Authors: Maya Banks
“Tell me what you want,” she whispered. “How much of my submission are you demanding?”
His eyes glittered as she pulled away. He stared back at her until she burned under his gaze. “Everything. I want everything. Nothing less.”
Her expression didn’t change but she cocked her head to the side and stared at him like she was sliding into his thoughts and giving them serious consideration.
“Define everything, Max. Are you being dramatic to make a point? I need you to be exacting here. This isn’t the sort of thing we can afford to misunderstand.”
He almost smiled. So typically Callie. Blunt. To the point. She wasn’t a shy woman. He’d been afraid that he’d ruined some of that spirit, but it was there. Maybe beaten down, but it stirred beneath the shadows and slowly flickered to life.
“What do I mean by everything? It’s simple and yet complicated. You asked before if you were to submit to me only in the bedroom, so in essence you were asking if it was narrowed to sex. My answer is no.”
He thumbed over her nipple, unable to keep from touching her. He’d never grow tired of feeling her against him. After so many months, it was like coming home to have her in his arms. He could sit here all night and simply touch her and smell her.
“I want you to be mine. You’ll be mine to protect. To cherish. To love. To take care of. To provide for. I want to dress you, spoil you, lavish you with fine food. Trips to Europe, the world. I want you to trust me enough to allow me to make the decisions in our relationship. To cede absolute control to me in the bedroom. To give your body to me and only me. But it’s not about you giving and me taking. It’s not about pleasing me to the exclusion of all else. Maybe it was like that in my other relationships. I want ours to be about me pleasing you every bit as much as you please me. I want to do things for you. Everything for you. I want to give you things. I want this kind of relationship for what it can do for you as well as me. For the things I can give to you.
“So, no, I don’t want it confined to the bedroom, but I want our relationship to be where you can push back when I go too far. But only then. Once we establish complete trust, it will be easier. You’ll know that I won’t
want
to do anything that isn’t in your best interests.”
Her brows bunched and she stared intently at him. Her expression was pensive, and he knew she’d absorbed every single one of his words and even now was turning them over and over in her mind. He could see the questions in her eyes.
He smiled. She wanted to argue. To protest. But she tempered the bubbling protest as she continued to study him.
“It takes a very strong woman to submit to a man,” he said as he fingered a strand of her hair. “What attracted me to you was your beauty and your laughter. I’ll never forget the first time I saw you in Italy. You took my breath away. But later, it was your fiercely independent spirit that kept me with you. Even as you submitted, your will remained. Your true self was unaltered. You retained all the qualities I most admired, and yet you offered your submission to me so sweetly it made me ache.”
“You seem so sure the two can coexist long-term,” she said. “Is that what happened with your other women? Did they lose themselves in the process?”
Her intuitive question caught him off guard. “Partly, yes. It happened in two of my relationships. They were so caught up in pleasing me that they became shells of the women I was first attracted to. They became…what they thought I wanted. What I thought I wanted for that matter. It sounds so contradictory, but what I want is a woman who can please me and be pleased by me, but not lose herself in the process. Someone strong. Someone like you.”
“I may have misjudged you, Max,” she offered quietly. “All this while I’ve been hurting and aching, and I assumed you weren’t thinking about me at all, that you left me without thought and never looked back. But that’s not true, is it? You’ve been thinking about me—us—quite a lot.”
“Not a day has passed that I haven’t thought about us.”
Her eyes softened and became damp pools of blue. She reached up and cupped his cheek and stroked gently. “You have my submission, Max. Without reservation. I want to try. I don’t know if you’re right and I’m the woman you need or that I’ll end up being the woman you want, but I want to be her. I’m willing to try. I’m willing to give us a chance. I’ll make mistakes. I’ve never allowed anyone the kind of control you’re asking for.”
He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. “I’ve no doubt no one has ever been able to control you. And that’s not what I want to do. I love your free spirit too much. I am the only person I ever want you to submit to and it’s my job to cherish your gift and not crush your spirit but nurture it instead.”
She smiled back. “I think I can handle that.”
“Good. Now that we’ve settled that matter, I want to establish a few ground rules.”
She started to frown but recovered quickly and instead looked inquisitively at him.
“When we are alone, whether in this apartment or elsewhere, you aren’t to wear clothing unless I’ve said otherwise.”
