Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) (5 page)

Chapter 10

SPENCER

What the fuck?

As soon as the thought went through my head I scolded myself. If Zoe wanted me with her, then there was nowhere else I was going to be. Reality was, I didn’t want to see this. It was bad enough I could see the scrapes and bruises that were visible when she had her clothes on. My imagination had already piss bolted like a cat with his tail on fire and taken me on some sick, painful, masochistic journey. One that I knew if I ever got proof of, I’d never be the same again.

No matter how much it hurt, no matter that it was pure, unadulterated torture, I wasn’t moving a muscle.

Stealing a glance at Zoe, the sight of her freaked me out. She was pale. Whiter than I’d ever seen her before. Her eyes, ringed with deep black bags, were wide with terror. I could only hope she knew, deep down inside, down in that safe place at the centre of her heart, she knew she had nothing to fear from me. Not now. Not ever.

“Zoe,” I took a measured step toward her.

Her wide eyes never left mine. Every move I made was slow and deliberate. She looked like a fragile and frightened lamb. Reaching out, I took her hand in mine. Her fingers were like icicles, but I had no intention of letting go. My body heat was hers for the taking. Especially if that was the only thing I could offer her right now.

“Just don’t let go, Spencer,” she whispered, and her words reverberated directly to my soul.

“Never,” I promised. Even as the words left my mouth, I surprised myself with how much I really meant them.

“Okay then,” she breathed out and I felt her whole body relax. All the tension drained away and the weight lifted.

“You want to get out of here?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Okay. Let’s get you dressed and discharged, then I’ll take you home,” I confirmed.

I’d never been in this situation before. I’d never wanted to. Honestly, I hoped I never would be again. My best guess was to make sure in excruciating detail that Zoe knew what was going to happen so she wasn’t caught off guard.

Zoe’s lips pursed but she remained stoically silent. Untangling our fingers, I handed her the grey sweat pants and stepped back to let her pull them on. I wanted to give her all the space and privacy she needed. Zoe fumbled and they fell to the floor in a pile. Instead of scooting off the bed to pick them up, tears flooded her face and huge, body racking sobs shook her. Without thought or hesitation, I grabbed the pants and slid onto the bed beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and crushing her to my chest. I hated seeing her like this. This broken and defeated. My Zoe, the strong-willed, stubborn woman I’d always known was nowhere to be seen. She stiffened in my arms but only momentarily. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone again. The fight went out of her and she collapsed into my arms and cried. Hard.

“Come on, Zoe,” I tried. “It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here and no one can hurt you now.”

She sniffed and pulled back, looking up into my face. Although I would never admit it out loud, the look on her face, the pain in her eyes―it broke my fucking heart. Not just a nice clean break, either. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. Something I wouldn’t bet money on ever being able to be repaired. Wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she sobbed a deep sob that shook her whole body. “Your shirt’s wet,” she murmured as she wiped at it.

“Doesn’t matter.”

Steeling herself, Zoe sucked in a deep breath, pulled out of my arms, and straightened her back. She was tough. Right now, she was determined to prove it. “Okay, Spencer. I need to get dressed.”

“Need help?” I offered, handing her the pants.

“Thanks.” She smiled weakly.

Climbing from the bed, I made sure I was facing the wall before I sucked in the deepest breath I’d ever need. This was going to kill me, but Zoe would never know that. She couldn’t. Right now she needed me to be strong for her, and if that’s what she needed, that’s exactly what she would get. I’d be damned if I showed her anything else.

Turning around, I dropped to my knees in front of her and took the pants back from her. I wanted to watch what I was doing. I wanted to make sure I didn’t bump any sore spots, but when I looked up and my eyes locked with hers, and I knew I couldn’t break her trusting glance. My eyes stayed firmly locked on Zoe’s, which meant I was going to dress her by feel. Shit! I was screwed.

I’m not an angel. I never pretended to be. I’d been with my fair share of women over the years and I’d had plenty of practice of stripping them out of their clothes but I’d never dressed one before. This was definitely something new for me.

Tears balanced unshed on Zoe’s eyelashes, but my girl held strong. Carefully I wiggled the pants over her feet and up her calves. Zoe didn’t blink. She barely breathed. This was killing her. Shit, it was killing me. I’d never been so relieved to be so much bigger than someone in my life.

“You ready to stand?” I asked, my voice quivering with uncertainty.

I watched as Zoe’s eyes widened even further and she swallowed heavily. “You’ll be fine. Just lean on me. I won’t let you fall.”

My words must have helped. Slowly she stumbled to her feet, dropping her cold hands on my shoulders. I stayed on my knees, making sure I looked up at her face. My hands reached underneath her hospital gown and pulled up her pants until they were around her tiny waist.

