CORAL - Forever (A Romance Trilogy, Book 3) (20 page)

“I’m not made of glass,” I grumble.

“No!” He firmly tells me, keeping his eyes fixed on my
belly, his jaw tensing a couple of times.

“I want you buried deep within me,” I whisper. “I want to
lose myself in you all evening.” I add hoping it’s too good an opportunity for
him to miss. Keeping his hand on my belly, he takes a deep breath and closes
his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, they are gazing at my belly again.
“As tempting as that is,” he whispers, then swallows hard.
“We have something we need to talk about.”

His eyes meet mine, and I see they are swimming with some
unnamed emotion.

I take his face in my hands. “What is it? Why do you look so
sad?”

His head drops again, his eyes gazing at my belly for a
moment, then he lifts his head, takes my face in his hands and kisses me
softly. Pulling back, he gazes at me again, and I can see
it
in his eyes, whatever this is, it is serious –
Crap!

“What’s wrong?” I whisper, his thumbs skate softly across my
cheeks.
“This is hard for you to say?” I quickly surmise. He
nods solemnly at me.
Fuck! What do I do?

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to work
out what to do, when I open them and look at him, his eyes are blazing, and
dark. “It’s ok Tristan,” I gently say, stroking his cheeks as I do. “Take your
time,” I add, even though the suspense is killing me.

His head drops again, his eyes gazing at my belly for a moment,
then he lifts his head takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly again.

“What?” I push, because it seems like he just can’t get his
words out. He briefly closes his eyes then places his hand back on my belly. I
place my hand over his. “Please Tristan...tell me,” I beg.

“You were pregnant,” he breathes, his eyes are almost black
now, his jaw strained.

“What?” I half-laugh shaking my head at him. Then it slowly
starts to sink in what he just said,
‘were’
I swallow hard against the
lump in my throat. “Were?” I whisper, staring down at his hand still splayed
across my belly.

“They think it was the stress, the trauma of what happened,”
he quietly says.

“I was pregnant?” I whisper disbelievingly, slowly shaking
my head.

“Yes, very early stages. One week, maybe a few more days…?”
He replies, his jaw tensing again.

“But...but we used protection?” I squeak.

“Coral, don't you remember? After you told me about your
past, the test you had done...we spent all that weekend having unprotected
sex.”

Shit!
He’s right – we did! I stare disbelievingly at
him.

I was pregnant?

That means…?

This means…?

I was pregnant!

I start rapidly shaking my head in horror.
This can’t be
true, can it?

“But I can’t get pregnant,” I whisper in defiance.
He’s
got it wrong, he must have done.

“Wrong diagnoses, you can conceive,” Tristan says, watching
me carefully.

“But…how do you know that?” I whisper, staring at Tristan
with wide eyes.

“When you were bought in, and they managed to resuscitate
you. They started doing the usual checks before you went down to theatre...”
Tristan stops and runs a hand through his hair.

“One of the nurses noticed you were bleeding…down there…at
first they thought it was internal haemorrhaging, they did all sorts of tests,
but your blood was showing high levels of human chorionic gonadotrophin. Apparently
it’s what your body produces in the early stages of pregnancy...” He swallows
hard.

“I...I miscarried?” I whisper in horror. Tristan nods,
unable to say anymore. His eyes are bleak, his cheeks flushed. I
stare down at my belly again. I was pregnant and I
didn’t even know it. I didn’t feel anything?
What does that say about me?

“I didn’t know…I couldn’t feel anything…” I breathe staring
down at our hands. “How could I not know?” I ask.

“Dr Green is...well she said once I’d told you, that you
could go and speak to her, she said anytime, just call. That’s if you wanted
to.”
So that’s what they were arguing about!

A tsunami size wave of guilt washes over me. “This is my
fault,” I whisper. “If I had told you what was going on with Susannah, if she
hadn’t tried to...maybe the baby….?” I drift off.

“Coral don’t,” Tristan says, running his thumb across my
lips. “You have nothing to feel guilty about – Nothing!” He firmly adds.

