Conviction (22 page)

“Just who in the hell do you think you are?” I hit him in the chest again and again but his expression remained indifferent.

“For over two months I’ve been worrying about you, and crying for you, and you—and you—”

He pulled my wrist in his right hand and spun me around with the leverage from the cast on his left. It only took a second, but once he had me there, he pinned me to him with the cool plaster.

Seconds passed with us against each other, heart beat against heart beat. Even after I went limp, he never let me go. And honestly, I didn’t want him to. I was grateful as Charlie breathed into the nape of my neck, revealing emotions with each exhale that he hadn’t been allowed to express in months. I could feel his eyes boring into his favorite spot, wanting, wishing for things we both needed; yet he didn’t give in.

I hated his restraint.

“It don’t make any sense for you to love me.”

I swallowed hard, breathed deep. “Did you know that long lasting connections are related with adrenaline and dopamine? Logically, it does make sense for me to love you.”

Charlie didn’t say anything, but he didn’t let me go, either. I didn’t know if I should take this as a good sign or not.

“If you thought I was cheating on you, you should have just asked.”

“I know. Believe me; I’ve relived that last night with you every hour since we’ve been apart.”

I didn’t exactly have any room to talk, either. I had let speculation come between us, when the truth would have been better off for us both. But it was better late than never. So I let the words out that I had been reciting in my head for the last weeks, releasing them to the one person that deserved and needed them the most.

“I love you, Charlie.”

“Don’t—”

“I love you, Charlie. I’ll love you until the day I die. Whether that’s tomorrow, an hour from now, or sixty years from now, and whether you feel the same or not.”

I heard his breath skip, his knuckles crack as he made a fist. Closing my eyes, I could have sworn I felt him tremble just a little bit.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Say it again.” His voice was husky against my shoulder, but I took hope from the playful undertones in it and smiled against him.

I said it again.

He swallowed hard. “I’ve missed you.”

“Not
nearly
as much as I missed you.”

I hesitated before bringing up the next subject. If the world was perfect, we would have just been able to stay there forever. Yet the world was far from perfect, and I knew we didn’t have much time.

Chapter 17

Despite our new happiness there was only a small amount of time before the world would know Charlie had escaped from the hospital and chaos would ensue. I wasn’t about to argue with Charlie when he said we should leave without Reid, though when I considered how he had—on a technical level—saved me from my myself; I did feel bad about it.

“This mess is his fault.”

I hesitated as I pulled out of the driveway. Charlie was only half right.

My heart wouldn’t stop pounding even as we drove down the street. Every second felt like a miniature grenade going off in my chest, the bumps in the road, the silent numbers I counted in my head, Charlie’s hand squeezing mine…they were all  reminders that this could end at any second and we could die, or be thrown in jail, and worse yet, be separated from one another.

But then we passed the municipal building.

And the shopping center.

A stretch of lights in town…

Then we were on the freeway.

Huddled under a hat and desperately trying not to draw attention to myself or our car, I tried to imagine if illegal immigrants felt like this. If a local cop who had nothing better to do pulled us over, that was it, we were through. In the meantime, I tried to figure what time Charlie had escaped the hospital. It was an hour from Long Branch to Summit, we had spent maybe ten minutes at the atrium, another ten at the house, but Reid said Charlie was supposed to meet the guys somewhere first, wasn’t he?

“Charlie?”

“Hmm?”

I blushed when I realized he was still staring from the corner of his eye. “How did you get out of the hospital without anyone noticing?”

“A lotta money musta been dropped.” He sighed and moved to the back seat, struggling only a little with his cumbersome cast.

“Money? It can’t be that easy. You were under guard, right? And cameras…?”

From under his hat, I thought I saw him smile. “Hospitals are busy places. People coming in and out of there all the time. My guess is you throw a couple of delinquents in there, pay off some young doctors and nurse’s student loans, and patients, even the dangerous ones, can slip out a door pretty quick.”

I glanced at him through the rearview mirror, amazed. “But how is it no one knows you’ve escaped yet?”

“That,” he said, “I haven’t figured out yet.”

For minutes I watched him sleep through the rearview mirror, not unaware of the marks in browns and yellow along his collar. I watched those blemishes in particular as I drove, turning on the overhead light to get a better view. It took me a few minutes to realize what the pattern was, but once I did I had to look away, afraid my crying would wake him up.