“Okay, Zoe. They’re on. You right to tie them up? They’ll be too big, but you should be able to tighten them.”

“Thanks.” She gulped, reaching down and tugging on the drawstring.

Once she had the pants on I let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Zoe sat back down on the side of the bed and I stepped away from her and grabbed my sweater. She was going to drown in it. Right now, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“Ouch!” Zoe squeaked.

At the sound of her voice, I spun around and saw the pain etched on her face. Then I noticed what she was trying to do. Zoe was just being Zoe. Trying to do everything herself, the way she always had. Right now she was trying to reach around behind her and undo the ties holding her flimsy hospital gown together.

“Need a hand?” I offered.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to look so damn smug about it,” she scolded, and for the first time I knew Zoe, my Zoe, was still in there somewhere. She might have been silenced momentarily, but she hadn’t been gagged indefinitely.

“Who’s looking smug?” I countered with a smirk. If Zoe wanted to play, I wouldn’t be the one to deny her. At least not today.

“You know you are. Just undo the damn ties and break me out of here.” She huffed, folding her arms across her chest.

“Yes, ma’am,” I winked, stepping up beside her and reaching towards her back.

It took me a moment but I wanted to throw up. Her whole back was covered in scratches. It was scraped red raw with tinges of green grass stains on her soft, creamy skin. There were claw marks across her collarbone and down her shoulder. Some monster had really made a mess of her. I wanted to rip something or someone apart. I heard my teeth grinding and my jaw instantly ached as I clenched it together. I didn’t want Zoe to know how wound up I really was, but I knew I was a shitty actor and she wouldn’t buy it if I tried to lie. Instead I focused on the task at hand and quickly untied each of the three strings across her back.

“Done,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Thanks. Help me with the sweater?” Zoe asked, her soft voice trembling with each word.

“No problems,” I lied. There was a problem. A huge fucking problem.

Quickly I grabbed the sweater and pulled it over her head, watching I didn’t catch her face or ears. Zoe must have sensed my unease and nerves. She wiggled her arms free from the gown but held it tight against her chest. That was the last thing I needed to see right now. Zoe’s boobs in my face. I was struggling to hold my shit together, let alone letting my dumb ass hormones take control. I pulled it down her back and was thankful when Zoe arranged the front.

Stepping back, I knew I was breathing heavily. I didn’t want to be, but I couldn’t help it. It took a moment of us both staring at each other before the tension in the room dulled down a notch and I was able to once again think straight.

Chapter 11

ZOE

I’d pushed him too far. I knew it. I’d been a selfish bitch, now Spencer was paying the price. His eyes were wide and wild. I knew I looked like shit. I felt like it. Actually that was an understatement. I felt worse than I looked. But Spencer hadn’t run away screaming. Instead he’d stepped up and helped me in the moment I needed him the most.

I could see the toll it had taken. His shirt was wet with my tears, stained with my blood, and covered in the dirt I’d left there. He hadn’t once flinched. He’d taken control when no one else had. When I hadn’t even had a chance to think about it. He’d been thoughtful. I’d known Spencer a long time…some days I thought too long…I’d never considered him thoughtful before. Yet today he’d assumed control and organised everything so it wasn’t any harder than it needed to be. Right down to giving me some of his own clothes so I didn’t have to try and wiggle my legs into my jeans.

“Hey Spence.” I smiled up at him. Right now I needed him beside me, but I didn’t want to see him hurting either. “You okay?”

“You’re seriously asking me if I’m okay?” he asked, looking like he’d been knocked for six.

I didn’t understand why he was so flabbergasted. Of course I cared. I might be a bitch most days, but I wasn’t completely heartless. At least I didn’t think I was. “Of course I am.”

“Zoe.” He smiled, stepping towards me. When his large, warm, calloused hand cradled my cheek I felt my stomach turnover. I didn’t want to acknowledge it so instead I swallowed down my emotions. “I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. Now we know you’re going to be too, so let’s get the hell out of here,” he declared.

“Sounds good to me, Spence,” I agreed quickly.

I knew we both had different ideas about where that would be. I was taking this one step at a time. First I needed those discharge papers. Once I got them and got out of the sterility of the hospital, I’d fight the next battle, and it was going to be a doozy. Somehow I had to convince Spencer to drop me off at my hotel. First things first.

A knock at the door brought me out of my own head. “Everyone decent in here?” a voice questioned.

“Well, I am, I can’t say the same about Zoe.” Spencer winked at me as Nurse Foreman pushed open the door and stepped in.

I rolled my eyes at Spencer and he just grinned knowingly. He knew exactly what he was doing. He’d always been mischievous and a troublemaker and he sure as hell hadn’t grown out of it. Nurse Foreman walked over and perched herself on the bed beside me, her hand finding its way onto my knee. I stared at it and waited for the awkward feeling to flood my body but it never came. Instead a strange calm consumed me. I let out a huge, unexpected sigh. I hadn’t realised or maybe it was just I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it before that moment, but I was tired. Bony weary exhausted.