“I lost our baby Tristan, so don’t try and tell me I
shouldn’t feel guilty.” I bite.

We stare at one another again,
two stubborn fools.

“Do they know…?” I squeeze my eyes shut unable to finish.

“Know what baby?” He whispers stroking my cheek.

“What is was…boy or girl?” My voice is barely audible.
Suddenly the dream I was just having makes perfect sense...the baby...the
newborn baby! Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me?

“No Coral, they don’t know.” I nod my head. “How do you
feel?” He asks.

“Confused, worried, shocked...” I stare out into space.
“Sad…” I add wistfully.

“Coral, I am so sorry,” he softly says.

I stand up from him, walk over to the ceiling height window
and stare out at the view, trying to assimilate some rational thinking, but my
head is swimming – I was pregnant with Tristan’s child – I look back at him. He
has his head hung low, his eyes to the floor, being patient as usual. In-fact,
I’d say he looks lost, and just as cut up about the news as I feel –
Oh
Tristan!

I walk back over to him, and carefully straddle him again.

He looks up at me. “I...I don't know how to make this better
Coral, tell me what to do?”

I shake my head at him. “I don’t even know where to start…there’s
a whole myriad of emotions,” I choke.

“Do you want me to ask George to come around?” He softly
asks.

I shake my head at him. “No, I want you Tristan. I want you
to be my first port of call, always, not George.”

“Really?” He looks confused and surprised.

“Yes. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”

“Yes, but’ – “Tristan…when Susannah attacked you and I found
you lying on the bed…” I close my eyes remembering, there was so much blood.
“There was a split second when I thought you were dead, that I’d lost you
forever,” I swallow hard. “I vowed to myself that I would never shut you out
again, that I would let you in, despite how scared it makes me, only when I
thought that there was no more fear. Almost losing you made me realise I want
to be open with you, always. I want to tell you all the things I’m feeling
right now, even if you don’t like what you hear…” I end in a whisper.

“You do?” He says, surprised.

“Yes.” I answer firmly.

“Oh baby.” He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms
around me. “That’s like hearing you telling me you loved me for the first
time.”

“Want to know my first question?”

“Yes.”

“How are
you
feeling?” I question.

“What?” He pulls back, gripping my upper arms and frowns at
me.

“Hearing that I was pregnant…then losing it. How has it made
you feel?”
Tristan is quiet for a really long time,
but I bide my time, and try to be patient with him.

“I’ve thought about a lot of
things,” he finally says, staring at my belly again.

“And the first thing is…?” I prompt.

“That you
can
have children. You have that honour
back, it wasn’t taken away from you,” he softly says. It suddenly hits me –
This
is why he’s been so reluctant to have sex with me!

“Are they really sure?” I question. “I was definitely
pregnant?”
How can I feel sad about losing something I didn’t even know I
had?

“Yes, that’s probably why you’re so up and down. The nurse
said that you’ll be fine one minute, crying the next, your hormones are all out
of whack.”
That explains the crying!

“Oh…” I stare down at the bed. “We were going to be
parents?” I say, trying to get my head round it.

“Yes,” he breathes.

“And how do you feel about that?” I question.

“Over the moon,” he admits.

My heart sinks.
“You
did
want children,” I tremble, remembering our conversation in the kitchen.

“Hey.” He pulls on my chin. “Less of that, when we discussed
it I was completely honest with you. Then when I was told in the hospital that
you had fallen pregnant...I…I thought it was the most wonderful news, second to
you saying you love me and you want to marry me...” Tristan takes a deep
breath. “Then when they told me you had miscarried, I was so angry. Why did
that have to happen to you? Hadn’t you been through enough? Then, after a while
I started to feel a little more positive, you could conceive and I thought that...over
time, after me giving you the news, you might want to try again…maybe.”
He looks up at me with dark, sad eyes.

“Oh Tristan!” I wrap my arms around his neck and cradle his
head under my chin.
“Tristan, I’m not ready for a
baby yet,” I croak. “I just want you all to myself for a while.”

“Hey.” He leans back and takes my face in his hands. “Whenever…whatever
you want Coral, however you want this to work, it’s all up to you.” He says,
gazing up at me.

