Convincing Constance (The Blow Hole Boys) (9 page)

A mistake. What the hell
had possessed me to say she was a mistake? She was so far from a mistake it was insane. I’d acted before she had a chance to say the same, since I was sure that’s what she’d called me to her room to tell me. And go figure, I was right. She regretted me touching her and I couldn’t blame her.

As soon as I got back to my room, I down
ed a handful of pills and grabbed a beer. I wasn’t in pain, but I was feeling pretty shitty mentally. Why couldn’t I be as carefree as Chet? Why couldn’t I be as in control as Finn or Zeke? Why did I have to be the fucked-up one in the group?

All I wanted was to be able to move past my past. I wanted to forget about the scars and move on with my life. I wanted the fucking nightmares to stop, and I wanted to be able to breathe again. Was that so much to ask for?

I shook myself when I realized I was sounding like a straight-up bitch-boy. I needed to snap out of it. I needed a night out, and I knew exactly who I needed to go with me.

I left my room and went to Chet’s door. He opened it
, naked.

“Dude! Seriously?” I said as I pushed past him into his room.

“Whatever. It’s not like you’ve never seen my sack. I hate clothes,” he said as he started to get dressed. “What’s up?”

“Let’s go get drunk and fucked
,” I said as I lay back on his bed.

He started laughing as he threw his shirt over his head. “See? That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. Since Zeke got with Patience and Finn starting being a lovesick bitch, I’ve been bored out of my mind. Let’s go do this.”

Three hours later, I found myself at a strip club with a girl on my lap and all my money in the crack of her ass. Chet was across from me, getting his cock sucked, and all I could think about was what Constance would think if she knew where I was and what I was doing.

I ended
up leaving the strip club with no money in my wallet and a nasty set of blue balls. I decided then and there that something was definitely wrong with me. Chet had to drag me to my room since I’d taken way too many pills and drank way more than I should have. As soon as I got in my room, I passed out.

Three days later, Constance and
I had barely spoken to each other. It was weird even though we agreed we wouldn’t make it weird. It wasn’t like we fucked or anything, so it wasn’t a big deal, but somehow, it was to me.

We had two more shows before we’d be back in Los Angeles for one final show. Three more shows and the tour would be over and I’d probably never see her again. While I’d never been more excited to be back in our condo, I couldn’t help but feel sick knowing she would be gone.

Once the tour was over, we could take a few weeks off before we started on our next album, and I could clear my head, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to clear my mind of her. In the end, I ended up drinking more than usual and taking pills more often.

Later at the show, I blocked my thoughts as I played. I made sure to keep my eyes off of Constance. The only time we were even close to each other on stage was during one of her solos when she brushed against me and smiled. It was all for show, but I’d be lying if I said she didn’t smell amazing or feel great against me.

Finn sang his ass off, and Chet beat his drums like it would be the last time he ever played. It was a damn good show. The crowd continued to scream after we left the stage, and soon they were chanting for more. We were all about giving our fans what they wanted, so we went out and encored two songs.

The air was hot and the lights burned into my skin. It felt amazing. After we left the stage the second time, we made our way to the back of the building toward the car when Finn stopped in his tracks. I practically ran into
his back, and then I saw who it was that made him stop.

Jack Jenson. Legendary bass player for Black Daze, one of my all-time favorite bands, was standing there staring back at us. It wasn’t often that we got star struck. As far as I could remember
, I’d only ever seen Finn with stars in his eyes once, and it was when Steven Tyler of Aerosmith had shook his hand and told him he sounded badass.

“Holy shit
,” Chet said behind us.

“Holy shit, indeed
,” Jack said with a smile. “If it isn’t the hottest rockers on the scene, Blow Hole. The show kicked ass, boys.”

“That’s one hell of a compliment, sir.” Finn took the words right out of my mouth.

“Ah, hell. I’m not that fucking old. Call me Jack, kid,” he said as he slapped Finn on the back.