“Well, Miss Zoe…” She smiled a crooked smile. Her teeth were worn and yellow and the wrinkles around her eyes were deeply ingrained. “You ready to break out of here?”

“Absolutely,” I answered quickly. I didn’t want anyone to get the idea I wanted to spend one more minute in the hospital than I needed to.

Nurse Foreman looked contemplative, like she had something she wanted to say, instead she bit her tongue. Turning her attention to Spencer, who had at some point melted into the corner, she asked, “Spencer, can you give us a second?” Her gaze never wavered from me.

“Yeah.” He shuffled out the door. I wasn’t blind. The way he moved from the room, I knew he didn’t want to leave, yet he did it anyway. For me.

I watched him go and felt like a part of me left with him. But I knew Spencer. He wouldn’t have gone far. He’d be just on the other side of the door waiting. Impatiently.

It took a moment after he was gone before Nurse Foreman turned to me and took both of my hands in hers. She reminded me of my grandmother. Her soft, cool hands. Her baby powder scent engulfing me, overwhelming the disinfectant. “Zoe. If you aren’t ready, you can stay here tonight. Or even if you just need another couple of hours. We don’t need to kick you out right this second. You don’t have to leave with Spencer…not if you don’t want to. I know you two have been friends since before you could walk and he’s the one who was there today, it still doesn’t mean you need to leave with him. Not if you don’t feel comfortable…”

“No!” I snapped too harshly. As soon as the word was out of my mouth I knew it was what I meant. I felt guilty about my attitude. I wanted to blame it on tiredness, on aches and pains, the truth was I was just being a bitch. “I mean, thank you. I know you’re trying to help, Spencer would never hurt me. I want to get out of here. I need to. I want a shower. And sleep. I need sleep.”

Tapping my hands with hers, I knew she forgave me. She shouldn’t, but she did. Without question or judgement, she just brushed off my nastiness and continued to be the professional she was. “Okay, Zoe. So, here’s what needs to happen…”

Nurse Foreman spent the next ten minutes explaining my immediate future to me. She handed me a bag filled with pills, creams, dressings, and a list of things to follow up later. Stitches that would need to be removed, tests I would need to have over the coming months. It was overwhelming and part of me wished Spencer was in here getting all the information and instructions with me, but the other side, the smarter more rational side, was glad he wasn’t. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet. After all, I was the one who was going to have to face it.

“Do you have any questions, Zoe?” she asked, snapping my attention back to her.

“I-I don’t think so,” I stuttered.

“Okay then. Sign these and you’re free.” I could tell she was disappointed I’d chosen to escape as soon as I possibly could, the truth was I couldn’t stay. I needed to get out of there. I needed everyone to stop treating me like I was going to break. I wasn’t fragile. A shower, some sleep, and things would go back to normal. At least that was what I was praying for.

Quickly I scrawled my name across the bottom of the pages she’d handed me and took the bag of pills. Spencer pushed a wheelchair through the door just as I stuffed everything into my overnight bag.

“No! No! No!” I protested adamantly.

“Zoe…” he cautioned, his voice deep and husky.

I knew that voice. I hated that voice. That was the voice that had gotten me in trouble more than once over the years. The voice that challenged me to do wildly stupid and idiotic things. The voice that dared me to take risks I knew I shouldn’t be taking. The voice that stripped me bare and melted my insides.

“Zoe,” Nurse Foreman cooed, coming up behind me. “It’s hospital policy. You need to be in the chair to the front door and then you can walk…”

“But…”

“No buts, Zoe.”

“Zoe, just shut up and sit your cute butt down.” Spencer grinned. “I’m driving.”

Carefully I settled into the wheelchair. Honestly, I felt like an idiot. I didn’t need a wheelchair. I could walk. I wasn’t in a position to argue. Well, not with Nurse Foreman, anyway. Spencer, on the other hand, he was another matter altogether. A moment later Spencer flung my bag over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all and stepped behind me.

“Hang on!” I called out.

“What? What’s up, Zoe?” Spencer dropped to a knee at my side.

“I don’t know if I trust you pushing me.” As my words sunk through Spencer’s thick skull, a devilish smirk covered his face. I couldn’t stifle my giggle.

“Well, you shouldn’t. Not now.” He laughed, moving back behind me.

“Spencer McLaren. Don’t make me punish you,” Nurse Foreman warned.

He laughed. A deep, full belly laugh. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he promised as he dropped a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for taking care of my girl.”

“Any time, Spencer. Now it’s your turn. You know where we are if you need anything. And Zoe…” She smiled a sad smile as she turned her attention back to me. “You take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.”