“Don’t you get a say?” I question.

Tristan smiles enigmatically at me. “I want whatever you
want.” I shake my head at him. “What?” He questions.

“Is that why you’ve been denying me?” I whisper, staring at
his full lips.

Tristan sighs heavily. “Partly, if we started...we would
have had to use protection and I know you would have questioned that, but
mainly I want you better first, I'm worried about hurting you.”

“Thought so,” I say.

“Baby.” He snakes his thumb across my bottom lip. “You’re
taking this all too well.”

“Am I?” I gaze down at my belly again. “I don't think I am
Tristan. I think I’m in shock. Plus, this crying is a new thing for me, and I
seem to be doing an awful lot of it lately, and I
hate
it!” I hiss. “I
hate feeling up and down.”

“I know,” he whispers.

We sit in silence for a while, just holding one another,
both deep in thought...

“Hey,” Tristan lifts my head to look at him. “What do you
want Coral, some food, a bath, a shower?” He softly asks.

“I want you to make love to me then shower with me. I need
help washing my hair.”
There I’ve said it, he likes it or he doesn’t.

“But baby…your still in pain,” he says gazing at me with
wide, worried eyes.

“I don’t care,” I bark. “I’ll take the pain. I just want to
feel you.”

“Can’t you feel this?” He questions, wrapping his arms
around me, squeezing me gently.

“It’s not the same,” I scold. “And you know it.”
Pulling back to assess me, he smiles wryly at me then
shakes his head in frustration –
He’s saying no!

“Please,” I beg. “We’ll go
slow…please Tristan I need to do this with you.”

“Why?” He questions, searching my face.

“Because it’s my way of being closest to you, like I’m part
of you, connected to you…I’ve missed you like that, I’ve missed us like that, I
just…” I take a moment trying to think of the right words to explain how I
feel. “It’s like, being with you like that, after what happened to me when I
was young, it’s like….like I kind of completely lose myself in you. It’s the
only way I feel I can express myself, express my love for you. When we make
love, all I feel is pure love flowing through me, it’s magical,” I say.

“Oh baby,” he breathes and gently takes me in his arms,
kissing me sweetly.

“Is that a yes,” I murmur against his lips, teasing his
tongue with mine.

“Yes,” he whispers. He’s breathing hard, and his eyes are dilated.

“I guess we’re going to need
that box of condoms after all,” I whisper, smiling coyly at him.

“If this hurts you,” he warns. “I’m stopping,” he adds in
tone that’s not to be argued with.

“Ok.” I submit not wanting to rock the boat.

He cocks one eyebrow up at me then laughs with sarcasm. “Well
now I know what to do when
I
want you to do something,” he muses.

“You do?”

“Yes, deny you sex. You’ll do anything for it,” he laughs.

“Anything for you,” I right him.

“Yes, for me,” he smiles making me melt.

“I'm all yours baby,” I giggle holding my arms out. “You
better take me before I internally combust.”

“Coral,” Tristan stills me. “I know you’re strong, much
stronger than I originally thought, but’ – I place my fingers on his lips. “I
need time,” I tell him. “Time to process it, but right now I just want to
forget everything and be with you.”

“You’re sure?” he questions.

“Yes, I'm absolutely positive,” I say and leaning forward I
softly kiss him. Desire unfolds deep within me, I pull back panting. “Take me,”
I whisper.

Tristan wraps his arms around me and carefully lays me down
on the bed. The full length of his body is lying on top of me, his elbows
supporting his weight. I can feel his erection digging into my belly...
Oh
God I want him...so badly.

“I really do love you Coral Stevens,” he softly says....

HIS
LIPS SWOOP DOWN,
crushing hard against mine, making me moan with
pleasure. Passion unfurls thick and heavy in my body as our tongues tease and
tantalise each other. I wrap my legs around him, pushing his erection into my
groin, grinding against him.

“You’re a hungry little thing,” he growls.

“Yes,” I pant. “For you, always.”

