After another five minutes of silence, she whispered: “The brandy is in the armoire in the living room.”
He returned with glasses and the bottle. She drank some and held out her arms to him again. “Now, now,” she whispered. “Now must come
worte worte.
Now that you've had the meat, Heinrich.”
In the same slow insistent whisper, she began telling him the story of her six years in the attic at Schweinfurt. Accepting her had been an impulsive act of charity on the part of her parents' friends, the Starkes. Soon she became a dangerous burden. Their attitude began to change. She could hear them arguing in the bedroom below her. Herr Starke wanted to turn her in, Frau Starke urged him to wait until Germany won the war.
Then Germany began to lose the war. The Starkes' son, who was the same age as Amalie, was killed on the Russian front. Mrs. Starke had a stroke during one of the air raids. Herr Starke, who was one of the managers of the ballbearing works the
Rainbow Express
tried so often to destroy, began visiting Amalie in the attic with less than compassionate motives.
“He always reviled me while we did it,” she whispered.
“Judenshit,
” he would say.
“Juden Juden Judenshit.
Every other obscene word in the language.”
Unreality seized Dick's mind. The way Amalie was whispering the story somehow seemed more bizarre and horrifying than the story itself. Dick wanted it shouted. He wanted it broadcast over loudspeakers so that everyone in Germany, from General Gumpert to Heinrich Boll to Chancellor Konrad Adenauer could hear it. He wanted it put on every radio and television network in the United States. He wanted the entire world to confront the story of Amalie Borne.
“Now do you see how impossible it is for us?”
“I only see the impossibility of anything but marrying you, living with you for the rest of my life.”
“The Prince would never permit it. He would ask for your job, your head.”
“What does he have to do with it?”
“I'm his mistress. Who do you think pays for this apartment, for Annette, for the cook?”
“And he'd send you to Gumpert forâ”
“He had confidence in my ability to elude Herr General.”
“You're making this up.”
“I wish I were. I wish I could convince you how much I'm risking at this very moment. There must be a risk for you too.”
“The hell with that. I can't believe you prefer to be kept by that titled crook when you could come to America with meâ”
“I don't believe in your America. What I see of your countrymen here in Europe makes me think you're no better than us. Possibly worse, because you lie to yourselves about your goodness and virtue.”
“That has very little to do with whether two people love each other.”
“I'm not at all sure you're right. In fact I suspect you're wrong.”
Desperation clutched at Dick's throat. She was eluding him. “When can I see you again?”
“There's no point to it. Think about what I've said, what I've becomeâand you'll understand.” She kissed him gently on the lips. “I'm sure you will. You're an intelligent man.”
In the meantime, Dick realized, theyâor at least sheâwould have this Heinesque romantic memory. He struggled into his clothes and trudged into the dawn, resolved to defeat both the Prince and the poet.
The next day, the last day of the air show, Billy McCall led a squadron of U.S. Scorpions in aerobatics that were the sensation of the week. Spain, Portugal, Italy, all expressed an interest in acquiring the plane. Adrian Van Ness was ecstatic. Everyone on the Buchanan team was pressed into charming the new customers. Dick found himself taking a Spanish general and his wife to dinner at the Ritz. As they chatted about Mexico and California, which the general had recently visited, there was a stir at the other end of the long narrow dining room. Amalie and Prince Carlo sat down at a table, along with
Adrian Van Ness and another of Madame George's girls, almost as beautiful as Amalie.
The encounter only redoubled Dick's resolve to convince Amalie of the possibility of American happiness. The following day, he telephoned her apartment. Annette answered. The moment she recognized him, she flung a stream of hostile French over the line from which he extracted the absence of Miss Borne. He rushed from the hotel to the nearest flower shop, bought two dozen roses and rode to the Faubourg St. Germain in a steady rain, almost suffocating himself and the driver with the scent in the airtight cab.
The concierge allowed him to ascend when he displayed the telephone number in Amalie's handwriting. But Annette barred the door, insisting Miss Borne was not at home. In fact, she was not in Paris.
“Where is she?” Dick practically shouted, hoping Amalie would hear him.
“Rome.”
He retreated forlornly into the rain. At the Buchanan Chalet, exhibits were being dismantled, photographers, French public relations people, were waiting to be paid. Dick wrote out checks and tried to join in the exorbitant cheer that the success of the Scorpion had created. Adrian Van Ness came by, looking almost effervescent. “Did you get that money to the Prince?” he asked.
