I was a bit wild in my youth. War changed me. Seeing your mother in love with another man, anguished all over again over the loss of her first love, also had a profound effect. I have rededicated my life to God and will be doing my best to live a life more worthy of Him.
I did not share all of this with your mother because her decision was already difficult. By law, your mother was still married to me. However, in her heart she was more in love with John Graham. She had loved me, but had mourned my death and buried that love years hence.
As for you, your mother said you had a difficult time accepting John as your father. They had been married six months before you called him “Daddy.” Two months later, I returned. But I couldn’t bear to hurt you. So I returned to my home, the home your mother and I worked hard to build, and even harder to keep in my family. The original homestead belonged to my grandfather. He’d given it to me for our wedding present. I was a teacher then, and the small community needed a teacher. But teachers aren’t paid much so your mother and I worked hard to have the homestead become self-sufficient. Then news hit about the war.
I saw the house before traveling here. It suffered a lot of damage during the war. But the bones are strong and I can rebuild. Someday I hope you will want to come and see the place of your birth. I would love to show it to you.
For now, know that I love you. I will always love you. And I told your mother if she ever needed my help I would come.
Forgive me for releasing you into the care of your mother and John Graham, but my home is not a place for a young child at this time.
All my love,
Daddy
* * *
Bryce watched Holly as he approached the carriage. He loaded the small bundle behind the seat and climbed up inside the buggy. Fresh tears streamed down her face as she looked up from the paper in front of her.
“Which letter?”
“The first. The one he left with my mother.” She sniffed.
He handed her a clean handkerchief. Perhaps he should have brought more than three. “How do you feel?”
“I can tell that he loved me. And he’s confessing to me things he never confessed to Momma, which is rather strange.”
“What kinds of things?”
“Apparently he fought for the North.”
“Oh. And he is from Tennessee?”
She nodded. “And if I remember my history on the War Between the States, Tennessee was the location for a lot of the battles.”
“Yes, it was.”
Bryce grabbed the reins and led the buggy into the wide Savannah streets. “What else did he say?”
“That he had gotten himself into some trouble before the war. Perhaps it had a bit to do with his politics at the time.”
“Yeah, it would not have been a safe place to live if he sided with the North.”
“He and Mother would have had some interesting discussions regarding the war, if they had stayed together. Grandpa had his share of slaves.”
“As did mine. I see both sides, but I agree no man should own another.” He worked his way south toward his house. “My house is only a few blocks from Forsythe Park.”
Holly slipped the letter back into the envelope. “I never saw your father as overbearing. I am having trouble trying to understand why you would keep the purchase of your home from him.”
“He is not overbearing?” Bryce rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you recall what happened when I defied Father and changed my major to business instead of law?”
“He wasn’t pleased.”
“Perhaps that is all you saw, but I had to go through weeks of long letters, a summer of constant questions and debates on the merits of law over the merits of business. Fortunately for me, debating classes were ones I excelled in. He does not like change, and once he sets his mind on how something should be, it takes an army to sway him in another direction, or in my case, years. I simply did not have time for the arguments if I were to improve the property in a timely manner. You do turn twenty-one in a few months.”
“Ah.” Holly looked away.
“Holly, have I upset you?”
Holly sighed. “Bryce, I know you mean well. But this talk of marriage and courting...it is a little overwhelming.” She paused. “It is not just that Momma died, although that is there. My biggest problem is the manipulation of my life. First my mother and father decide not to tell me who I really am. My real father leaves me without consulting me. Of course, I was only five, but I still feel as though I should have had some say. Now you are bringing me to a home you planned to present me with after we start to court. And your intention is to marry me. It is just too much. I know I said there was hope for a future. But right now I cannot take the added stress, or for that matter, someone else telling me what I should and should not do.”
Bryce’s back stiffened and waited for further blows. He had told his mother he’d wait, and what had he done? Invited Holly to his home. “Forgive me, Holly.”