Standing to his feet Tristan bends down and takes off his
shoes, then in double quick time he strips off his clothing. Then he walks over
to his bedside cabinet, opens the draw, pulls out the box of condoms and throws
them on the bed. In my haste to feel him inside me, I rip open the box, pull
out a condom, rip open the foil and take out the horrid thing.

Maybe I should go on the pill?

I look up at Tristan with hungry eyes and see his eyes
reflecting the same thing.
Wow, he really is a site to behold. So gorgeous,
so fit...my beautiful man...

Tristan slowly and seductively crawls up the bed to me,
kissing every inch of me as he does. My head cranes back and I moan in delight.
God I need this!

“God you’re sexy,” he breathes. Reaching my bra, he pulls
the material aside on each cup so my nipples are exposed, they are already hard
and aching for his touch. Slowly he leans down and gently sucks my right
nipple.

“Ahh...Tristan!” I feel it right down below. Then he moves
and does the same with my left nipple. “Tristan!” I moan my eyes involuntarily
closing.

“We’re going to take this real slow baby,” he says then he
starts to nip, kiss and suck his way down my torso, stopping when he reaches
the material of my lacy thongs.

Jesus, I want him in me now! I don't want to take it
slow...

Peeling the material of my knickers to the side, his mouth
swoops down and his tongue starts to gently flick my clitoris, over and over,
round and round, then up and down. It builds so fast inside me that I don't
have any time to think about it – and I come, hard. My body bowing as the waves
ripple through me...

“Coral,” he chuckles. “You’re so responsive to me, you turn
me on so much baby,” he adds.

Reluctantly, I open my eyes and smile up at him. He holds
his hand out to me, I know what he wants, but I want to taste him, I want him
in my mouth.

“But I want to’ – “No!” he softly scolds freakily reading my
mind. “Not until you’re better,” he says so I place the condom in his hand.

Kneeling up, he carefully places the condom on his fine
manly parts, smiling wickedly at me as he does, then his body is on top of me
again, his elbows supporting his weight, the head of his erection teasing my
sex. I push my hips up and grind against him.

“Slow baby,” he whispers staring down at me.

“Ok,” I relent.
I’ll behave!

“Good.” He smiles wickedly at me again and slowly starts to
enter me, inch by inch, until he’s completely filled me –
Yes!

I close my eyes, my head craning back, wanting friction. I
need to feel him moving inside me.

“Oh baby,” he breathes, and starts to slowly move – in and
out, in and out. “Coral,” he softly mewls.

I open my eyes and gaze up at him. “Oh Tristan...I have
missed this,” I pant. I want to move, to grind against him, work with his
rhythm, but he wants me to be careful, and I know if I push it he’ll stop.

“Ahh...” Tristan suddenly moves hitting the right spot
inside me. I feel myself tighten around him –
Oh no! Not yet...please...

“Jesus,” he hisses, moving a little quicker.

And the build up just doesn’t stop. The more he moves, the
heavier and thicker it seems to build within me. I feel like I haven’t done
this before, it’s all happening so fast...

“Tristan,” I moan trying to hold onto the sensation, tightly
gripping his biceps. His mouth swoops down on mine, and we can barely kiss each
other for panting so hard. Tristan moans, a deep sexy sound and closes his
eyes. He’s hovering above me, his lips inches from mine as he moves in and out
of me, he smells so good...tastes so good...
Oh Tristan!

“Come with me baby.” He says, staring down at me with wide
eyes.

“No!”
I don't want this to stop.

“Yes,” he hisses. “Now!” And he climaxes, just as I explode
around him –
No!

Tristan wraps his arms around me and turns onto his back, so
I’m practically lying on top of him. I can't help smiling as I watch him slowly
come down from his orgasm. He really does have a lovely face.

Opening his eyes, he grins like a fool in love, leans up and
gently kisses the tip of my nose.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Oh you know...” I tease.

“Actually I don't,” he says dryly. “Was that not to your
satisfaction Miss Stevens?”

“Yes,” I giggle. I can still feel him inside me so I
wriggle, but it sends shooting pains across my shoulder. “Shit!” I wince in
pain, my eyes squeezed shut trying to block it out.

