Craving Absolution (29 page)

Casper

“
Where the fuck are they?” I roared, throwing my chair across the room after Doc left.

We
’d been waiting on word for an hour, practically climbing the fucking walls. When Doc had finally heard back from his contact, we found out it was a dead end.

No properties were registered to Tommy. None. Even the house he
’d been living in before the fire had been rented. Motherfucker.

Brenna had been the first old lady to show up, but Callie and Vera had been right behind her, followed by more women that I barely knew but belonged to brothers in the club. Eventually Gram and Lily had come racing in too, their faces anxious.

The entire club was waiting on news, and we still hadn’t heard anything.

“
You need to calm down, boyo,” Poet called from across the room. “You start losin’ your head, and we’re gonna get nowhere.”

“
How the fuck am I supposed to—”

My phone rang in my pocket, and I fumbled to fish it out. Cameron.
Thank fuck
.

“
Cameron?” I answered, catching the attention of the brothers waiting throughout the room.

“
Hey, baby,” Farrah whispered back. “It’s me.”

My knees hit the floor as she started sobbing
, and my head grew light from both relief and worry.

“
Are you okay? Are Cam and Cecilia okay?”

“
Yeah,” she choked out. “We’re fine.”

I nodded to the room, and heard Gram start crying in relief.

“Where are you, baby?” She sobbed harder into the phone and I couldn’t understand what she was saying. “Ladybug, I need you to calm down. I can’t understand you, baby.”

My fingers went to my eyes and dug in, fighting back the moisture there. Thank God.
Thank God.

“
I don’t know where we are.” She hiccupped. “We’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“
Okay, okay.” I motioned to Slider and he came jogging across the room, his keys jingling where they were connected to his belt.

“
Where’s Tommy?” I asked Farrah as Slider reached me.

“
He’s dead,” she whispered back, and the relief made me dizzy.

“
We need the cops in on this,” I told Slider, covering up the phone with my hand. “Tommy’s dead and Farrah has no fucking clue where they are. We could search for days on our own and never find them.”

“
She have the car?” he asked.

“
Can you drive out of there, baby? Maybe find the highway?” I asked, uncovering the phone.

“
I—I can’t. He’s in there.” She hiccupped again.

“
Okay, baby. That’s fine.”

“
No car,” I mouthed to Slider. He gave me a nod and pulled out his phone.

“
We’re gonna call the police, Ladybug. Okay? They should be able to figure out where you’re at with cell phone signals, but it’s gonna take a while.” Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair. I wanted her home with me
now
.

“
We don’t have coats, Cody,” she told me quietly. “It’s going to cool off before too long.”

“
Fuck, baby.”

“
I’m going to get Cam and start walking,” she informed me, her voice growing stronger. “I think I remember where to go. I’ll get as close to the highway as I can. Maybe we’ll see someone.”

“
Ladybug, I don’t know if you should be moving around,” I warned her, the panicky feeling invading my gut again. “You could get lost worse, or hurt.”

She was silent for a few moments, and I held my breath waiting for her reply.

“I’ve got two kids out here, handsome. I don’t have the luxury of waiting for the cavalry.”

Fuck.

“I hear you,” I replied quietly, climbing to my feet. “How much battery’s left on Cam’s phone? Where’s yours?”

“
Cam’s phone has like fifty percent left, and I’ve got no clue where mine is. I think it may be in the front seat of my car.”

I didn
’t ask why she couldn’t look for it.

“
I’m going to hang up for now,” she said, sniffling again. “I need to get us ready to go. I’ll call you again when we hit the next road, okay?”

It killed me to do it. I fucking hated that she
’d be out there alone and I’d have no idea what was happening or where she was, but I knew we had to conserve the phone battery.

“
Okay, Ladybug. Give CeeCee a kiss for me and let me know when you’re on your way. Okay?”

“
All right. Love you.”

“
Love you too, so much.”

I held the phone against my ear for a full minute after she hung up, refusing to let go of the connection between us.

“Cops are on their way!” Slider yelled on his way out the front door. “Casper, Grease, and Goliath, let’s go meet them at the front gates!”

With no other choice, I was
forced to drop the phone from my face and follow after him.

Farrah

“
Okay, dude, I’ve got a plan!” I called out to Cameron, who was still sitting on the ground with a sleeping Cecilia in his arms. “We’re going to start walking.”