And then he turned toward Constance, smiled, and pulled her in for a hug. “Hey, sweetheart. You kicked ass out there tonight
,” he said.

The rest of us stared at the scene with our mouths wide open in shock. Constance knew Jack Jenson from Black Daze. What the fuck?

She smiled, but her smile wasn’t right. It was forced. I’d seen that smile before. Taking another look, I could also see that her body was stiff. It wasn’t until he let her go and backed away that her shoulders dropped a little.

“Hey, Jack. What are you doing here?”
she said robotically.

He put his hands on his hips, shook his head, and sighed. “Only Jack, huh? The name’s Uncle Jack, pretty girl, and don’t you forget it.” He grinned down at her and again her frame went stiff.

“Oh, you found her,” a lady slurred as she made her way toward us.

She looked drunk out of her mind and older, but I knew exactly who she was.

“You’re Clarke McClaire’s wife,” I blurted out.

She smiled and patted her feathered hair. “That’s me, sweetie. Constance, aren’t you going to introduce your mother to the rest of your band
?”

And then everything shifted. I looked around at Chet and Finn’s faces and I could see when realization came to them, too.

“You’re Clarke McClaire’s daughter?” Finn asked. “As in the lead singer of Black Daze is your father? As in your name is Constance McClaire?”

Constance looked down as if she
were ashamed, and then she nodded.

“Holy shit
,” Chet whispered, and I couldn’t have agreed more.

After the initial shock, we invited Jack and Constance’s mom, Michelle, out to dinner. We sat at the table and listened as Jack told stories about when Black Daze went on tour. He talked about the drugs, the women, and the shit the boys used to get into it. It was amazing.

I didn’t miss the fact that Constance said practically nothing. I’d catch her occasionally giv
ing her mom a shitty look, but other than that, she poked at her food and sipped her water. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I knew trying to talk to her was a bad idea considering our brief past.

With it being so late, Michelle and Jack got a room at the hotel we were staying in and everyone said goodnight and went their separate ways. I went back to my room
, still in shock by the news of who Constance’s father was. I didn’t understand why she hadn’t told any of us.

I took a shower and chilled in bed
, waiting for sleep to come, but instead, I ended up lying there thinking about Constance and the fact that in a week I might not see her again. I hated that we were leaving each other on such strange terms and as much I hated to do it, I knew we needed to talk.

Climbing out of bed, I threw on some clothes and left my room. My room was eight doors down from Constance’s
, and I took my time thinking about everything I wanted to say to her—thinking about keeping my hands to myself no matter how badly I wanted to touch her or kiss her.

By the time I got to her door, I had my game plan. I reached out to knock, but her door was slightly open. The little silver lock was stuck between the door and the doorframe. It was as if she’d shut the door and hadn’t realized the lock was in place.

I lifted my hand to softly knock since I didn’t want to walk right in and find her naked, or worse, naked with another man, but before I could knock, a squeal came from inside. Knocking no longer mattered. Instead, I slung the door open and found Jack on top of a fighting Constance. His hand was over her mouth as he struggled to get her pants down.

I saw red. I didn’t care who the fucker was. I lost track of all
thought as I flew into the room with my fist in the air, ready to kill.

I could hardly believe my
eyes. No way was I staring at the piece of shit Jack. No way had my crazy mother dragged her ass and his to one of our shows. How did she even know about me playing with Blow Hole?

Shay and KC. Those bitches could never keep their mouths shut. I knew I should have never told them about my gig, but I’d been desperate for gas money and honestly, had I not told them
, I would have never made it to the audition.

My nerves were going fucking nuts and I kept feeling like I was going to be sick while sitting at the table at an upscale restaurant with that fucker. I wanted to pick up my fork and gouge his eyes out. Every time he looked at me
, my stomach pitched and I fantasized about walking over and spitting in his face.

The wors
t thing that could have happened did. The boys knew who my dad was, and I couldn’t be upset with them for completely freaking out and going star struck on me. I couldn’t be mad at them for inviting my mom and Jack to dinner, but it was the last place in the world I wanted to be.