Her lips parted and he could see her battling over whether to question him.
“I want you accessible to me at all times. If I want to fuck you in the kitchen, I want to be able to just lean you over the table and slide inside your sweet body.”
Her breathing hiccupped and her eyes went a little hazy.
“I might want you to suck my cock while I eat after I’ve fed you. I prefer for you to be nude when that occurs.”
Her lips quivered and she twitched in his lap. He almost grinned. She was getting turned on by the images he painted.
“When we’re in the living room, I want to be able to bend you over the arm of the couch and fuck you from behind. Or I might want to sit on the sofa and have you sit on my cock. The point is I want you accessible at all times. I want to be able to look at you whenever I want and touch you.”
She nodded jerkily but kept silent.
“Tomorrow when we go shopping, I’m going to choose jewelry for you to wear. It will be a sign of my ownership. At no time will you take it off. You will only do so if we’re no longer together.”
Her eyes widened again. “You mean like a…collar?”
His heart softened at the horror in her voice. “No,
dolcezza
. A collar would never do for you. It would be demeaning. You would hate it. And me for making you do such a thing. What I have in mind are wrist cuffs. I want them specially designed for you and engraved with my name.”
“Oh,” she said with a quiet sigh. “I don’t think that would be bad at all.”
He nudged her chin up with his fingers. “Callie, we need to make something clear. Yes, I expect your submission, however, this isn’t a dictatorship. You have to tell me if at any time you’re uncomfortable with something. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. We’ll talk about it and work something out.”
She smiled and it lit up her entire face.
“When we’re in public, I don’t expect you to assume the role of my submissive. The only thing you will be to others is the woman I adore and cherish above all others. Our private life is exactly that. Private. I don’t need the world to see you submit. I’m the only person who ever needs to see it.”
He circled her wrist with his fingers and her pulse sped up, racing against his hand.
“You’re seducing me with mere words,” she whispered. “You always do.”
He picked up her hand and pressed his lips to her wrist and then her palm, and then he kissed each fingertip until he curled her hand and brushed his mouth across her knuckles.
“You’ll sleep in my bed every night. The last thing you’ll feel before you go to sleep is me inside you. The first thing you’ll feel when you wake up is me inside you.”
She jerked and shuddered against him, and her breaths came out in short little huffs like she couldn’t quite keep up.
“I’ll push your limits,” he said in a serious tone. “There’s a lot we haven’t done that we’ll do. Your body will be mine and that means that I’ll do with you as I like. I’m not a masochist. I have no interest in taking things so far that you’ll fear me or not enjoy what I do to you. But some of what I do will be for my pleasure and my pleasure alone just as there will be times when I’ll want to give you pleasure while taking none in return.”
“Is that all?” she asked as she licked her dry lips.
He kissed those lips and ran his tongue over top and bottom until they glistened.
“No. There is something I’d like to mention and get out in the open. You’ve told me about your fathers. And now your brothers. I don’t pretend to understand the arrangement. You haven’t said a lot other than they were in a committed polyamorous relationship. I’m not even sure what that means in the real world. So I’ll just get this out. I’m not comfortable with sharing you. Ever.” He snorted. “Comfortable is too soft a word to use here. You never hinted that you wanted a similar relationship to the one your mother and sister-in-law have, but it isn’t happening. Over my dead body. I’ll take apart any son of a bitch I ever find in your bed and then I’ll kick your pretty ass all over the country.”
Callie shook with silent laughter. It was obvious she tried really hard to keep it in. Then she cracked and started laughing out loud. He glared at her the whole time as she wiped tears from her cheeks.
“Oh God, Max,” she gasped out. “You crack me up. That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What’s so damn funny? Your whole family is involved in some weird relationship where the women sleep with multiple men. I’m just trying to save us all some grief by telling you now it isn’t going to happen, and if it does, someone’s going to die.”
She snickered again and wiped frantically at her eyes. Then she clutched his face in both hands and kissed him hot, hard and breathless.
“I have no desire to sleep with more than one man,” she said. “I realize my parents’ situation is…unusual.”
Max lifted one eyebrow. “Unusual?”
She scowled. “Okay maybe it’s strange but not to me or them. It’s what I grew up with. And the thing is my dads love my mom more than anything. That woman is pampered, spoiled and adored more than any woman I know other than my sister-in-law. And they all love me.”
