CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) (12 page)

“You didn’t lock…” Shane walked back inside, “Rebecca, what’s wrong?”

I quickly sat up and tried to hide my tears, but he’d already seen them. “Nothing.  I’m sorry, I’m fine,” I lied.

He stood there looking confused and finally closed the door and sat down next to me. He didn’t touch me…of course. He didn’t pull me into his arms, or even drape his
arm around my shoulder. This only made me feel worse and the tears started again and wouldn’t stop.

He had no clue as to what to do for me, and after asking me at least a dozen times what was wrong
, I stood up and walked to the window.

“I’m okay, really,” I sniffled, trying to get my turbulent emotions under control.

“No, you’re not.” He walked over to me and put his hand on my arm turning me to face him. “What is it?” I could see the concern in his eyes. 

The warmth of his touch only made it worse and suddenly I was sobbing and finally, he broke his own rule and pulled me to him.  I was still sobbing, but now it was for a different reason. I knew that he was only holding me because he didn’t know what else to do, and I’d given him no choice.

“Rebecca, Honey…God, what is it?”

“I’m s-s-sorry. I just n-need…”

“What? What do you need?” he asked with concern in his voice.

“This, I need this!” I sobbed harder and held him tight.

He responded by holding me close and stroking my back. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m sorry, Love. I’m so sorry.”

He held me for a while, until I couldn’t cry anymore. He finally pulled back a little and walked me over to the couch and sat down next to me. He didn’t pull away from me; instead he almost pulled me into his lap and held me tight.

I finally started to relax in his arms. I took a few deep breaths and knew he was going to want a more detailed response to my melt-down. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him and realized that it was the first time I’d ever been close enough to him to know how wonderful he smelled. He smelled…clean and, I don’t know, woodsy…if that was the word. 

“So, are you okay, now?”

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I ruined your graduation. I don’t blame you for being mad at me.  I never should have said we’d go with them.”

I realized he’d missed the point entirely. I took a deep breath and said, “You didn’t ruin anything. That’s not it.”

“Then, what was that all about?” he asked, sitting up and pulling away from me.

“No, please don’t…” I said, pulling him back to me.

“Rebecca, talk to me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. You know that.”

“I do. I know that. But, sometimes, I need you to show it.”

He thought about what I said for a minute. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“Yes, you do. You always know what to say. You always say the right things. You always make me feel special and like I’m the only one in the world when we’re together.”

“Okay, then why were you crying?”

“Because…”

“Because?”

I didn’t know how to tell him without him getting defensive. “You always
tell
me that you love me…”

“I do love you.”

“I know. You tell me all the time…and I love hearing it. But…”

“But?”

“But, I need you to do more than just tell me you love me.”

“Rebecca, we agreed to wait.”

“No, you agreed to wait. Shane, I’m not asking for…” I turned away from him, and walked to the window.

“Rebecca, you know I can’t. I won’t ever hurt you like that.”

“But, when you pull away from me…or get angry when I hug you…you do hurt me.” I sighed. “Shane, do you remember when we were at dinner, and Jillian and Parker were um…they were holding hands and…”

“They were all over each other!”

“Yes.”

“I remember,” he said, looking a little worried now.

“Stop looking at me like that. That’s not what I’m after.”

He sighed in relief.

“But, even though it was awkward to be around them…like that. And, they were much too…affectionate…in public. The thing is, they were more the norm…and we were the odd ones out.”

“Rebecca what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you and I know you love me and there’s nothing wrong with showing it…sometimes…just a little.”

“Rebecca, we’ve been over this. You know how I feel…”

“And now you know how I feel. You’re my boyfriend. I should be able to hug you at my graduation without worrying that you’ll be angry. I want you to hold my hand when we’re walking down the street, put your arm around me at the movies…” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “I need you to show me you love me…with more than just words.”

He thought about it for a few minutes. “I’m sorry. I guess I was so wrapped up in protecting you…I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

I reached up to put my arms around him, and true to character, he pulled away.  I dropped my arms and turned back toward the window. The tears started again, silent tears trailing down my cheeks.

“Oh God…I did it again. I’m sorry.” 

He reached out to me, but this time I pulled away. 

“I thought you wanted…”

“I don’t want you to hold me just because I want you to. I want you to hold me because it’s what you want, too.”

“You think I don’t want to hold you?” He turned me around and looked into my tear-stained eyes and said, “That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Then why is it so easy for you to pull away from me?”

“You think it’s easy? Rebecca, you have no idea how much I want…You’re all I think about. You’re all I want.”

“I want you, too.”

“You have to understand that I can’t…be with you, until you’re older…and legal. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I always want you. But, I know some things shouldn’t be rushed.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling a little bit better.

“But,” he continued, “you’re right about the fact that’s there’s nothing wrong with showing some affection. I guess I was just so sure I was doing the right thing, that I didn’t stop and see the bigger picture.
I just don’t want to get carried away.”

“So, you’re saying we can…?”

“I’m willing to compromise. I’ll try to be more affectionate from now on.”

“Are you just doing this for me?”

“No, I’m doing it for us.  There’s nothing wrong with holding hands or putting my arm around you…once in a while,” he grinned and pulled me toward him.

