Chapter 22
Carmen woke up at three
A.M.
She felt funny sleeping without Nic holding her. She crept downstairs, hoping her mother didn't hear her. They had been in Jackson for a week, and she was at her wits' end.
It was evident after the first day that they could not be close. Carmen's mother wasn't rude to Nic, but she wasn't nice either. Nic tried on several occasions to strike up a conversation, but it wasn't working.
One day Nic slipped up and called Carmen baby, causing her shocked mother to drop her glass of water. They would be headed to L.A. in two more days. She just hoped she could make it that long.
Carmen walked into the small guest bedroom, where Nic was sleeping. She climbed on top of her, waking Nic up. She started to kiss her, pulling her own shirt off in the process.
Nic protested and pushed her away. “Hell, no, Carmen, we are not about to do this in your mother's house,” she whispered, looking around, hoping that no one was going to walk in.
“Baby, it is three o'clock in the morning. She and my sister are asleep. Now, make love to me now.” She lifted one of her breasts and rubbed it against Nic's mouth.
Nic couldn't resist. She turned Carmen over and quickly began to pull her clothes off. Grabbing hold of her hips, Nic buried her face between Carmen's thick thighs.
Carmen made her moans as quiet as possible. She put a pillow over her face and tried to drown out the sounds that she was making. She felt an intense orgasm coming on. She wondered if it was the sheer fact that she was in her mother's house that was making the sex so good.
Nic lifted her face. “Did you hear that?”
“Hell, no. Don't stop.” Carmen pushed Nic's head back between her legs. She could feel the orgasm coming. She began to shake. She was seeing the light.
Nic instantly stopped.
Carmen turned around to see her mother standing there with her hand on the light switch.
She quickly closed the door, leaving Nic and Carmen frozen in the same spot.
Nic jumped up. “Shit, shit, shit! Carmen, damn I told you. Shit! She is gonna come back and shoot both of us!” Nic fumbled around, trying to find her wife-beater.
Carmen scrambled to get her clothes on. She looked over at the clock, realizing they had been making love for almost two hours. Her mother had gotten up to start her preparations for Christmas dinner that day.
“Baby, calm down. She doesn't even have a gun.”
“Then she is going to stab me. Damn, you had to come down here and fuck with me.” Nic was freaking out completely.
“Look, I will go talk to her.” Carmen left the hysterical Nic and headed to the kitchen. She had no idea what she was going to say. She saw her mother washing greens in the sink.
“Mom.”
“Are you coming in here to help me cook?” her mother said, not looking up from the sink.
“Sure, I can help.” Carmen grabbed the bag of peas and began to snap them at the kitchen table. “Mother, I am sorry aboutâ”
“Carmen, I do not want to talk about that,” her mother said, cutting her off quickly.
“But, Mom, you don'tâ”
“Carmen, I said I do not want to talk about it. Why would a mother want to talk about walking in on her daughter letting some girl lick on her?” Her mother threw the greens into the sink.
Carmen didn't know how to respond. She was becoming nervous. She decided to drop it and continued to snap peas.
The room was quiet. Carmen knew she had to break the silence. “Mom, can I make the lasagna this year?”
Her mother looked up at her. “When did you learn how to make lasagna?” Her mother knew that she did not know how to cook.
“Well, Denise's grandmother taught me how to cook. I can pretty much cook anything.”
Carmen's mother looked at her. Carmen could tell she was surprised.
“You sure learned a lot of things in college,” her mother stated.
Carmen knew she was not talking about cooking anymore.
“Actually, I knew a lot before I left for school. Mom, I am about to gradutate with honors. I am the vice president of the most successful year of Chi Theta. I have five job offers, and I have a person in my life that loves me more than I love myself sometimes. Why can't you just give her a chance?”
Her mother looked at Carmen with tears in her eyes. “Yes, Carmen, you have done well. But what about babies? She can never give you those. I will never be a grandmother. You are going to miss out on so much.”
“Mom, I can still have children. I still plan on having one. Mom, Nicole loves me so much. She holds me up when I think I am going to fall. Just like Daddy did for you.”
Carmen was crying hard. Tears were running down her mother's face as well.
“Carmen, I love you, and I just want what's best for you.”
“Nic is what is best for me. Mom, before Nic, I had no selfesteem. I did not love myself. Well, she loves me so much that I couldn't help but start to love myself as well.” Carmen put her arms around her mother. “Can't you see that I am happy? Can't you see how in love I am?”
“Baby, I can see that you love her. I didn't realize it was this serious to you.” Her mother held her close.
“It is. So please give her a chance.”
Carmen's mother wiped her eyes. “Carmen, if you truly love her, I refuse to stand in your way. I will give her a chance.”
Carmen looked up at her mother and smiled.
“Now call your little girlfriend in here so she can help us cook.”
Carmen called Nic to the room. She peeped her head around the door. Her bright face was red. They could tell how embarrassed she was.
Carmen and her mother began to laugh.
“Girl, come in here and get to helping us cook. But I am telling both of you the only person who can hunch in this house is the one who paid for it.”
Nic sighed in relief. Carmen knew that everything was going to be all right. They continued to prepare Christmas dinner.
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The meal went surprisingly well for Carmen. Nic couldn't believe how much food Carmen's family made. Carmen and her mother laughed as Nic consumed turkey, dressing, yams and homemade rolls like she had never had food before.
