Authors: Lorelei James
And his soft Ainsley curled beside him.
Might as well wish for a million bucks.
Ben trudged to his front door and shoved his key in the lock. Ace and Deuce saw something by the barn and raced off. After being cooped up in the truck for the past few days, the dogs needed to lose their rowdiness before the impending blizzard restricted their antics indoors.
He knew he’d loaded enough wood in the outside stack by the backdoor to last through the storm. Absentmindedly he shucked his outerwear and piled it by the chair. He’d expected the house to be cold, so the fire burning in the woodstove shocked him. As did the stack of split logs filling the woodbin. He noticed a flash of red out of the corner of his eye and whipped his head toward the kitchen.
Ben had never understood the phrase gob smacked until he saw Ainsley perched on his kitchen counter. In the same clothes she’d worn at the club the first night he’d met her.
Then he had the overwhelming fear this was a fantasy playing out in his mind as he snoozed in the truck.
His breath stalled. His heart raced, every beat a two-part recitation of her name. Nothing existed in that blur of space known as the universe except for her.
A primal voice inside his head roared
mine
.
Ben erased the distance separating them. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t take the kiss he craved. He simply grabbed her by the hips and threw her over his shoulder.
She shrieked, “Oh my God, Bennett, what are you doing?”
“Hush.” He swatted her ass as he marched to his bedroom. “We’re gonna have this out right now. But since you showed up on my turf, my rules apply.”
“Your rules always apply, no matter where we are.”
“True.” He tossed her on the bed. Before she could scramble away, he pounced on her, pinning her flat to the mattress. Her arms above her head, his knees by her hips to keep her from bucking.
“I cannot believe you just dumped me on the bed—”
“Yes, you can.” He inhaled a deep breath, bringing her scent inside him, allowing it to calm him. “You’re here.”
Brilliant observation
. “How did you get in?”
“Rielle gave up her key. For good.”
“
Why
are you here?”
Ainsley tried to act put out, but she couldn’t quite pull it off. “I came to grovel, but I figured the beastly Dom would take it the wrong way if he came home and found me naked on my knees.”
Ben smiled. “You know me so well.” He watched as her eyes turned somber. “I know you too, angel. Talk to me. Start from that night when everything went to hell between us.”
“I’m sorry. I was damn near hysterical at the thought of losing my job when you came to see me.”
“You blamed me.” Not a question.
She nodded. “Made it worse when you admitted you lied to me.”
“I know, baby. I’m sorry too. I never should’ve applied for the loan through National West. It all turned to shit anyway, but I regret putting you through that. Regret putting us both through that.”
“I wanted to hurt you back. So I stupidly made a couple of horrible accusations, and I am so, so sorry.”
He’d felt like he’d been gut shot that night. Knowing he loved her and he’d probably lost her for opening up to her. For hoping she’d accept him, everything about him and having her reject him.
“Yet, you tried to make it right. You tried to tell me you attempted to fix it by withdrawing the loan request. But I was too incensed.” She swallowed hard. “Too…hurt and too busy lashing out at you to listen to what you were saying.”
“You do seem to pay better attention when you’re tied up,” he murmured.
Ainsley’s full lips curved slightly. “You like that far too much, Bennett.”
“No lie.” He grinned without shame.
“I missed that smile of yours. I missed you in the last week.”
“Did you miss Ben? Or Bennett?”
“I’ve figured out they’re one in the same. I can’t have one without the other. I don’t want one without the other.”
Hope nearly blindsided him and he fought to retain control. Ben released her arms so he could touch her. “I gathered from my mom that you didn’t get fired.”
Ainsley blinked at him. “Vi? How would she know about my job at the bank?”
“Didn’t you have lunch with her on Monday?”
“No. I was in Denver Friday night through Monday. That’s why I didn’t swing by this weekend and talk about what’d happened. The district manager got pissy after the phone call and forced me and Turton to attend a weekend seminar in Denver about interpersonal team management.”
Ben tugged Ainsley upright and took her mouth in a savage kiss. He owned each breath, each exhalation, each tongue tangling thrust. And when he thought his head might explode, he broke his lips free from hers. “That little taste isn’t enough.”
“Ben—”
“God, woman, I’m dyin’ for you, but not until we talk this through. All of it.”
“You and that blasted talking.” She nuzzled his cheek. “Okay. But let’s talk fast. Rielle told me what happened. You should know…I had words with her.”
“What kind of words?”
“Words that made it plain I wouldn’t stand for her hurting you.” Ainsley’s fingers were gently scraping against three days worth of beard growth on his face. “I know you, Ben. Her betrayal of your friendship hurt worse than Gavin buying the land.”
This woman saw so much, she knew him so much better than he’d imagined.
“Been a rough week for you. I cut you loose. You were let down by your brother and your friend.” She paused. “And you resigned from the Rawhide Club.”
“News travels fast. Layla must’ve told you?”
“Told me? No. She confronted me, accused me, and threatened me…so it’d be redundant if I asked why you quit. But I want to know if you’re sure you want to quit?”
Ben turned his head and kissed her palm. “I’m positive.” When she didn’t say anything else, he prompted. “And?”
“And now will you ask me if I’d be here if you hadn’t resigned from the club?”
“No. When you told me that we couldn’t be together because of what I was—it pissed me off. You knew I was a Dom, you knew that I belonged to a club when we met. It chapped my ass you were using that as an excuse to break it off with me—because you were scared of embracing your submissive nature permanently.”
