at her.