And for the first time that she could remember, she leaned into the man who was her flesh and blood and gave him a hug. Being in his arms, accepting his love, felt familiar and yet, somehow, entirely new. He held her tighter and kissed her cheek. “I love you, pumpkin. I always have and I always will,” he whispered.
She pulled away, seeing the pain in John Graham’s eyes. She was still unsure of her true identity, but knew one thing: both men in this room did love her in their own unique way.
Outside she found Bryce ready with the hooded buggy. “Where are we headed, my lady?” he asked with a bow.
“To your father’s office, if that is where my letters are.”
He assisted her up to the only seat. “I think John Graham was behind my not knowing about all of this until I was twenty-one. He said they’d decided on that age because that was the age when he and my mother started courting.”
Bryce gathered the reins and motioned for the horse to go forward. “I agree, John is holding something back. Of course, your father has always been reserved, so I do not want to overspeculate as to his reasons.”
“Yes, he is a private man. Still, can’t he see that the only person they had been deceiving was me? Everyone had to have known Mother was a widow and that I was the child from that marriage. Oh, and by the way, I am a Landers, even if my graduation certificate from school says Graham on it.” She related what had transpired after Bryce had left the room.
“Again, the deception. I reckon since they decided not to tell you that you had a different father it would stand to reason they have you use John’s name. How do you feel about it?”
“On the one hand, I’m happy that my father wouldn’t give me up for adoption to John. On the other hand, I feel even more confused as to why my mother and stepfather chose to keep this information from me for so long. I’ve been an adult for a couple of years now. Most of my girlfriends from school are already married, and half of them are with child or have one. Why couldn’t they see me as an adult?”
“Because they are parents, and parents never quite see their children as adults. I received my first inkling of that the other day from my father. He treated and spoke to me as if I were an adult for the first time ever, a truly wonderful and unique experience. However, I am twenty-three, I lived on my own for four years and have run the plantation for two.”
“You are probably right.” She sighed and reclined against the back of the bench seat.
“I have seen it with my mother and grandmother, as well,” he continued. “When my grandmother arrives for an extended visit, she treats my mother like she is still a child, instructing her in the best way to do this or that. It is not as though my mother does not already know how to run a household. She’s been doing that for twenty-five years. Even so, Grandmother feels this need to instruct her grown children. Mother tends to be patient about it, but I have seen her roll her eyes heavenward a few times.”
Holly chuckled. “My grandmother is much the same. My mother, however, was a bit more outspoken than yours.”
“Your mother? No, that is not possible.” Bryce chuckled.
Holly swatted him on the shoulder.
“And I know who will be the same.”
The joyful moment melted away. “I’ll never have those moments with my mother, will I?”
Bryce reached over and placed his hand over hers. “No, I suppose you will not. I am sorry.”
Fresh tears welled in her eyes as grief bubbled to the surface. She glanced away and looked at the Savannah River. She pictured herself on a gondola floating down its silver current, away from the pain and into the unknown.
Chapter 6
H
olly clutched the bundle of letters. All were addressed via Lloyd Jarvis. She noted the dates they were received, which spanned years. She understood Bryce’s father’s legal responsibility not to give them to her until the appointed time, but she still wished he had broken protocol. Holly’s mind and arms were full as she and Bryce headed down toward the river and west of the city to the spot where his friend said he docked.
“Ahoy, Henry!” Bryce called out.
A man looking very dapper in his sailor blues and white shirt popped his head out of the makeshift cabin. “You came. I didn’t expect to see you. Is this the damsel in distress?” He stepped from the boat to the dock with the confident stride that came from one familiar with working on the water.
“Henry, this is my good friend Holly Landers. Holly, this is Henry Rushton, a bit of a scallywag and scoundrel.” Bryce winked at Holly.
It seemed odd to hear Bryce use her real last name, and yet it felt right. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Rushton.”
“Call me Henry. Everyone does. Besides, I don’t cotton to the Southern formalities. Well, not all of them. I do know how to treat a lady, however. May I assist you and invite you to a tour of my boat, Miss Landers?”
She took his proffered hand and stepped down from the buggy. Bryce found his place right beside her.
He’s protective.
Holly noted to keep this smooth talker at arm’s length. “I would be honored to investigate your fine vessel, Mr. Rushton.”
“Henry, please. Come on, Bryce, give the little woman the freedom.”
“It is her choice. Holly has always had a mind of her own.”
“Ah, I do believe you’ve told me that in the past. You, however, neglected to tell me how beautiful this woman is. If you had, I would have come much sooner and swept her away from you.”
Bryce narrowed his gaze on Henry.
“Are you being courted, Miss Landers?” Henry asked. “If not, I should like to put my name in with your father. After the proper time of mourning has been completed, of course.”
Holly looked down at her hands.
“She is spoken for, Henry.”
“I suppose the better man, huh, Bryce? I would only take you on wild adventures and tour the world for unknown countries and peoples.” Henry kissed the top of her hand and released her.