Then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, they got a room at the same hotel we were staying at. Fucking gag me with something long and blunt. I went back to my room so pissed off I could barely breathe and shaken to my very core, and I knew I wasn’t going to feel better until that asshole wasn
’t in the same building as me.

When I got to my room, I locked the door behind me and went straight to the shower. I felt sweaty and gross
, and having Jack staring at my boobs the entire night made me feel even more disgusting. I scrubbed my skin hard like I had that night so many years ago, and when I didn’t think I was clean enough, I scrubbed myself again.

Once I was done and my skin was rubbed raw, I got dressed and hid under my covers
, praying for sleep to take me. I wanted to go down the hallway, beat on my mom’s door, and go in and kick Jack’s ass, but I knew I had to contain myself. The next day they would be gone and I never had to see that fucker’s face again if I didn’t want to.

A knock at the door startled me and I jumped. Climbing out of bed, I went to the door.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“It’s T
iny,” a muffled response came through the door.

I undid the door guard and pulled the door open. Instead of Tony, Jack was standing there. Quickly, I tried to slam the door in his face, but he was strong for an old fucker and he pushed the door open
, narrowly missing me.

The door slammed into the wall and shook the generic picture of the ocean hanging
there. He shut the door behind him, not noticing that the door guard had put itself back in place and kept the door from shutting completely.

“I knew you’d open the door for him. I guess you really are into bass players after all. I saw the way you were looking at each other earlier.”

He grabbed me and I fought back, getting in two hits before he punched me and knocked me down. I didn’t give up. Bringing my leg up, I caught him on the inside of his thigh with my foot.

“Fuck. You almost got me. I don’t remember you being a fighter like this. I watch the tape occasionally, but you just lay there.”

“That’s because you drugged me, you sick fuck,” I said as I went for the door.

He grabbed me around the waist and slung me across the room. “Oh yeah. That’s right
,” he said breathlessly.

I picked up the lamp and threw it at his face, but he smacked it to the side. I didn’t wait
. I went in for the kill and punched him twice in the face. His blood spurted against my knuckles.

“You little bitch!” he said.

And in slow motion, his fist came flying at me, landing on my right cheek. It was a hard hit that knocked me out for a few seconds. When I woke up, he was on top of me with his hand over my mouth, struggling to get my sleep pants down.

I fought with all my might
, kicking and screaming against his palm, but he was so strong and so heavy. He wasn’t the thin guy he used to be in his younger years. He was heavy and hairy and using his all to hold me to the bed.

My temples banged with my screams and my eyes watered. He shifted his hand and covered my nose and I couldn’t breathe. I struggled harder against him. I needed oxygen and I wanted him dead. I was starting to get dizzy, but I continued to fight him. And then suddenly
, he was gone.

His body was lifted from mine as if a dark angel had swept in and snatched him off. I sucked in as much air as I could get. There were noises around me
, loud scuffles and things falling over, but I couldn’t seem to sit up. I wasn’t sure if it was fear or if I’d just worn myself out from fighting so hard, but I couldn’t move.

When I was finally able to get out of the bed, I stood and found Tony leaning over Jack
’s motionless body. He lifted his fist to continue to hit him, but suddenly, Finn and Chet were there, pulling him off.

“What the fuck happened?” Finn said loudly.

My knees felt weak beneath me and I knew I was going to be all girlie and pass out. Tony turned to me with concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”
he asked breathlessly.

His face was swelling on the side and his lip was cracked and bleeding.

I opened my mouth to speak, but then everything in the room around me shifted and soon the room went black.

I woke to the sound
of the TV. Leaning up on my elbows, I took in the room around me. It was definitely not my room. Men’s clothing littered the floor and the smell of fresh men’s cologne and showered skin filled my senses.

