CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) (6 page)

“Parker, there is no competition. I like Shane…a lot. I don’t have those feelings for you. I never have and I never will. Please get that through your thick head!” I was getting angry now.

“You’re just angry that I showed up and ruined your little plan to make me jealous last night.”

“I didn’t even know you were coming last night. I didn’t invite you!”

“But, you knew I’d come. I always come to family gatherings. That’s what a boyfriend does!”

“Oh, for the love of…YOU ARE NOT MY BOYFRIEND! You never have been and you never will be! I’m done talking to you. I’ve had it. I’ve gone about this the nice way for far too long now. Think about it, Parker! Have I ever once come to your house to see you…unless my parents dragged me kicking and screaming? Have I ever stopped by unannounced to see you at school? Have I ever come by to pick you up for lunch, taken you shopping, run errands with you? Bought you little reminders of our time together?”

“No, but…”

“Have I ever kissed you…or touched you in any way?”

“No…”

“That’s right…and you know why that is? Because I don’t love you. I like you…as a friend, and only a friend. I never kissed you, or let you kiss me because I can’t stand…” I stopped before I got too carried away and said something that would seriously hurt him.

He finally stopped talking and said, “You’re serious? I mean, I know you’ve been fighting your feelings for me…but I just thought it was because your parents forced the issue and once they backed off, you’d…”

“I’d what? Ride off into the sunset with you? Parker, please, I’m begging you. Let go of any thoughts of us, and focus on someone more deserving of your love. I’m not her…I never was and I never will be.”

I knew I was finally getting through to him. I sighed in relief, but then started feeling guilty. He did love me…in his own weird way. “Parker, I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. Please just try to understand that I don’t feel…
that way
, about you. I think of you as more of a friend, or a brother.”

“So um, this guy, this…Shane, he makes you feel
that way
?”

I looked down, not wanting to hurt him more by the truth in my eyes. “Parker, I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, okay?”

“I guess I have my answer.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What is it about him? What can I do to make you glow and blush like that for me?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Has he kissed you yet?”

“Parker…”

“Look, we’ve been together a long time.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t argue with him.

“I know you don’t think so, but whether you choose to believe it or not, we’ve been a couple all our lives…at least in my mind. If you’re really going to end it, then be honest with me. Has he kissed you?”

“No.”

He took a deep breath. “Then can I ask you for something?”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you…just once? Please?” he begged.

“Parker, please just go home.”

“It’s just one kiss. It would mean so much to me, Beccs. Please?”

“I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “How do you know that you don’t feel that way for me if you’ve never even given me a chance?”

“I just know. I’m sorry.”

He took a few steps toward me, backing me into the side of his car. “I think I deserve one kiss. If you don’t feel anything for me after that, then I’ll leave you alone. But, if you do feel something…anything at all, then you’ll get rid of him and we’ll start over.”

“Parker, I
don’t
feel anything for you…other than friendship. I’m certain of it.  I’ve known it all along. I don’t have to kiss you to prove it.”

“Well, then you don’t have anything to worry about. It’s a win-win for you.”

“No. Go home, please.”

He leaned down toward me and I pulled away. He had me trapped against the car, and he was holding my arms and when I tried to pull away, he squeezed
. The campus was empty by that time and I realized I was actually a little afraid of him, and there was no one to look to for help. Parker was suddenly different. He had lost some of his composure, something I’d never seen in 16 years.

“Parker, you’re hurting me!” I said, trying to back away, but I was trapped up against his car.

“Just one kiss. You owe me that much.”

“I don’t owe you anything. Now, let me go.”

He squeezed tighter, really digging into my arms now with his fingers. I cried out in pain.

“I believe she asked you to let her go,” Shane said from somewhere behind Parker. Parker towered over me and I couldn’t see around or over him, but I instantly knew that voice, and I was so happy to hear it.

Shane surprised him and I could see Parker’s composure returning.

“Oh, God, Beccs. I’m so sorry. You know I would never hurt you. I don’t know what…” he turned to face Shane and said, “Can I have a minute with her?”

“No, I don’t think so. Now’s not the time. She’s frightened of you right now.”

“I just want to talk to her…apologize.”

“I accept. Now go home!” I said, realizing I was shaking as I slinked out from under him and stood next to Shane.

“Yeah, okay. I don’t know what…happened. I’m sorry.”

I nodded and watched him as he got into his car and drove away.

Shane wrapped his jacket around me and said, “Are you okay?”

I nodded, but I wasn’t so sure.

“Come with me for a minute, okay?”

He walked me across the street and took me to the back of the tire store, into a waiting room. He sat me down and handed me a cup of water. I didn’t know it, but I was still shaking. He sat down next to me and said, “Do you want me to take you home?” This brought me around. I had waited all day…all my life to be with this guy, no way was one little incident with Parker going to ruin it. “No, I’m fine.”

“Has he ever done anything like that to you before?”

I shook my head no. “It was weird. Parker never loses control…ever. It was like some strange force had control over him.”

“He loves you. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you broke it off with him?”

“Well, I tried to get him to see reason, once again. There was nothing to break off. We were never a couple. He just thought we were. I know part of it was because of my dad. He’d hear one thing from me and then my dad would tell him the opposite.
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous Parker, she loves you, she’s just not ready to admit it. You know how teenage girls are; they never want to listen to their parents.
But, she’ll come around, you’ll see!
” I said, trying my best to impersonate my father, but couldn’t quite pull off the deep, dark voice.  But, I think Shane got the gist.