“I think if the issues of Mother dying and my having another father had never come up, I wouldn’t have a problem with this. But I am different now. I have little patience for people telling me what to do. I am sorry, Bryce. Would you please take me home? I cannot do this right now.”
Chapter 7
B
ryce didn’t say another word on the way home, which Holly appreciated. Once home, she excused herself from dinner, ran up to her room and set about reading her father’s letters. After the third, she tucked them back in their envelopes and retied them together. She felt she finally understood her father’s love and rationale. He was not without blame, to be sure, but he seemed as much of a victim as she. They needed to talk.
A gentle knock at the door startled her. “Holly?”
“Not now, Bryce.”
“Holly, please.”
She went to the door and opened it. She gave him the look she knew he’d understand from years of growing up together.
“I have failed you. I am sorry. I only wanted to give you a secure place where we could have some privacy reading the letters. I should not have suggested going to my house at all.”
“Bryce, I know you didn’t mean any harm by it. I am uncertain about everything.”
“I know. And I am sorry. I will not suggest marriage, courting, kissing, anything of the sort again, I promise.”
Holly relaxed her posture. “Give me time, Bryce.”
“Call when you wish to speak with me. I shall not impose myself upon you again.” Bryce stepped back.
She wanted to pull him back and tell him that wasn’t what she meant. But she had meant it. She still meant it. She needed space from him, from her stepfather and possibly even from her father. “Goodbye, Bryce.”
He nodded and silently made his way to the stairs.
At the same time, Emmett Landers came down the hall. “May I have a word with you, Holly?” he asked.
“Yes, come in.” She stepped back and held the door open for him.
He glanced at the bundle of letters on the bed. “I am glad you received them. I fear my presence is causing you further anxiety, so I have decided I should return home at first light.”
“Please, sit. I do have some questions for you.”
He sat on the chair and she on the bed. “First, I understand why you chose what you did. I just do not understand the reasons for keeping me in the dark so long. Who decided on twenty-one?”
“Your mother. I agreed.”
“So, John and Mother decided first.”
“I do not know what John’s discussions with your mother were. I only know she suggested it. I thought twenty-one was a bit old, but she convinced me you would need to be strong enough to handle this information.”
“I do not feel strong.”
“Honey, I understand the hurt you are feeling. And I hate to say the phrase ‘we thought we were doing what was right for you’ again, but...”
“I know, it fits.”
“What happened between you and Mr. Jarvis today? If you do not mind me asking?”
“He has wanted to court me for a several years now. My father John had asked him to wait until I was twenty-one. Lord knows how many other men may have come for permission to court me and were told the same. Honestly, if Momma hadn’t died, I would love to be courted by Bryce. He and I have a friendship that is different from any other person I know. But I am not in a mood to be manipulated.”
“How was he manipulating you?”
“He was not...exactly. I just felt that my life was being settled without my knowledge. I know many young women would take no issue with that. But I am different. He has purchased a house for us already.”
Emmett Landers raised his eyebrows and sat back in his chair. “He is a confident young man.”
“And then some. He is a good man. But recent events have proved that I have been lied to most of my life. Others have decided who I should be, what I should do and when I should do it, and I will not lead a life like that any longer. Not after Momma died. I wish she were here so I could ask her some questions.”
“You mean, so you could argue with her and passionately dig for the answers you are searching for.”
Holly smiled. “You knew her well. Which means, I guess you know me some.”
“Some. Let me tell you a little secret. Your mother and I had some pretty intense arguments. I have my own stubborn streak, so you might just have even a tad more than your mother’s trait in there.”
“I read Momma’s letter. But she wrote that without knowing how I would react. She wrote it as a ‘just in case’ letter. I cannot talk to her about it, cannot ask so many questions I have that only she can answer. It’s not fair.”
“No, darlin’, it isn’t fair. So what questions can I answer for you? And, trust me, you can speak in whatever volume and intensity you feel toward me. I am not afraid of your frustration.”
Holly giggled. “You might just regret having said that.”