Sitting up completely, I found myself staring at a sleeping Tony. He was out cold in the chair next to the bed I was lying in. It was then I realized I was safe in his room. All the memories from before came crashing down on me. The fight that I’d put up, the way Jack felt against my body. And then Tony’s face when I sat up and saw him leaning over Jack. The anger and hate I saw in his expression. It was totally different from the awestruck expression he’d worn earlier in the night when he’d first met Jack.

He’d saved me. I climbed from the bed and went to where he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. I ran my finger over his swollen eye and down across his cracked lip. He had cleaned up, but the bruises were starting to show.

His eyes cracked openly slowly and he sat and stared at me as I softly touched his face.

“Are you okay?” he rasped.

His voice was full of sleep and concern.

I nodded. “Thank you,” I whispered.

I cupped his cheek and he covered my hand with his palm. “I wanted to kill him
,” he said. “If Finn and Chet hadn’t stopped me, I would’ve killed him with my bare hands.”

Something heavy filled my heart and just when I thought my chest was about to explode, I leaned in and kissed him. I’d been wanting to since the last time we had, and I no longer cared what he wanted. He’d saved me
, and I was kissing him as a thank you.

When I leaned back, he frowned up at me and ran his finger over my cheek. I flinched and even though I hadn’t seen it yet, I knew there was one hell of a bruise on my cheek.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.”

I could hardly believe he was apologizing to me.

“Don’t say you’re sorry. If anything, I’m sorry about your face.”

“Don’t be. I let him get a few hits in.” He grinned.

“Where is he now?” I could only hope his ass was locked up.

“Your mom came to the room and collected him. She called me and the boys a few choice words and left. Chet said he saw them leave early this morning. I kicked his ass. He won’t be messing with you again.”

I couldn’t help myself. I leaned down and kissed him again. When I pulled away, he was still grinning.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to go see the damage
,” I said as I went to the bathroom.

Sure enough, there was a big purple bruise on my check. My very own battle wound. I’d fought hard
, and as bad as it sounded, I was proud of my cheek. It was a sign I was no longer the weak little girl I used to be. It was a sign that I was going to be okay. Sure, I still had the memories, but the memories no longer had me.

Going back into the room, I saw Tony as he picked through his pill bag. Instead of saying anything, I walked up to him and laid my hand over his to stop him.

“Don’t,” I whispered. “You don’t need to.”

He didn’t respond. Instead
, he closed the bag and stuffed it back in his pocket. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. Instead of putting his arms around me like I’d hoped he would, he tensed in my arms.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as I looked up into his face.

He frowned down at me and shook his head. “Nothing. I just…”

“What? Tell me?”

I really hoped he didn’t say something that was going to crush me. My night had already sucked so much ass it was unreal. The last thing I needed was to have Tony push me away again like some disgusting reject.

When he didn’t say anything
, I stepped away from him. “You know what? Don’t answer. You’re right. I shouldn’t keep practically throwing myself at you like this. You’re obviously not interested and that’s fine. I won’t be touching you again,” I said in embarrassment.

I turned to walk away. I didn’t need to be lounging around his room in my pajamas. I needed to go back to my room, get myself together, and get ready to head back to Los Angeles.

“It’s not like that, Constance,” he said from behind me.

“It’s fine. I understand
,” I said as I continued toward the door.

“Stop. It’s just… It’s just…”

I turned around quickly, my hair slapping me in the face. “Just spit it out already. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. I’m not a soft bitch. I can handle myself and my emotions just fine.”

He walked across the room to me and softly pushed me against the door.

“You make me crazy,” he said before taking a deep breath. “My life’s been so fucked up, and I used to think I was in hell. Then I met you and I realized hell wasn't a place. It’s a moment. I'm in hell every time you touch me… every time you even look at me… because I know what you want when you look at me, and I know I can't give you something that doesn’t exist.”

He turned to walk away and I dug my fingernails into his arm to stop him. He looked down at my hand and the muscle popped in his jaw.

“What if what I want is you?” I asked.

His dark eyes devoured mine before dropping to my lips and back again. Reaching up, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Exactly.”