“Um, this may sound like a stupid question, and believe me, it wouldn’t
have been my first choice, but, wouldn’t you have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you just gave him one last kiss?”

I looked down, not sure how to answer that question.

“Sorry, it’s none of my business.”

“First kiss,” I whispered.

“What?”

I looked up into his eyes and said, “It would have been our first kiss…
my
first kiss.”

He was thinking about what I said.

“I told you, we weren’t a couple, no matter what he said, or what my parents say. I never let him kiss me. I’ve never kissed anyone.” I blushed again, realizing I had just inadvertently admitted I was a virgin.

He sat down next to me but didn’t say anything. He looked lost in thought. Like what I said upset him in some way. I was instantly worried that he thought I was too inexperienced for him and he was going to end our relationship before it really even began.

“Thank you for rescuing me,” I said before he had too much time to consider breaking it off with me.

“Yeah, sure,” he said quietly, still lost in thought.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked, shaking once again.

“What? No, no, of course not. I’m just…I mean, I wasn’t expecting…”

“You’re surprised I’m a virgin?” I bravely asked.

“I guess I just assumed that you and he had been together. But, you’re still… innocent.”

“I’m guessing you’re…not?”

He looked over at me and said, “I wish I were.” He sighed, “I wish a lot of things.” He stood up and said, “Well, I guess we should go to dinner.”

“Shane?”

“Yes?”

“It’s okay, right?”

“What?”

“You’re okay with me being…innocent?”

He ran his hands through his hair. “I won’t lie to you. The thought terrifies me.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter right now. We’re just getting to know each other. T
here’s no rush to do anything. Come on, I missed lunch. I’m starving.”

I’m Not Proud of What I’
ve Done

Dinner was great. I felt really guilty that he paid for dinner when I knew he was working double shifts to save for college, but I didn’t want to embarrass him by offering to pay with Daddy’s money. I knew he was too proud. 

I planned on paying for the movie, but the movie we were going to see was sold out and then we talked through the beginning of the next one and we finally gave up and just sat in my car and talked about everything. He was amazing and I knew I was falling hard. I think my feelings for him must have been obvious, because suddenly he turned
very somber.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He looked straight ahead and said, “Rebecca, I like you. I’m sure you’ve figured that out, and I know you care for me. But, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I’ve paid my dues; according the law, at least. But I made some really big mistakes. I think, before this goes any further, you should know about them.”

“It won’t matter,” I said candidly.

“It should. And, it’ll matter to your parents, believe me. Once they hear about my past, they’re not going to want you anywhere near me.”

“Let me worry about my parents. They’ll get over it. It’s not like you killed anyone…” I said and saw him stiffen. I stopped talking and waited for him to say something…anything.

“No, I didn’t kill anyone, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“So, then what did you do?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.

He turned to me and said, “I stole some alcohol from a convenience store when I was 15. I got drunk and then I stole a car.”

“You were only…”

“Let me finish, okay?” He took a few deep breaths and continued. “I was really drunk and I drove over to this girl’s house. I knew she had a crush on me, and I knew her parents were out of town. She had asked me to come over…I was sober enough to remember that much. I had another bottle of Jack Daniels with me and I knocked on her door. She let me in, planning on sobering me up. But, I guess that’s not exactly what I had in mind.” He stopped talking and I could see his knuckles were white as they were clasped tightly together in his lap.

I was too stunned to say anything now.

“I was drunk, but it was no excuse. She tried to get me to drink coffee, but I refused, instead I tried to get her drunk, too. I remember that she refused the alcohol and kept trying to get me to drink the coffee and finally I got angry. I wasn’t angry with her, but I took it out on her. The one girl that was trying to help me…the only one who cared anything about me…”

“You were drunk, like you said,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.

“I raped her.” He said it almost in a whisper. “The only person that truly cared about me, and I forced myself on her.”

I didn’t know what to say. He was obviously disgusted with himself and he said he’d paid his dues, but I could see it was eating him alive.

“The funny thing is, after I woke up and realized what I’d done, she told that she loved me, and she’d planned on giving herself to me that night. She was crying, but she didn’t call for help, she didn’t turn me in and she never spoke of it again.” He turned to look at me then and said, “She was only 14.”

The tears were unstoppable now. I wasn’t too sure who to feel worse for; the 14 year old girl who’d been raped, or the guy that couldn’t live with what he’d done.

“I know that was hard to hear.”

I nodded, still unable to speak.

“If you want me to leave now, I’ll understand,” he said grabbing the door handle.

I reached out and touched his hand, and shook my head no. “You were only 15,” I said, making excuses for him.

“I was twice her size and it took nothing to over-power her. She was a nice girl…a good girl, innocent. I took that from her.” He stared ahead, refusing to look at me.

“You said you paid your dues?” I said, ignoring the
innocent
remark.

“I turned myself in a few months later. I couldn’t live with it. She refused to press charges, she didn’t want anyone to know, but I forced the issue. I wanted to be punished. I thought it would make me feel better, or forget. I thought I could forgive myself. I spent two years in Juvie, but it didn’t make me forget, and I know now that I’ll never forgive myself.”