Complete Poems and Plays (71 page)

In the circumstances, that might make her jealous.

I’ve explained all this to Colby — Mr. Simpkins.

E
GGERSON
.
I see what you mean.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
                                   She must get to like him first:

And then, Eggerson, I am not unhopeful

That, under the impression that he is an orphan,

She will want us to adopt him.

E
GGERSON
.
                                    Adopt him! Yes, indeed,

That would be the solution. Yes, quite ideal.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
I’m glad you agree. Your support will be helpful.

E
GGERSON
.
I’m sure I shall be very happy to commend him.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
You mustn’t overdo it! But your approval matters.

You know she thinks the world of your opinion.

E
GGERSON
.
Well, I believe that once or twice, perhaps …

But I’m afraid you overrate my influence.

I have never been able to make her like Miss Angel;

She becomes abstracted, whenever I mention her.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
But she knew about Lucasta — Miss Angel, from the start.

That was one difficulty. And there are others.

For one, they’re both of them women.

E
GGERSON
.
                                                True.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
But I don’t think she takes much notice of Miss Angel.

She just doesn’t see her. And Miss Angel

Will soon be getting married, I expect.

E
GGERSON
.
And so I hope. A most suitable arrangement.

But will you tell me this: if it comes to the point

At which Lady Elizabeth wants to adopt him —

An admirable solution — then what follows?

Will you let her know, then, that Mr. Simpkins

Is actually your son?

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
                   That’s where I’m in the dark.

I simply can’t guess what her reaction would be.

There’s a lot I don’t understand about my wife.

There’s always something one’s ignorant of

About anyone, however well one knows them;

And that may be something of the greatest importance.

It’s when you’re sure you understand a person

That you’re liable to make the worst mistake about him.

As a matter of fact, there’s a lot I don’t know

About you, Eggerson, although we worked together

For nearly thirty years.

E
GGERSON
.
                        Nearly thirty-one.

But now you put it so convincingly,

I must admit there’s a lot that
I
don’t understand

About my wife.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
             And just as much

She doesn’t know about you. And just as much

You don’t know about me — I’m not so sure of that!

My rule is to remember that I understand nobody,

But on the other hand never to be sure

That they don’t understand me — a good deal better

Than I should care to think, perhaps.

E
GGERSON
.
                                               And do I infer

That you’re not sure you understand Mr. Simpkins, either?

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
A timely reminder. You may have to repeat it.

But he should be back by now. And then I’ll leave you.

I must telephone to Amsterdam, and possibly to Paris.

But when you return with Lady Elizabeth

I’ll be ready waiting to introduce him.

[
Enter
C
OLBY
S
IMPKINS
with
briefcase
]

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
Ah, Colby, I was just saying to Eggerson

It was time you were back. Was your morning satisfactory?

C
OLBY
.
I’ve got what you wanted, Sir Claude. Good afternoon,

Mr. Eggerson. I was afraid I’d miss you.

E
GGERSON
.
I’m off in half an hour, Mr. Simpkins.

S
IR
C
LAUDE
.
I’ll leave you now. But when Eggerson comes back

With Lady Elizabeth, I will rejoin you.

[
Exit
S
IR
C
LAUDE
]

C
OLBY
.
I’m glad you don’t have to leave just yet.

I’m rather nervous about this meeting.

You’ve told me very little about Lady Elizabeth,

And Sir Claude himself hasn’t told me very much:

So I’ve no idea how I ought to behave.

B. Kaghan has told me something about her,

But that’s rather alarming.

E
GGERSON
.
                              Mr. Kaghan is prejudiced.

He’s never hit it off with Lady Elizabeth.

Don’t listen to him. He understands Sir Claude,

And he’s always been very grateful to Sir Claude,

As he ought to be. Sir Claude picked him out

And gave him his start. And he’s made the most of it —

That I will say. An encouraging example

For you, Mr. Simpkins. He’ll be a power in the City!

And he has a heart of gold. But not to beat about the bush,

He’s rather a rough diamond. Very free and easy ways;

And Lady Elizabeth has never taken to him.

But you, Mr. Simpkins, that’s very different.

C
OLBY
.
I don’t know why it should be so different.

I like B. Kaghan. I’ve found him very helpful

And very good company apart from business.

E
GGERSON
.
Oh yes, Mr. Kaghan is very good company.

He makes me laugh sometimes. I don’t laugh easily.

Quite a humorist, he is. In fact, Mrs. E.

Sometimes says to me: ‘Eggerson, why can’t you make me laugh

The way B. Kaghan did?’ She’s only met him once;

But do you know, he began addressing her as Muriel —

Within the first ten minutes! I was horrified.

But she actually liked it. Muriel
is
her name.

He has a way with the ladies, you know.

But with Lady Elizabeth he wasn’t so successful.

She once referred to him as ‘undistinguished’;

But with you, as I said, it will be very different.

She’ll see at once that you’re a man of culture;

And besides, she’s very musical.

C
OLBY
.
                                              Thank you for the warning!

E
GGERSON
.
So if you don’t mind, I shall mention at once

That you are a musician.

C
OLBY
.
                                 I’ll be on my guard.

E
GGERSON
.
Your music will certainly be a great asset

With Lady Elizabeth. I envy you that.

I’ve always sung in our voluntary choir

And at the carol service. But I wish I was musical.

C
OLBY
.
I still don’t feel very well prepared for meeting her.

[
A
loud
knock.
Enter
B. K
AGHAN
]

K
AGHAN.
Enter B. Kaghan. Hello Colby!

And hello Eggers! I’m glad to find you here.

It’s lucky for Colby.

E
GGERSON
.
                    How so Mr. Kaghan?

K
AGHAN
.
Because Lucasta’s with me! The usual catastrophe.

She’s come to pry some cash from the money-box.

Bankrupt again! So I thought I’d better bring her

And come upstairs ahead, to ease the shock for Colby.

But as you’re here, Eggers, I can just relax.

I’m going to enjoy the game from the sidelines.

[
Enter
L
UCASTA
A
NGEL
]

L
UCASTA
.
Eggy, I’ve lost my job!

E
GGERSON
.
                                      Again, Miss Angel?

L
UCASTA
.
Yes, again! And serve them right!

E
GGERSON
.
You have been, I presume, persistently unpunctual.

L
UCASTA
.
You’re wrong, Eggy. It’s rank injustice.

Two months I’d gone on filing those papers

Which no one ever wanted — at least, not till yesterday.

Then, just by bad luck, the boss did want a letter

And I couldn’t find it. And then he got suspicious

And asked for things I’m sure he didn’t want —

Just to make trouble! And I couldn’t find one of them.

But they’re all filed somewhere, I’m sure, so why bother?

But who’s this, Eggy? Is it Colby Simpkins?

Introduce him, one or the other of you.

E
GGERSON
.
Mr. Simpkins, Miss Angel. As you know, Miss Angel,

Mr. Simpkins has taken over my duties.

L
UCASTA
.
And does he know that
I
’m one of his duties?

Have you prepared him for taking
me
over?

Did you know that, Colby? I’m Lucasta.

It’s only Eggy calls me Miss Angel,

Just to annoy me. Don’t you agree

That Lucasta suits me better?

C
OLBY
.
I’m sure they both suit you.

L
UCASTA
.
Snubbed again! I suppose I asked for it.

That’s what comes of being cursed with a name like Angel.

I’m thinking of changing it. But, Colby,