Connie Mason (34 page)

John smiled. “You have no idea.”

“I envy your happiness.”

“You could have the same thing if you weren’t so damn honorable. No one is without fault, Falcon. No one is perfect. Remember that while you’re making your decision.” He clasped Falcon’s shoulder. “Thank you for the wine, it was excellent.”

Falcon brooded long after John left. If John thought Falcon should forgive Mariah, he was bound to be disappointed. There was no room for forgiveness in Falcon’s heart, no place for anyone but Robbie. He wanted his son with a fierceness that overrode every other emotion.

Whatever was he going to do about Mariah?

Mariah got Elizabeth settled in her chamber, then stopped to look in on Robbie. She found him sitting on the floor, all freshly bathed and scrubbed clean. The sudden need to hold him in her arms, to hug him fiercely and never let him go, overwhelmed her. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him to Falcon.

Why couldn’t Falcon believe she loved him? Why couldn’t they raise their son together? Had that thought never occurred to him? Had her lies killed whatever tender feelings he’d had for her?

Driven by the sudden need to cling to Robbie, she picked him up, sat down in a chair and cuddled him in her lap. He snuggled against her, his little arms curving around her neck.

“I missed you, Mama. I don’t want Sir Osgood to come back. He’s a bad man.”

“I know, my love, but we don’t have to worry about him ever again. Falcon sent him away, this time for good.”

“Falcon is a good man, isn’t he, Mama?”

Mariah gave him a wistful smile. “Aye, a very good man. He came to Mildenhall when we needed him.”

“I’d like it very much if you asked Falcon to stay.”

“Falcon has duties elsewhere,” Mariah replied.

“Mayhap he’d stay if you asked him to be my papa,” Robbie said. “I don’t remember much about my own papa, except that he was sick a long time.”

Mariah had no idea what to say to that. Though Falcon was Robbie’s father, the child could never know that. If the truth came to light, Robbie would lose Mildenhall and the title Edmond had wanted for him. “I know you like Falcon, Robbie, but what you are asking is impossible.”

“I want Falcon to stay,” Robbie persisted.

“I’d like to stay, Robbie,” Falcon said from the doorway. “For a while, anyway.”

Dismayed, Mariah stared at Falcon, surprised to see him leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed over his chest, an unreadable expression darkening his eyes. Then he pushed himself away from the wall and stalked toward her.

“What are you doing here?”

“The same thing you are, I suspect.”

Robbie grinned up at Falcon. “Will you be my papa?”

“Robbie!” Mariah chided.

“Naught would please me more, Robbie, and I intend to visit you as often as I can in the future,” Falcon replied.

“Why can’t you stay forever? Mama said Mildenhall belongs to me, so I can invite anyone I want.”

“Robbie, I think you’ve said enough,” Mariah warned. She kissed his forehead. “It’s past your bedtime. I’ll tuck you in.”

Reluctantly, Robbie climbed into bed. “Can Falcon tuck me in tonight?”

Hurt by Robbie’s preference for Falcon, Mariah turned away, unwilling to let Falcon see her anguish. Her stomach was churning; she felt like spewing her guts out. This feeling was occurring too often of late, and she didn’t like it. Terror was her constant companion; she feared Falcon would take Robbie from her.

“Of course I’ll tuck you in,” Falcon said, moving past Mariah to kiss Robbie’s forehead and tuck the blanket around him. “Sweet dreams, son.”

Robbie was almost instantly asleep, and Falcon left the chamber without uttering a word to Mariah. What could
he say? The tension between them had not abated. It still burned hot. He sensed the invisible bond drawing him to her, felt the warmth of her body when he brushed past her. It was tugging him into her spell, and he fought against it. Mariah had hurt him, hurt him badly. Her lies had robbed him of something precious.

Despite the fact that Elizabeth and John were present at the evening meal, the tension between Falcon and Mariah was palpable. No one was more relieved than Falcon when the meal ended and the women retired to the solar.

To relieve his tension, Falcon played at dice with his men. When the game broke up a few hours later, Falcon sought his bed. The moment he entered the room, he knew he wasn’t alone.

Edwina rose with difficulty from a bench near the fireplace. “I’ve been waiting for you, Sir Falcon.”

