Conviction (24 page)

“I didn’t mind taking the blame for the other stuff, but I couldn’t say—I couldn’t say I did that to you,” he huffed. “And if you were working with that Fed, it made sense that you would—”

“S-so you what, just decided to get yourself killed?”

He shrugged. “Everybody tellin’ me the way I love you is wrong? That I did something terrible to you?”

“But you
know
that’s not true. If nothing else, I was the one who pressured you the first time!”

“I wasn’t right in my head, I guess. I kept thinking about you and the rest didn’t matter.”

“I know what you mean. You’ve been the only thing I’ve cared about all summer.”

His face contorted into one of confusion but I hesitated, my pride getting the better of me. I very much wanted to tell him everything, but as I glanced at Reid, I decided it could wait. 

Charlie sighed at my hesitation. “We ain’t getting real far, are we? How ‘bout we sleep on it.” He leaned to one side until he was lying down, his head in my lap. I stretched out too, hardly comfortable, but borderline exhausted and my eyes heavy and burning from crying. I reached out for Charlie and stroked his hair, feeling his arms tighten around my waist.

“If you thought you had problems before, Vicious, you got your worst one yet.”

I shut my eyes, already feeling like I was drifting off. “What’s that?”

“‘Cause now I ain’t ever gonna be able to let you go.”

With the exception of Charlie and Reid, we took turns driving, even letting Polo have a go at it for an hour or so, so that Yuri could at least try to get some sleep. We only stopped twice—at the most desolate gas station in New York—and then again about two hours after we got over the Canadian border. At that point, neither Reid nor Charlie had been allowed out of the cab yet, and as two caged wild animals might be, both of them were either ready to kill one another or themselves.

Meanwhile, I wished the back of the cab had a window. Silly, considering all I already had to be grateful for, I know. All the same, I always figured Canada had a lot of scenery to appreciate, and I couldn’t even take it in passing. Though I remembered Charlie said we might be here a while and tried to take it as a consolation. I could be anywhere, beautiful or ugly, as long as I was with him.

The last few hours of the drive droned on. Without music to listen to and the cramped conditions, I’ll admit that even I was growing weary of Polo’s singing and especially of Reid’s complaining. And once Charlie and I ran out of things to throw at them, every mile seemed slower than the last. I was desperate to stretch my legs, inhale fresh air, and most of all, have the privacy with Charlie I so desperately wanted.

Chapter 19

It was just after eight o’clock when Yuri pulled off the side road that led onto yet another beaten road, invisible, I realized, from the rest of the small town. I climbed towards the front and looked through the windshield, now somewhat accessible when Polo got out to unlatch a gate.

“There’s barbed wire between the trees,” Charlie said. “Nobody’s getting in here we don’t want. Don’t worry.”

I wasn’t worried, only excited, eager. I wanted out of that cab, and bad. I wanted to shower, eat, and to see Tyler again, and to actually
see
Canada, to explore…now it seemed like there was an endless possibility for anything and everything. We had somehow gotten away and were all alive and in one piece.

Anything was possible.

I felt the truck pull to a stop and switch gears. The slamming of doors and the settling of the engine was like music to my ears, and when the setting Canadian sun threatened to blind me as Polo lifted the door, I wanted to dance.

“Okay, last stop. Everybody out.”

Charlie was the first one out, taking me by the waist to help me with the step. My hip and ankles cracked at the same time and he laughed, but as he arched his back, it made the same sound.

“We sound like a couple of old people.” I laughed.

He pulled me close; opening his mouth to say something before Reid shoved his way past us. “Get a room already.”

Charlie tensed, half ready to pounce, but this time I wasn’t the only one there to stop him. Ben Walden emerged like a magician. And I had to admit, I was happy to see him.

“Hi, kids. How was the trip?”

His casualness never ceased to amaze me. He had no doubt learned that his best friend had gotten caught by the police, tried to kill himself, and put their entire business at risk. Yet he was calm and collected. It seemed inhuman, yet I had seen how human Ben Walden could be sometimes, especially with Tyler and Elise. I was now willing to bet that those sorts of offhand attitudes took years to master. 

“I was stuck with the freaking lovebirds for ten hours,” Reid spat, craning his neck from side to side. “How in the hell to do think it was?”

Ben ignored him and lounged his arm around Charlie instead, stealing him away from me. They walked back towards the front of the truck while Yuri casually cleaned up the front cab and Polo obliviously skipped inside.