Technically we weren’t on the road very long, but it felt like an eternity between morning traffic and the rising sun, dramatically increasing our chances of being seen. To try and deter this as much as possible, I kept it at the speed limit and continued to wear the ball cap and oversized sunglasses that I had grabbed on our way out. Charlie remained curled up in the backseat and nodded in and out, his appearance being slightly more conspicuous than mine.

I kept re-running what Charlie said through my mind about this mess being Reid’s fault. And while Reid may have set the problem in motion, the fact was that the fault was in Charlie and me. His jealousy and willingness to mistrust me was downright frightening, more frightening to me than his temper could ever be, and if I had to admit it, more damaging as well. But I wasn’t faultless either. I thought I could balance Charlie out like everyone and everything else, keep him at bay, like Dad and school and my minuscule social life, when I should have just been completely honest with him about everything. The half-truths had gotten us into this mess just as much as the jealousy had, just as much as Reid’s deceptions.

Would things be different if we had met under different circumstances? Charlie said I was on a ‘need-to-know’ basis, but obviously that wasn’t working for a multitude of reasons. I thought about compromises and ultimatums. I knew I didn’t want, couldn’t live without Charlie, but I couldn’t live without the truth anymore, either. Would he be willing to do the same?

On top of everything else, I had a growing concern about the wound on Charlie’s head. I had no idea how frequently the bandage was supposed to be changed, and he needed antibiotics, didn’t he? Every few seconds I looked in the rearview mirror just to make sure he was still okay.

Amazingly, he smiled in his sleep.

To keep myself focused on the road and appear as normal as possible, I turned on the radio. After fiddling with it for a second, static impaired voices came through. Judging from the goofy sound effects, it was probably a morning talk show.

DJ 1: “The nationwide manhunt has begun for this guy—ah, Charles Hays. Who, ah, I guess originally kidnapped this girl last year?”

DJ 2: “Yeah, but they found her safe and sound, so it wasn’t a big deal.”

DJ 3: “Right, but I guess she was going to finally tell the cops what she knew and this guy went to her house—”

DJ 2: “No, Bill, you have that wrong.”

DJ 3: “I do?”

DJ 2: “Yeah. Associated Press reported about twenty minutes ago that witness accounts have her being assaulted at a vacation house where the family was staying.”

DJ 1: “Police think she was coerced into writing a note and stealing her brother’s car.”

DJ 3: “What a mess.”

DJ 1: “I know, I know, but don’t laugh. It’s messed up because somehow he evaded the cops and took the girl again and he’s using her as a hostage.”

DJ 2: “They should just start searching the bus terminals and airports for him, and the Delaware River for her.” More laughing into the static.

I turned the station as quickly as my fingers could manage without swerving.

“…still investigating the daring breakout from Beth Israel Medical Center and the possible hostage situation…“

I tried to find another station.

When I finally found a station actually playing music, it only lasted for twenty-seven seconds before interrupting with a breaking news bulletin.

“Now believed to be mentally unstable, Charles Hays has reportedly kidnapped the teenaged girl again. Authorities do want to stress that he is armed and dangerous, and anyone who comes into contact with him should not—”

I turned off the radio.

“You haven’t even asked where we’re going.”

I jumped when I heard his voice. He hadn’t been asleep long, but I was sure he’d been asleep by his slow breathing. I had to admit I was glad to see him awake. We were coming up to a toll. There were sure to be cameras there, if not some kind of police check point.

“It doesn’t much matter to me,” I admitted, “as long as you don’t get caught.”

Charlie sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. A wry smile played on his face. I tried to smile, too, but without guaranteed safety, it was hard not to feel anxious.

“You might not feel that way after a while.”

I sighed. “One step at a time. What’s next?”

He stretched out his arm and leaned back in the seat. How could he possibly be so casual? “What mile marker are we at?”

“Um, we’re still on the I-87.”

“Good. Merge at the 17 North going into Albany”

“Can I ask why?”

He glanced over and smiled at me. “Of course you can. If everybody was paying attention, then Yuri should be there—”

“Really?”

I turned to see his expression, but in my excitement I almost swerved again. Charlie automatically grabbed the wheel and straightened it before I could do any damage. It was eight in the morning and rush hour traffic was starting to thin, but there wasn’t any reason to bring anymore unwanted attention to us. For a second I thought he’d be annoyed with my display of childishness, my carelessness, but he laughed as I kissed his cheek and retook the wheel.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were happier to see him than me.”