“I’m tired, Edwina. Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

“Aye, but I am here now.”

Falcon sighed. “Very well; say your piece, then leave me to my rest.”

Edwina wasted no words on preliminaries. “Mariah is increasing.”

Falcon’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

“I am being blunt, Falcon, but this is something you should know.”

Falcon dropped down on the bench Edwina had just vacated. “How do you know? Did Mariah tell you?”

“Nay. I’m not sure she realizes it yet. I looked into her eyes and saw what others cannot see.”

Stunned, Falcon’s mouth worked wordlessly before he gained the wits to say, “I saw no sign of it.”

“You are a man,” Edwina said as if that explained Falcon’s lack of perception. “I’m telling you this because you cannot leave Mariah and your children without protection. Though you cannot claim Robbie without stirring up a hornets’ nest, you can wed Mariah and claim the second child she carries.”

Falcon fought the urge to agree to Edwina’s demand without offering a fight. “How do I know the child is mine?”

Edwina drew herself up to her meager height. “You, sir, know better than anyone that you are the only man who can claim Mariah’s child.”

“Aye,” Falcon admitted grudgingly. “You have said what you’ve come to say; now leave.”

Edwina’s chin rose stubbornly. “What do you intend to do about this matter?”

“That is between Mariah and me. Good night, Edwina.”

Apparently, Edwina felt there was naught more she could say, for she took herself off, but not before sending Falcon a look that spoke volumes about her feelings concerning his duty to Mariah.

Falcon stared into the dying embers in the grate, aware that he should build the fire up for the night but unable to focus his mind on anything but Edwina’s words.
Was
Mariah expecting his child? Would she admit she was increasing, or let him leave without telling him?

Falcon rose and walked to the window. The night was as black and unfathomable as his emotions. He could not bear the thought of losing another child.

Damnation! Did Mariah truly not know she was increasing? He punched his fist against the window embrasure, the violent act an expression of his anguish.

Falcon had a great deal of thinking to do. This night would bring him little rest.

Mariah entered the hall the next morning with Robbie hard on her heels and Becca trailing behind them. Mariah smiled down at her son. He had been reluctant to let her out of his sight since he’d returned home.

Mariah didn’t see Falcon in the hall and hoped he had already left for the training field with his men. She couldn’t bear his animosity. His coolness made her sad. She loved Falcon; just looking at him sent her pulse racing and blood pounding through her veins. His beauty of face and form were without compare. No other man of her acquaintance possessed Falcon’s strength of body and spirit.

Mariah had to accept the fact that she had lied to an honorable man and must now pay the consequences. But did the consequences have to be so painful? When she had agreed with Edmond to seduce the unknown knight, she’d never expected to fall in love with him, never thought she would see him again after he recovered his memory and left Mildenhall. But fickle fate had given her a man she could not forget, a man she could not help loving, an honorable man who could not forgive her.

Falcon entered the hall. Robbie saw him first and ran to greet him. Mariah’s heart nearly broke when she realized that the bond Falcon had forged with his son was becoming stronger.

Mariah fixed her gaze on Falcon’s face, surprised to see how haggard he looked. Had he not slept well last night? What had kept him awake? Fear settled in her
heart. Had he reached a decision about Robbie? Holding tightly to Robbie’s hand, Falcon approached Mariah. Ignoring her, he motioned to Becca.

“Take Robbie to see the new kittens in the stable. I need to speak privately with your mistress.”

Becca nodded and took Robbie off. Mariah watched in trepidation as Falcon finally met her questioning gaze. His harsh expression was not comforting.

“Have you eaten?” Falcon asked.

Not trusting her voice, she shook her head.

“Neither have I. We’ll eat first and then talk.”

“I’m not hungry,” Mariah whispered.

Falcon’s gaze probed deep into her soul. She looked away.

“That’s not acceptable; you must eat something.”

He filled her plate with eggs and ham and pushed it toward her. Mariah’s stomach protested as she stared at the runny eggs and greasy ham. She pushed the plate away. “Some dry bread and tea are all I require this morning.” She reached for a slice of bread, forcing herself to nibble on it. What in the world was wrong with her? Her healthy appetite seemed to have deserted her.

