Commitments (3 page)

-::@@:.,..Ihere was no sign of Derek. unsure of what to do, but feeling distinctly awka af having been abandoned by her escort just rd ter the door, Sabrina crossed to a pair of chairs t was removed from the others. She sank into one, d her coat across her lap and set to studying the Wdes on her palm caused by her tight grip on her Moments later, a door opened on the far side of the Sh looked up. Her heartbeat tripped, then sped. m e bts crowded in, but the deed was done. She was d Derek had arrived. it was too late to do an g a bout the impulse that had brought her vited to his ghastly world. He stood inside the door staring at her. Unable to 1,--,@'help herself, she stared right back. She was stunned ' a little frightened. He looked so different. Gone were the tailored blazer, the trim slacks, the 1f, polished loafers. He wore a blue workshirt, jeans and I 46'@ worn running shoes. A nondescript jacket was hooked a finger over his shoulder. His dark hair was longer slightly shaggy. His face seemed leaner, as did his is. She'd have thought that he'd lost a good twenty pounds since his incarceration except that his shoulders were broader, and where his sleeves had been rolled, sinewy forearms were exposed. He looked taller than she'd remembered. He held himself very straight, almost defensively, in a stance made bold by the pride of a man stripped of pride. He was intimidating that way, intimidating and unapproachable, and the other changes in him didn't help. A small but jagged scar lay just beyond his right eye; it was a dull red shade, clearly a recent acquisition. The pallor of his skin emphasized the shadow of his beard, which, in turn, gave him a hardened look. He did look hard. And he certainly didn't look pleased to see her. Why am I here? she cried in a split second's silent panic. Then, with slow strides, Derek approached and she had no time for either panic or regret. His eyes held hers. There was something Page 8

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

compelling in them that even the mask of contiol couldn't conceal. He stopped by the chair near hers and stood with his hand on its back and his shoulders straight. '.' His voice was cool, either truly emotionless or carefully schooled to sound that way. She nodded and held her breath. ' are you?' '/ she said, then paused before adding,

"I wasn't sure if you'd remember me.' ' remember you.' ''s been a while.' ' nionths/ he said without a blink, Sabrina knew his exact knowledge of the time they'd last met had nothing to do with her personally. The man had been arrested three months later; he'd been incarcerated since then. She was sure that he knew to ct day how long it had been since he'd lost his t ed to study her. Her cheeks felt warm,. 'con inu she attributed that to the hissing radiator, since gaze was even cooler than his voice had been. His ere gray. She hadn't know that before. All that regis ere t d in her memory from that long-ago meetwas their warmth and understanding. But that was n . Compelling eyes, indee they were, but w d

were hard as flint. wished he would say somethin& but then embered that she'd been the one to initiate the it. So she asked, ' have you been?' e lifted one shoulder in a tight shrug. His gaze't waver. He was annoyed that she'd come, and s he had a right. She was nothing to him. She'd possib interrupted something - whatever it ly that inniates did at two on a weekday afternoon. denly occurred to her that the interruption might e him trouble. ,,'qs this a bad time?' she asked hurriedly, worriedly. I pulling you from ONo.' ' wouldn't want to cause

- ' ou re not.' She nodded her okay. Her teeth closed on her lower She folded her arms across her middle, her right and absently kneading her left arm. Her gaze went to e barred window - which she would have given ything to open wide - then to the nearby guard who as watching, listening. She found the absence of rivacy humiliating and could only begin to imagine what Derek faced each day. But she couldn't imagine. Not really. The gap between them was huge. Wanting to narrow it, she whispered, ' you sit down?' For a minute she feared he'd refuse. He looked away with eyes whose irritation was mirrored by the slight outward thrust of his jaw. ' you rather I go?' she asked, again in a whisper. He didn't answer, but seemed to be considering his options. Sabrina didn't begrudge him that, even if there was an element of the power play in it. A sense of power was the least she could give him. At length, he hooked his jacket on the shoulder of the chair, turned the chair to an angle that suited him, lowered himself and stretched out his legs. He ended up not quite facing her, not quite abreast of her, and a safe yard away. Even seated, he looked large. Even lean, he looked strong. Eighteen months before, she'd thought of him purely in cerebral terms: he was a reporter who'd come in search of a story, and though he'd left emptyhanded, he'd offered her a breath of support. There was nothing cerebral about him now, though. He was as blunt as the name and numbers indelibly inked on the breast pocket of his workshirt. Prison had taken away the intellectual mantle, leaving him hard and raw and physical. Sabrina felt suddenly tongue-tied. She'd never been in a prison. The search she'd undergone, the bars through which she'd passed, the scrutiny of the guards - all were unsettling. And Derek - she'd only met him once before. She didn't know him. She had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, no idea how she should behave, what she should say. She wasn't even sure why she'd come. But she had to say something or they'd sit there in I didn't think they were going to let me in/