Charlie had mentioned something about a cabin by the lake, and turns out he hadn’t been joking. It looked like a house Robbie and I tried to mimic from the back of the Lincoln logs box. Only this cabin didn’t have plastic windows, or a door that said Playskool on it. Instead, cool, green ivy climbed up the sides of the chimney, and heavy pines rested against a sap coated roof. It was considerably smaller than Ben and Elise’s house, but I knew the instant I saw it, that I liked it. It looked cozy, felt like a home.

I wasn’t more than two steps from the door when I saw a Big Wheel, blue, its tires coated in sand from the lake and sap from the trees. Its trunk was overflowing with plastic shovels and pails. I might have taken another step more before she ambushed me at the doorway.

“Addie!”

I couldn’t tell by her appearance alone that Elise was pregnant. And though her hair was a little shorter, she looked the same, her wide smile blooming in secret warmth that I could never understand.

“Elise? Oh hi—”

I didn’t get in another word before the hugs started. I’ve never been a big hugger, but I was so happy to see her it didn’t matter. I even jumped up and down with her for a half a second.

Yuri made a comment about waterworks.

Elise tried to kick him with the heel of her sandals.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” She took my hands in hers and shook them like they were her personal maracas. “I’m so freaking glad, so relieved. I thought I’d never see you again!” She hugged me again, as though I didn’t believe she had missed me.

“I missed you, too.”

“You have no idea how worried I was. When—” She looked over her shoulder to smile and wave at Charlie. “We’ll talk later.” Then she hugged me again. “God, I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.”

I watched while she walked over to Charlie and said something to him. I didn’t hear everything but I did see her pointing a finger in his face, and judging by the body language, I’d say he got a stern talking to. I was sort of glad to know, though, that she knew I had all the rights to hit him especially reserved.

I followed Yuri inside the cabin, not surprised that it was as humble on the inside as it was on the outside. Instead of a large wall-mounted flat screen, there was a smaller TV on a stand, leather furniture replaced by older, plaid-patterned fittings. And in the middle of the couch, a dark-eyed, giggling Tyler jumped.

He stopped at my entrance, and looked at me as if trying to decide if I was going to be a source of amusement or boredom. I knew it was unlikely he would really remember me, especially with so much change going on in his world, but I still sort of hoped. Frankly, I couldn’t get over how tall he had gotten in just a couple of months, how his hair had thickened. He had passed the baby stage and gone straight to toddler. Before Elise and Ben knew it, he would be getting married and pulling off heists of his own.

“Hi,” he said. “Jump.”

“I see that.” I laughed. “Be careful or you’ll need a Band-Aid like Charlie.”

Abruptly he stopped and looked at me with the utmost seriousness. “Char-lee boo-boo head.”

Since I wasn’t fluent in 15-month-old, I just nodded slowly, letting him take me to see his dinosaurs when he yanked my hand. I was more interested in a shower, but I had to figure dinosaurs were safer than couch jumping. Polo bounced around the kitchen enough for us anyway, trying to tell me a dozen things at once. Admittedly though, I struggled to listen. The aroma of Elise’s cooking was seductive, and my eyes were searching for Charlie at the front door.

“It’s real good you came back. I thought after that last one…” He kept mumbling while he stuffed vegetables smothered in dip in mouth. “…oh man, oh man, it was real bad.”

A T-Rex tried to eat my face off.

“Okay, settle down there…both of you.”

Elise came in with Charlie and Ben a few seconds behind her. I figured with reinforcements it was safe to leave Tyler in the prehistoric age.

“I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.”

“I know,” Elise said, trying to shoo Polo away. “Dinner can be anytime,” she announced. “I’ve had the slow cooker brewing all day.

“You look awful,” I whispered to Charlie.

“Gee, thanks.”

“I’m serious,” I said, reaching for his bandage. “You need to have someone look at this.”

“It’s fine. No permanent damage, I swear.”

I frowned at him.

“Scouts honor.”

“Very funny.” I sighed, inspecting it as best I could without touching it; even if the wound had closed, I figured it didn’t need any more germs than it had. “At least go take a shower and clean it up.”

“Is that an invitation?”

I had almost forgotten how badly he could make me blush. “We’ll see.”

“Please?”

I glanced around. Yuri was half passed out on the couch and Polo was updating Ben and Elise on his adventure. Tyler was stacking blocks on Yuri’s head and Reid had disappeared altogether.

“I can’t resist good manners.”

