Authors: Maya Banks
“That was cruel even given the circumstances,” he bit out.
She raised her gaze to his and did nothing to shield her emotions from him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t see inside her. He’d always been able to see to the very heart of her.
“Cruel? If you loved me, Max, you would have at least sent a goddamn message. Five seconds. You can’t tell me you couldn’t tear yourself away from your sister and your mother’s affairs for five seconds! I would have understood. I would have waited, no matter how long it took.”
“I didn’t want you to wait. I needed time to think!”
“Ah, now we get to the truth,” she said scornfully. “You had cold feet. You jumped. I jumped. And it was too fast and you got scared.”
His eyes blazed and anger rolled from him in waves. “You don’t have the market cornered on hurt, Callie. Yes, goddamn it. We moved way too fast. We burned each other up. I’ve never had a relationship that was as volatile and as passionate as ours. I worried I pushed you too hard, too far, too fast. You’re young. I’m older than you. I needed time to sort a hell of a lot out, including us.”
“Then you should have had the decency to at least tell me that over the phone,” she said softly. “Because from where I stand, you took the coward’s way out.”
“Look at me and tell me you were certain about us. Tell me you had no doubts
and
that you were prepared to submit to me for the long-term.”
She met his gaze and calm descended. She no longer shook. In a clear, steady voice, she said, “I had no doubts. I would have come back with you. I would have stayed. I would have done anything you wanted.”
His eyes clouded and his hands curled and uncurled. He dragged a hand through his dark hair and she noted that his fingers shook. His reaction surprised her. He was always so cool and in control. He was a deeply passionate man, but not much shook him except the two of them when they came together. They were explosive, and yes, as he’d said, volatile.
“I made a mistake, Callie. But I’ll be goddamned if both of us suffer the rest of our lives for it. I don’t give a damn that you think you’re over me or that you’re moving on. I’m not over you and I’m damn sure not moving on.”
He stared straight into her eyes, his face lined with ruthless determination. “Get used to seeing me, Callie. Because I’m not going anywhere until matters are settled between us. To my satisfaction. And to my satisfaction means you back in my bed where you damn well belong.”
He pressed in close and grasped her shoulders in his strong hands. “I’m the only damn one who can fix it, Callie. Me. No one else. You gave yourself to me. Well, I’m not letting you take yourself back. You’re mine. I won’t let you go. I
can’t
let you go.”
She stared helplessly at him, unsure of what she was supposed to do or say. She was still angry. She wasn’t ready to let go of that anger, because the alternative was more grief.
“You trusted me once,” he said in frustration. “You’ll trust me again. As long as it takes, you’ll trust me.”
Her eyes narrowed and she turned her head to the side. “What are you saying? Are you moving to Clyde? Taking up residence here? Because this is my home. This is my sanctuary, my refuge. I don’t want you here.”
He pulled her in close until her body was flush against his and his heat seeped into her until he surrounded her like a blanket.
“
I
was your refuge.
I
was your sanctuary. I will be again. I’m staying here as long as it takes. I’m not shy. I have no problem going after something I want. Just be prepared to see me. A lot.”
“You sound like a damn stalker,” she said in disgust.
His nostrils flared in distaste. “Stalking, Callie? Really? Is that what you’ve lowered me to now? I’m here because I’m not letting you go. If that makes me a stalker then I’ll have to deal. I’m just warning you. Plan to see a lot of me from now on.”
With that, he grasped her nape and held her as his mouth closed over hers. It wasn’t a gentle kiss a man might give his lover in apology. No, Max had already done what little groveling he planned to do. It wasn’t in his nature to pull back. Never during sex. Never with kissing or touching. He was demanding and strong. Always pushing, testing those limits and pulling back at just the right time.
His taste burst into her mouth. She’d missed this. God, she missed him. His tongue stroked knowingly over hers, warm and slightly rough as he explored her tender mouth.
Her body came alive, responding instantly to his touch. Recognition of a lost mate.
He was a wall, hard, protecting, and her soft curves melted against him as he pulled her more firmly into his arms. No escape. He forced her to acknowledge him and the all-consuming passion between them.
