“
Mmm-hmm.
”
I feel his smile on my lips. I hear my dad
’
s voice from the kitchen, and Jon pulls away abruptly.
“
I
’
ve forgotten where I am.
”
He drops my hand and motions for me to go into the living room ahead of him. I walk into the kitchen instead to see if my mom
’
s in there, but she
’
s not.
“
Did you two want something to drink?
”
Anna asks.
“
Champagne?
”
I ask.
“
You can have a little at midnight,
”
my dad says, his eyes a little bloodshot. He barely pays attention to my outfit.
“
Just a little,
”
he adds when he sees my expression.
“
Cool,
”
I say nonchalantly.
“
You
’
ve got a full bar, don
’
t you, Jack?
”
my boyfriend says. He would have seen it when we had dinner in the formal dining room. My dad stops what he
’
s doing and gives Jon his full attention.
“
Yes, but I
’
m not letting you raid the liquor cabinet,
”
Dad says, setting down his own glass of scotch.
“
No, I didn
’
t mean that. My uncle
’
s shown me how to make a ton of non-alcoholic cocktails. Would you mind if I explored the cabinet, to see what I could put together?
”
“
I don
’
t need to supervise, do I?
”
His question is playful.
“
No, sir.
”
My dad looks at him reproachfully.
“
No, Jack,
”
Jon corrects himself.
“
Come tell me what you like, Olivia.
”
“
Where
’
s Finn?
”
Dad asks as we go into the dining room.
“
Downstairs with Camille,
”
I yell back at him. We all know why they came to our house tonight, and I can hear my dad
’
s heavy footsteps leaving the kitchen.
“
That was mean,
”
Jon says.
“
Whose side are you on?
”
“
It
’
s not fair that they can be alone and we can
’
t,
”
I plead with him. In the bright light of the dining room, I can see through Jon
’
s dress shirt. He
’
s wearing a sleeveless white undershirt beneath it, which means part of his tattoo is visible in the light. I touch it softly.
“
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep,
”
he says as he checks out some of the dark bottles. He glances over his shoulder and puckers his lips, ready for a kiss. I give him a quick peck.
“
I can see it.
”
“
Good.
”
“
That means my parents might see it.
”
“
That
’
s fine. It
’
s a part of me. For life.
”
He laughs, shrugging.
“
Do you like raspberries?
”
“
I do. We have some fresh ones in the refrigerator.
”
“
Perfect. One faux kir, coming up. Go grab a few raspberries,
”
he says. I go back into the kitchen where my aunt and uncle are grazing on appetizers, then open the refrigerator in search of the fruit.
“
Where
’
s your mom?
”
Chris asks.
“
Upstairs, I think.
”
“
She asked for some time alone,
”
my dad says as he follows Camille and Finn into the kitchen.
“
She
’
s been up there for at least an hour.
”
Finn starts picking at food. Camille
’
s cheeks are still flushed in embarrassment. She smiles weakly at me.
“
Should you check on her?
”
Anna asks.
“
I
’
m giving her space,
”
he says.
“
She
’
ll come down when she
’
s ready.
”
“
I
’
ll go check on her,
”
Chris suggests. My uncle pops an olive into his mouth on his way out.
“
How
’
s he been today?
”
Dad asks my aunt.
“
Good,
”
Anna says.
“
Can you believe it was fifteen years ago?
”
My dad pours more liquor into his glass, swirling it around thoughtfully. He just shakes his head. Normally Dad is the strong one, but today he seems more affected than normal.
“
Are you okay?
”
Anna asks.
“
It
’
s weird,
”
he says as he takes a sip. Jon comes into the kitchen and stands beside me, holding the red drink out to me. I put a raspberry in mine, and look at his drink, deciding his doesn
’
t require the sweet fruit.
“
She hasn
’
t said much about him today. She seems okay, but I can
’
t stop thinking about seeing her on that stretcher,
”
Dad explains. He takes another drink.