“Coral,” Tristan balks.

“I'm ok,” I whimper.

“Right that’s it,” he snaps. “No more sex until you’re
better.”

“No!” I argue. “I didn’t feel any pain having sex, you can't
use that one against me Tristan, so stop it!” He frowns back at me. “I mean
it!” I say.

“Fine!” He pouts. It makes me giggle. “I'm funny too?” he
balks.

“Hey.” I pull on his chin so he has to look at me. “That was
amazing Tristan, I don't think I'm ever going to get enough of you like that.”

“Round two?” he asks mischievously.
Huh?
One minute
he’s saying no, the next he wants more?

“Wait!” I say. “What were you and Detective Marsh talking
about?” Tristan sighs, gently pulls out of me, then moves me so I’m lying next
to him. Then he lies flat on his back and looks up at the ceiling. “Tristan?”
He sighs again, and closes his eyes.

“You remember when we first talked after your accident with
Lily and I told you my exes didn’t...” He trails off running a hand through his
hair, staring up at the ceiling. I scoot closer to him, so I’m half lying across
him, then lean down and kiss his big, beautiful shoulder.

He shakes his head and smiles wryly at me. “I can't believe
I believed them, but when you hear it several times, you start to believe it’s
true I guess...” he ponders to himself.

“Hear what? What did they say Tristan? I’m climbing the
walls here.” He swallows hard, then smiles shyly at me.

“They all said the same thing Coral... that I’m boring,
predictable, they all said that I make myself out to be charming guy, but I’m a
fake, shallow, cold hearted man, that I'm unworthy of them.”

“Susannah!” I hiss, because this is all her fault! “Your
nothing like that Tristan, nothing!”

“Thank you baby,” he smiles. Then his face falls; he’s got
his serious head on again.

“Tristan, what is it?” I ask, running my fingers through his
hair.

He closes his eyes for a moment. “That feels so good,” he
smiles, his eyes still closed. I keep running my fingers in his hair, then lean
down and kiss his forehead, then his eyelid, then his nose, his cheek and
finally his very soft, very kissable lips. He opens his eyes and gazes up at
me, he looks apprehensive.

“Tell me,” I push, suddenly realising we seem to have to do
that a lot with each other – Maybe Edith is right, and we are mirror images of
each other?

“My question, from last night,” he softly says.

I smile down at him. “You can ask me baby, you know that
right?”

He smiles his shy smile at me, then frowns and nods his
head. “It’s not really a question, more like I need answers I guess...but I'm
reluctant to ask you because I don't want you reliving it, but I'm also
desperate to know. George won't tell me without your permission and well...I
keep getting these awful scenarios running through my mind, I think if I
knew...how it happened, I can relax a little...” Tristan breaks off, staring up
at the ceiling again.

I frown hard trying to work out what it is. “Ask me baby?” I
say caressing his cheek, running my fingers through his hair.

Tristan briefly looks at me, then closes his eyes and sighs.
“How...how were you raped,” he gushes, his words coming out at rapid fire speed.
“Was it on the beach, in a dark alley, did someone see and not help you’ – I
silence him by placing my finger against his lips.

“Tristan, have you really been worrying about how and when?”
I ask, completely mortified.

“Yeah...every now and then it comes up and...I...I just
think if I knew...” He stops and gazes back at me. I swallow hard. I really
don't feel like going through this now, but I can't have him thinking the
worst.

“Ok,” I breathe. “It...it was at a hotel.”

Tristan frowns back at me. “A hotel?”

“I'm not like that Tristan, you know that right?”

“Like what?” he asks. He seems baffled.

“Well...you know. I don't sleep around.”

Tristan sighs with relief. “Of course I know that, but how
did you’ – “How did I end up in a hotel room with a man I didn’t know?” I say. He
nods solemnly at me. “I told you I made a stupid mistake, and I did. Long story
short, I got on with him really well, so much so that I didn’t want the evening
to end. We’d been sat at the bar in the hotel drinking for hours, and when the
bar closed, he asked me if I wanted a night-cap. I said no, that I'm not that
kind of girl, he said he wasn’t thinking of that he just wanted to stay in my
company - he was very convincing.” I add.

