I remember the way his muscles flexed as he moved, the sweat across his forehead, the way his shirt clung to his abdomen. Just thinking about him causes the ache in my belly to return with a force so strong that I feel like just the thought of him will send me into pure ecstasy.
It takes me a moment to realize that my hand has slid into my panties and my fingers are lightly caressing my most sensitive flesh. Just a little release, it's all I need and then I will rid my mind of the sexy bartender that I will never see again.
As my fingers go to work I picture every detail I remember. Then I imagine him with me, touching me. His lips moving down my jawline to the base of my neck. His hand cupping my ass and pulling me into his erection. I feel the build, the pleasure, and now I am picturing it is him giving it to me. Like a firework has been set off, I explode around myself and ride out the wave of my orgasm.
My breathing returns to normal and I begin to relax. I can't help but be a little shocked by what I just did. I have never been the masturbating type. But going two weeks without any relief and then an irresistible bartender to boot. What's a girl to do? Not that the sex with Grayson was ever very satisfying but it got me by. I wonder if it's that way with all people. How would I know? I have nothing to compare it to. I wonder how it would be with the sexy bartender. Would I walk away unsatisfied or would it be unlike anything I have ever experienced before? Too bad I will never find out.
I roll back to my side and readjust the blankets. All the pent up sexual tension inside of me has eased considerably and my eyelids instantly feel heavy again. I snuggle down deeper inside my comforter and lose myself to sleep.
****
T
he sound of Florence and the Machine's
Cosmic Love
startles me awake. I glance to the clock on my nightstand. Realizing it is after one in the afternoon, I shoot up a little disoriented and search for my phone. I finally locate it on the floor but the ring tone stops just before I can answer it. My phone signals a missed call almost instantly. I slide the unlock screen only to see that I have four missed calls in total, all from my mom.
My heart sinks the moment I realize why she is most likely calling. I have yet to tell my mom about me and Grayson, it was only a matter of time before my aunt Kelly spilled the beans. I knew that eventually she would when I told her but I needed to tell someone and I couldn't face my mom directly after it happened. She was Grayson's biggest fan and while I knew she would always stand by my side, that doesn't change the fact that I knew how disappointed she would be that things hadn’t worked out.
Knowing I can't put this off forever, I pull up my missed calls list and select my mom's number, taking a deep breath before hitting the call button. It does a half ring before my mom's panicked voice comes across the line.
“Why haven't you been answering your phone? I have been calling you all morning!”
“Hello mother.” I sigh. She's a bit for the dramatics and I have learned the best way to deal with her is to remain calm and down play any event at all costs.
“Don't hello mother me! Why didn't you tell me about you and Grayson? How could this have happened? You two were perfect for each other. Where are you staying? Are you coming home?” She rambles off without giving me the opportunity to respond.
“Mom!” I interject causing her to fall silent. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away but it's been a lot to process and I needed some time to deal with this on my own.”
“Oh honey. Are you okay?” She sounds much calmer this go round.
“I'm fine mom. I'm staying with Kristina, one of the girls from work. I've told you about her before.”
“Yes dear I remember. When are you coming home?” She breathes out.
“I am home.” I say, hoping she accepts my decision to stay in Las Vegas.
“You're what?!” She screams into the phone. “Why on earth would you stay there? Come home sweetie, you need your family.” She changes her tone almost instantly.
“Mom, I'm fine, really. Besides I love Vegas. I love my job and the friends I have made here. I'm staying, that's not up for discussion.” I can literally hear her gasp into the phone. My mother is not used to me standing my ground. She better get used it because I am done allowing other people to control my life.
As if deciding not to push me on the matter she changes her approach. “Tell me what happened dear? Did you do something wrong?”
“What makes you think I had anything to do with this? I know you love Grayson mom but he's not the wonderful man you think he is. If he were, do you think he would pack all my things and throw me out without so much as a warning or any real explanation?” I bite out a little more harshly than I intended.