managed. ' did some kind of check they found that my name wasn't on your list. I N istivrised they gave me clearance so quickly.' ftey only had to make one call.' -She, wned.'Towhom?' fro @,A Me. he frown eased. '.' .1."Mey wanted to know who you were, what our t ' nship Page 9

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

was and whether I wanted to see you.' ered that, then asked on impulse,

"How -1he consid Wd the know that I wasn't an evil character trying SM e you something?' ey searched YOU ... right/ she said, feeling a little dumb. And ed. The room was so hot. She would have lifted hair from her neck, except that she didn't want to to be complaining. Maybe the heat didn't bother A k. For all she knew, his cell was like a bam, in h the heat was a welcome change. cleared her throat. ', anyway, thank you for yes.' as it that important to you?' "'She paused, nodded.

*h y ' didn't answer at first. He was regarding her so tently that she wasn't able to do much but think ut the potential for feeling in the man and the fact @I at it was going to waste. Where was the warmth that e remembered? She could detect none now. Everye knew that prison was hell but, she realized, only inmate knew the true meaning of the word. She ouldn't comprehend the awful things that had left erek Mcgill so cold and hard. , don't know/ she said finally, then shook herself a little and asked, ' my name go on your list now?' '.' His tone grew cynical. ' that bother you - that there's a record, written proof that you've been here?' It did, a little, but only because she feared Nick's reaction if he knew where she was. Lord only knew they'd had enough to fight about lately. But she wouldn't tell Derek that. It wasn't why she'd come. ' doesn't bother me/ she answered, thinking that Nick would never know. Then it occurred to her to ask, ' you limited in the number of visits you can have?' '.' Her eyes widened.

"Oh dear. Am I taking someone else's time?' '.' ' you sure?' '

don't get many visitors.' She couldn't believe that. He'd been in the mainstream of life; more, he'd -been in its limelight. She assumed that he'd always been surrounded by people, that he'd been recognized, stopped on the street, hailed in restaurants. She couldn't believe that he didn't have friends and colleagues who would want to visit him, to cheer him, to fill him in on the world's doings. ' case you hadn't noticed/ he stated in response to what she knew was visible skepticism,

'this isn't tea time at the Plaza. Prisons are depressing, and convicts aren't good for much of anything.' ' you're not - ' began without thinking. ' convict? I am.' ' you're not - I ' them?' he finished, hitching his head toward the other inmates in the room. '

the eyes of the law, I'm exactly like them. It doesn't matter where I've in life. The fact is, I'm serving three to seven s held hers in a way that said for murder.' His eye as being deliberately blunt. There was defiance in tone and more than a little challenge..'Stbrina rose to the challenge. ' manslaugh-.".-T. he prosecutor argued for a stiffer sentence, but d nied it. judge e ,1 D., ou followed the proceedings. __VY. es I'm sorry.' lie quirked a brow in question. Ire here/ she explained. hat you not your fault.' 4No. But it all seems unnecessary.' ! unnecessary? You should meet some of the here. You'd change your mind fast.' meant/ she said very quietly, ' you shouldn't here.' The sound he made was harsh and low, the bitter de of a laugh. ' that to the judge.' @he frowned, then swallowed and asked in bewilder t, ' did it happen?' crime?' e conviction. I thought for sure that a good er ""He cut her off. ' had a good laivyer.' S, ut there was so much room for doubt/ she argued ftly. ''m still amazed that a jury could have found guilty., ' they were right/ he declared without pause. I '. His lips twitched at the comers, as though he found ""'Amusement in her certainty. But it was wry amuse-and short-lived. ' that what you came to tell '. But it's true.' 33

"You're very naive.' His mouth tightened. He turned his head and glared at nothing in particular. ''d be amazed at what a man is capable of doing when he's properly provoked.' She didn't know what to make of that. Instinct told her that he wasn't talking of the past but of the present, specifically of his experience in prison. Glancing at the scar Page 10

