Authors: Lorelei James
This conversation wasn’t about Dalton’s intervention? His relief was short lived.
“What happened between you and Ainsley? Weren’t you two an item just last week? Because I like her.”
I like her too. A lot. In fact, I fell in love with her.
“Bennett?”
“Ah, well, it’s sort of complicated and—”
“What did you do to her?”
Ben’s gaze hooked hers. “Me? Why does the problem have to be from my end?”
His mother rolled her eyes. “Because you’re a McKay.”
“Like that makes me a defective man or something?”
“Watch your tone, Mister,” she warned. “It’s my job as your mother to find out if you’re being a jackass to the only decent woman to come into your life in years.”
He snorted.
“Were you trying to make Ainsley jealous by having lunch with another woman? Right under her nose?”
Jesus. Was his mother on crack? “I’m tired of everyone in this family poking their nose into my personal business—”
“Bennett Andrew McKay.” Her cup hit the counter and liquid sloshed everywhere. “My God. Sometimes your pigheadedness is astounding.”
Thoroughly reprimanded, Ben sponged up the mess with a paper towel and waited for the lecture, because guaranteed she had one prepared.
“You brought Ainsley to our attention, by inviting her to a family party. I drive by your house every day. I know she’s been an overnight guest.” She peered at him over the tops of her glasses. “On many occasions. I’m pretty sure you two weren’t playing Parcheesi.”
He blushed. Goddammit. He never blushed.
“So I’m a big enough person to admit my visit the weekend you were sick—and don’t get me started on how I had to find out that my own son was sick from Rielle—was to check this woman out for myself. Because heaven knows
you’d
never tell me if you were involved with someone. But when I asked her, she insisted there wasn’t anything between you.”
Why did that sting?
“Of course I didn’t believe her. So when Carolyn called me today because she saw you cozied up to that ex-stripper last week—”
“Dani is not a stripper!”
“Hence the term
ex
-stripper.” She drained her coffee and lifted an eyebrow. “Not going to deny it?”
Ben counted to fifteen. “Mom. What does this have to do with anything? Why are you here?”
“To meddle, naturally.”
“Doesn’t Dad get after you for that? I thought you promised to knock that crap off.”
“Ah ah ah. I promised no more meddling in Quinn and Libby’s life. Chase and Ava aren’t around enough for me to meddle. So that leaves you, my dear middle son, as my man in the meddle.”
“Great.”
“So no bullshit. What happened between you and Ainsley?”
Defeated, and tired of playing the denial game, he ducked his face from her probing gaze. “We were involved but she…”
Brought everything inside me alive. Created hope in me I hadn’t felt in years. Then she validated my biggest fear: no woman I wanted would ever want me, as I am, long-term.
“Bennett. Look at me please.”
Maybe he’d gotten his Dom tendencies from his mother, not his father. He glanced up and she was standing in front of him. “Oh, son, come here.” She opened her arms and Ben walked into her embrace without hesitation. He might tower over her now, but her hugs hadn’t changed from when he was a little boy. There was fierceness in her hugs. Protectiveness. Unconditional love. Funny how he’d forgotten that. Ironic how she’d known he’d needed the reminder.
“You are a good man. If she can’t see that…” She eased back and fussed with his collar. “Then she’s a blind fool.”
“Thanks.”
Ben expected her to leave. But she chatted away about Adam and Amelia’s latest antics. His father’s upcoming birthday. Chase and Ava. Quinn and Libby. Gavin and his daughter. The situation with Casper. When she talked about tattoos, Ben tuned her out. He had a shit ton to do and daylight was wasting.
“And so I have to go…but I have a confession to make. There’s another reason I stopped by today.”
Here it comes
.
“I don’t want you to get upset if I pursue a friendship with Ainsley.”
His jaw dropped. “What? How can you be buddy-buddy with a woman you just called a blind fool?”
With the woman who rejected me?
“Because she and I have a lot in common. Besides, I’ve been trying to widen my social circle. Vaudette can be such a self-righteous pain in the patootie.”
Typical of his mother to carry on three conversations at once and expect him to follow each one. What the devil did her best friend Vaudette Dickens have to do with anything? Wait. Was she trying to tell him something? “When did you talk to Ainsley?”
“I had lunch with her today.”
Stunned, he just stared at her.
“I got the impression she’s looking for people to connect with outside her job as bank president.” She shrugged on her coat. “Sounds like she’s under a lot of stress. She’ll be busy in the next six months trying to bring new business into National West.”
So Ainsley hadn’t lost her job? A weird, wonderful kind of hope began to overtake his feeling of defeat. If Ainsley was living in Sundance, he had a chance with her. Until he remembered why he didn’t have a chance with her.
His mother clucked her tongue. “The poor girl sounded so lonely.”
That tore at him. “How the hell can she be lonely?” Ben demanded. “When up until last week, she was with me most nights for the past four weeks?”
“Why are you asking me? Maybe you should trot yourself to town and ask her. Because God knows, I would never hear the end of it if I poked my nose into your personal business.”
Unreal.
His mother threw a gaudy sequined scarf over her shoulder like a Hollywood diva. She placed her hands on Ben’s cheeks and stood on tiptoe to peck him on the mouth. “I love you. So here’s some advice, and please don’t take this the wrong way. You are a strong, independent man. A good man. A man who deserves happiness. But don’t be a stubborn man. It doesn’t make you weak to want to rely on someone or to want someone in your life who understands you fully. Who accepts you completely. Who gives you something you can’t get from anyone else. Everything in life is about compromise. If it’s worth it, you’ll change to get it. Changing things about your life that don’t fit who you are anymore doesn’t mean you have to change who you are inside.”
