Authors: Sandra Kitt
Gail and Allen started talking to each other while basically ignoring Jason. Part of it was just rudeness, but Jason also realized that they really didn’t have anything to say to him. There was no common ground, no common interest, beyond Leah. So Jason left them and followed Leah into the dining room, where she was placing napkins on the table. He took hold of her arms, turning her to face him.
“Don’t work so hard,” he teased affectionately. “This is only dinner.”
“No, it isn’t. I think it’s setting the stage for an exhibition match,” she muttered.
“I already know how your sister feels about me. Allen is just busting my chops because he thinks he has to. I think it has something to do with black pride.”
Leah looked sad. “Why do we keep going through this?” she asked plaintively.
“Because Gail’s your sister. She’s family. You were the one who said you can’t divorce your family. So don’t. Go for a separation instead.”
“I’m not always good at putting space between them and us.”
Jason gathered her into a loose embrace. “That’s easy enough. Just stay close to me.”
Later that night it wasn’t difficult for Jason to persuade Leah to come back home with him. As a matter of fact, he insisted on it. As emotionally drained as Leah felt after going twelve rounds with Allen and Gail, she much preferred the rest of the night with Jason to warding off sneak attacks from her sister.
Leah paid no attention to Jason’s silence on the drive to his apartment and got only vague responses to her observations on the evening. She was glad it had been done because now she could be glad that it was over. For the first time since that embarrassing encounter at Christmas Leah began to feel free of the past. It had not occurred to her until that moment that Allen’s rejection and betrayal, a double whammy, had so bent her ego out of shape. But now she had Jason. They had each other.
Leah stole a long, considering look at Jason’s profile. She could see the muscles flexing in his jaw. There were slight crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes, indicating weariness. His hair fanned over his ear and hugged the strong column of his neck. He needed a haircut.
Just then Jason reached out and took hold of her hand. His fingers closed tightly around hers, and Leah felt a thrill of possessiveness, a sense of belonging. A smile curved her mouth. She felt so hopeful. So happy.
At the apartment they were no sooner in the door than Jason roughly pulled her into his arms, kissing her with a demand and force that left her breathless. Rarely had they ever made love just as release of energy. Rarely had Leah felt as if Jason’s attention was one-sided or routine. But he seemed angry and it changed the balance. Nonetheless, Leah melted against him and Jason slowly gentled his touch. His hands searched for the fastening to her dress, sliding the dress off her shoulders.
She lifted her hands to his face, but Jason moved his head aside impatiently. “What’s Allen to you?” he asked bluntly.
Leah felt her stomach take a nose dive. She stepped back out of Jason’s arms, and he let her go. She pulled the dress up again, looking at him doubtfully. But Leah knew she had nothing to hide.
“I used to date Allen. Long before I ever met you. We saw each other for more than two years. I told you it wasn’t serious a long time ago.”
Jason let his body lean against a wall. “Two years …” he repeated.
He looked at Leah, and he was unsure of himself. Jason suddenly realized that there had been another man before him. Black. Of course, black. Allen. The one who’d spent most of the evening trying to stomp all over his manhood, his color. Jason knew he’d been able to repel the hostility because he believed that he’d proven himself to Leah, showed her that he cared. Jason thought that that would have made them safe. They wouldn’t have to fight the world anymore because he and Leah had each other. But now Jason considered that that wasn’t a sure thing, either.
He continued to stare at Leah and saw also someone who was stronger than she thought she was. She was more than pretty; suddenly she was full and sensual and beautiful. She was talented and self-sufficient and probably didn’t really need him at all. It hit him hard, like a blow to the gut, that he could lose her.
Leah turned away, her expression hurt and unsure. She walked toward the window. She didn’t understand what Jason’s question meant, or why he wanted to know about Allen.
“Did you love him?” Jason murmured.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Did you?” he persisted.
“That’s unfair,” Leah murmured.
“No, it’s not. I told you about Lisa. You knew about the other women. None of them exist for me anymore.” Jason walked halfway across the room toward her. “Did you love him?”