Max softened and pulled her closer to him until she was cuddled tight against his chest and her nipples poked through his chest hair. “I don’t doubt they love you with all their heart and soul,
dolcezza
. How could they do anything else? I don’t mean to demean them. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of sharing you with two other men. I want you all to myself twenty-four/seven.”
“Lucky for you I’m not looking to hook up with two other men,” she said cheekily. “Guess you’ll have to do.”
He smacked her on the hip. “Watch it.”
She glanced mischievously at him. “Or what? What happens when I’m a bad girl and don’t do as you tell me?”
“Depends on how badly you’re
wanting
to be punished,” he said dryly. “If you’re yanking my chain because you want to be spanked, I’ll just ignore you.”
She stuck out her lip in an exaggerated pout. “You’re no fun.”
“Not to worry,” he said lazily. “I’ll find plenty of reasons to spank that pretty ass, none of which have a damn thing to do with punishment. Remember I talked about the things I do solely for my pleasure and not yours? Seeing my mark on your sweet little behind is an example. Right before I fuck it.”
She trembled again and her nipples hardened against his chest. He smiled. Somehow he imagined that he wouldn’t be the only one who got pleasure from spanking her.
Callie was sucking air through her nostrils, so turned on that she shook in Max’s arms. And now he casually changed the subject. She wanted to growl in frustration.
But still, mention of a present perked her up.
“I’ll admit up front that it’s as much a present for me as it is for you.”
She arched an eyebrow and leveled her stare at him. “Oh?”
He smiled and then carried her over to the couch. “Wait right here while I get it.”
She watched as he rummaged in the bags that had been delivered earlier. He pulled out a white, nondescript box and carried it back to where she sat.
He settled beside her and opened the box. She frowned when she saw black material. Clothes? Hadn’t he just said he wanted her naked?
But when he pulled it out, it was apparent it wasn’t any sort of clothing she was familiar with. It looked like half a corset.
“Stand up,” he directed as he unfolded the item.
She rose and stood before him.
“Turn around.”
Dutifully she turned until her back was presented to him. She heard him shove off the couch and the next thing she knew, he reached around her and positioned the wide band of material over her waist.
Maybe it was a corset. It was soft but stiff, like the material covered a harder object. But it was flexible and wrapped around to secure in the back.
He adjusted and pulled until it rested just below her breasts and fit snugly about her waist. She looked down, still unsure of what it was or what purpose it served.
She soon had her answer.
Gently he pulled one arm behind her and bent her elbow so that her wrist lay flush against her back. She jumped when a band wrapped around her wrist, securing it to the contraption she wore.
Her pulse leapt and sped up as he pulled her other arm and secured it in the same fashion.
“Turn around.”
Slowly she turned and realized that the way her arms were confined by the apparatus forced her chest forward.
“Very beautiful. I think I’d like you in this when we eat so you’re completely dependent on my hand to feed you.”
Her cheeks grew warm under his scrutiny. She rolled up on the balls of her feet but then flushed harder when she saw his gaze tracked the bounce of her breasts.
He lowered his head, and she closed her eyes just as his tongue flicked out and licked her nipple.
Desire crashed through her, jolting her senses into instant awareness. It was like being hit by a bus.
She was vulnerable in this position. Was it a test? Or was he simply trying to rebuild her trust? She wasn’t sure she liked being pushed. Or was he simply enjoying what he’d been so straightforward in saying he wanted?
Slowly he straightened, his brows drawn together as he studied her expression.
“What are you thinking?” he asked quietly.
She shivered under his scrutiny and swallowed nervously. Before, she would have thought nothing of letting him have it with both barrels. She’d never had any problem with speaking her mind. But now, she wasn’t in a position of equality.
She licked her lips and forced herself to meet his eyes.
“Is this a test?”
He frowned and confusion—genuine confusion—clouded his eyes. No, it obviously wasn’t a test and now she’d stepped into it all over again. If it
had
been a test of her trust, she’d failed miserably.
Without a word he reached round her and set her wrists free. He pulled at the material until she heard the sound of Velcro separating. It slid from her waist and he tossed it aside.
Then he turned and walked out of the living room, leaving her alone and naked.