“I'm so sorry honey. I just assumed, foolish of me really. I know he's not perfect. I was just really rooting for you two. Plus he always seemed to love you so much.”
“He loved controlling me mom. He loved that he could mold me and make me into exactly what he wanted. Well not anymore. I am done being pushed around, my life is my life now and I intend to make the most of it.” I can't help but feel extremely proud of myself in this moment. This is not some preplanned speech that I had prepared or something I had even realized until this very moment.
I am sick of being controlled. I am ready to grab life by the horns and for the first time live my life for me and not for a man. Grayson got eight years. Eight of some of the most important years of my life. Eight years that I will never get back. But those eight years have taught me some really valuable lessons. Lessons that I will carry with me always.
“Addie, you there?” My mom's voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Sorry mom. I was just thinking. Listen can I just talk to you about this later? I have a lot to get done today and not much time to do it.”
“Yes of course dear. I'm sorry about how I reacted. It just breaks my heart for you. I love you, you know that right?” I can hear the apprehension in her voice.
“I know mom, I love you too. I'll talk to you soon okay?”
“Okay honey, good-bye.”
“Bye mom.” I say before ending the call and dropping my cell on the bed beside me. I flop back down and pull my pillow over my face just in time to scream into it trying to release my frustration from the long overdo phone call with my mother.
I know her intentions are good and I can't help but feel awful that I have been keeping this from her for two weeks now, but again I knew exactly how she would react. My poor dad will never hear the end of this. Sometimes I wonder how on earth he has been married to my mother for thirty years. He's such a quiet, gentle soul. The exact opposite of my mother, who is non-stop all the time and always in everyone’s business.
I would say I take after my dad in the personality department. I have always been more of the sit back and observe type rather than getting involved with anything. Maybe that's my problem though. Isn't sitting back and just letting things happen what got me here in the first place? I have to admire my mom's ability to just call things as they are and never back down from what she believes in. Perhaps I should cut her a little slack.
I know how extremely lucky I am to have two wonderful parents that are still madly in love after years of marriage. Growing up with no siblings, it was just me and my parents for years. Thinking back to my childhood makes me more than a little homesick. I really do need to schedule a trip to Vermont sometime soon to visit. I sit up and grab my cell, scheduling a reminder to check airline ticket prices on Monday.
It's exhilarating to be able to just pick up and go home for a visit whenever I want. Grayson would have made the process more than a little difficult on me. I am starting to see the brighter side of my situation more and more as time passes. What at first felt like the end of my life, now feels like only the beginning.
––––––––
“Y
ou want to go grab a bite to eat?” Sam asks, perching himself on the corner of my desk and crossing his arms in front of his chest. It's been a week since his attempt to ask me on a date and since then he has not mentioned it again. Lucky for me he can take a hint because I really like working with him and I would hate for anything to ruin that.
“What did you have in mind?” I ask, swiveling around in my chair to face him. Lunch with Sam seems like an awesome idea. I could use his humor and playful nature as a distraction from well, life.
“We can grab sandwiches from Jen's Deli?”
“Sounds perfect.” I say standing up and side stepping him to grab my purse that is hanging on the side of my cubicle.
We make our way down to the first floor through the stairwell. I haven't exercised in over two weeks and I can already tell that it's catching up with me. I need to make myself start exercising at least a couple days a week or before long I will definitely lose my figure which is one of the only things I have going for me.
Sam jokes and pokes fun at me the two blocks to the deli and by the time we arrive I feel lighter and more at ease. He really is a great guy but for whatever reason I am not attracted to him in that way. Not to mention I know a certain tall blonde who has her eye on him.
Jen's Deli is a small little place tucked away among odds and ends shops on a busy street. Walking inside is like entering an alternate universe. It's small and quiet with black and white tile floors and red booths lining the walls. A few round tables are scattered throughout the middle of the room and the deli counter lines the front wall. It has an old diner feel to it which is so very different from most of the establishments in Vegas. I guess that's why I love it so much. It reminds me of something you would see in Vermont, it reminds me of home.
