“The fountains of Bellagio.” I say more than a little excited.
“I take it you approve?” He asks, releasing my arm to put his arm across my shoulder and pull me in close as we stop next to the fence to watch the fountains dancing with the music blaring through the strip.
“You bring a lot of girls here?” I joke, nudging him in the rib cage with my elbow.
“You're the first. Usually I like to come here alone.” He says, his eyes locked on the fountain. “What about you?”
“No I've never brought any girls here either.” I joke.
He laughs, once again warming me throughout my body. “Next question, I believe you are on eight now.”
“Seven.” I correct him.
“You just asked me seven.” He says turning to face me. He reaches out gently placing his hand on the side my face. The tension in the air returns and I take a sharp intake of air as he trails his thumb lightly across my lower lip.
“That didn't count.” I give a weak attempt at disputing him. As soon as his eyes lock on mine I know that I am in big trouble.
“You are so beautiful.” He whispers leaning down to lightly brush his lips to mine. The electric shock is just what I need to snap me from my haze.
“I can't do this.” I stammer out, backing away from him. He reaches for me, confusion written all over his face.
“Addison, wait.” He pleads.
“I'm sorry Liam, I'm so sorry.” I choke out. I don't wait for his response. Instead I make my way across the street and hail the first cab I see. As I slide into the backseat, I see Liam trying to get to me but not being able to cross due to the amount of cars on the road.
As soon as the car takes off, I breathe out loudly, not sure if I want to laugh or to cry. Filling me full of wine, taking me to the fountain of all places, the 'you're so beautiful' nonsense, seriously? How stupid of me to not see through his game sooner.
I want to believe that it's my past making me run. It's my way of protecting myself from any further pain from men like Grayson, men like Liam. It's hard to see it when it's right in front of my face. Liam is so handsome and sweet. He seems truly genuine which makes it that much harder to resist him.
But I have to resist him. He asked for one date and then said he would leave me alone. I only hope he keeps his word. I don’t know how much longer I can resist giving in to the one thing that my body is craving, that my mind is craving, and what's worse, that my heart is craving. I want him, I want him more than anything I have ever wanted before. But it is in my want that I see the bigger picture. Wanting someone that badly only means the hurt will be that much worse when it falls apart.
––––––––
A
s I make my way into work on Monday, I can't help but wonder where the weekend went. I stayed in bed most of the day Saturday and vegged out with Kristina on the couch on Sunday, watching old romance movies and eating way too much junk food. It did give us a chance to catch up and I found out from a very disappointed Kristina that my interruption a couple nights prior had ended with Sam taking off.
She seems hopeful that she will get another chance with him but that doesn't change the fact that I feel awful for ruining her night. Sometimes I feel like such a burden.
I finally filled her in on the Liam situation. She, of course, thinks I have absolutely lost my mind if I don't snatch him up this second. I tried to explain it to her. That I know he's bad news, that I just got out of an eight year relationship, that I'm not ready for what I know he is after. But she has always been a bit of a wild card and thus doesn’t understand my need to play it safe.
As I approach the elevator, 'Cosmic Love' blares from my phone in my purse. I quickly retrieve it and silence it before looking at the incoming number. Liam again. I press ignore and board the elevator along with several other people. Before we even reach my floor my phone begins blaring again. Man this guy is relentless. This makes the tenth time he has called me since my abrupt departure on Friday night. I can't for the life of me figure out why he hasn't just given up yet. Then again, I'm sure that I am the only girl that has ever told him no and thus the chase begins.
I am the one thing he can't have and most likely the only person to deny him of something he wants. Though I still can't figure out why he is even interested. I have never viewed myself as an ugly person but I am certainly not in his league.
Deciding to silence my phone, I switch it to vibrate and toss it back into my purse. I make it about halfway across the floor to my desk when I see them. A huge bouquet of Gardenias sitting in front of my computer.
As I make my way over I can't help but curse under my breath. Why won't Grayson just leave me alone? Is it not enough that he controlled eight years of my life? What more does he want from me? He has already taken more than I had to give and a part of me knows that I lost a piece of who I was in the years that we were together. A piece that I am working very hard to get back but unfortunately he is determined not to let me.
Like the first time there is no card, and I waste no time chucking the damn things in the garbage. I can't let him get to me. Deciding not to let this ruin my day, I grab my folders on the Bella Vita project and head to conference room three where my first meeting is scheduled to begin in ten minutes.
Kristina and Steve are already in the room when I arrive, going over budgeting and fiances, my least favorite part of the job. We jump right into it and I am grateful for the distraction. This is what I need, to stay focused, keep busy, and most importantly to avoid all things Liam.
Six hours later we have the cost analysis almost complete and Steve excuses himself to go to another meeting. I help Kristina organize and pack everything up before heading back to my desk to check my emails and hopefully have time for a quick lunch.
My plan is immediately hosed when Sam snatches me up to help him book a band for the event he's working on.
The Trials
are a great local band and do some of the cities biggest events, because of this they are an absolute bitch to book. Given that I hit it off with the singer at my last event, Sam is hoping I can pull some strings on his behalf. I hate to tell him but I hardly think that talking with someone just because we are from the same town will give me any special privileges with such a highly demanded band.
After placing a few phone calls with no luck, I shoot Sam a quick email letting him know that I left messages and I will let him know the second I hear from anyone. I filter through some of my other emails, sending quick replies to those who had easy questions or needed any info that was easily available.
When I get to the last email I don't recognize the address but it looks legit so I open it, expecting it to be someone in regards to one of my projects. Instead what I find is an email from Katie, Grayson's new girlfriend. I scan it quickly and then slow down to re-read it, not really sure that I am getting this right. Certainly no one in their right mind would believe the shit that Grayson is feeding her but then again apparently she does. The proof is right in front of me and not only am I shocked but I am pissed.