“
I had a nightmare about it last night. She didn
’
t live.
”
He swallows hard, not meeting our eyes.
I squeeze Jon
’
s hand, trying to focus on him to keep myself from following my dad down his sad, reflective path. He rarely gets like this, and I don
’
t like seeing him this way. Anna meets my gaze and makes a subtle nod, suggesting I comfort him. I look away quickly, pretending I don
’
t see her. She walks around the island and puts her hand on Dad
’
s back, rubbing lightly.
“
She
did
live,
”
Anna says.
“
Where
’
d you get your drinks?
”
Finn asks Jon.
“
The bar.
”
Finn takes Camille
’
s hand and drags her toward the formal dining room.
“
No alcohol, Finn,
”
my dad says, snapping out of his daze.
“
I
’
m not getting alcohol,
”
he says.
“
Right,
”
Dad sighs.
“
Well, I couldn
’
t find her,
”
Chris says. Dad looks worried and tense, setting his drink down loudly. Anna looks concerned, too. From my vantage point, though, I can see my mom waiting in the hallway outside the kitchen. Dad can
’
t see her yet. She has chosen a short, pale greenish-blue dress that brings out the color of her eyes perfectly. Her makeup is simple and natural, her hair curled. She
’
s wearing a rather extravagant diamond necklace that my dad gave her for their wedding, which I
’
ve only seen her wear a handful of times. She looks
beautiful
.
“
There
’
s no mourning sister up there, but I did find this lovely woman.
”
She smiles at me and mouths the word
“
beautiful
”
to me, pointing at my outfit.
“
You, too,
”
I form the words back at her.
“
Where is she?
”
Dad says, looking confused and starting toward the doorway.
“
Who?
”
Mom asks cheerfully, stepping into his path.
His back to me, I can
’
t see Dad
’
s expression, but I can tell from my mother
’
s that he is pleased.
“
Look at you,
”
he says, putting his hands on her waist. His shoulders relax as she runs her fingers through his hair.
“
I think I just fell in love with you all over again,
”
I hear him say softly. This makes my mother smile even more.
“
We are going out tonight.
”
I hadn
’
t taken her seriously earlier in the day. In past years, she had considered going out, but my dad had stopped getting his hopes up a long time ago. I always enjoyed these evenings at home with my mom. We would often openly reflect on Nate. I learned a lot about him on the anniversaries of his death.
My dad doesn
’
t have a verbal response for her, though. He just leans over, holding her tight, and kisses her firmly. I look away, giving them privacy. Sometimes their kisses seem to get a little out of hand. I glance at Jon uncomfortably as the embrace between my parents continues.
“
So what are you drinking?
”
I ask him quietly to get his attention.
“
They
’
re in love, aren
’
t they?
”
Jon teases, not answering my question. I roll my eyes.
“
It
’
s better than parents who fight.
”
My uncle finally clears his throat.
“
So we
’
re going out,
”
Chris repeats my mom
’
s earlier statement.
“
Are we all on board with that?
”
Dad finally pulls back.
“
I
’
m not sure I
’
m in any shape to go out.
”
He laughs as he motions to his nearly empty glass.
“
I just thought we
’
d walk up the street to Rick
’
s restaurant,
”
Mom says.
“
No driving. Not this year. But let
’
s go keep that New Year
’
s date I made you break our first year together.
”
My dad laughs and kisses her again.
“
Wait, we can
’
t go out. We can
’
t leave Tessa and Finn here.
”
All of the adults look at me and Jon.
“
Well, we know we can
’
t trust Finn here, anyway,
”
he adds with a wink in my direction.
“
Where
’
d that kid go now?
”
“
He
’
s fixing a drink, remember?
”
My dad goes to the formal dining room to see what Steven
’
s nephew is up to now.
“
Lexi should be here any minute,
”
Anna says.
“
We don
’
t need a sitter,
”
I protest, not realizing that was why Lexi was coming over.
“
We
’
re old enough to take care of ourselves.
”