Rather than put herself through a grueling workout in her weakened physical state, Tessa elected to take a restorative yoga class at SF Flow instead. The unlimited monthly membership that Ian had surprised her with was one of her most cherished gifts, and she loved the luxury of being able to take classes whenever she wished.
She knew Julia took a 6:00am class at a different studio during the week, so she didn’t worry about running into her apparently very nosy friend. She did see Sasha as she arrived, since the curly-haired teacher also taught classes in the evening. Tessa had heard from other students that Sasha was not only the most popular teacher at this studio, but also one of the most sought-after in the entire city. She wasn’t the least surprised to see the throng of students crowding into the larger of the two practice rooms where Sasha’s class was held.
“Hey, I’m not used to seeing you here on a Wednesday,” Sasha told her. “But why aren’t you going to my class? Restorative is way too easy for you, Tessa.”
Tessa grimaced and placed a hand on her belly. “It’s that time of the month, I’m afraid, and it’s pretty awful. I figured it would be a good idea to take it a little easy.”
“Ah, absolutely,” agreed Sasha. “No inversions on your cycle, okay? Backbends, handstands, not a good idea. If you have bad cramps, try drinking some chamomile tea. I wish I wasn’t already so booked up tonight with classes or I could try to squeeze you in for a massage. That would do wonders for you right now.”
“I actually just had a massage over the long weekend,” recalled Tessa wistfully. “My first ever. It was really amazing, something I could get used to.”
Sasha nodded. “It’s a good addiction to have. Maybe we can set up an appointment for you sometime. Take it easy in class, okay? I’ll see you soon.”
It didn’t surprise Tessa that her teacher was also a massage therapist. During class, Sasha made a point of going around to as many students as possible and making adjustments to their bodies while in poses. Tessa could tell by the knowledgeable way in which Sasha touched her that she was extremely familiar with human anatomy, and her touch was both skillful and soothing. Tessa wondered anew if Ian already had a massage therapist he saw on a regular basis, and made a mental note to suggest that they could possibly use Sasha’s services if he didn’t.
She felt relaxed and less uncomfortable at the end of the class, a sensation that remained with her during the bus ride home. It was only as she opened her mail box that the all too familiar feeling that something bad was about to happen returned.
The thick manila envelope bore the return address of a local law firm, and Tessa almost dropped the packet in revulsion. She postponed opening the envelope for as long as possible, and didn’t even mention its arrival to Ian when they spoke on the phone late that night. With the eight hour time difference between San Francisco and London, it was already very early in the morning for him and well past normal bedtime for her. Still, she gladly gave up the extra sleep in order to hear his voice, to listen to him recount what had happened the day before, and to have him tell her how much he loved and missed her. Determined to remain positive, Tessa didn’t mention her painful period or how many times during the last day and a half she’d had to fight off a bout of depression.
But once their conversation ended, she stared for long minutes at the offending envelope, knowing she’d never be able to sleep until she opened it.
She’d known without even looking at the return address that the envelope contained the divorce papers. She didn’t get a lot of mail in general, and certainly nothing as thick and official looking as this packet. Sighing, Tessa slid the papers out of their envelope and took a quick glance at the top page.
Well, it was over. Officially so, even though her marriage to Peter had in all honesty never really begun. They had been best friends, roommates, confidantes, but never lovers or partners, not in the true sense of the word. Now that she knew what it truly felt like to be in love, to experience sexual fulfillment, and, yes, to finally feel like a woman, Tessa could accept her seven years with Peter for what they had actually been - a means to an end; a safe haven for her; and a dysfunctional mess that should never have been permitted to go on for as long as it had.
Still, she cried for awhile, because it was never really easy to let go of something that had been part of your life for so many years. And then, she opened her email account on the rather ancient old laptop Peter had scrounged up for her way back in high school, and began to compose the letter she ought to have sent him weeks ago.
Dear Peter,
It’s been a few weeks since we were in touch and a lot has happened during that time. First, though, the divorce papers arrived today so I guess it’s really official - we’re no longer married. I just finished having a good cry over it but I can honestly say – finally - that you did the right thing by making this happen - for both of us.
There’s - well, I’ve met someone, Peter. I know you always wanted that for me, but I still can’t help feeling a little bit guilty about it. He’s a wonderful man, treats me like a princess, and I’m going to be moving in with him soon. As you know, the lease on this place is up in April, so I guess the timing is working out well.
He’s older than I am, by quite a bit, but it’s not for the financial or emotional security that I’m with him. I’m honestly, completely, and ridiculously in love with him, and I hope you’ll be happy for me. I told him everything - about my mom, the whole mess I was in when you married me, and about us. He’s not only been good to me but good for me as well, and I’m hoping he’ll be the one to slay the rest of the dragons, the few that you didn’t already kill for me.
I hope you know how much I still love you, Peter, and how much I always will. You were there for me in my darkest times, and I will never, ever forget that. I hope we can continue to be the best of friends, and that you will keep in close touch. And, most of all, I hope that someday you can finally find the peace that you need so badly - that you’ll meet someone who will slay all of your dragons.
With much love,
Tess
Wiping away her tears, she dragged herself into the bathroom and got ready for bed, hoping that between her emotional state and her physical condition that she would sleep soundly tonight. As she started to shut down her laptop, she was astounded to see a new message had popped up, and even more surprised to note that it was from Peter. He never replied to her emails so quickly, and she surmised he must have been online when her message had been delivered to him.
Hey, Tess,
What you are doing up so late? I’m the insomniac, remember? But in all seriousness - yes, I knew the divorce was going to be final today and was thinking of you the whole time. Guess I was just too much of a coward to email you first.
