Come Alive (25 page)

~

I struck a
match and lit one candle on the kitchen table. We had dressed quickly in the
dark and hurried from the bedroom, though I knew well enough that his spell
could not be confined to any particular space. I moved to sit across from him,
but he pulled me down, and I fell into this lap. He sat back and rested me
against his arm, giving me a quick but sensual kiss.

“Is
this from the tree?” I asked, capturing his slightly bruised and swollen hand
in mine. “Does it hurt?”

“Not
anymore.”

“I’m
sorry.”

“So
am I.”

I
hesitated and clutched his t-shirt as though he might disappear suddenly. “Did
you . . .”

“What?”
he asked, tugging on my bun so I had to look
up.
I
could feel his heart pounding, but his expression was soft.

“Did
you mean it?”

His
face creased. “Do you think I would say it and not mean it?”

“I
don’t know.”

“Olivia,
I’m in love with you. I’ve known for so long, but I also knew it would scare
you away. You gave me no choice though.”

Silence
fell between us. With David’s past and my present, I couldn’t tell him that I
loved him too. I looked away and rested my cheek against his chest.

He
ran a hand over my hair. “Olivia.”

“David,”
I replied, squeezing my eyes shut and tensing in his embrace.

“I
want more,” he whispered in my ear. “I want you.”

“It
can’t be.”

“Why
not?”

I
shook my head. “This is wrong. It’s the last time. Bill knows, and you and I
are done.”

“There
are other options.”

I
climbed off of his lap, tension settling again in my neck. As the glow wore
off, everything I’d been shouldering seeped back into my thoughts, wakening my
conscience. “He’s not going to leave. He doesn’t want a divorce.”

He
bolted upright. “That’s not what I mean. This can work,” he said with blazing
eyes. “If you want it to,” he added.

“H-how?”
I stammered, taken aback by the intensity of his glare.

He
lifted a hand and ran his knuckles over my cheek before taking my jaw. When he
spoke, his voice was urgent and grave. “You leave him.”

CHAPTER 25

DAVID’S
WORDS SANK AND SANK until they settled heavily in my consciousness. I had no
idea how long I’d stood there gaping at him before breath rushed back into my
lungs. “What?”

“You leave him.”

I pulled my chin from his grasp. “Think about
what you’re saying,” I implored, stepping back. “You want me to leave my
husband for you? Do you have any idea what that would involve?”

“We
can handle it. Together.”

“David,”
I said with an unsteady breath. “What I’ve been through since . . . There was a
moment where . . .” I let the sentence trail off. Saying these things aloud
were different than thinking them. I’d opened up to him, but not like this. The
thought terrified me, but I looked him straight in the face. “There was a
moment when I thought I might die without you. But you – you don’t know
what you’re asking. I can’t just leave. And you aren’t ready for such a commitment.
I’ve already ruined so much,” I said, pressing my fingertips to the corners of
my eyes. “I have to make things right.”

His
voice was stern. “When I said that everything was for you, I meant it. My whole
life I’ve been building and saving and preparing for the woman I knew would
come along. I had to believe you were out there, because if I didn’t, I would
have nothing.” His big shoulders heaved as he took a breath. “I’m not a
religious or spiritual man. I am guided solely by my instincts, my gut. And they
have led me to you. Without you, I have nothing to believe in.”

I
blinked, shocked into silence. His words were needy, romantic, loving –
misaligned with the man I had originally suspected him to be. Even though his
bearing was stiff, tense even, I could see that there was only truth in his
eyes. “I – I don’t know what to say, David.” I did though – I
wanted to say that it was beautiful. That no one had ever said anything like
that to me.

“It’s
just the truth, the plain fucking truth.”

An
awed smile touched my face. He was looking at me again the way he had that
night at the hotel.
Love. Love is what I
saw that night, and
that
is what
scared me. I already knew on some level that you loved me, David Dylan.

I
inhaled. “You want me to leave my husband? Is that really what you’re asking?”

“Divorce
him, Olivia.”

I
shivered at the word.
“I don’t think
I could do it,” I said honestly.

“I
would be there every step of the way.”

“I
can’t even – have you even talked to
Dani
?”

“I
tried to tell you. I ended things, but she begged me to take her to that one
last event. I owed her that much.”

“You
owed her?”

“She’s
been patient and sweet, but I can’t give her what she wants with you in the
picture.”

“And
if I weren’t?” I bristled.

“I
don’t even care enough to wonder. She said she had already paid for the tickets
and that she was embarrassed to go alone. I’m only human.”

I
scoffed to myself. “That was a lie, they were Gretchen’s tickets.”

He
pursed his lips. “Regardless. Do you trust me that nothing happened with her?
She kissed me that night, but I stopped it. She was desperate.”

I
nodded and looked away. “What about Maria?” I asked into the dark kitchen.

He
exhaled a short laugh. “Do you think I’m playing games, Olivia? I don’t want
Dani
, I don’t want Maria,
I
want
you
. I would never ask you to leave your
husband if I wasn’t ready for the commitment. Not just ready, but dying for
it.”

I
shook my head in disbelief. “Why? I don’t understand why.”

“Why
what?”

“Why
me?” I whispered. “What makes me worthy? You could have anyone.”

His
face fell. He cupped his hands under my jaw and looked directly at me. “How can
you say that?” he asked sadly. He sighed, looked around the room and then back
at me. “I’ve never had trouble meeting women, that’s true. But I knew as early
as my first kiss that there was something missing. I never gave up hope that
the right girl was out there. I knew you were it the moment our eyes met.” He
paused and ran his thumbs over my cheekbones. “I didn’t need any other proof
after our first night together. If you don’t see it now, you will.”