“No …” Leah finally answered, shaking her head, not looking directly at him. Couldn’t Jason tell by the way she was with him that Allen didn’t matter? Had never mattered as much? “Allen was someone I knew, like your Peggy, or one of the others. He was important to me for a while. But I didn’t love him.” Leah sat down in the chair by the window. “Allen wasn’t in love with me, either.”
Jason moved closer. He could feel the knot easing in his chest. “Leah …”
“I came home on Christmas Eve and found them together. Him and Gail.”
“Leah …” He pulled her to her feet. He ran his hands across her shoulders and up the sides of her neck. He kissed her once. Twice. “Don’t say any more. Please.”
“Allen didn’t want me—”
“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.” Jason pulled her into his arms.
But in a way he couldn’t understand yet, he knew it did matter.
E
ARLY IN JULY JASON
managed to get tickets for a concert and arranged to take about twenty young male teens from his sports program. There were four other off-duty officers as chaperons besides Jason, two of them female. Leah had never met female officers from Jason’s precinct before, and it surprised her that she still had nothing in common with them. Not that they were unfriendly or kept themselves apart from her, it was just that they, too, were totally focused on being cops. And, Leah reasoned, they had not necessarily volunteered expecting a fun evening. Like Jason, what they were doing was extraordinary.
The music was not just loud, it was deafening. Leah escaped halfway through to the ladies’ room, where the wall of music seemed to come right up to the door. When she exited she was in no particular hurry to return to her seat. At the concession stand she purchased a soda and stood sipping as she idly watched the crowds of young people, musing over the outrageous outfits, the messy hairstyles, the patterns of pairing off.
She finished her soda and turned to reenter the gate leading to her seat. Near the men’s room she spotted Slack and two others from the group, standing in closed ranks. Leah guessed immediately that they were engaged in something Jason would not approve of. But Leah could not actually see what they were up to, only the movements of their hands, their joking and sly attitudes. One boy handed a lightweight black jacket to Slack, who quickly rolled it down to a small bundle and stuffed it under his armpit. The third boy removed his beaked cap, which he’d been wearing backward. In a second it was being replaced. Something exchanged hands and was covertly pocketed.
A number ended and applause and screaming followed. Deciding not to linger any longer, Leah returned to her seat. Jason had been looking out for her. When he spotted her, he quickly stood and the frown lifted from his brow.
“I was beginning to wonder. Either there was a line or someone tried to hit on you.” His hand on her waist guided Leah past him and into her seat.
“It was the first.”
Jason put his arm across the back of her seat. “As long as you didn’t try to use the men’s room instead. I’ve heard of it happening.”
Leah’s smile faltered as she thought of the three boys outside the men’s room, huddled in some sort of private negotiations. “There was a line there, too.”
Slack and the other two boys returned, taking seats almost directly behind Leah and Jason. Their presence there made her nervous, but she had to admit they were unlikely to try anything. A quick glance at Jason showed him to be alert as always, but even he didn’t have eyes in the back of his head.
“Aren’t you concerned that one day some of these guys are just going to take a walk and not come back?”
Jason’s crooked grin was indulgent. “And go where? Their circle of family and friends is pretty thin, and I know most of them. The choice is me or a public institute.”
“You don’t think you’re too easy with them?”
Jason smiled and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m not as lenient as it looks sometimes. They don’t get away with much.”
For a moment Leah was tempted to ask Jason what would happen if one of the boys was caught stealing, but she held back, knowing that Jason would question her until the details spilled out. She didn’t know for sure who’d taken her purse folder the night of the handball tournament. Leah simply recognized that given the opportunity, all the boys were suspect.
“What would you let them get away with?” she tried to ask over the noise.
“We catch them with beer or Champale sometimes. I can deal with that.” Jason turned his head to regard her closely. He ran the back of his knuckles down her cheek. “Won’t let them hurt anyone if I can help it. I won’t let them fight. Too many of them keep grudges.”
A drum solo started up from the set on stage, and Jason visibly winced.
“Not a great place for conversation. Do you like the music?”