While Falcon demolished his own breakfast, he watched her closely. Mariah rose abruptly. “I cannot take this. Just tell me what you have decided and get it over with. I want you to know, however, that I will fight you tooth and nail if you try to take Robbie away from me.”

“Not here,” Falcon said coolly. “I will accompany you to your chamber, where we can speak in private.”

Her head held high, Mariah preceded Falcon out of the hall and up the stairs to the solar. Though her knees were
quaking, pride kept her from stumbling. She refused to let Falcon turn her into a cowering mass of fear, even though that was exactly how she felt.

Mariah entered the solar, walked to the middle of the chamber and spun around to confront Falcon. Falcon closed the door and leaned against it. He stared at her for several heartbeats before pushing himself away from the door and prowling toward her. Mariah held fast, refusing to retreat.

With a slight tremble in her voice, she asked, “What is it you wish to say to me?”

Falcon clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace. After several turns around the chamber, he stopped in front of her. “I’m not going to take Robbie from you.”

Mariah’s knees wobbled and she feared she would collapse, so great was her relief. Falcon must have seen how close she was to fainting, for he grasped her shoulders, led her to the nearest chair and eased her down.

“Are you all right?”

“I am now.”

“Then perhaps I should finish.”

“There’s more?”

“Aye, a great deal more. Though I’m not going to take Robbie from you, relinquishing him to you is out of the question. My son means a lot to me. I’ve come to love him and will not let you cut him out of my life.”

Mariah’s fear returned. “What do you mean?”

Falcon cleared his throat. “I’ve thought about this all night before reaching a solution that should satisfy both our needs.”

Mariah held her breath as she waited for Falcon to continue.
What possible solution had he come up with that would satisfy both their needs?

Falcon stared into Mariah’s eyes, recalling Edwina’s words. He saw naught in her gaze to indicate she was increasing, but Edwina often saw things others did not.

“We shall marry immediately. I’ve already spoken with Father Francis, and he’s agreed to perform the ceremony this very day.”

Falcon watched the play of emotions on Mariah’s face. He saw surprise, which he had expected, followed closely by disbelief. He also noted her hesitation and wondered if she would refuse.

“You want to marry me?”

“Did you not hear me? I put it as plainly as I could.”

“Why? Marrying me will gain you naught. I have no land, no wealth; naught but my widow’s portion. Edmond’s estate belongs to Robbie.”

“Think you I don’t know that?” Falcon growled. “Robbie needs a father more than I need land and wealth. And Mildenhall needs a protector. I’m willing to act in both capacities.”

“But . . . you don’t love me. You don’t even like me.”

“You said you loved me,” he reminded her. “Have you changed your mind?”

She shook her head.

“Then mayhap we can build on that.”

Though Falcon’s words gave no hint of his feelings, he realized he wanted this marriage to work. He and Mariah had been lovers a long time. He had one child with her and perhaps another on the way. He loved making love to Mariah, loved everything about her except her lies. Even
now he desired her. He felt his body swell with need; he wanted to make love to her again.

“Why are you doing this? If you cannot love me as much as I love you, marriage makes no sense,” she said.

Falcon wasn’t about to let her refuse. “Would you rather I claimed Robbie and took him away? My family would be happy to raise him. My brother’s wife loves children.”

Falcon could tell by Mariah’s pained expression that he had struck where it hurt most. Though he didn’t feel good about it, his words had the desired effect.

“You wouldn’t!”

“Aye, I would. Think very carefully before you answer this question, Mariah. Are you carrying my child?”

Mariah turned so pale, Falcon knew he had shocked her. He watched her closely as she placed her hand over her stomach and gaped at him.

“Did you not know?” Falcon asked.

“How could you know when I’ve only just began to suspect it myself?”

“Is it true?”

“It could be. With everything that’s happened, I haven’t kept track of my—” Her eyes widened. “Sweet Mother of God, ’tis true—I’m going to have a babe!”

She looked so miserable, Falcon wondered if she hated the thought of bearing him another child.

“How did you know?” she demanded.

“Edwina told me. Apparently, she suspected before you did.”

Mariah’s head shot up and her shoulders squared. “If that’s what prompted your proposal, I must say you nay. I
can take care of my child without you. We are so remote here, no one will ever know or care.”