“Nic, are you leaving room for dessert?” Karen said.
“Yes, ma'am, I'm just going to have to run one hundred miles to make up for this.”
“Humph.” Aunt Sylvia said in her usual bitchy manner. She stared at Nic the entire time.
Her aunt always had an opinion about something. She used to focus on Carmen's weight, but with the new addition of the boyish-looking woman, she had a new thing to question.
Carmen could tell Sylvia wanted to say something but was afraid to bring it up in front of everyone. She was waiting to chime in when someone else did.
Carmen got out of seeing her uncle because he didn't show up before she left to go visit her cousin Marcus. Marcus had stunned Carmen the year before by telling her that he was gay and dating a drag queen named Maylasa. He made up a lie about having to work so that he didn't have to come to the family dinner. Carmen understood. It had to be hard on him trying to find a way to come out, especially with his mother being Sylvia.
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Carmen and Nic arrived at the address Marcus gave. It was an old apartment complex notorious for being filled with gay men. There was a group of men and drags sitting out on the stoop in front of the building.
She gasped when one of the men stood up and headed toward her. “I know that can't be my cousin,” she whispered to Nic. The man was very thin. Marcus was always a bigger guy.
“Cousin, how are you!” Marcus said as he wrapped his arms around her. “I'm so happy to see you.”
Carmen didn't know how to react. She instantly became frightened by his appearance. “Marcus, what the hell has happened to you?” she exclaimed at her younger cousin.
“I know I've lost a lot of weight. It's all the working and going to school. Senior year is hard as hell.” Marcus smiled.
Carmen did not buy his alibi. “Are you sure that's all that is going on with you? What are you doing hanging out over here? Are you being safe like I told you?” Carmen was very concerned. She didn't want to see her cousin taken by the plague of AIDS or any other disease.
“Carmen, I'm fine, and these are just my homies.” Marcus looked over at Nic. “You must be the famous Nic.”
Nic shook Marcus's hand. She also was very surprised by his appearance. “Yeah, man, I am. It's nice to finally meet you.” Nic tried to lighten the mood, but she could tell Carmen was not happy.
Carmen and Marcus played catch-up. She made sure that he was still on the right path with school. He told her that he applied to Freedom. She told him to also apply for schools in Los Angeles, since that was where she was moving. She wanted her cousin close, so she could keep an eye on him.
“Well, I really need to pack, so I guess we have to go,” she said as she hugged her cousin.”
“Yeah, I feel you. Man, Nic, take care of my cousin, OK?” Marcus said as he shook Nic's hand again.
“Oh, most def. It was nice meeting you, Marcus. You should come and visit us real soon,” Nic added.
Carmen grabbed her cousin again. “Marcus, please don't ever be afraid to call me if you need anything. I'm always here for you. Please remember to always stay safe. It is too much shit out here taking our young black gay brothers.”
Marcus nodded his head and headed back into the apartment.
Carmen sat in the car and looked out the window as Nic drove off.
“Baby, I know what you're thinking, but I'm sure if something was wrong he would tell you,” Nic tried to reassure her.
“I hope so. I hope he has been getting tested. He looks terrible. I feel like I should have been around him more or something.”
“He's a young man. He's gonna do what he wants. I'm sure he has to be stressed about coming out, in addition to working and going to school. I would probably lose weight too.”
Carmen looked at Nic and smiled. “Well, I hope so. Hell, knowing who his mother is, I don't blame him.” She decided to let it rest and prayed that God would protect her cousin.
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“So did you want to go to your sister's house today?” Patrick asked Misha as they got dressed to find somewhere to eat Christmas dinner.
“Hell no! I don't talk to that bitch anymore,” Misha yelled. She hadn't spoken to her sister since last year. She walked in on her sister trying to make a pass at Cooley and hadn't forgiven her since.
“Damn, why is it like that?” Patrick asked.
“'Cause the bitch tried to sleep with my gaâum, man.”
Misha caught herself in time. She almost let her secret slip. She had been finding it hard to not let her orientation slip. She almost made a comment about a girl while out with him. When talking about her ex-relationships, she constantly had to make sure not to mention any girl names or use any feminine references to them.
“Damn, sorry to hear that. I guess she never grew out of that. You know she tried to get with me once.”
Misha quickly turned her head at the statement he made.
“Yes, it was one day when I was waiting on you at the house and she asked me to fuck her.”
“Oh, really? Well, I guess that's an ass kicking that I need to add to my list,” Misha said as she combed her hair.
“Oh, it's not like that. I never wanted that girl, and it's always been you, boo.” Patrick smacked her on her butt.
Misha hadn't had so much fun with anyone she had dated recently, not even Cooley. She was actually dreading him leaving.
“So, um, Patrick, when do you think you are going to make it back to Memphis?” Misha asked.
“Um, it will probably be a few weeks. I have a lot of work to catch up on,” Patrick said as they headed out the door. “I'm going to get back as soon as possible though.”
“Oh, OK then.” Misha tried to not sound disappointed.
Patrick could sense her feelings. “Baby, I'll be back very soon. I am not going to be away from you for too long. You are my girl again.”
Misha's eyes brightened. She realized what he just said. “Are you saying you want me back as your girl?”
“Misha, there is nothing I want more. Will you be my girl again?” Patrick stopped and looked into Misha's eyes.
She forgot about all of her skeletons in her closet. “Yes, I'm yours.”