CORAL - Forever (A Romance Trilogy, Book 3) (21 page)

“Coral, you are doing too much’ – “No I'm not. Tristan, I
miss Rob and I haven’t really talked to him since he got back. I'm his friend,
he needs me. I think he wants to tell me about Carlos, about what happened, and
I want to catch up with him too.” I tell him.

“Are you going to stay in?” He asks, his brow furrowed.

“Yes, I told you we are. I’ll only be a few hours.” Tristan
half smiles at me, but I can see the worry in his eyes. “I'm not going to drink,”
I say smirking at him. He still doesn’t look too happy.

“What’s wrong?” I question, trying to keep my cool.

“I'm going to miss you,” he whispers. “And I can't help it
Coral, I’ll worry I know I will. You’re not healed yet and if something
happened’ – “Hey,” I lean down and press my lips against his. “Nothing is going
to happen to me, I know it seems like Rob and I are a little crazy when we’re
together, but it’s not always like that. We’ve had plenty of non drunken nights
in where we just talk...and laugh...” I trail off, not really knowing what else
to say.

“Just promise me, you’ll be good. That you’ll come home if
you’re in pain, or you’re tired, or' – “I will, I promise I’ll be good.” I say
pressing my lips against his again – He seems placated. “Now, I don't know
about you, but I'm ready for round two,” I tease.

“Why don't we make it three rounds,” he teases back.

I giggle in delight and we start all over again...

WE
ARE SAT AT THE BREAKFAST BAR
, eating Edith’s delicious Bread and
Butter Pudding; she even made her own custard.
I must ask her to teach me
how to do that.

After our lovemaking, Tristan took me into the shower and
gently washed my hair, just like before, only this time I did the same to him.
But I couldn’t help kissing the scar and stitches on his head, trying to soothe
it better as he bent his head down for me to wash his hair; it was a very sweet,
intimate moment.

I never knew being with someone, someone you love so much
could feel like this; so close, so connected and together. But the more we sit
here, both quietly contemplating, the more I can feel myself getting pissed off
with Tristan. I’ve spent three days questioning why I have felt so tearful, god
knows how many times I have said this to him, that I don't understand it, yet all
this could have been avoided if he’d told me that I had fallen pregnant and...I
shake my head, I can't even say it – Point is, if he’d have told me, I would
have understood all this crazy crying.

I’m trying to understand his reasons for holding back. I
keep trying to put myself in his shoes, thinking what I would do, and it’s
making me mad to know, that even though we have promised each other to be
honest and have no secrets, he has kept this from me from the very moment I
woke up in hospital.

My appetite suddenly plummets – I feel sick.

I place my spoon down and stare blankly ahead. I don't want
to fight with Tristan about this, I think we’ve done enough of that, but I’m
angry and I don't know what to do with it. Normally I’d go train with Will, get
rid of the pent up frustration, but I can't even do that.

“What’s wrong?” Tristan asks. I grit my teeth and stare
straight ahead. “Coral, we have to talk to one another,” he says.
Ha! He’s
got a cheek saying that.

I turn and glare at him. “Yes, you
should
have talked
to me,” I quietly hiss so Edith can't hear me.

“Baby,” he breathes, staring back at me with wide, guilty,
heart melting chocolate brown eyes –
No!

“Edith,” I call. She turns and smiles at me. “Yes Coral?”

“Can you give us some privacy please,” I say.

Her face falls, but she nods reading my expression. “I’ll be
downstairs if you need me,” she says, quickly wobbling away. The moment she
turns the corner and she’s out of view, I turn to Tristan.

“I know what you’re going to say,” he mumbles, reading me
easily again.

“Well I’m gonna say it anyway!” I snap. “You should have
told me in hospital Tristan. I’ve been walking round thinking I’m falling apart
at the seams, but I’m not...it’s just fucking hormones!” I shout.

He puts down his spoon and closes his eyes for a moment.
When he re-opens them, he doesn’t look at me, he simply takes my hand in his
and gently squeezes it.

“I know I was wrong,” he says staring down at the floor. “I
realise that now, I should have told you straight away. And I’m so sorry for
not doing so, I didn’t think...Christ!” He runs his free hand through his hair,
then meets my eyes. I can't help glaring at him.