Holly’s face flushed. Bryce wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. “Turn down the charm, Henry. Holly has been through quite enough the past few days.”
“I am sorry, Miss Landers. No harm intended. Please forgive my foolishness. I am sorry for your loss.”
Holly nodded, unable to speak. Her emotions churned within like an eddy on the edge of the river swirling down into an unseen pit. She felt trapped, spinning out of control. She closed her eyes for balance. A tear released. Bryce took out a soft handkerchief and wiped it away.
“I really am sorry, Miss Landers.” Henry’s voice lost all its bravado.
“You are forgiven, Henry.”
He smiled. “Well, then, since I made such a fool of myself, perhaps the tour will help absolve my blunder.”
They followed him onto his boat and into the cabin. The small engine at the stern would propel the boat upriver. The rudder, he explained, needed to be enlarged for greater control. The inside of the cabin appeared clean, neat and practical.
“You see, I have a bed, a table there that pulls up from the wall, a chair, plus a barrel for additional seating. The cabinet over here has all my food supplies, and my clothing is under the bed.” He lifted the mattress and revealed the convenient storage space. “The boat had more leaks than I could find so I tarred the hull over and over again. She’s holding her own now. And I have a small stove for cooking and heating. All the comforts of home.”
“You did a fine job, Henry.” Bryce continued to scan the homey cabin.
“I love the bluish-lilac color of the walls,” Holly offered.
“Thank you. I mixed a couple of leftover cans of paint and had enough to do the interior.”
“What are you doing for work these days, Henry?” Bryce asked.
“Have a seat.” Henry motioned Holly to the chair, Bryce to the barrel, and he sat on the bed. “Working for Father, on the plantation. I’ve been trying to implement some of the new planting policies we were taught in school. Father won’t have a thing to do with modern, though.”
“I am at an advantage there. My father has let me do all that I would like with the plantation.”
“Is he still upset that you didn’t become a lawyer?”
“No. He has agreed I run a plantation better than I would have done as an attorney.”
“I am considering traveling the world for a spell. Father says I am not thinking straight. But when else can a man travel except for when he is unencumbered?” Henry gave half a nod in Holly’s direction.
“Holly and I are hoping to go to Europe,” Bryce said. Holly glanced over at him. Just how much had he planned on the two of them becoming a couple and marriage?
“Yes, if it wasn’t for you and all the tales you told in college, I do not believe I’d have these traveling notions.”
Holly gasped. “You spoke of our...”
Bryce saw the horror in her eyes that he might have betrayed a confidence. “I simply told him of the places we read about and that both of us would like to travel there one day.” His firm gaze sent a bold message, assuring her he would not break the confidence of their romantic childhood notions of being a king and queen and traveling the land as knights, or as Robin Hood and Maid Marion, or other fanciful adventurers.
Henry’s boisterous laugh broke the intense, silent conversation between Holly and Bryce. “I would love to hear those stories.”
Holly shot him a penetrating glare.
“Or maybe I would not.” Henry stood. “Would you two like to join me for supper this evening or do you have other plans?”
“It is up to Holly.”
“It is a kind offer and would probably be most entertaining. I’m not sure I am ready to hear about Bryce and his college years. You make him sound a bit of a rogue.”
“Ah, but, Miss Landers, he was. He left many a girl’s heart broken when he would not get serious and date more than once.”
“Henry, you have a loose tongue,” Bryce chided.
“Only because I love seeing you squirm. So, will you join me this evening?”
Holly got up and slipped her hand in the crook of Bryce’s elbow. “Not tonight. But will you do us the honor of coming to my home tomorrow night? You can tell me then all the tales of your college adventures with Bryce.”
Bryce placed his hand on top of hers. “Not all of our tales.” Bryce gave Henry directions to Holly’s house.
They left the boat and settled back in the buggy before Holly spoke. “He is a bit untamed.”
Bryce laughed. “Yes, he is. I am afraid he helped me get into trouble I would not have done on my own. But it was not his fault. I chose to partake in the folly on more than one occasion.”
“This is a side of you I have never seen.”
“Of course you have. It is no different than the time we went out shrimping and ‘borrowed’ a boat. Unfortunately, Mr. Silvers did not see it as playful borrowing. I could not sit down for a week.”
Holly giggled. “I didn’t get in trouble for that one.”
“Because I took full responsibility. My father never told your parents. I think in part because they were embarrassed that their son would stoop so low as to steal a boat.”
“Yeah, but I was the one who suggested it.”
“Father did not know that.” Bryce smiled.
“I also turned down Henry’s dinner invitation in order for us to have time to read all these letters.” She glanced down at the stack. “Perhaps not all. There are a lot here.”
“It appears your father meant what he said about you always being a part of his thoughts.”
“It is reassuring but...” She let her words trail off. The horse’s hooves on the ballast-stone road clicked with a certain rhythm that mirrored the gentle rock of the carriage.
“I have just the place. Let me swing by a store and then I will take you...”