Leah stuck a finger in one ear. “What music?”
Jason laughed.
When the concert was over, the chaperons and Jason ordered the boys to remain seated until most of their section had been emptied. Then they were all ushered out together. Leah was among the last to get up. Reaching for her purse, she saw the swatch of fabric wedged behind the seat one row up from where she’d sat. She pulled it free. It was a jacket.
It felt heavy and Leah could feel bulkiness in the two pockets. She stared at the coat, unwilling to investigate further. It was the jacket Slack had taken.
“Leah?”
She started and looked up as Jason called her name. Then Slack pushed his way past Jason, headed for the seats.
“Almost forget my jacket, man.” But he stopped when he saw the jacket in Leah’s hands.
Jason hung back and stood with his hands poised on his hips. Leah watched them both.
“Is that your jacket?” Jason asked Slack smoothly.
Slack looked at Leah and his expression grew stony and cold. Leah held out the jacket to him. “It was on the floor under the seat,” she said, feeling foolish. But she could see by Jason’s expression, and by Slack’s restlessness that he was about to be given up.
Slack looked at the extended coat. His head tilted in disgust. “Aw, man,” he muttered, and cursed under his breath. He turned to glance once at Jason, who waited and watched. He tried to take the jacket from Leah casually, but he had no orientation as to how she was holding it, and when she let go, several small items fell from the pockets.
“Fuck,” Slack exploded as the glycine packets lay at his feet. He glared at Leah.
Jason came to stand right next to Slack. He took hold of one of his arms. “Go ahead,” Jason ordered, pointing at the floor. “Pick them up.”
Slack shook his head. “They ain’t mine, man.”
“All right,” Jason said as he grabbed Slack’s arm and maneuvered back to the rest of the group. “Everybody gets shaken down.”
There were protests, but Leah stood and watched as the five police officers acted in an organized way to efficiently and very carefully frisk each boy in turn.
“See that. She tell you some shit, and you believe her,” Slack complained, jabbing a finger in the air at Leah. “Just like up in the Bronx. I
knew
you was trouble. Damn! Bitch is tryin’ to toast me, just ’cause you doin’ her …”
Jason stood in front of Slack. Leah was mesmerized by Slack’s reasoning and how easily he could blame everyone else for his troubles. And she could detect Jason’s disappointment and his regret at what he had to do now.
“It wasn’t her jacket or her deal, Slack.”
In the search nearly a dozen vials of crack were found, several sticks of marijuana, two knives, and assorted other homemade, pocketable weapons. And one small handgun. The boys were separated into two groups; the ones innocent were escorted back to group homes or shelters by three of the officers. The others, four teens and Slack, were held for backup and transport back to the precinct house. As Slack was being handcuffed, he jerked away from the arresting officers, only to be grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled into obedience. Leah stood perfectly still when Slack stared at her menacingly. She could guess that his opinion of her had not been helped by the night’s episode.
“Bitch,” he hissed suddenly. “You just wait. I’m gonna git your ass.”
He spoke with such vehemence that for a moment everyone turned to stare at her. Jason casually stepped forward so that he stood between Slack and Leah.
“Shut up, Slack. Take him out in the corridor to wait,” Jason ordered coolly.
Leah watched Jason deal with the concert hall house security, curious onlookers, and the remaining officers. They had no choice, given the number of recovered weapons, but to handcuff the boys detained.
And then Jason escorted her out of the stands.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—”
“It’s not your fault,” Jason reassured her.
“It’s not yours, either. I know how hard you tried, Jason.”
His mouth was grim. “Maybe too hard. Maybe Slack didn’t try hard enough.”
“He just didn’t care.”
“It’s too bad he didn’t. He’s running out of chances.”
“What’s going to happen?”
“They’ve all violated the terms of their release. They’ll get reprocessed and—”
Someone yelled out another threat to her. Leah watched the cold distancing in Jason’s eyes and knew he felt to blame for that as well.
“Do you think he means it?” Leah asked in a small voice.
“What?”
“About … getting me. He thinks I ratted on him.”