“I won’t,” I promised, startling myself with my honesty.

“And if this one,” she said, pointing directly at Spencer, who just grinned stupidly, “gives you any trouble at all, you just let me know and I’ll take care of it.”

“I think I can handle him.”

Her gaze flicked between us. “Yeah, I think you can.”

“Hey!” Spencer protested half-heartedly. “I’m still here, you know? I can hear you.”

“I know,” both Nurse Foreman and I replied at the same time with a laugh.

“Take care, Zoe.” She smiled. “Spencer, take her home.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded before starting to push me down the corridor.

I wasn’t embarrassed…well, I didn’t want to be, but as Spencer pushed me down the empty corridor, I couldn’t help but duck my head and hope no one noticed me. The truth was I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I looked a fright. Like if young kids saw me coming, I wouldn’t blame them if they ran away screaming.

Spencer remained quiet, which was unusual for him, but I was thankful. He pushed me through the hospital and the heavy glass automatic doors. I sucked in a deep breath and it hurt like a motherfucker. I’d forgotten how much my ribs hurt. But it felt so damn good to see sunlight. It warmed my cool skin, and somehow it gave me hope.

I wasn’t sure what time it was but somehow, after everything that had happened, it felt like I’d lost hours. It had to be mid-afternoon the sun was still high in the sky.

“Ready?” Spencer asked as he locked the brakes on the wheelchair.

“Yeah,” I answered automatically but it came out as more of a whimper. All my confidence had abandoned me.

Spencer stuck out his hand and helped me stumble to my feet. My legs were shaky beneath me and I prayed they’d hold me upright. For a moment we just stood. Both my hands were wrapped around Spencer’s arm, my breathing rapid and uneven.

I thought Spencer was going to say something, instead he remained silent. I’d never appreciated it more. I was quickly approaching breaking point. I was struggling. I was barely holding my shit together right now. I couldn’t stand it if he kept staring at me. Asking if I was okay.

After a few minutes of nothing at all, I looked up into Spencer’s face and nodded softly. With that he led me towards his car. Slow, measured steps made the trek across the car park feel like it went on forever. Spencer was patient with me. He helped me into his truck, dropping my bag onto the backseat before slipping behind the wheel.

Time was running out. I knew I had to speak up but my throat was inexplicably dry. Using all of the energy I had left, I forced myself to say something. “Spencer…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you drop me off at the motel?”

His head spun instantly. His eyes bored into me. “Zoe…” His voice was intimidating, but I knew him better than that. Spencer didn’t scare me.

“Please, Spencer. I just want a hot shower and a sleep, and then I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself,” I pouted. I knew I was using everything that I had against him and I could tell he didn’t like it. Not one little bit. His grip on the steering wheel gave away his frustrations.

“I get it, Zoe. I really do. But for me, could you please just come back to my house? Just this once. I won’t force you to, I’d just feel much better knowing you weren’t on your own. At least not tonight. You can use my shower and get some sleep. That way I can be there if you need me.” Spencer was tense. It was emanating from his every pore. He turned the corner and headed towards the hotel.

I was so damn tired. It wasn’t worth the battle. At least not today. “Okay,” I conceded.

“Thank you,” he exhaled, turning at the next intersection towards his place. I watched as he relaxed and a calmness settled over him. Obviously I wasn’t the only one who was on edge.

I closed my eyes and settled back in my seat. It wasn’t comfortable but I didn’t care. I was safe. And warm. And I wasn’t in a damn hospital bed. The rest…well, I’d deal with that later. Maybe.

“We’re here,” Spencer’s voice shook me from my thoughts.

Without waiting, I climbed out of the car and hobbled towards the front door. It didn’t take very long for Spencer to be beside me. “Sorry about the mess…I wasn’t expecting company.” He shrugged.

“I’m not here to critique your housekeeping Spence…” I smiled at him, stepping into his lounge room.

“Come on. I’ll show you to the bathroom.” He grabbed my hand and half dragged me through the house.

A moment later I was standing beneath the scalding water letting it wash everything away. All the dirt, all the scrapes, all the thoughts circled the drain before vanishing from sight. It felt great. It felt like the world got lighter around me. Though it was draining at the same time. I knew I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it. I stayed in the shower, the room full of steam, until the water ran cold. Climbing out, I wrapped the clean towel Spencer had left for me around my body and wiped the thick coating of moisture from the mirror. Looking at the woman staring back at me, I barely recognised her. My wet hair hung lifelessly over my shoulders. It was my eyes I couldn’t place. They were dead. There was no sign of anything there. They were empty. Void of happiness. Unable to look for another moment, I pulled on my panties and a t-shirt Spencer had lent me and padded out of the bathroom.