“Oh I bet he was,” Tristan growls.

“Well, that’s it. I'm sure you can figure out the rest...” I
murmur.

“Didn’t anyone hear you?” he asks.

“Hear me?”

“Didn’t you scream?”

I slowly shake my head. “Tristan, he hit me when I tried to
fight him off, then he tied me up, I was pretty out of it. And I know it sounds
really, really bad, but compared to what happened to me as a kid, it
was...mild.” I shake my head. “Once I got my mind round the fact that it was
going to happen, I just went away, blanked it out as though I wasn’t there, like
I used to as a kid.” I take a deep breath.

“Honestly, I thought that was it. I thought he was one of
those psycho’s who rape and torture women then kill them, so I was...preparing more
for the pain of being killed.” I close my eyes and wince remembering.

“Baby stop’ – “No, you should know. He was so rough with me
that I was more worried about him killing me than what it felt like when he was
raping me. I can remember thinking, this hurts really badly, how much pain am I
going to feel if he kills me? But I guess I must have passed out at some
point.” Tristan pulls me to him, I lay my head on his chest. He wraps his arms
around me and we lay quietly for a while, both deep in thought. I can't believe
he’s been thinking about that, the how and where...
My poor baby!

“If he tied you up, how did you escape Coral?” Tristan asks,
pulling me from my musing.

I look up at him. “Escape?” Tristan swallows hard and nods
again. “When I came to, I realised my hands and ankles were free. Then he
stirred next to me and went off to the bathroom. The moment he locked the door,
I grabbed my jeans, my t-shirt and my bag, then I ran.”

“You...you ran out of there completely naked?” He balks, his
eyes wide.

“Yes, it was chance to escape, I was going to take it. I ran
to the stairwell yanked my clothing on and ran all the way back to Gladys’s.”

“But if he hit you, didn’t Gladys question it?”

I lean up onto my elbow and stroke his cheek. “Gladys had
been away the weekend. It happened on a Saturday night, by Sunday afternoon she
was back and I...well I lied. I told her I’d been attacked by some drunken
idiot when I went to pick up my pizza, that he’d hit me and fled with my
dinner.” I can't help the smile that starts to spread across my face.

“Are you laughing?” Tristan chokes, a look of shock
plastered across his face.

“Yes, I'm sorry. I just got an image of some random drunken dude
running down the high street with my pizza box in his hand. He’s pretty drunk,
so in my head he falls over a lot. I find things like that funny, as long as
no-one gets hurt.” I say, trying to hide the smile.

Tristan grins back at me. “You’re the type of person to
laugh at people who fall over in the snow, aren’t you?”
Oops! Guilty as
charged!

“Yes, as long as they’re not hurt,” I reiterate.

“Ok, your drunken pizza guy is funny. I can see him in my
head too now!” Tristan laughs.

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier Tristan? I could have
put your mind at rest.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I just didn’t want you having to you
know...go through it all again.” I nod then I remember him talking to George at
my party.

“Tristan, what were you talking to George about at the
party? Does he know I was pregnant?”

“No, he doesn’t know baby. I wouldn’t dream of telling
anyone until you knew. And we were talking about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“What about me?” I ask. Tristan shakes his head at me. “I
thought we agreed. No secrets?”

“It’s not a secret. It’s a surprise.”
Oh! Another
present? A girl could get used to this!

“Ok,” I smile and lean forward to kiss him. “You know, Rob’s
gonna kill me if we don't get these wedding rings organised.”

“I know. Why don't we take a look after dinner? I thought we
could have an early night in bed together, watch a film on my laptop, what do
you think?”
Hmm, more time in bed, more chance of more sex, I'm in!

“Good idea,” I beam, leaning in to kiss him again, then I
remember. “Oh...just so you know I'm going over to Rob’s tomorrow afternoon.
Carlos is going out, so were having a girlie afternoon.”

“You are?” He says surprised.

“Yes, I am.”
Does he expect me to ask for his permission
or something?