Raw. Carnal. They’d always been a combustible force. It was one she didn’t understand. The attraction between them bewildered her in its intensity. She’d been with other men. She’d kissed them. Flirted. Felt the easy flare of attraction. But with Max, she found herself powerless to deny the fire that burned between them.
Even worse than the tide of arousal unfurling deep within her was the fierce ache that bloomed in her heart and spread with frightening intensity. Grief. Regret. So much regret.
She slid her hands between them, intent on pushing him away, but the moment she felt the ripple of muscles across her fingers, her touch became seeking.
He fed delicately at her mouth. Demanding and yet tender. His tongue swept over her lips, as though he were determined to taste every part of her.
His grip tightened at her nape and he angled in sharper, holding her as he ran his other hand up her side to cup her breast. His thumb brushed across one sensitive peak through the thin material of her T-shirt and she went still.
She pushed hard and stumbled away, her knees shaking so badly it was a wonder she didn’t go down. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand as if such a gesture could possibly erase his imprint.
Months of separation hadn’t begun to erase his mark on her. One ineffectual wipe of her hand certainly wouldn’t do it now.
“Look at me and tell me we’re done,” he bit out. “Look me in the eye, Callie. Tell me you want me gone. That you never want to see me again.”
Tears flooded her eyes and she stood, so starkly vulnerable, so
wasted
before him.
He swore softly and moved toward her again. This time he carefully took her into his arms and simply hugged her to his tall frame. He pressed her head to his chest and held her there as he rubbed his hand up and down her back.
“I asked you to look at me,” he whispered. “But never like that, Callie, love. Never like that, with so much hurt in your eyes that it makes my teeth ache. I put it there, I know, but give me a chance to take it away. It’s all I’m asking. Give us a chance.”
She closed her eyes and melted into him. He backed toward the bed and sat, taking her with him, enfolding her in his embrace until she was curled onto his lap, her head tucked underneath his chin.
“I never meant to hurt you like this,” he said in a tone loaded with self-derision. “I handled it badly. I handled us badly. And you’re right. I did run. But I couldn’t go far. You kept pulling me back. Always back to you.”
She pulled her head away so she could look into his eyes. All she saw was a burning intensity. No deception. He didn’t look away. “What do you want, Max?” she asked softly.
“Haven’t you been listening? I want you.”
She looked briefly away but then his fingers nudged at her chin and forced her to look back at him.
“For how long this time? What about when it’s time for you to leave? Or the next emergency happens? Or you decide you’re not cut out for a relationship? This is my home, Max. I’m not fucking around with you or indulging in some hot fling where my family lives. They’re important to me. They’re everything to me.”
He sighed and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “I know I have a lot of ground to regain. Your trust has been damaged. I get that. But give me a chance, Callie. You and me. Let’s do it right this time.”
“Define right.”
“I take you out to dinner. You take me to meet your family. We go out on dates. You show me your town. Show me the places you love. Show me what makes you
you
.”
She sucked in a deep breath. Her heart was fluttering so madly that she had a hard time getting air in and out of her lungs.
“Okay,” she said quietly.
“No, not okay, like you’ve just received a death sentence. Do it because you want me like I want you. Show me that woman I fell head over ass for. The woman who doesn’t take shit off anyone. Who has so much fire she burns me with every touch. That’s the woman I want back.”
Her lips slid slowly upward into a smile.
“I missed you, Max.”
He crushed her to him, and it was then she could feel that his heart was every bit as out of control as hers. It thudded against her skin like the wings of a hummingbird.
“I missed you too. So damn much. There was a hole in my chest that was eating me alive.”
Hope fluttered up, tentative but there. It was tempting to squash it back down. She’d already been hurt so much. But more than the hurt, something came alive inside her, bubbled up until it overwhelmed her. Joy. It had been so long since she’d felt remotely happy that the sensation was alien.
“Tell me yes, Callie. Tell me you’re in this thing with me.”
She reached for him this time, the first time she’d made an overt gesture to touch him. She brushed her hands over his cheeks, felt the rasp of stubble on his jaw. Then she leaned in and kissed him softly.
“Yes.”
He groaned but allowed her free rein. She could feel the tension flowing from his coiled muscles. How he remained so still when his very nature demanded that he dominate amazed her.