She trembled, suddenly cold. Silence crept around her until it was heavy against her ears. She became aware of each breath until she purposely lowered her respirations so the sound wasn’t so explosive in the quiet.
She’d hurt him. It hadn’t been intentional. It wasn’t some vindictive payback to make him suffer. But the truth was there for the both of them to see. She didn’t trust him anymore. Not completely.
Hadn’t she wanted him to feel at least one-quarter of the pain she’d felt when he’d left her? Hadn’t she wanted to get back at him even just a little?
She had, if she was honest, but now the victory—if it could be called that—was hollow and unsatisfying. She wanted to cry, not for all the pain she’d endured but for something beautiful that was lost.
Her shoulders sagging, she turned and walked slowly to the couch where she sank into the cushions. But the leather that had felt warm and comforting before was now cold and unwelcoming.
She pulled the thin blanket around her body and up to her chin. She wouldn’t cry. Not now. She’d managed to go a long time without tears.
Her eyelids drooped and she nestled her head against the arm of the sofa. Her heart ached, but it went even deeper. Soul deep.
Now that she’d actually hurt Max, she realized she didn’t have the stomach for revenge. Unintentional or not, she knew that she’d suffer just as much as he would.
She wanted him back. Wanted his hands on her. His mouth. She wanted him to smile at her. She wanted him to
love
her.
When Callie awoke, she lay still a moment and stared dully toward the fireplace. The hearth looked cold and empty. Pretty symbolic.
She stirred and twisted the kink from her neck. When she stared down the couch, she saw Max sitting at the end, his gaze fixed on her.
“Max.”
She hastily sat up and the blanket fell to her waist.
He cocked his head to the side as his stare slid down her body. “Why didn’t you dress?”
She glanced down, frowned and then looked back up at him. “You told me to stay naked.”
“Hmmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Okay, she sounded defensive. Hell, she
was
defensive. She was seriously teetering here and definitely working without a safety net.
“Just that on some level you trust me. I haven’t completely lost it.”
She sighed. “I’m so sorry, Max. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
He scooted forward on the couch and put a finger to her mouth. “Shhh. You won’t apologize for the way you feel. It’s my fault. I pushed too hard, too fast. It’s easy to forget that we’ve been apart for so many months. I’d love nothing more than to forget it and go back to the way things were before… Before I hurt you. That’s on me, though. I can’t expect to gain back everything we lost in a day. So it’s me who is sorry, Callie. Your hesitation hurt me more than I expected. I can’t bear the thought that you’d worry I’d in some way hurt you.”
She leaned forward until her forehead rested on his mouth. “I don’t think you’d hurt me, Max. I don’t. I want this to work.”
He laid his hand on the back of her head and then gently stroked over her hair as he kissed her forehead.
“I want this to work too, Callie. I shouldn’t have reacted as I did. You have the
right
to question me. You have the right to stop me at any time if you don’t feel comfortable. I don’t want you to feel like you ever have to suck it up and deal when you’re frightened or unsure just because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”
She closed her eyes and smiled as she circled his neck with her arms. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Max. I guess you’re right. I’m just a little unsure. I’m still unbalanced by it all. A few days ago I was alone and unhappy. Now such a short time later, I’m with you in Denver and we’re flying into the wind again.”
He cupped her face and brushed his lips across her cheek and then pulled her against him to cradle her in his arms.
“I’m sorry,
dolcezza
,” he murmured against her hair. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I overreacted earlier.”
She snuggled against his chest. “Think we could take up where we left off?”
He chuckled softly. “I can arrange that.”
She slid off his lap and went to her knees in front of him. She eased her thighs apart and slowly turned her hands palms up on top of her thighs.
His nostrils flared with his quick intake of breath. “How beautiful you are, Callie. There on your knees, your eyes and mouth so sweet you take my breath away.”
She stared back at him, her heart squeezing so hard in her chest she became light-headed. She put all her conviction into her gaze, her expression, the position of her body. She wanted there to be no doubt. She was his. This time… This time would be right. This time would be different.
For the first time since Max had stormed back into her life she didn’t feel foolish for thinking that things could be worked out between them. She was able to look at him with love, and in time she knew that her trust would be complete and whole again.
Maybe not overnight, but it would come.
She had faith.
She had love.
She had…
hope
. Sweet, healing hope.