“Dr Green’ – “Dr Green?” I interrupt. It suddenly hits me
again, that this was the reason they were arguing. “She wanted to tell me,” I
snap, I feel myself getting tearful again –
I want to scream!

“Yes,” he quietly says, staring at the floor again.

I swipe my hand over my cheeks, dashing the silent tears
away. “I’m so fucking mad with you,” I hiss, scowling at him.

“I know,” he says, taking me by surprise. “I’m mad with me
too,” he adds in the most sorrowful voice –
No! Don't do this, don't be
nice, fight back!

“Ugh...” I dash his hand away and slide off the breakfast
stool.

“Where are you going baby?” He softly asks.

“To see if I can speak to Dr Green!” I storm off into his
office, slamming the door behind me.

I
REPLACE THE HANDSET AND LAY MY
head back on Tristan’s large, leather
chair. Now I really feel sick. Dr Green has told me that we need to be really
careful because it’s very easy to fall pregnant after a miscarriage, and that
she advises – as I don't want children yet – to go onto another form of
contraception, that using condoms is not the safest way.

But I really don't like the thought of having to take a pill
every day, and I don't like the thought of some implant in my body – that’s a
bit X-Files for my liking – and the thought of having a coil fitted –
Ugh!
When she mentioned that I automatically crossed my legs – No definitely not
going for that one!

I sigh inwardly and close my eyes. What am I going to do?
I’m still really pissed at Tristan, and to be honest I want to run. I want to
get away from this place. Then it hits me, there’s only one place I want to be
right now – the beach. I know we promised we wouldn’t walk out on one another,
but I need to get out of here. I suddenly see things from Tristan’s perspective.
How he must have felt when he went to walk out on me, after I told him about
Susannah. He wasn’t leaving me, he just wanted to get away from me, just like I
need to do now –
Right!

Launching myself out of the chair, my shoulder throbbing
painfully at me I yank his office door open. I’m surprised to see Tristan is still
sat at the breakfast bar. He looks wounded, tough!

I need to do this, for my own sanity! I march over to him.

“Where’s Stuart?” I snap.

“In the library,” he softly says.

“Right!” I march over, yank the door open and find Stuart
sitting in one of the chairs, reading a book; he looks up at me in surprise.

“Coral? Is everything ok?”

“I’d like to go down to the beach. Will you take me?” I ask
my voice firm and hard.

“O-of course,” he stutters, his eyebrows pinching together.

“Good, I’ll be down in a minute,” I say, closing the door
and heading back past the kitchen.

“Coral, what are you doing?” Tristan softly asks.

I stop, gripping my hands into fists and turn to glare at
him. “I need some space Tristan, I’m going down to the beach to watch the
sunset, and to try and calm down!” I bite.

“Ok,” he says, standing awkwardly, placing his hands in his
jean pockets and staring at the floor. “Stuart’s taking you?” he asks. I know
he’s checking.

“Yes.” I turn away from him, head upstairs and get changed
into my jeans...

WHEN
I GET BACK IT’S LATE, PAST TEN O’CLOCK
. I wanted to watch the sky
change from sunset to black night with sparkly stars, and I feel better for it.
I’m not angry anymore; in fact I’m not anything – I have come back feeling
numb. Maybe, it’s another hormone that’s out of whack or something? Or maybe
the truth about the fact that I can have children, that I was with child...and
lost it, has finally caught up with me?

Tristan is nowhere to be seen when I head down the hallway.
The house is quiet and dark, except for the low lights that are on in the
kitchen.

“Coral?” Stuart says, walking in behind me.

“Thanks Stuart,” I say. I’m sure he got bored standing
around guarding me.

“You’re welcome,” he says, hovering from one foot to the
other.
What is he waiting for?

“You can retire if you want to.” I say.

He looks relieved. “Thank you. Goodnight Coral.”

I plaster a fake smile on my face. “Night Stuart.”

He nods at me and heads upstairs to his room.

I really feel like a glass of wine, but I know I shouldn’t,
then I spy a bottle the bottle of red that was opened by Rob, it’s still
sitting on the breakfast table. I walk over to it and pick it up, then I turn
and catch my reflection in the ceiling height windows, placing the wine back
down I slowly walk over, stand right in front of it and take a deep breath.