She pulled away, her fingers slowly falling from his face. He caught her hands and pulled them between them to rest against his stomach.
“There’s just one other thing we need to come to an understanding about.”
She eyed him warily as his gaze roved possessively over her.
“We’re together. In every sense of the word. Which means you in my bed. Every night. No matter what. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to build us again but that includes us in the bedroom as well.”
She inhaled sharply, her body automatically responding to the dominance in his voice.
“The words. I want the words.”
She licked her lips nervously and then slowly nodded. “All right.”
She hadn’t invited Max. Maybe that hurt him. But she simply wasn’t ready to introduce him to her family. She first had to come to terms with and resolve herself to the abrupt change that was her relationship with Max.
How could she go from deeply wounded to suddenly happy? Her family would smell a rat a mile away. Then they’d want an explanation, and she wasn’t ready to spill what had transpired between her and Max.
They would be angry. Understandably so, and their relationship with Max would forever be tarnished by the fact he’d hurt her so badly. They wouldn’t forgive so easily.
She got into her SUV and drove. No direction. No clear destination. She circled the small town and pulled up to the bar. Dillon would be working tonight since he’d ordered her to take the night off. Which meant that Lily was home with only Michael and Seth.
She’d promised her mom she’d be back, but she couldn’t go yet. Not without talking to Lily. Her mind was about to explode and she needed to unload. Lily was the only person who knew the whole story.
She backed out of the parking lot and turned in the direction of Dillon’s cabin. It wasn’t a far drive from town, but it was down a winding private road that dead-ended at his house.
Her hands shook on the steering wheel, and she took her time, not trusting herself not to wind up in a ditch. When she finally pulled up to the cabin, she breathed a sigh of relief and shut off the engine.
Before she was fully out of her truck, Seth appeared on the front porch and leaned against one of the posts, his gaze sharp as he watched her get out.
She smiled or at least she thought she did. Her entire face felt frozen and her lips were still swollen from Max’s kisses.
“I thought you were staying with Mom and the dads tonight.”
“I was. I am. I had to meet a friend in town. I’d totally forgotten. I told Mom I’d be up later.”
The lie fell clumsily from her lips and she hated it. She never lied to her family. She never held anything back from them. Until now. Until Max.
Seth pushed off the post and held out his arms. She went into his embrace and hugged him tightly. As she pulled away, she glanced up at him. “What was that for?”
“You looked like you needed it.”
It was all she could do to hold the tears at bay. She bit her lip and tried to gather her scrambled senses.
“Is Lily busy? I wanted to see her.”
If he thought it was nuts that she was back to see Lily again, he didn’t comment.
“She’s never too busy to see you. She’s inside. Go on in.”
Callie pushed open the door, leaving Seth on the porch. Lily was on the couch, her feet in Michael’s lap while they watched a movie. When they looked up and saw Callie, Lily swung her feet to the floor and sat up.
“Callie! I thought you were up at your parents’. Is everything okay?”
Callie smiled. “I’m going later.” She glanced over at Michael who suddenly stood and took a step toward the door.
“I’m just going out to see if Seth needs any…help.”
Grateful that both her brothers had taken the hint, Callie plopped onto the couch beside Lily who was looking at her with deep concern in her eyes.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Lily said in a low voice. “Max. He’s upset you again. I really think we should tell Seth so he can get rid of him.”
Callie leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. “Oh Lord, Lily, I don’t know what to think.”
Lily scooted closer on the couch until her knee was touching Callie’s thigh. “What happened?”
Callie opened her eyes and turned her head in Lily’s direction. “I saw him after I left here this morning. Outside the grocery store. He insisted I see him. He wanted to talk. He threatened to show up at Mom and Dads’ if he had to.”
Lily’s mouth dropped open. “He can’t do that! He can’t get away with threatening you. I’d like to see him try to show up at your parents’ house. Your dads would kick his ass and if there was anything left, Seth, Michael and Dillon would finish the job.”