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

by his eye, she wondered how he'd come by it. ' got the impression/ she began tentatively, ' the issue wasn't whether you shot the man. The police said you did. You said you did. But the jury said that you killed him knowingly and willingly. That's what I can't believe.' Though Derek leaned forward to prop his elbows on his thighs, there was nothing relaxed about the pose. His eyes drilled hers. ' jury said there was motive. Maybe there was. The guy I killed snitched on my dad twenty-five years ago.' Sabrina knew about that. ' said you shot him in self-defense.' ' I lied.' ' said that you didn't know who he was until the police identified him later.' ' I lied about that, too." She saw his hostility as a test and was determined not to fail. She kept her voice low, but made no effort to mute her confidence. ' said that he called you using a different name; that he claimed he had information crucial to a story you were doing. No reporter in his right mind would have looked a gift horse like that in the mouth.' ' reporter in his right mind/ Derek countered in a scathing murmur, ' have agreed to a meeting with a man he didn't know in an isolated place that he 34

familiar with at an hour of the night when no man in his right mind would be out! ""that instance, Sabrina knew that his anger was ted. She felt compelled to take issue with its You'd gotten where you were in your field by unconventional and daring. Your meeting Joey a that night was totally in character.' t. In the character to which I was bom., His eyes glittered dangerously. '-dad was a crook. He served time. He died in an alley, bled th with a bullet in his gut. What is it they say t history repeating itself - about the apple not far from the tree, about the leopard and its V 141'sabrina had read about Derek's father. She hadn't 1' *d. anything of a like-father-like-son nature in print, it she had no doubt that it had been snickered aboutmore than one smoky comer of more than one after-bar. It, was clearly a sore point where Derek was cerned. ",@,@'Self-fulfilling prophecy?' she asked slowly. '

don't ve it for a minute.' y not. cause I knew you before.' nce, Sabrina/ he reminded her in a low, dark e. ' e met once. We spent all of fifteen minutes ether.' She couldn't argue with the time, just the effect. t it down to instinct, then. You're not a killer. You ere approached in the dark of night by a man with a n. He showed every sign of wanting you dead. You efend. ed yourself in, the only way you could." She u t in a breath. ', Derek, it was his gun! You ent into that meeting totally unarmed!' He stared at her for a long time, tom, Sabrina thought, between belief and disbelief. The radiator hissed, low voices droned on, distant banging echoed through the walls. At length, he thrust a handful of fingers through his hair and looked off in disgust. ' doesn't matter/ he muttered. ' of it matters.' ' it does.' '. It's done. I'm here.' ' about appeals?' '?' The word came off his tongue sounding like a concept that was truly absurd. His lowered voice only added intensity as he continued, ' a case is rigged from the start - when bail is denied so you have to rot in a holding bin for two months awaiting trial, when pretrial motions fall like flies and evidence selfdestructs and eye-witnesses lie and the judge's charge is legally faultless but royally biased - you don't put much faith in appeals.' Sabrina hurt for him. His words had spilled with low, seething force, and she suspected that they held merit. He had the air-of a wounded animal. His faith in justice had been shattered. He was bruised and aching. ' were railroaded.' His eyes said yes. His mouth remained shut. ' you know by whom?' she asked, very, very quietly.

"You shouldn't have come, Sabrina.' ' there anything you can prove?" Straightening in his seat, he ran a hand around the back of his neck.

"Christ, it's hot in here.' ' ...' ' did you come?, he asked. Page 11

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

His eyes, his nose, the faint curl of his lips, the rigidity of his jaw

- all radiated anger. Her gaze held his for a moment before sliding toward st guard, who was looking direct -ly at theml @'making no bones about eavesdropping. Sabrina! there was little they could do to change that, but'@ her on the hot seat in yet another respect. did you come?' he repeated tightly. ' it was -argue my case, you're wasting your time. My lawyer. developed an ulcer doing just that.' %She pressed damp palms to her skirt. ''m not a! e I wouldn't know what to do.' r. why are you here? Is ii@ curiosity?' IN 0. Tity 2 0. sarcasm gave his voice a brittle edge. ' can't believe s are so slow in Newyork that you've comehere, a little innocent socializing.' I rk 5:@@-Her hand returned to her arm and began to knead O. Mat same spot just above the elbow. ', Derek ... -Then it m ust be the old do-gooder instinct." fno.' Why am I here? Because you understood. ' s in the neighborhood - ."Jhe punishing glance he shot her was an effective -off.