I slowly pull up my long-sleeved t-shirt and run my hand
over my flat stomach, trying to image what it would feel like to see my belly
grow and protrude, wondering what it would feel like to have life growing
inside me. I look up at myself, keeping my hand on my belly and the enormity of
it hits me again.

I had Tristan’s child inside me, my child, our child, my
flesh, his flesh...I close my eyes and try to imagine what the child would have
looked like. Would he have had brown hair like his parents? Would he have had
beautiful big brown eyes like his father, or cool, aqua blue eyes like me? Would
his cheeks have flushed like Tristan’s, or been plain like mine? And his
temperament – Would he be have been firey like me, or cool, calm and kind like
Tristan, or maybe a mixture of us both? – Cool fingers splay out across my hand
that is still resting on my belly.
Tristan!

I can smell his scent, feel the warmth of his body behind
me. I take a step back so I can feel the length of his body against mine, and
rest the back of my head against his chest. I feel warm, safe, cherished...

“I missed you,” he whispers – I take a deep breath in – his
scent overpowers me again.

“And I you,” I whisper back, keeping my eyes closed.

“What are you thinking?” he asks his breath warm against my
cheek.

“I was thinking about what Junior would be like, what he
would look like, more you or me, or a mixture?”

“Junior?”

“Uh-huh...”

“A boy?” he softly says, his hand pressing firmer on my
belly.

“Yeah...I just...I don't know why, I just thought – him?”

“Him?”

“Yeah...” I sigh.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” I open my eyes and stare at our
reflections, meeting Tristan’s gaze.

“Don't Tristan, it’s done it’s in the past. I’m not mad with
you anymore,” I say.

“Ok. I’m glad you’re home,” he says softly kissing my cheek
then he goes to move.

“Don't move,” I plead staring up at him with wide eyes.
Because I like this image, I like seeing us reflected like this, his hand on my
belly. It’s making me realise how much of a wonderful father he will make and
how much of a wonderful man he is, and that he’ll make an exceptional husband,
one that will truly care if we have a child.

I imagine him being very doting and caring through the
pregnancy, and just as involved afterwards – and it’s in that moment that I
realise how completely and utterly in love I am with him, and that losing our
baby, even though I didn’t know I was pregnant, has made me realise I do want
that.

I want to have a child with him one day. I want to give that
to him. I want him to feel safe, secure, loved and cherished. I want him to have
a family again...he deserves that, more than anything else.

“I am completely and utterly in love with you, do you know
that?” I say.

He smiles his shy smile at me. “Even though I screwed up,
big time?” he asks.

“Even more when you screw up,” I say. “I know why you didn’t
tell me earlier,” I add.

“You do?” he says, looking guilty again.

“Yes. It’s because you love me so much, you didn’t want to
pile that on top of everything else that’s gone on, I understand your reasons.”
I whisper.

He nods, closes his eyes and slowly wraps his other arm
around my chest, pulling me tighter against him. Neither one of us have moved
our hands from my belly.

“One day Tristan, I’m going to give you what I think you
truly need, and what I think I need, a family. I promise you that. I just want
you to myself for a while first.”

“Coral,” he breathes, squeezing me tighter. He sounds like
he’s fighting tears again.

“Are you happy with that? I ask.

“Very,” he whispers.

“Good, I’m exhausted baby. Let’s go to bed.”

“Do you want anything?” he asks.

“Just some water please.” Tristan kisses the top of my head,
slowly turns me around, gets to his knees and gently kisses my belly several
times. Then he looks up at me with those, big, round eyes of his.

“One day,” he says, gently kissing me there once more.
Oh!
My heart melts!

Then getting to his feet, he leans in, softly kisses me on
the lips then heads off to the kitchen to get us some water...My, my, he always
seems to surprise me with how sweet he is, how loving and caring.

As I look up, he winks at me as he pours two large glasses
of water, making my heart jump into my throat....
Yeah...my sexy man
...

Desire spikes hot and heavy in my belly, I suddenly feel
wide-awake as blood pounds through my veins, heating my skin, making my heart
pound a frantic tattoo against my chest. I can feel my lips swelling as I stare
at Tristan. I hadn’t noticed before, but he’s dressed casually in a pair of dark
blue jeans, and a light blue baggy shirt with the top three buttons open, tantalising
me with his sexy chest, and his feet are bare...
He looks so fucking sexy
right now!