“Oh, shut up.”

I waved him away and returned to the wheel. “I didn’t think I’d ever see any of you again and now I get to see not one, but two of you! In one day!” I did a little dance in my seat. “Best day ever!”

Charlie laughed. “You’re outta your head.”

I stuck my tongue out at him.

He pursed his lips at me and brushed the hair out of his eyes. The moment was only one more reminder of how much I had missed him when he was gone, of how much
we
had missed during the summer that I intended to reveal our relationship to my family. Just thinking of everything we would miss if we had never been reunited made my heart seize in my chest. I felt physical pain at the thought that I could still be sitting in my room right now, or back at the shore house, alone and Charlie-less if the guys hadn’t taken a last chance on him, if he hadn’t come to say good-bye, if gravity had been faster…

“It’ll be easy enough to buy a car, especially with cash…and if Reid hasn’t gotten himself full of holes, then he can fly.”

“Huh?”

He leaned forward, his brows furrowed in concern. “You okay?” He kissed the edge of my shoulder through my t-shirt.

“Yeah.” 

“Promise?”

I felt myself smile but it took effort. I was more tired than I wanted to admit. “I was just thinking…”

“You gotta stop doin’ that.”

I smiled even wider. “I know. It makes me tired.”

Charlie’s face hardened against me, he pulled away. “You can always leave, ya know? If you wanna change your mind, I can take care of this by myself.”

“As soon as we get the chance, I’m going to do things to you that will prove I could never want to leave or be with anyone else.” There was no point in trying to control my giggle or red face.

He grinned as his eyebrows rose. “Yeah?”

I nodded. “Yep. You won’t be able to walk for days.”

“Careful, Vicious. I’ll make you pull the car over.”

“You’re the one who should be careful.” I pushed my shoulders back into the seat and felt my back pop. “
I’m
still mad at you.”

“What for?”

“For thinking you had to end your life to save mine.”

Saying it out loud made us serious again. We both shut up quickly and stopped looking at one another, the playful sexual banter transforming into awkward tension in the time it took to snap one’s fingers. Charlie leaned back into the middle seat again, but I straightened my posture, readjusted the rearview mirror, and put my hands back at ten and two. I lost count of the miles we traveled, losing myself in worry when we stopped to change the license plates at a gas station. I was grateful that Robbie’s car was so boring, the make and model so common. Sure enough the ‘support our troops’ sticker didn’t hurt either, but I wasn’t willing to jinx us by saying any of it. And I really wasn’t brave enough to turn on the radio again, afraid of what I might hear.

By mid-morning there was one last exit. I kept to the speed-limit and used my blinker turning into it, though there wasn’t a law enforcement official in sight. In fact, in this part of New York there were mostly only rough mountains. The cars that passed us had canoes and kayaks on the roofs of their cars and loaded bicycle racks. Every few miles it felt like my ears had popped and I was constantly shifting as we climbed uphill. Yet this exit wasn’t so much of an exit as a turn-off, the off-ramp dusty and somewhat hidden by overgrown trees.

“They should be past the sign there.” Charlie’s voice was heavy in my ear, and for a second I marveled that he could make me want him even when I was upset, even when I was frightened beyond any real capacity to think straight.

An electronic sign said the road was closed because of road work, but I couldn’t see anything being done. I looked back at Charlie but he just nodded for me to continue. Along the road there were more orange cones and barricades with reflecting lights blocking the road.

“Are you sure this is the right place?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m sure.”

Near a humongous pile of gravel there was a dump truck and what looked like some scrap next to a porta-potty. To an untrained eye it looked typical, and I thought maybe it genuinely was a preconstruction spot, though the site looked abandoned until I saw dust flying from beyond the concrete mixer.

“Is that…”

“Hey, guys! Hey!”

Charlie and I smiled simultaneously. “Polo.”

I was driving at a crawl of fifteen miles an hour, but Polo still threw himself in front of us, banging on the hood of the car like it was a giant drum.

Charlie laughed but I hit the brakes in a panic, sending Polo to the ground with the air knocked out of him.

“Oh my God, did I kill him?”

“Are you kiddin?” Charlie opened the car to get out. “They model test dummies after him.”

I turned off the car but Polo jumped back up and started barreling his fists along the hood again.