“I'll do it by the end of the day.”
“Good. He's off to Rome, where I think he'll need it. You can't get anything done in Italy without spreading a lot of it around.”
“So I hear.”
“He took that fabulous girl with him. He and Madame George have been feuding about her. She wanted a villa in Cannes. He was resisting the cost. So Madame sent her to entertain General Gumpert. The next night, Ponty heard she was at Verfours with some American.”
Adrian smiled in a strange, almost wistful way. “You get a whole new idea of worldliness when you spend some time with Europeans.”
The next day as Dick was checking out of his hotel, the desk clerk handed him a letter. The handwriting was strangeâalmost a child's scrawl. He stuffed it into his pocket and did not read it until he was aboard the plane. On sky blue paper was one of Heinrich Heine's best known love poems. But it was not a testament of love here. Amalie Borne was asking him, one last time, to understand.
Ich grolle nicht, und wenn das Herz auch bricht,
Ewig verlor'nes Lieb! Ich grolle nicht.
Wie du auch strahlst in Diamantenpracht,
Es fällt kein Strahl in deines Herzens Nacht.
I shall not complain, although my heart
is breaking
Love forever lost! I shall not
complain.
However much you gleam in the diamond's
glow
No light can reach the darkness in your heart.
The DC-6 labored west toward America against a strong head wind. The pilot told them they would be at least a half hour late.
No, Dick thought, as the engines throbbed in his head, no. He refused to understand. He would somehow penetrate the darkness in Amalie's heart. She would be his talisman of forgiveness for the bombs, for abandoning Jewishness, an emblem of hope and triumph.
Dick did not realize he was like a pilot trying to land at a strange airport in night and fog, talking to air traffic controllers in a language they did not understand.
With a hundred million dollars' worth or orders for Scorpions on the books, Adrian Van Ness should have left Paris a happy man. Instead, he was miserable. De Havilland Aircraft had picked up at least two hundred orders for Comets and the British were suddenly the world leaders of commercial aviation. Frank Buchanan blamed it on Adrian's timid refusal to build a jet-powered airliner and was whispering “I told you so” through all ranks of the company, making Adrian look like Casper Milquetoast.
Tama kept throwing contrite looks at him but he ignored her. Their affair was over as far as Adrian was concerned. He might even end her connection with Buchanan Aircraft if he could think of a good reason. Madame George's girls had made him feel sexually invulnerable.
Adrian's main concern was what to do about the next generation Buchanan airliner. The Scorpion's sales gave them the money to build one. If he hoped to keep Buchanan in the major leagues with Lockheed, Boeing, Douglas, he had to make a decision soon. To jet or not to jet, that was the question. Buzz McCall sat next to him halfway to California, arguing for a jet. He showed him a Frank Buchanan sketch of a plane twice the size of the Comet with the Pratt & Whitney engines they were using in the Scorpion in pods on the wings.
Adrian resisted the idea. Part of the reason was personal. A few rows ahead, Frank Buchanan sat talking to Dick Stone. The back of Frank's head was a kind of statement of his persistent contempt. Adrian saw Buzz as Frank's spokesman, with no opinion of his own worth discussing.
“I don't think we should rush into this,” Adrian said. “I want to commission a survey of the public attitude toward jets. I'm not sure people want to fly at six hundred miles an hour.”
Buzz saw the survey as another proof of Adrian's basic problem: lack of nerve. “Adrian, Americans want to go as fast as possible. Even the car business understands that. Why the hell do you think they've decorated the fuckin' fenders and hoods and grilles with all those fins and streamline effects? They want to make them look like planes.”
In California, the debate continued to rage through the usual drunken lunches in the executive dining room. Frank and Buzz converted everyone, even young people like Cliff Morris and Dick Stone, whom Adrian hoped he had brought into his executive aura. One day, after a particularly vitriolic (and alcoholic) lunch, at which a jet had been favored by a five to one margin, Adrian went back to his office teetering on the brink of decision. Something deep in his mind still resisted the idea of admitting Frank Buchanan was right.
His secretary buzzed him. “Victoria is calling from London.”
“Hello, darling, how are you?” Adrian said.
