The laugh that bursts from his throat sends a chill to my very core. I do not know this Grayson nor do I know what he is capable of. I scan the room for anything I can use to protect myself but I find nothing that would be of any use.
Then he does something completely unexpected. He falls to his knees on a loud groan. The sob that rips through him is unlike anything I have ever heard before. I can't move, can't speak. All I can do is watch the man that I spent eight years of my life with, break before my very eyes.
The part of me that loved him once upon a time wants to go to him, to comfort him. The rational part is telling me to stay put. I have no idea how long I have before his sadness turns to anger and I don't want to be to close to him if and when it does.
“I'm so sorry.” He says through his sobs. “God, I'm so sorry.” I have no idea if he's talking to me or himself. His face is buried in his hands, his body hunched over. As much as I know I shouldn't, I take a hesitant step forward. When he doesn't react, I take another, and then another until I am standing directly over him.
He peers up at me, his face red and tear stained. The sight of him like this rips at my heart and I fall to my knees next to him, instinctively pulling him into my arms. I know he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve my pity or my forgiveness and yet here I am giving it to him anyways.
I trail my hands through his hair, my body rocking slightly from side to side. I don't know what else to do so I just hold him. Regardless of the bad things that have happened between us, nothing will ever change the eight years we spent together. He will always hold a piece of my heart in some way, even if I am no longer in love with him.
Just as I can feel him ease, his body relaxing against mine. The front door flies open causing me to jump. Standing in the doorway is a very pissed, very intimidating looking Liam. He opens his mouth to speak but then falls silent when I hold my hand up gesturing for him not to.
Grayson doesn't move in my arms and it doesn't take me long to figure out that he has passed out cold. “It's fine.” I say, not making eye contact with Liam. “He got really drunk, but I handled it. Can you call a cab please?” I ask, really looking at him for the first time.
He seems completely beside himself with anger but nods, pulling out his cell phone. He speaks quickly and quietly into the phone and then snaps it shut. His eyes darting from me to the unconscious Grayson still laying in my arms.
I try to position myself in a way that I can get up and pull Grayson with me but given his six one height and muscular body, I cannot budge him. “Leave him.” Liam says, coming to kneel next to me. “I have Dave coming to get him.” He says, grabbing Grayson under the arms and pulling him back to lay him on the floor, freeing me in the process.
“Who?” I ask still not moving from my position on the floor. I am still so shaken up that honestly I don't know if I could stand on my legs if I tried.
“One of the bouncers from the club.” He says, elaborating more when I look at him questionably. “There's no way a cab driver is going to be able to get him inside his apartment. You can tell Dave where to take him and he will make sure he gets there safely.” He says, reaching out to brush my tangled hair from my face. Based on the way his face contorts I am guessing that he is just now catching sight of where the door hit me in the face when Grayson pushed his way inside.
“What the fuck?” He stumbles out, stepping backwards. He looks from me to Grayson's body hunched on the floor. “Did he do this to you?” He asks, his voice rising. I avoid his eyes, I don't need his judgments right now. “Answer me Addison! Did he do this to you?” He demands, kneeling at my side. He gently places his hand on the side of my face and turns it inwards so that I am forced to face him.
“It was an accident.” I stammer out. “He was really drunk and pushed the door open too hard, I wasn't expecting it.” I immediately make excuses for Grayson.
“I don't give a fuck if it was an accident or not. What the fuck are you playing at?” He says catching me off guard.
“What?” I stammer out confused by his question and honestly a bit offended.
“A man injures you pushing his way into your apartment and that somehow ends in you holding him on the floor?” He says pushing back up to his feet. He starts pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair like he can't decide whether I'm the crazy one or Grayson is.
“He was really drunk. At first I thought he was going to get violent, but he didn't. Instead he started sobbing like a child in the middle of my living room. He kept saying over and over how sorry he was. What was I supposed to do? He was hurting and even though it was entirely self inflicted and he will never get me back, I couldn't just watch him break in front of me and offer him no comfort at all. I spent eight years with the man. I don't ever think I could be that heartless.” I rush out trying to make him understand my point.
His face softens immediately. “I'm sorry. I just... Fuck. When I got here and saw your door broken, I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. I was so relieved to see that you were okay but you have to admit, it's a strange thing to walk in on.” He says, for the first time his voice coming out even and normal.
“It's been a hell of a day.” I say, but don't have a chance to elaborate. Liam's phone rings and he excuses himself into the hallway to answer it. I take the opportunity alone to stand up and compose myself. I no more than get two steps when Liam re-enters the room, Dave quick on his heels.
I recognize him immediately, having sworn he was half giant the first time I saw him outside of Serendipity. He nods in my direction but doesn't speak. Liam helps him lift Grayson from the floor and they each support one side of his body as they carry him from my apartment.
I close the door behind them and immediately go to the bathroom. As soon as I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I gasp. The door split my forehead in a perfect line across the left side of my face, stretching from my hair line to just short of my eye brow. It doesn't appear to be too deep.
I'm working on cleaning the wound when Liam finds me. He leans against the frame of the bathroom door and crosses his arms in front of him. His eyes are locked hard on me but his face is unreadable. As soon as I finish, I wash my hands and then turn to face him.
“We need to talk.....” He says walking away, leaving me no choice but to follow.
––––––––
A
fter changing into my favorite pale pink pajamas, I join Liam in the living room. When I enter, he is sitting on the edge of the oversized brown couch, his elbows resting on his knees, his head buried in his hands. When he hears me enter, he glances up. His face looks more worn than it usually does and there is a weird tension floating in the air.
I take a seat at the opposite end of the couch, turning sideways in my seat so that I am facing him, and pull my knees up to my chest. He doesn't speak at first and the air is so thick, I feel like I might suffocate from the pressure.