“No, I won’t. But take note. I do not mind passion, but I will not tolerate speaking ill of your mother. Me, I can take it because I am here to defend myself, if need be. Your mother, however, is not here, and I still love and respect her. She had to make some hard choices over the years.”
Holly looked at the stranger sitting across from her, a man of impeccable honor and grace. She could see why her mother had fallen in love with him as a girl. “First question. Where did you and Momma meet?”
They spoke until midnight. They spoke until Holly felt her mind growing numb, saturated with information that would need to be digested.
“I really must get to sleep,” Emmett said with a yawn. “The morning train leaves at dawn.”
“Can’t you stay another day, Daddy?”
He beamed, stood and walked over to her. He kissed the top of her head. “I must depart tomorrow. But for you I shall leave on the last train. We will go into the city and you can show me all your favorite places.”
“I would like that.”
* * *
“Bryce Jarvis, what did you do to her?” John Graham slammed the front door behind him, confronting Bryce on the veranda. “She is barely talking to me and she went to her room without dinner last night. What happened?”
“It is hard to say. She is feeling manipulated, and I did not help put the fire out on those feelings.”
“What did you do?”
“Expressed my feelings for her.”
The clench of John Graham’s jaw said it all. “I told you to wait until she was twenty-one.”
“And that is part of her problem. You decided for her to not be told about her real identity until she was twenty-one. You decided for her not to be allowed to court until she was twenty-one. And now most of her friends are already married and with children. You have made her a recluse in her own town. And for what purpose? How many suitors did you tell to wait until she was twenty-one?”
John turned his back on Bryce and stormed back into the house.
Bryce finished up his work at the Grahams’ home and headed back to his own place. He’d left his house unattended since the accident. Bryce resolved to finish his house, put it on the market and get on with his life. His dreams with Holly were lost. He understood how she felt manipulated, even though that had not been his intent. Even if they did have a slim chance of a future together, he couldn’t see them living in this house. Not now.
* * *
He found the house in the same state he’d left it in a week before. All the special-ordered cabinets were in the middle of the kitchen floor. He should have had the carpenter put them in, but he’d thought he’d save a few dollars and install them himself. All the details that had made his heart leap just a few days hence now weighed heavily upon him. The joy of making this house ready for Holly had left him. Bryce put down his tools and went to the cabinetmaker’s shop. He left with a date for the installation of the cabinets. Then he secured another craftsman to finish the floors the next week. He went back to the house and piled up the debris into his wagon.
Exhausted after completing two hours of grueling work and a couple of dump runs, he unhitched the horse from his wagon, saddled the equally tired animal and headed toward his parents’ home. He had a date for the cabinet installation, another for finishing the floors. Tomorrow he’d secure someone to paint and wallpaper. In a couple of weeks he could put the house on the market. He knew he’d make a profit. But he had wanted a home, a special place where he and Holly could begin a life together. He hoped they still had a chance but...
“Is that you, Bryce?” his mother called from the kitchen.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Where have you been? John is fit to be tied. I have never seen him so upset. What happened between you and Holly yesterday?”
“He is not upset with what happened between Holly and me. I suppose he could be, but he is really upset because I pointed out that if he had not waited until Holly was twenty-one she would not be suffering so. I am certain she had many a gentleman wanting to court her, and they probably got the same rejection I did. I never realized how controlling he was.”
“That may be so, but something did happen between you and Holly, and I want to know what that was.”
“Trust me, Mother. I shall fix it. Holly just needs time.”
“No, that won’t do. Tell me what happened, Bryce. All of my female instincts are saying you declared your love to her and she rejected it.”
“Something like that.”
“Why are you keeping this such a secret?”
“Because it is my secret, not yours, not Father’s. I made a mistake and I am paying for it. I will deal with it in my own way. Please do not push this matter, Mother.”
“Very well, I will back away. But I am certain your father will want specifics. John says Holly is leaving on the six o’clock train with Emmett Landers.”
“She is going to Tennessee?”