“Haven't you heard the news?” Victoria cried. “Grandmother's plane crashed. Everyone died. She's gone!”
Within minutes, Adrian had the British embassy in Washington on the telephone. They ruefully confirmed that a Comet 3 en route from Naples to London had crashed off the island of Elba. “No survivors?” Adrian said dazedly.
“None, I'm afraid. The ambassador, I'm sure, joins me in expressing our deepest regret.”
Adrian hung up and sat motionless behind his desk for a long time. The whine of a jet engine out on the airfield meant another Scorpion was about to be flight-tested. As it rose to a shrill wail, Adrian tried to absorb the meaning of Clarissa's death. He told himself a fifty-five-year-old man did not fall apart over the death of his eighty-three-year-old mother. But for Adrian it was a primary event. He felt like someone who had spent most of his life guarding a door against a dangerous intruder. Now the door had swung open to reveal no one was there.
Or was it the other way around? Had he, all his life, been trying to burst into a guarded room and now, suddenly, the door was open and the secrets he had been determined to discover, the oracle he had been longing to interrogate, had vanished? He was free in a new mysterious way he had to explore.
Should he divorce Amanda and marry Tama? No, that had never been more than a remote possibility and now it was out of the question. He began to understand his involvement with Tama in a new way. In his imagination, he had seen himself introducing her to his mother as his wife, relishing the shock and dismay on Clarissa Ames Van Ness's face. Tama's middle-class taste, her sensuality, were polar opposites of Clarissa's standards. Of course, he had never done it because he also loved his mother.
And feared her.
And hated her.
And pitied her.
Adrian struggled to place all his emotions on the table so he would know, like the gambler who was getting ready to bet his money and his life, the status
of the deck. Was he free of Clarissa's accusing voice, free of
ruined
? When it wailed in his head now would it belong to no one in particular? Could he ignore it if he chose?
The decision, the great decision to jet or not to jet, was part of this new freedom. Should he bet the net assets of the company on a plane that had just crashed?
No. In some unassailable blindly superstitious corner of his mind, Adrian felt his mother's death was a retributionâand a warning. He had spent his life rejecting most of her advice. Now she had died aboard the world's first jet airliner, the plane she had wanted him to build. It was an omen no one in the aircraft business, where fate so often seems to be sitting in on every hand, could resist.
It was also an irresistible opportunity to use his presumed grief with masterful effect. He called in Frank Buchanan and Buzz McCall and told them the news. They were appalled and sympathetic, of course. Adrian nodded and briskly turned the conversation to business. He predicted that this crash, the second Comet to go down this year, would cast a fatal shadow over the plane. One more crash and it would be out of business. “I seriously think it could finish jet-powered air travel for twenty years,” he said.
Instead of an intercontinental jet plane like Boeing and Douglas were building, Adrian had a better idea. “At the last meeting of the Conquistadors, at least three airline presidents told me they needed an intermediate range plane that could take off from La Guardia and other small airports. Let's build one for themâwith turboprops.”
Pratt & Whitney had produced this compromise between a jet engine and a propeller. Buchanan had used it successfully on the Excalibur-derived transports they had built for the Air Force at the start of the Korean War.
“I like the idea of an intermediate plane,” Frank said. “But why not make it a jet? The Comet isn't crashing because of its engines. It's the pressurized cabin. The Brits didn't take into account the effect of the extreme changes in air pressure at the altitude a jet flies. It's metal fatigue, not engine failure that's bringing them down. They're just disintegrating up there in the sky.”
“You're telling me to build a plane that may kill people the way that thing just killed my mother?” Adrian shouted.
“All right,” Frank said. “I'll give you your turboprop.”
Buzz and Frank departed, shaking their heads. Adrian strode up and down the office in a terrific state of agitation. “The son of a bitch, the son of a bitch,” he kept saying. He realized his reaction made no sense. What was happening to him? Had he lost his emotional bearings?
At home, Adrian found Amanda working in the garden. Beneath a large old-fashioned sun hat, she looked oddly youthful, as girlish as when he first met her. “My mother's dead,” he said. “She died in the crash of the Comet.”
“I know,” Amanda said. “Tama called to tell you how sorry she was. She wants you to call her.”
Amanda patted earth around a newly planted bulb. “Are you going to marry
Tama now?” she said in a dry, almost toneless voice. She had begun talking that way about a year ago. Adrian thought it was another way of telling him how much she hated him.