“Oh.” He winked. “I know.”

The cabin was ranch styled and only had one and a half bathrooms. I quickly gathered that two of the three bedrooms were attached to the main bathroom, but it didn’t seem to matter. Everyone was used to sharing each other’s space and from my days with Melinda, I figured I was prepared to live in a cardboard box with someone if I had to.

Charlie sat at the end of a bed, which was stripped but with fresh sheets and blankets sitting at the headboard. He looked around as I wandered into the bathroom; everything about it was rustic, but clean and well taken care of. I turned on the tap and tested the water before letting the tub fill.

“What’s the matter?”

“I was just thinkin’ how it was kinda funny how in the joint, just when I started that fight, all I could think ‘bout was how mad you were gonna be at me.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and sat on the edge of the tub. “Then why didn’t you stop?”

“‘Cause I’m an idiot.”

I looked away from him, staring into the pool of water beside me. Without realizing it, my eyes had sprung tears and I didn’t understand why.

“Please don’t get upset. See, I knew you still loved me then, I just didn’t get it.” He stabbed at his forehead with his thumb. “I just didn’t get it in here. But I know now. And I meant what I said earlier, I’m not letting you go again.”

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, careful not to squeeze too hard where I thought he might still be tender.

He smiled as he stood up, and when he struggled to get the collar of his shirt over his bandages, I hastened to help him get the rest of his shirt over his head. Our eyes met, and for the first time since we had reunited, I could see clearly in the light the damage our separation had done. The slight gray hadn’t been my imagination; a root that started at his hairline and disappeared into dark. And his already rugged jaw line was somehow more hardened, making him look older than I knew he was, even more handsome.

In the air I traced my hand over the spotted bumps on his chest, yellow with touches of gray and brown, and all the same sizes. Up close like this it was impossible to deny what they were.

“Y-you—”

I couldn’t talk over my sniffling but Charlie brought my hand to him. “Hey.” He laughed. “I’m still here.” As if waiting until I measured his heartbeat, he paused. “See?”

I shook my head, still unwilling to believe. Didn’t he have any idea what his death would do to me? How could he just leave me for the nothingness like that?

“You let people—” The words wouldn’t come; I had to spit them out. “—stomp on you?”

He shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. Slow and painful.”

“How could you do that to me? If you had
any
clue that I loved you then how could you let me feel guilt like that for the rest of my life? Why would you?”

“And what ‘bout you, huh? What did you mean when you said I was the only thing you cared ‘bout?”

I pulled myself from him, slightly surprised that he had gotten so good at turning the conversation around on me.

“You have to get in the tub first.”

I let go of him and went back to the bathroom. I turned off the tap and began searching under the sink. I did this for two reasons. Partially because I thought he was less likely to rage out in a more vulnerable position, and also because I thought it might distract him entirely.

“Are you gonna join me?”

“Nope.”

I heard the water sloshing around, making his skin steam. Though he was chest deep, he still tried to pull at me with the thumb of his cast.

I found a box of latex gloves and tried to stay focused.

“Why not?”

“Because someone needs to change those gross bandages on your head.”

“You know, in the hospital I had nurses givin’ me sponge baths.”

“Oh really?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. I was out of it up until yesterday, so I don’t know.”

“You are not funny.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

I bit my lip. “I think you know why.”

“So it’s not because I’m funny?”

Even though I’ve always had an appreciation for challenges, I realized right then and there that some challenges are truly impossible without proper sleep and preparation. Though in hindsight, I guess it might have helped to have motivation, too.

“You gotta tell me, Vicious,” I heard him whisper.

I bit my lip. “Promise not to get mad?”

“No.”

“Charlie.”

“You want me to lie?”

“J-just promise you won’t hurt yourself or destroy anything in the house.”

He seemed to consider this. “I can still beat on Polo though, right?”

The Charlie smile made me lose myself.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and let it out. I rambled about the parasites and how grateful I had been for the way they infected me. And while I didn’t talk about everything that led up to it, I did tell him about the day at the boardwalk, how I had been considering it for awhile without even realizing it. How the feel of salt water on my face reminded me of him and how good it had felt to let go…

Charlie’s body was leaner than I had seen it last. Layered in fresh scars in places that I knew I’d have to explore later. Still, I tried to focus on changing the bandages, glad that the line where the stitches had been was starting to fade. The only really visible reminder was the yellow from the iodine that stained his scalp. I worked as I talked, trying to avoid his grim expression as I talked.