She glanced at him. “What?”
He closed his eyes then quickly glanced at the road and back again to Holly. “Last night I opened my mouth and blundered by suggesting you and I go to Venice as man and wife.”
She placed her fingers over his lips. They were warm and soft. Desire welled up inside her. “I understand.” She removed her fingers and looked away. “I have a confession to make. For years I longed for you and me to...to...be more than playmates, than childhood friends grown up. All those letters we shared while you were in college. It seemed like we were getting closer. And then you came back and...nothing. You pulled away. So I buried my feelings.”
“Holly, I am so sorry. I felt we were getting closer, as well. Your father would not allow me to court you until you were twenty-one. I struggled with my desires and my need to respect your father and his wishes. So I pulled away. My heart never left, but I could not tell you my heart’s intentions without compromising your father’s expressed desire that I not pursue you. I do love you, Holly. I always have. Although I admit I did not realize the depth of my love for you until I was away at college.”
Holly blushed at his brazen declaration. “Then why all the women at college that Henry mentioned? You certainly did not tell me about those in your letters.”
A red glow grew from the base of his neck up to his ears and flushed his cheeks. “No, I did not tell you. And Henry made me sound more of a rogue than I truly was. Yes, I did take several women out to various social functions at the school. I promise you that I provided nothing more than an escort. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. You were still in school and, well, we had not expressed our feelings toward one another.”
“So why only one date with each woman?”
“If there was no friendship like the one I enjoyed with you, why pursue a relationship? And in your letters I found a peace, a connection with you.”
Holly fought off the jumbled words playing across her mind. She wanted to know more. Today seemed inappropriate to have such an intimate conversation. “Bryce, I am unsettled by this line of discussion.”
Bryce allowed a brief silence to hang between them. “I have a place where we can read those letters in private. However, before I take you there I want you to understand my reasoning.”
“And the reasoning is?”
Bryce watched the road in front of them for a moment then looked back at Holly. “I own my own house. It is a small place. I was hoping it would become our home. I have a lot of work to do on it still, but I am happy with how it is progressing.”
“Your own house? But you are still living with your parents.”
“My parents don’t know about the house. Father would have told me to invest the money. Mother would have... Well, I am not sure how Mother would have reacted. I just know I wanted to keep it private, for us. Holly, I am an honorable man. I have never, nor would I ever, dishonor a woman. I love you and want you to be my wife. I should not be telling you all of this at this point in time. You are the only person I am unable to keep my deepest and most intimate thoughts from.”
Holly couldn’t believe her ears. “Didn’t you just a few hours ago refuse to enter my bedroom for fear of wagging tongues? Now you are suggesting I go to a house where no one else is and be alone with you, a house that you apparently plan on being our home? And you want me to go unchaperoned?”
Bryce groaned. “What was I thinking? Forgive me, please.”
Holly chuckled and placed her hand on his. “You know me too well. You know I am not overly concerned about social pretexts because I know God knows how I behave or don’t behave. I would love to see your house. But I know I am vulnerable right now, and being alone with you at this point in time could be a temptation I am not ready to handle.”
“Ah. So does that mean there is hope for you and me?”
Holly eased out a pent-up breath. “Yes, there is hope. And I really want to see this house. Where did you get the money?”
“Grandfather left me an inheritance, which I invested, and I have also been saving as much as possible. Father paid for my college education so I had no expenses there, and you know I worked every semester, so I just kept saving and investing. I found the place last year. The original owners had neglected it for years. I managed to purchase it at quite a reasonable price. I can show it to you. I will stay outside and you can see the inside.”
“I would like that.”
“There is a garden in the side and backyard. I am hoping to plant lots of flowers. That will be a part of the finishing touches. For now, I am concentrating on the buildings themselves. It is a small two-story home with a detached carriage house. Above the carriage house is an additional room for guests or boarders. I am going to make a closed-in entryway from the carriage house to the main house in the event of bad weather. I think you will like it, Holly.”
“I think I will.” Holly shifted in her seat.
“Perhaps we can sit in the backyard and read the letters. It will be private but exposed.”
“That will be fine.”
“Wonderful. I shall run into the market and get us something to eat.”
Holly agreed.
While Bryce retreated into the store she opened the letter her father had given her mother for his little girl. That was fifteen years ago.
My Sweet Pumpkin,
I honestly don’t know where to begin this letter. So many thoughts are swimming in my brain, and yet I don’t know what to write. I love you, and I hope you will forgive me for stepping aside and letting John Graham raise you. I saw no good coming out of confusing a young child who had such a rough time growing up without a father for so many years.
My heart aches leaving you behind but I know I’m doing right by you. You are a precious gift from God, one of which I was unworthy. I have a confession. I sent your mother and you back to her parents because I had gotten myself into some trouble at the beginning of the war. I chose to fight for the North, even though all my neighbors chose to fight for the South. Your mother was unaware of my decision, and perhaps that is why news came back to her that I had died in battle, when in fact, I had not.