He stared at her with his mouth hanging open.
“It’s scary how well I know you, isn’t it, son? We’re a lot alike.” She laughed. “And that absolutely horrifies you, doesn’t it?”
The door slammed behind her and she yelled at his dogs before she sped off.
Smart woman, his mother. Between her advice, and Gavin’s, he’d finally found the answer he’d been looking for.
Without changing clothes, without giving himself a chance to change his mind, he jumped in his truck and headed for Gillette.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Late Tuesday morning Layla showed up at the bank, practically spitting fire.
As soon as Ainsley shut her office door, Layla was in her face. “What did you do to Bennett?”
“Me? Nothing.” Panic surfaced. “Why? What happened to him? Is he all right?”
“No, he’s not all right. He resigned from the Rawhide Club.”
Her stomach lurched. “He did? When?”
“Last night.” Layla poked her in the chest. “We’re friends, A, but if you did something to hurt him, I swear I’ll—”
“Hold up. Why do you assume it was something I did?”
“Because he told me it was.”
“Sit and start from the beginning.”
Layla flopped into the chair. “I just happened to be at the club last night.”
“The club was open last night?”
“No. The guys have a meeting every couple months to deal with schedules, new members, any problems. Ben showed up, which he almost never does. But he looked awful. He had bags under his eyes. I think he came in wearing cow-poop-covered clothes. That isn’t the Bennett I know. He gave no input during the meeting. As soon as it ended, he stood and announced he was canceling his membership. He’d appreciated their friendship and support over the years, but sometimes a man had to make a choice and he’d made his.”
Ainsley couldn’t believe her ears. “What did the other guys—his friends—say?”
“What could they say? They were stunned. So I followed Bennett out to his truck and asked him why he was leaving the club. He said being with you changed his life.”
Anger rose. Bennett could tell Layla that, but not her?
You have no right to the anger. You gave him no choice but to keep his feelings from you when you told him it was over.
Layla tapped on the desk to get her attention. “Tell me what happened between you two.”
Despite her distraction, Ainsley gave Layla the rundown. She tried for detachment in the telling, but by the time she finished, the pressure and misery from the past couple of days nearly had her in tears.
“So everything with him was all just an experiment to you and you can just walk away like nothing happened?”
“No!” She jabbed her finger at Layla. “You’re the one who said I should give the club a try. I did. You’re the one who said I should embrace my sexuality. I did. It was supposed to be one weekend out of my life and nothing more.”
“But it wasn’t enough, was it?” Layla said softly. “I had nothing to do with you agreeing to be Bennett’s sub, outside the club for a month. So don’t pretend you were coerced.”
“I know that, Layla. I’m not denying it. I’ve learned…I’ve accepted that I prefer to be submissive when it comes to sex.”
“But?”
“But after seeing how I jeopardized my job with one misstep, regarding Ben, I knew it had to end. All of it.”
Even when I didn’t want it to.
“Why? What you do in a private club isn’t anyone’s business but yours.”
“Wrong. What would happen if my coworkers or bosses found out I’m a sexual submissive? That I do whatever Bennett demands of me, without question? That I’m involved with a man who’s a sexual dominant at a sex club? And please don’t tell me it doesn’t matter because it does. Maybe not in all lines of work, but definitely in this one and definitely in this part of the country. And Bennett keeps the Dom side of himself hidden from his family and friends too, so it’s not just me who knows the risks of our preferences becoming common knowledge.”
Ainsley sank back in her chair.
“I get that, A, but don’t you see how much Bennett cares about you? He’s removing the big obstacle that prevents you two from being together.”
“I don’t want that burden from him.”
“Too bad, you’ve got it,” Layla snapped, “and now you have to deal with it. So tell me how you plan to?”
Stung, she retorted, “How long do you think before Bennett gets bored with me and misses the sexual variety that defined his time as a Dom at the Rawhide?”
“Bennett has always been very committed to the club. Making it a place where everyone who’s a member is comfortable because he struggled for years with accepting who he was as a Dom. So for him to walk away for good? I know he’s even more committed to making this work with you.”
That brought tears to her eyes again. “Damn him. I didn’t want this.”
“Didn’t want what?”
Didn’t want to fall for him.
“Ainsley, do you love him?”
Yes.
“What if my feelings are from the sex that rocks my world? What if I’ve latched onto the convenience of being with Ben because he lives here? What if I’ve confused submission with love?”
“What if it is love and you’re making all these lame excuses because you don’t believe you can fall in love in a month?” Layla countered.
“That’s not it.”
“Then are you worried Bennett will expect you to become a lifestyle sub like me if you’re outside the club?”
She remembered exchanging harsh words about that very thing the last night they’d seen each other. “No. I know that’s not what he wants. But hearing that he’s leaving the club—”
makes me hopeful that maybe we have a chance
, “—makes me wonder if he feels pressured to do it.”
“Bennett is a force all his own. He doesn’t do a damn thing he doesn’t want to. He is willingly walking away from the club because he wants you, A, for the long haul. He found something more meaningful than he was getting with random hookups at the club. He found it with you.” She shook her finger at Ainsley. “But don’t for a second think he’ll become some pussified girly man because he’s no longer wielding a whip at the Rawhide. Bennett is a Dom through and through. That part of him won’t change. Ever. He’ll still want a sexual Dom/sub relationship with you, and not temporarily this time.”
“I don’t want that part of him to change.”
“Good.” A long sigh echoed. “I know you, Ainsley. Don’t talk yourself out of what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re scared.”