“Why should I do that?”
“You don't love her?”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“AdrianâI've known for years. I was glad. For her sake. For yours. I knew you only stayed with me because of your mother.”
“That's not true!” Adrian shouted. “It was for Victoria's sake. For your sake tooâif you only gave me a chance to show it instead of crawling into bed with that slob Frank Buchanan.”
“That was meant to be, Adrian. There was nothing either of us could do about it.”
“I did something about it.”
“I knew you would.”
“What the hell is the matter with you? Why don't you talk to me like a human being, an adult woman, instead of in that voice of the living dead?”
“Call Tama. She needs you,” Amanda said and left him there in the garden. He called Tama. She was at her Malibu beach house. He could hear the surf crashing. She was out on the deck with the white telephone in her hand. “Adrian,” she said. “I called to tell you how sorry I am about your mother. How sorry I am about everything. Will thisâmake a difference, Adrian? I meanâwill you feel free toâ”
“I've always been perfectly free to do what I pleased. What I've doneâand haven't doneâare for very good reasons,” he said.
“Oh, God Adrian, I haven't been able to eat or sleep since that argument in Paris. I didn't mean any of those stupid things I said. I love you. Doesn't that make any difference? Can't you forgive me?”
“There's nothing to forgive. I was unpleasant too. I'm afraid our little fling has just run out of gas.”
“Little fling? Adrianâit's been almost ten years. I divorced Buzz. I've told you what you mean to me. Told you and told you.”
“I know. But you don't mean that to me. You never have. You wereâvery helpful. I needed you badly when it began.”
Adrian was trying not to be cruel and failing miserably. He could not control the anger at women that lurked deep in his soul. “It might be best if you left the company, Tama. It's not a healthy situation for either of us. I'm sure you can get more money doing the same thing at Douglas or North American. Everyone says you're the best publicity woman in the business.”
“Adrian!”
“I'm only being sensible, Tama. I'll arrange for severance pay tomorrow. It'll be very generous, I assure you. If you invest it well you'll never have to work again.”
“Adrian!”
The telephone was a wonderful invention, Adrian thought, as he hung up.
It enabled a man to say things to a woman he could never say face to face.
Adrian showered and dressed for dinner in his usual deliberate fashion. He put on one of his new pink shirtsâa daring style that some people thought might replace white as the color of choiceâand one of his newest Savile Row suits. A resolveâa wishâwas growing in his mind and heart. A decision to reorder his life. Victoria would be coming home in a year. Why not bring her into a house where her father loved her mother, his wife, in a new profound way?
Wife
. Why did his mother's death give that word new depth and resonance?
Wife
âwas Amanda the victim of his long bitter need to fend off Clarissa Van Ness? Had he kept her at the same taut arm's length in his mind and heart? Was it possible that he was now free, not to take a mistress selected by Madame George, but to love his wife?
At dinner he talked about Victoria. He praised her intelligence, her cheerful disposition, her budding gifts as a poet. He gave Amanda more than her share of the wine. Over dessert, with the housekeeper safely clanking pots in the kitchen, he took Amanda's hand and made his plea. He told her about his ruined American father, his discovery of his English father, his mother's obsessive attempts to control him. He confessed the whole truth about selling her share of Cadwallader Groves to her brother.
“This has been the most momentous day of my life. I've seen so much. Especially how I've let my quarrel with my mother hurt us. I've only known one way to deal with a womanâwarily, fearfully, if you prefer the whole truth. That's why I could never find a way to explain our reconciliation in 1931âI mean really explain it. I should have insisted on the absolute truth that I've always loved you and money had nothing to do with it. But I couldn't do it. Prideâthat spirit of defiance my mother stirred in meâwas always in the way. Now I'm free to ask you to forgive me. Can youâwill you?”
“What about Tama?”
“Forget Tama. She was never more than a consolation.”
Amanda's eyes blazed with unnatural light. “That is more unforgivable than all the rest of it, Adrian. Forever unforgivable!”
“Why?” Adrian gasped. He had no idea Tama Morris meant anything to Amanda. As far as he knew, they had not met more than a dozen times.
Amanda tore her hand away and flung back her chair. Another emotion seemed to overwhelm her. She trembled violently. Tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Adrian,” she said. “If only you'd said this years ago.”