I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve found someone, Tess. You deserve to have a normal, healthy relationship, and to be loved and adored more than anyone else in the world. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be the man to give you that kind of love, because I know I’ll never meet anyone half as wonderful as you.
Would I be wrong in guessing that this new, older man in your life is your boss? I might be going out on a limb here, but I remember that Christmas party you dragged me to a couple of years back. I never told you this, didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I saw the way he kept watching you all night and giving me the evil eye (just kidding!) If it is him, I think you’ve made a very wise choice. He’ll take good care of you, Tess, give you all the things I never could. Oh, I’m not talking about stuff like cars or houses or clothes. I know you don’t give a shit about any of that. The things I’m talking about are romance and normal sex and maybe having a baby one day. I always wanted those things for you, and I’m glad you’re finally going to have them.
One last thing, because I’m starting to lose it here myself. I’ve begun therapy, Tess. Once a week I Skype with someone in the States, someone who specializes in my sort of issues. And while I’ve got a long, long way to go, I’m hopeful that one day I’ll be able to slay my own damned dragons.
I love you, too, Tess, and we will always be best friends. Take care and be happy, and please do keep in touch.
Love,
Peter
She was crying again as she finished reading his message, but this time they were tears of happiness.
Chapter Fourteen
London
It took every ounce of Ian’s self-control to disguise his impatience as the evening seemed to drag on intolerably. He loved his family deeply, and under normal circumstances would be relishing this opportunity to spend as much time as possible with them. But these were far from what he considered normal circumstances - being several thousand miles away from the woman he adored, the one he longed to be with every minute of each day, and whose touch he craved like an addict did a fix.
He checked his watch again, discreetly, of course, and had to hold back a sigh when he realized how late it was getting. It was already early afternoon back in California, and he only hoped Tessa wasn’t ready to give up on him calling today. The eight hour time difference between London and San Francisco hadn’t been especially easy to manage these past few days, given that he couldn’t very well call her while she was at the office.
And of course he’d had to wait until he was alone at this end before calling her, not wanting to take the chance he’d be overheard by one of his family. Ian had very intentionally not told any of them about Tessa, especially Colin, who’d be pumping him for very intimate details were he to know about the new woman in his life. Until Tessa resigned from the Gregson Group, Ian had no intention of mentioning her to any of the family. When he’d told Tessa there would be unpleasant repercussions for both of them should their relationship become known, he’d been deadly serious. Regardless of the fact that he reported directly to his father and uncle, the other board members could very well vote to demote or censure him in some way if they learned about his love affair with one of his employees.
As for Tessa, the demand would certainly be made for her immediate transfer, if not her termination. And even though she’d be resigning soon enough, he knew she would want that to be on her terms and not because it had been forced on her.
There would be time enough to tell his family about Tessa, he reassured himself, but for now he intended to keep it a secret. It was just too damned bad, he thought impatiently, that this dragged out dinner at the home of his elder brother Hugh was interfering with his daily phone call to her.
To make matters worse, his sister-in-law Victoria had invited a recently divorced female friend of hers to join them for dinner, and the woman’s interest in Ian was rather obvious. Victoria had seated them next to each other, and the woman - Sondra - had been not so subtly flirting with him all evening. Even if he hadn’t been obsessed with Tessa, he knew he wouldn’t have found Sondra attractive. As a rule, he had a general dislike of overly aggressive women, especially ones who practically drowned themselves in perfume. He’d been polite to Sondra, feigning an interest in what she had to say that he certainly didn’t feel, but making it a point to keep his distance and not give her even the tiniest bit of encouragement.
Sondra got the hint eventually, especially when he gently declined her offer to meet up for a drink or a coffee sometime during his visit, but he still felt uncomfortable in her presence. Thankfully, his mother seemed to sense his discomfort, and tactfully suggested that they all call an end to the evening.
Once back at his parents’ house, he made his excuses as quickly as possible, though he didn’t miss the odd look his mother gave him as he practically jogged to his rooms.
As he so often did when it came to matters involving Tessa, Ian felt like an awkward fifteen-year-old boy who was trying to summon up the nerve to call the girl he’d been crushing on for months. His pulse rate ratcheted up a notch or two as he pulled his phone out and pressed the speed dial button for her number. But his anticipation quickly turned to concern when she didn’t answer her phone right away, especially since she nearly always picked up after just a couple of rings. And given that it was still mid-afternoon on a Saturday in San Francisco, he knew she couldn’t be at the office.
Just as the call was about to go to voice mail, Tessa answered, but the sound of her voice filled him with instant concern.
“Ian.” Her voice was whisper soft, almost as though she was struggling to speak.
“Are you all right, love?” he asked in alarm. “You sound ill. Were you sleeping?”
“Just resting. And I’m not sick exactly. I, um, have my period.”
“Ah.” He was somewhat mollified at this information, but still worried about how weak and exhausted she sounded. “Is it - that is, do you usually have problems during your cycles? This is the first time I can recall you having a period since we’ve been together.”
“Yes, to both questions. My cycles aren’t always regular, so this is definitely the first one I’ve had since we started seeing each other. And, well, the IUD is reliable but has some unpleasant side effects.”
Ian didn’t bother to mask his distress as he probed for more details. “What sort of side effects?”
There was a pause before she replied in a somewhat halting voice. “Um, the usual sorts of things - fatigue, lack of energy, mood swings. And, well, the bleeding is usually really heavy, and the cramps can get pretty bad.”
His level of alarm had increased with each symptom she’d mentioned. “Darling, that sounds terrible. And forgive me, but
you
sound terrible. Did this just start overnight?”
“No. On Wednesday. My cycles usually last at least a week, sometimes a bit longer.”
Ian was aghast at this revelation. “You’ve been feeling this poorly for three days? And you went to work? Tessa, you should have taken some sick days, love. God knows you’ve earned them.”