“Apparently. You see why I am asking what happened?”
“Yes, but...” He glanced at his watch then ran out to the barn. With any luck he could get to the station before the train left.
* * *
“Holly, please do not leave,” John Graham pleaded.
“Father, I told you, I will return. I feel the best place for me right now is with the Landers family. Tiffany can help around the house while I am gone. And please do not worry about propriety—half this town likely knows that Emmett is my father.”
John stepped back and released his hold on Holly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I will return soon. I promise.”
Holly accepted Emmett’s hand and stepped up into the buggy. “I will take good care of our girl, John.”
“I know you will, Emmett.”
Emmett climbed up onto the wagon and headed for the train station. “Are you certain now is the time you want to come to Tennessee?”
“Yes. I think it will be easier if I go. People there do not know me. They won’t be making plans for my life without my say-so.”
Emmett smiled. “I cannot guarantee that I won’t act like a father and tell you what I think is best. Especially once you are under my roof.”
“Fathers can be overbearing.” She giggled.
“But they are not who you are running from right now. It is a certain young man who...”
“Who has fallen into the same trap as John Graham. Apparently there have been several others who asked permission to court me. Bryce is the only one who stayed unattached, according to Father.”
“Tell me, why do you call John by the formal use of ‘Father’?”
Holly leaned back in the bench seat. “I don’t know. I have always called him ‘Father.’”
“No, when you were five you called him ‘Daddy.’ I remember that.”
“I suppose maybe I did. I don’t remember when I started calling him ‘Father.’ But it has been a long time, goes back to some of my earliest memories.”
“And yet you call me ‘Dad’ and ‘Daddy.’”
“It seems natural to call you that.”
“But not John?”
“The other children call him ‘Papa.’ For some reason I always thought of John as Father, not Papa.” They were nearing other carriages parked at the train station. One of the boys would come by later and pick up the horse and buggy. They climbed down to the dusty road and Emmett gathered their bags. Holly took her smaller bag that carried her purse and a few items to freshen up with while en route.
“Holly” she heard. She’d know that voice anywhere. She turned to see Bryce’s horse come to a thundering stop from a full gallop. A brown cloud thick with road grit swirled around them all. Bryce jumped off the horse and walked quickly to face her.
“Bryce?” She coughed and waved the dirt away from her eyes and nose. “What are you doing here?”
“Mother said you were going to Tennessee with your father.”
“I am.” She bolstered her resolve, standing erect to her full height of five feet five inches, still quite less than Bryce’s six feet.
“Please do not leave because of me. I shall stay away. I won’t put any undue burden on you.”
“Bryce,” she cried, “you don’t understand. It is not you as much as it is me. Going to Tennessee allows me a chance to get to know my dad better as well as meet my other siblings. No one knows who I am out there. I won’t be wondering if so-and-so knows, or if everyone is laughing behind my back because I was ignorant that I was not John Graham’s real daughter. It will also allow me a chance to get used to my real name. Don’t you see? I am doing this for me.”
She watched as his face contorted in a way she had never witnessed before. Then the twitching muscles quickly settled into a tight-lipped, clenched set of the jaw that she most definitely understood. His back became rifle-straight and just as immovable.
As Holly watched, Bryce stuffed a tornado of emotions he didn’t know how to handle into a box and clamped the lid down tight. The words that escaped from those pursed lips came out in a monotone of non-emotion. “Fine,” he said flatly. No anger. No tenderness. That one word could have been a saddlebag falling to the ground for all its lack of expression. “Whatever you decide is fine by me. Please, know that I...”
Holly took the few steps that separated them and leaned against the sweaty, heaving side of Bryce’s horse. She reached up and touched Bryce’s cheek. “I know,” she said in a soothing voice, “and I care for you, too. Just give me time, please.”
Bryce released a long, slow breath. “Let me help you to the train.” She saw the kindness in his eyes and allowed herself a smile. He took the bag from her hand and escorted them to the train station.
Emmett placed his bags down and ordered their tickets.