“While that is partially true—”
Ben stopped her protest with his fingers. “But once my anger and pride cleared, I understood it wasn’t me bein’ a Dom that was the issue. Or you not accepting being submissive. It was the Rawhide Club itself. You weren’t passing judgment on it or on people who belong to it. Not on me either. And to some extent, not on yourself.”
Her eyes lit up. “You do understand.”
“Took me a couple days, and a bad night at the club, but I finally got it.”
“A bad night at the club? You went to the club last weekend?” she said sharply.
“Don’t look at me like that, angel. I wasn’t there for a hookup. After everything came to a head with us, the Rawhide has always been my go-to place for support, consolation, acceptance, whatever. Long story short, my cousin Dalton showed up and his accusations brought out some questions I’d not dealt with for quite a while.”
“What kind of questions?”
“Why I needed the club. Why I needed certain aspects of it and not others, which really made me think.”
“Are you okay?” Her eyes narrowed. “What accusations did your cousin make? Because you shouldn’t have to explain who you are to anyone.” She snapped, “Did he threaten to tell your family that you’re a Dom? Is that why you resigned from the club?”
He loved how she jumped to his defense. “He told my brothers. Which got Chase and Gavin here right away.” Ben still couldn’t believe they’d shown up. “We had a talk about that part of my life and they didn’t pass judgment.”
“I’m glad, Ben. I’m really, really glad for you. That’s got to be a huge relief.”
“Dalton promised to keep my…proclivities under his hat. But in some ways his questions were good for me. A big reason I kept going to the Rawhide, aside from my friendships with the guys, is I found acceptance. I’d never had that before.”
“But now?”
“Now?” His eyes searched hers and his heart rate spiked. “You tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“Why you’re here. What you want from me.”
Ainsley didn’t hold back. “I want it all. More time with you and me together. With you as my Dom. With every part, each facet, all sides of yourself that you want to share with me.”
Everything in him that’d been wound tight…loosened. “I hoped you’d want that. “
“I do. More than anything.”
“I knew I’d have to choose.”
“Choose what?”
“Choose between the club and you.”
She went utterly still.
“And I chose you. I’ve got your acceptance and I don’t need to go anywhere else. I’m not giving anything up by leaving the club, Ainsley, I feel like I’m gaining so much more than I’d ever hoped for.”
“What are you saying?” she whispered, trailing her fingers across the stubble on his jaw.
Ben’s mouth went dry as the words he’d never said to a woman poured from his mouth, from his heart. “I love you.”
“Oh. God. Ben.”
“I feel whole with you. Before I kept the two halves of myself separated. But when I’m with you, I’m a whole man. I’m the man I want to be. I’m the man I was meant to be. You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman but thought I’d never find. And here you are.”
She laughed, sniffing against the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “I love you. The whole you. The Dom side. The rancher side. The intuitive side. The sweet side. The raunchy side.”
Ben kissed her with a lingering smooch as he tried to slow the thundering of his heart. “I like who I am when I’m with you, angel.”
“Ben.”
“I want to be with you. All of you. I want to pick you up at the bank, take you out for lunch and let everyone know we’re together. I want to support your community events. I want you to come to my family deals as my woman, not my friend. I want to take you dancing, and horseback riding, and then I want to tie you up, turn your ass pink before I fuck you hard.” He traced her jawline. “I want to be with you every damn day. I want this angelic face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. If I had my way, I’d move all your stuff over here tonight.”
“But?”
“But I understand that you probably wanna take it slow. You’re still trying to find your place in a new town. In a new job. In a new type of relationship. I’m just as shocked as you are that so much has happened between us and it’s only been a little over a month.”
“Seems longer, doesn’t it?”
“Mmm-hmm.” Ben peered into her eyes. “I’m here whenever you’re ready to take that next step. I’m a patient man.”
“Except for when you’re not.”
He smirked. “Well, there is that.”
Ainsley pecked him on the lips. “I want to be with you too, Ben. And I know in my heart we will be together, sooner rather than later. But we have a few serious, major things to discuss before that day comes.”
Ben didn’t like how she’d dropped her gaze. Instead of commanding her to look at him, he tipped her chin up and saw uneasiness swimming in her eyes. “Give me an example of a major thing.”
“Like…you’re a dog person and I’m a cat person.”
“Well, that
is
a deal breaker. Who ever heard of cats and dogs living together in harmony?” Ben chuckled and smooched her nose. “Try again.”
“I don’t know anything about ranching.”
“I don’t know anything about banking, so that one’s a wash too.”
“I’m older than you.”
“So?”
“So?” she repeated. “I’m the older, clichéd divorced woman.”
“It’s not like you’re the same age as my mother, for Christsake. You’ve got five years on me.” His eyes gleamed. “Since I’m a dog person, let’s say that adds seven years on my age, so I’m actually two years older than you.”
“You are crazy.”
“Yep. Totally crazy for everything about you. So no more excuses, angel, give me a valid reason why we have to have this discussion again at a later date.”
Ainsley blurted, “Because I don’t want kids. Ever. And it isn’t something I’ll change my mind on. I know your family is big on big families—”
“Whoa. One of the first things you need to know about me when it comes to my family is that while I love them, I’m not them. I don’t follow their lead. I do things my own way. And with the way my cousins are reproducing? There’s no chance the McKay family name will die out.” He twined a section of her hair around his finger, loving the silken texture against his coarser skin. “Here’s something I’ve never told anyone. I don’t want kids either. Never have. Never will. That’s another reason the club worked so well for me. It’s also why I didn’t date much. Most women want a family. I don’t. Wasn’t fair to enter into a relationship that was goin’ nowhere. And like you, it’s unlikely I’ll ever change my mind.”