I make my way over to one of the booths in the far corner of the restaurant while Sam heads to the counter to order our sandwiches. We have been here enough that he knows my order by heart which is both sweet and sad at the same time. Clearly I am a predictable person.
I slip into the booth, carefully straightening my navy shift dress as I do. I pull out my phone and busy myself with checking my emails. It takes only a couple of seconds for me to feel the odd sensation that I am being watched. I peer up from my phone and quickly scan the room. Nothing seems abnormal or out of place. Then someone sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant catches my eye.
He doesn’t appear to be looking in my direction but his face is concealed with sunglasses and a ball cap pulled down slightly. Something about him seems so familiar and yet I cant seem to pinpoint it.
Sam appears with our sandwiches temporarily distracting me from the stranger across the way. He slides into the booth across from me and pushes my turkey sandwich on rye across the table to me. I glance back in the direction of the man across the room only to find he is no longer there. Where did he go? I quickly scan the room again but there is no sign of him. Why I even care to begin with, I have no idea.
“Earth to Addison.” Sam says waving his hands in front of my face and giving me one of his killer smiles when I look at him apologetically.
“Sorry, lost myself for a moment.” I laugh, making a swirl with my finger to indicate I've gone crazy.
We spend the rest of our lunch chatting about my night out with Kristina and Dana. I of course left out the part about the bartender that I can't get out of my head. By the time we return to the office Sam has convinced me to try another night out. I promised to talk to the girls and he is going to see if he can get a few of our other co-workers to join in.
I still have not become accustomed to my new found freedom. It's so weird to just make plans and not have to worry about someone telling me no or making some excuse as to why we can't make it.
I hang my bag on the back of my cubicle and make my way towards Kristina's desk. I want to ask her now while it's fresh on my mind. I'm not surprised when I reach her desk and she's not there. She has been so busy at work recently. We all have really but her project is a bit more demanding than the normal promotions planning that we do. Our deadlines are usually far enough out that it's fairly easy to complete them without getting too overwhelmed or stressed but Kristina landed one of the biggest fundraisers Las Vegas has to offer and promoting that type of event is a daunting task. On the plus side it guarantees her admittance to the event itself and for that I am seriously jealous.
Apparently the owner of Bella Vita Casino and Resort throws a huge gala every year to help raise money for some charity. It is said to be one of the hottest events in Vegas and only the richest people can afford to even attend. Landing a job like this doesn’t come around often and the commission alone will set you for a while. As much as I would have loved to be part of the planning process, I haven’t been here near long enough for them to trust me with such an important event. Maybe I will get lucky and score it next year.
I make my way two aisles over where Dana's desk is but to my disappointment she is not here either. I scribble a note on a post it asking her to come see me when she gets a chance, stick it on her computer screen, and make my way back to my desk.
I get halfway up the isle towards my cubicle and stop dead in my tracks. On my desk sits a very large, very beautiful display of flowers. I look around trying to catch sight of who delivered them but I see no one. I hesitantly walk forward and reach out to run my fingers across the soft petals of a white Gardenia. The bouquet is beautiful but I am too confused to be any kind of excited.
I walk around the vase trying to find a card but there isn't one. Then it hits me. What if they are from Grayson? Certainly not, I mean why would he send me flowers? Better yet, if he did send me flowers he would want to showcase it so a card would be a must. But then who?
Deciding they must have delivered them to the wrong person, I pick up the bouquet and make my way to the fourth floor reception area. Michelle is sitting behind the desk, looking overly professional as always in her tan dress suit, her long auburn hair in a twist, and her usual head piece in place. I would guess her in her late thirties although she has never confirmed it. She looks from me to the flowers when she sees me approaching.