Callie held up her hand. “He wasn’t threatening, like menacing or anything. He wouldn’t hurt me. God, I’ve made him sound like a deranged stalker or something. It’s complicated. I told him I’d meet him at his hotel room after I dropped off Mom’s groceries. I made excuses to Mom and the dads about why I couldn’t stay for supper.”
“Oh Callie.” Lily’s mouth turned down into a sympathetic moue. “Tell me you didn’t go see him.”
“I did.”
“And?”
Callie sighed and rubbed a hand through her hair. God, she was tired and emotionally spent.
“He wants to get back together.”
“Over my dead body!” Lily said fiercely. “Did you tell him that ship had already sailed?”
Knowing Lily needed the entire sordid tale, Callie recounted everything Max had said in the hotel room. From start to finish. When she was done, Lily sat back, a pensive frown on her face.
“Am I making it too easy?” Callie asked. “I don’t know what to do. I love him. I still love him. But am I falling back into his arms too easily? I mean, the reasons why he left are valid. But the way he handled the entire situation is just twisted. What if I let him back in and he does it all over again?”
“Does he love you?” Lily asked quietly.
Callie heaved out another sigh. “That’s the question, isn’t it? I’m not desperate enough to ask. Maybe I’m too prideful, but I won’t set myself up for that kind of rejection. I know he cares about me. Call me stupid, but he can’t fake that kind of reaction. He was sincere. Angry and frustrated and sincere. Anytime we’re together it’s like dry wood to a flame. We both go up. If he didn’t care, then why go to all this trouble? Why not just let go? I mean, he made the break. It was done. He never had to see me again. I certainly wouldn’t know how to find him.”
“Those are good questions,” Lily murmured.
“I feel like an idiot. I mean, I come home and mope around for months, and the minute he walks into town I’m supposed to just forget how much I’ve hurt all this time and take him back?”
“Well, no.”
“But on the other hand, does it make me a petty bitch to want him to suffer and to tell him no, no, no, until I feel like he’s paid his penance and then let him crawl back into my life? How does that make
me
any happier?”
“It doesn’t,” Lily said softly. “Honey, listen to me. All you need to consider is what makes you happy. Stop worrying about what you think you should do to save face or pride or whatever it is you think you need to do. Those things won’t matter in the end. The real question you need to be asking yourself is whether you trust him and whether you’re willing to take a chance on him again. He hurt you. It isn’t about punishing him or yourself. It needs to be about what you want and what you’re willing to forgive.”
Callie stared at her sister-in-law and then leaned forward to hug her fiercely. “I love you, you know. I’m so glad I have you.”
Lily laughed and squeezed Callie in return. They hung onto each other for a long moment before Callie finally pulled away.
“I guess maybe I want him to suffer as much as I have so he’ll realize how badly he hurt me.”
“Who says he hasn’t? From all you’ve told me, he’s not been any happier than you have, and he had to deal with the loss of his mother on top of all that. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve to be miserable for the way he treated you, but maybe you aren’t the only one who has suffered.”
“You’re a wise woman, Lily Colter. I know I’m being petty.”
Lily squeezed her hand. “No, hon, you’re a woman who’s been hurt by the man she loves.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next,” Callie admitted. “He wants to pick up where we left off. He wants me in his bed every night. I’m not sure we can overcome the separation between us that quickly.”
“He may want, but that doesn’t mean he’ll get,” Lily said lightly.
“Oh Max always gets what he wants,” Callie said in resignation. “I have no willpower where that man is concerned. He’s lethal.”
Lily’s eyebrows rose. “That good, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
Lily laughed. “Callie, I’ve never known you to back down from anyone or anything. Granted our acquaintance is still somewhat new, but your brothers have regaled me with tales of your childhood and your adulthood as well. If anyone can stand up to this Max, I’d say it would be you.”
“Think Mom would kill me if I didn’t make it back up the mountain tonight?”
“Tell you what. I’ll call her and tell her I asked you to stay over. Then we can all ride up together tomorrow for lunch.”
“You are way too good to me, Lily, but I love you dearly for it.”
Lily touched her arm and her expression went serious. “You once helped me through one of the most difficult days of my life, Callie. I’d say we’re good for each other.”
“We girls have to stick together,” Callie said solemnly. “In this family, we’re way outnumbered!”