“I need to know what I am dealing with here Addison. I have to know where things with us stand and if I should prepare myself to find you in a situation like tonight again in the future.” He breathes out pushing himself back on the couch and turning to face me.
“What you're dealing with? I'm not sure I understand what you are asking me. Grayson is not a psycho path if that's what you're wanting to know. He's troubled right now, and I must admit a bit unpredictable but at the end of the day I think he's just grasping.” I say realizing this as I say it. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat which only creates more unease in my chest.
“Okay, how about you start from the beginning.” He says without further elaboration. His eyes burning holes through me.
“I'm not really sure what you want to hear.” I pause trying to figure out what I should tell him first. He shows no impatience as he waits for me to continue. “Grayson and I started dating our sophomore year of high school. He was it for me, the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We had known each other for years, growing up in the same small town. It seemed right for us to be together, natural.” I stop gauging his reaction before I continue. His face is unreadable but his posture gives away that this is not a comfortable conversation for him.
“We went away to college together, shacking up in the cheapest off campus apartment we could find. Shortly after we graduated, Grayson got an opportunity to work at his uncle's law firm, so we packed up our entire lives and flew out here to start fresh. I thought everything was going well until one day I came home to find him sitting in our living room surrounded by boxes. He had packed all of my things while I was at work. I had no idea that he was even thinking about ending things so to say I was surprised is a bit of an understatement. Fast forward to now. After treating me like absolute dirt for weeks, he shows up at my work this morning saying he really needs to talk to me. I reluctantly agreed. He then proceeded to tell me that he is still in love with me and wants me back. I told him that it was never going to happen. Hence him showing up drunk tonight.” I stop to think about everything I had just told him. Self reflection has been something I have done a lot here recently and saying all of this out loud makes me realize how pathetic I must seem.
“So he wants you back.” He says out loud as if processing the thought. “And do you want the same thing?”
“No!” I answer instantly and a little too intense. “No.” I say again. “It took him kicking me to the curb for me to realize just how south our relationship had gone. When I had a chance to really think about it, I realized that we had been over for quite some time. Grayson just accepted it before I did.” I say truthfully.
“Was he ever violent with you?” He asks, his eyes immediately darting to the light fingerprint bruises on my wrist, the bruises I was very careful to hide until now. With everything that happened tonight it must have just slipped my mind.
“No. He was controlling and cruel a good deal of the time but never violent, at least not while we were together.” I admit.
“I guess I'm having a hard time processing why I walked in on you holding him in your arms if he has done so much to hurt you.” He says, the root of his issue finally rearing its ugly head. He's jealous. I don't know how I didn't see it before but I can see it now, plain as day.
“He was angry, scary even. When he broke down, I didn't know what else to do. Despite all his flaws, I did love him once upon a time. You don't know me well and I understand that, but I am not the type of person to let someone suffer alone, not when I can at least offer them a little comfort. He's in a really dark place and I don't have it in me to be cruel or vengeful.”
“I get that Addison, I do. But please understand my point. I don't want to share you. Any part of you. If you are mine, then I want you to be mine one hundred percent of the time. Maybe that's selfish but that's who I am.” My heart instantly kicks into overdrive at his words. My skin prickles and I can feel the heat creeping up my back, my need for him rising to the surface.
“And Jill?” I ask, finally getting the chance to ask him about my encounter from earlier today. With everything that has happened it seems like a world away.
“Jill?” He questions clearly confused. “What does she have to do with anything?”
“I came by Serendipity earlier today. I wanted to surprise you but you weren't there. Jill stopped me as I was leaving. She not so politely asked me to stay away from you. She said that you were broken up but have since reconciled and pretty much demanded that I bow out.” I say, not missing the uneasiness that creases across his forehead.
“Of course she fucking did.” He breathes out, throwing his hands in the air. “She's a real piece of work.”
“Who is she?” I ask again.
“She's one of many bad mistakes.” He admits. “I'm not proud of it Addison, but I have quite a colorful past. I need you to know that going forward. It's not who I am now, but it is who I was until very recently. Until you.” When the words are off his lips, I am a pool of emotions. I can't sort out whether I should be happy that I somehow changed him, or upset that so many have clearly come before me.
“How colorful are we talking here?” I ask, almost not wanting to know the answer but knowing that I need to know everything in order to move forward with my eyes completely open.
“Colorful.” He says giving me an apologetic look. “I told you, after my uncle died there were a lot of women. No one that actually meant anything to me, I used them and discarded them with no remorse. I have never been with the same woman more than once, again until you.” The last part has my heart beating so hard I think it might explode from my chest at any moment. I don't like what he's telling me but to know that maybe just maybe I am changing him, means more to me than anything else. It means that I matter.
“Jill was someone I hooked up with a couple of months ago. She was married. I knew better but I was feeling down and was in no position to refuse her advances. After we slept together she started showing up everywhere, calling me at all hours of the night. I tried to tell her that nothing would come of it but she didn't listen to me. She even left her husband thinking that he was the only reason I didn't want a relationship with her. Now she's broke, alone, and I am responsible. I may have used women in the past, but I, like you, can't just turn away from someone in need. She reached out for my help that night she showed up at
Serendipity
, so I helped her. But I made it very clear that it did not mean what she wanted it to. Clearly she has still not given up on that hope.” He says, standing from his seat to pace the small space of the living room.
“I want to be with you Addison. It's the first time I have ever been able to say those words to someone. I know it won't be easy and that there will be bumps along the way but if you're with me, I would really like to try.” He says stopping to face me.
“I'm with you.” I say, my voice so weak I wonder if the words even came out.