“That’s it?  That’s all I get?” I said, pulling away.

“That’s a lot for me, Rebecca. You’re under the impression that it’s easy for me to keep my hands off of you. Believe me, it’s not.”

“Then, how about a counter offer?”

He looked at me with suspicious eyes, “I’m listening.”

“Hand holding, hugging…and…kissing,” I said, afraid to hear his answer.

He started to argue, but he stopped when he saw the longing look in my eyes.  “You um, you strike a hard bargain…” he said, looking at me strangely.

“Deal…or no deal?” I asked with pleading eyes.

He didn’t answer me with words. He brushed the hair from my eyes and slowly leaned down and kissed me. I melted into him, praying he wouldn’t stop. When he pulled away, I noticed he was as breathless as I was.

“My mom was right…” I said, absentmindedly, still lost in my first kiss.

“About what?” he said, his voice raw.

“She told me it would be worth the wait. She was right. Kiss me again, please.”

“That’s going to have to last us…a while. You um, you talked to your mom…about us?”

“Yeah.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. She’s your mom. What did you tell her?”

“I told her what happened…” I said, looking down.

“You told her about me? What I did?”

I nodded, hoping he wasn’t going to be angry or hurt.

“It’s okay. I was going to tell them the first night I had dinner here, but…”

“But, I stopped you. My mom understood, but I’m not so sure my dad would…  I’m sorry.”

“When did you talk to her?” he asked, looking worried.

“I don’t know, three or four days ago, why?”

He sighed in relief. “I guess I just wanted to know if she hated me now.”

I touched his cheek and said,
“She sees you just like I do…the real you, a wonderful man who wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

I could see the relief wash over him. “Okay. So, are you feeling better, now?”

“Yes. But, I’d feel even better if you’d kiss me again,” I asked, pleading with my eyes.

“We um, we still have to set some ground rules.”

I sighed, not liking the sound of that.

He smiled, “I just don’t want to offend your parents, or over-step my bounds.”

“Shane, if you don’t kiss me right now, then
I’m
going to be offended…and you
really
don’t want that,” I grinned up at him.

He smiled and pulled me close. As our lips met, the rest of the world faded away. 
He was the only thing that mattered, the only thing I felt, heard or thought about. It must have been the same for him, because by the time we realized we were no longer alone, my father was screaming at us and pulling Shane away from me.

“Dad!”

“You need to leave…now!” my father roared at Shane.

“I’m sorry,” Shane said, looking immediately contrite.

“No he’s not! Dad, what’s wrong with you?”

“You know the rules in this house, young lady.”

“We didn’t break any rules. We’re in the living room. He’s my boyfriend, I can kiss him if I want!”

“NOT IN MY HOUSE!”

“Dad!  You’re being ridiculous!”

“GET OUT!” he yelled at Shane.

“DAD, STOP IT! We weren’t doing anything wrong!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rebecca. Goodnight. I’m sorry, Mr. Brigham, it won’t happen again.”

“The hell it won’t! I’ve waited over four months for you to kiss me, we’re not going back to the way it was! Dad, you apologize, right now!”

“Don’t you talk to me like that young lady! This is my house and you’ll respect our rules!”

“We kissed! He’s always followed your rules. He’s never set one foot up those stairs! He’s never been the least bit inappropriate. We love each other. It was only a kiss!”

“Rebecca, it’s okay…really,” Shane said, walking to the door.

“Bradley, calm down,” Charlotte said, touching her husband’s arm to try and cool him down.

“Not you, too!” he yelled at his wife.

“They were only kissing, Dad, Geez…” Sam added.

“Upstairs Samantha… NOW!”

For once, my sister took my side, well, maybe it was Shane she was protecting, but even she was smart enough to know not to push my father any farther. She shrugged her shoulders and headed upstairs without another word.

“Shane, Honey, it’s alright. You can see Rebecca tomorrow, okay?” my mother said, knowing it was probably a good idea if Shane did leave…for his own sake.

Shane nodded and said, “Okay. Again…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

I rolled my eyes and followed him to the door, completely ignoring the look of warning I saw on my father’s face.

“I’m sorry,” I said, certain that I’d never feel those lips on mine again.

“No, I shouldn’t have…”

“Yes, you should have. Shane…please don’t let him get to you. It’s okay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I wanted him to kiss me goodbye, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen, so I had to settle for a brief touch of his hand.

I turned back toward my father, and I knew I’d never been as angry at him as I was at that moment. “How could you do that!?”

“I think the better question is, how could you do that?”

“I kissed my boyfriend! It’s not illegal!”

“In my house…it is illegal. Until you turn 18…”

“OH, don’t you DARE say it! We kissed! We didn’t have sex on the dining room table!”

“You’re grounded for a week! Go to your room, and stay there!”

“You can’t ground me for kissing my boyfriend! I love him!”

“I can, and I will! What else have you two done behind our backs?” he asked, and then changed his mind, “Never mind, I don’t really want to know!”

“No, you don’t want to
listen!
  Shane is a great guy! He’s kind and decent and he loves me. He’s never even kissed me before tonight…and when he finally did…you ruined it!”

“You expect me to believe that he hasn’t kissed you before now? How stupid do you think I am? Go to your room! And, you can add another week for lying!”