Tears
were streaming down my face, not only at the grave sincerity of his words, but
because of how they echoed my own thoughts.
How
long had I secretly wished that Bill would tear me open and teach me what it
meant to love? I still naïvely believed that he might one day. Had he waited
too long, though?

“You
want me to leave him?” I asked again.

He
brushed a piece of hair from my forehead. “With everything I am. But even more,
I want you to
want
to leave him. I
want you to realize that he’s not right for you, and that you deserve to be
loved fiercely. And if I’m lucky, you’ll choose me to do it. You said you were
mine. And I know you meant it.”

My
face screwed up as more tears fell. Even if I left Bill, could I let myself love
David the way he needed? Did he deserve someone as cold as me? Would just
loving me be enough for him? I searched his face. His eyes had always been my
refuge; they seemed to know things that I didn’t.

My
heart jumped in my chest when I realized that I
could
love him the way he needed.
Without
boundaries.
Without control.
I wanted to tell
him, but it scared me more than anything, even more than leaving my life
behind. I could fall into those heavenly brown eyes and never find my way out.

He
wiped my face of the tears before leaning in to kiss my closed lips. “Talk to
me. This won’t work if you’re not honest.”

I
hated myself when I
said,
“I made a commitment to
Bill.”

He
dropped his hands to his hips, and his eyes narrowed. “I realize that. Trust
me, it’s kept me up many nights. But this isn’t something we can just walk away
from.”

“Don’t
you think I know that?” I cried. “Don’t you know that I felt it from the
beginning? What do you want to hear? That I’m yours, that you’re the one who
has my heart? You know you do! But what can I do? I made a commitment!”

“That’s
no way to go through life!” he roared. “It’s not fair to either of you! This last
month has been a glimpse of how life will be for all of us. Is that what you
want?”

I
shook my head hard.

“So
then make the decision.”

“Nobody
would understand.”

“Is
that what this is about? Other people?”

“No.”
I sniffled. “And yes. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s right anymore.”

“I
won’t let anybody hurt you,” he said. “You make this decision, and we’re in it
together. I will be your shield.”

“David,
I can’t – how can I? How can I leave him after what I’ve done? And after
he stood by me anyway?”

“What
we have is stronger than all of it. Have you ever felt anything like this?”

It
was always
all
of my strength to fight
our magnetic pull to each other. I didn’t know how David knew, but I had not
ever had this with Bill, or with anyone else. “I need time,” I squeaked.

“No.
There’s no more time.”

My
insides jolted, and I clasped an arm over my stomach. “What?”

“I
said no. I cannot do this anymore. It’s killing me. I love you and you either
love me or you don’t. But please, put me out of my misery,” he pleaded. His
hands ran over his face and dove into his hair maniacally. “You have to
decide.”

“I
– I can’t,” I stuttered. “Please don’t make me.”

“You
have to decide!” The bass of his voice bounced off the walls. Veins pulsed from
his neck, and his face flushed with rage. “Can’t you see that this is it? It’s
me or him
. End this, now.”

I
steadied myself against the chair. “No, please, just give me some time – ”

“I’ve
given you enough time.” He took an easy stride and grasped my face in his
hands. “I love you,” he said earnestly, “but this is destroying both of us. End
this. If you don’t, then I will. And once I walk out that door, it’s truly over.”
I whimpered as he stared into my eyes. He kissed me gently. “My sweet,” he
murmured, between soft kisses. “Say the word, and I will give you everything.”

My
chin quivered viciously in his hands. My eyelids blinked fresh tears onto my cheeks.
Everything?
But there was only one
thing I wanted. I wanted him, wholly and completely. Somehow, inexplicably
– incomprehensibly – he was the only thing that had ever felt
absolute in my life. “David,” I whispered.

 
The corner of his mouth twitched. I loved
the corner of that mouth. I loved the sexy crease in his chin. I loved the
rawness of his almost-gold eyes. I loved him, and I wanted to spend forever
proving it to him.

But
the words wouldn’t come; they stuck in my mouth, lodging in my throat. I
swallowed them down, along with a hard, painful lump. It meant breaking a
heart, a commitment,
a
life
. I wasn’t choosing between Bill and David. I was choosing
between Bill and me.

David’s
eyes darted between mine, and I watched the hope drain from his features. “It’s
him?” he asked. He dropped his hands and stepped back. My knees gave, and I
fell to the floor in a broken, sobbing heap. How could I have done this to
everyone? How was I the source of so much despair?

He
strode away, pulled open the door and without looking at me, turned his head
over his shoulder. “You can have the house.”

I
choked back an aching sob. “No!” I screamed, but it was muted by the slam of
the door.

The
first time I saw David was electric. Our eyes had met across that shining lobby,
and it was as if the heavens had smiled right on me. What was that feeling? Was
it lust? Was it love? Was it nothing? Or everything?

As
I broke apart on the kitchen floor, I realized that losing David meant losing
myself. Life without him – the anguished months I’d spent spiraling downward
– was no life at all.

And
then I knew what the feeling was.

I
scrambled to my feet and flung open the door. I ran into the rain after him,
and with everything I had, I screamed, “It’s you!”

He
stopped. His shoulders tensed, but he remained frozen as the sky fell around
us.

My
voice cut clearly through the rain when I said, “Of course it’s you. You are my
home.”

After
what felt like an eternity, he turned slowly. Pain etched his face. For a
heartbreaking moment, I thought I was too late. But then he stepped forward,
and suddenly I was running. He opened his arms, and I jumped, and I was home.