Addison,
First let me say that this is out of character for me but I just could not go another day without confronting the woman responsible for hurting such a wonderful man like Grayson. After meeting you a couple of weeks ago I pressed him for information on you and he was very reluctant but last night we finally had a break through and now I know why he didn't want me to know about you. He didn't want to confide in me that he had ever loved such a bitch.
I do not understand why he would stay with you for so long with all your lies and cheating. How could you do that to him? After he gave up everything in Vermont to move here with you, you just walk out on him like he is a piece of dirt?
You do not deserve him and frankly I KNOW that he is much better without you. Stay away from us.
-Katie
I stare at my computer screen in an absolute rage. Seriously! He turned this all around on me? And what's worse is that she is buying it hook, line, and sinker. What a fool. As much as I want to ignore the email and not give her the satisfaction of a response, I simply can not sit back and let her tear me apart for what, loving him unconditionally for eight years? Letting him control every aspect of my life and doing anything he asked of me? I want to be the bigger person but the urge to set her straight is too tempting.
I click reply.
Katie,
First let me say, never contact me again. Grayson is nothing but a controlling, lying, manipulative man and it seems that you are playing right into his hands.
Second, I truly hope that you realize this sooner rather than later. Otherwise you will end up like me. Scratching your head wondering how the hell you were so blind for so long.
Best of Luck
-A
I click send and push myself back away from my desk. It takes everything I have to fight back the tears that are threatening to spill over. How could he do this to me? How can the man that I spent the last eight years of my life with be a complete stranger?
Deciding I need some air, I grab my purse and quickly make my way out of the building. As much as I know I should go grab a bite to eat, I can't even stomach the thought of food right now. I am so hurt and yet so very very mad and the combination sits very poorly with me.
I make my way over to the outdoor break area that is located directly to my right. It's a little grassy area with a couple benches and a shade tree. It sounds nice but in reality it's actually quite distracting. Sitting along a main road does not do much in the way of a peaceful environment and as such I don't come out here often.
Pulling my phone out of my purse, I check it for the first time since this morning. I am shocked to see that I have thirteen missed calls, three voice mails, and two texts from Liam. What the hell? This man really doesn't take no lightly does he?
I check the text messages first.
Answer your phone Addison.
Please call me.
I delete the messages and for a moment consider deleting the voice mails without even listening to them. Unfortunately my curiosity wins out and I nervously wait to hear his voice on the other end of the phone.
“Addison it's Liam. Look, I don't know what happened the other night but will you call me..... Please.” I hit delete and move on to the next message.
“Okay so now I know you are intentionally not answering. I really don't understand why you are so hell bent on avoiding me. Just call me okay?” Once again I delete the message and hold my breath for message number three.
“Addison, it's Liam. I just wanted to thank you for your company on Friday night. It truly was an amazing evening. I promised one dinner and I would leave you alone. This is me keeping my promise.” I draw my phone away from ear in a haze. This is what I wanted right? For him to leave me alone and let me be.
Then why do I feel so horrible right now? Why do I feel like my heart is breaking all over again with the thought of never seeing him again? I breathe out loudly trying to calm myself. This is for the best, it has to be. He will only hurt me in the end, I know this. And yet the knowledge of this does not make the pill any easier to swallow.
I drop my phone back in my purse and wipe at my eyes, determined not to let a single tear fall. I will not cry over another man, especially one that I don't even know. But I want to know him. I want to know what it feels like to be in his arms, to feel his body against mine. I want all of it, and therein lies the real problem.
I stand up and mindlessly head back inside. After the email from Katie and then Liam finally giving me what I want, even though it's not truly what I want but what I need, my mind is officially on overdrive.
It takes me a moment to register yet another bouquet of Gardenias sitting on my desk as I approach. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell do I have to do? I spot the card instantly and rip it from the bouquet half expecting it to be some type of hate mail. What I find instead, sends me spinning in an entirely different direction.
Did I mention that I am horrible at keeping promises?
Well ones that involve never seeing you again anyways.
Thinking of you always.
The flowers are from Liam? I was so sure they were from Grayson. How could I get it so wrong? It makes sense. I received the first bouquet just after our first meeting and they have been coming each week since then. I can feel the blood rise to my face and the intense acceleration of my heart beat. As much as I wanted him to leave me alone, the devastation that he was actually going to do it seemed impossible to stomach. And so the truth is revealed. I am not ready to never see him again. I am not ready to walk away on something, that for the first time, makes me feel alive. He's not going to stop and I don't know how much longer I can deny him. I am in so much trouble.
––––––––
D
espite my desire to reach out to Liam, I have held silent for the past three days. He hasn't called or text which leads me to believe that he is waiting for me to make the next move. Unfortunately I simply can not bring myself to be the one to reach out to him. That would be me admitting defeat, admitting that no matter how hard I fight it, I can't stay away from him. I'm not ready to admit that yet.
I have spent the week buried in my work and with any luck I can continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Having made it half way through Friday without any incident, I decide I have earned an actual lunch break and grab Dana to join me.
I go through the motions, the mindless chit chat that seems to surround everyone I talk to when I am preoccupied by something else, or someone else as it were. By the time we take our seats at
Sans Bistro
, Dana has figured out that I am paying next to no attention to anything she has said on the walk over.
“Okay spill.” She breathes out just as the waitress leaves us to get our drinks.
“What?” I question her innocently, deciding to play dumb rather than fessing up to the fact that my mind is completely consumed by a god like man that I just can't seem to shake.