“
We’re going to walk home?” he asked incredulously, wiping tears from his face as I got closer.

“
Hell no,” I replied, holding my hand out to him and pulling him to his feet. “We’re gonna walk until we find a main road, or find something so we have a point of reference for the guys to come get us.”

“
Oh.”

“
Yeah, but first, I need to get some shit from the car.”

His eyes
gaze from me to the car and back again, and his face turned pale. “Do you want me to do it?” he whispered.

“
No.” I shook my head. “I’m just going to grab CeeCee’s sling and her diaper bag, and then we’ll be out of here. You don’t go near the fucking car.”

He was nodding before I
’d ever finished speaking.

“
Okay.” I nodded back. “Go wait for me on the road. I’ll be right there.”

I moved toward the car, my stomach churning with dread.
Don’t look, Farrah.
I kept my head down as I opened the back door, swallowing hard as the smell of Tommy’s body filled my nose.
Fuck
. I reached through the door to Cam’s side, the car closing in on me as I grabbed the diaper bag off his seat and the sling off the floorboard.

I pulled myself out and took a deep breath, catching sight of my purse strap hanging through the space between the front door and the driver
’s seat.
Shit
. I needed my fucking purse.

D
ecision made, I slammed the back door shut and moved toward the front, taking a deep breath before opening my door and reaching for my purse.

“
What are you doing?” Cameron called anxiously, causing my head to jerk up until I was facing Tommy’s dead body. His eyes were still open.

I pulled the purse out and slammed the door, vomiting on the ground beneath my feet.
Fucking gross.

“
Let’s go!” I told Cameron as I reached him, slipping the sling over my head and then reaching for Cecilia. “You get the gun?”

He nodded, watching as I got Cecilia settled.
“Okay, make sure the safety’s on—”

“
It’s on,” he replied without hesitation.

“
Then put it in the diaper bag. Can you carry it?”

He nodded again, slinging the bag over his shoulder as we started down the road.

“I’m sorry, bud,” I said quietly after we’d been walking for a while. “You didn’t deserve this shit.”

“
How can you say that?” he replied, his angry eyes turning toward me. “I went with him. I got in the car with you knowing that something was wrong and I didn’t say anything!”

“
Cameron, you’re twelve years old and your dad outweighs you by like a hundred and fifty pounds. What in the fuck do you think you could have done?”

“
I could have told you that someone needed you inside the club! I could have said I had a stomachache so Dad had to take me back inside! I could have tripped and hit my head on your car so I was bleeding and you would have had to take me back inside!”

“
You’ve been thinking on this a while, huh?” I asked, stepping around a pothole in the road.

“
Since we pulled through the gates,” he mumbled quietly.

“
Dude, if you would have stopped him today, your dad would have just waited for another chance,” I argued. “Maybe without you there to have my back.”

He went silent.

We walked for hours, stopping only to change Cecilia—I was down to one last diaper—and so Cameron could pee. When we finally came to a road, I called Cody.

“
Hey, baby. We just hit a road, but I have no idea what it’s called.”

“
Okay, Ladybug. Cops are on their way. They figured out where you were at before, so they should be showing up pretty damn soon. You okay?”

“
Yeah, we’re tired and Cecilia’s on her last diaper, but we’re good.”

“
Slider’s grabbing a van and we’re headed to you. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“
Can’t wait. Love you.”

“
Me either. Love you too.”

I stuffed the phone back in my pocket and turned toward Cameron.

“Cops are on their way,” I told him, watching his face sag in relief.

We
’d only walked maybe a mile more when I saw police cars in the distance, and we stopped on the side of the road.

“
Careful what you say, Cam,” I warned him as the cars got closer. “Your dad kidnapped us and held us at gunpoint. We don’t know why. Right?”

“
Right,” he answered, taking a step closer to me as the cars rolled to a stop fifty feet from us.

“
Farrah Miller?” the cop who was driving called out as he climbed out of his car and stood behind the door.

“
Yeah, that’s me.” I took a step forward, and Cameron moved with me when all of a sudden we had four guns trained on us.

No, they were trained on Cameron.

“Hands where I can see them!” the same cop yelled, startling both Cameron and me into movement.

“
Now, step away from the woman,” he ordered.

“
What the fuck are you doing?” I screamed back, moving with Cameron as he tried to step away.

“
Ma’am, we need you to stop what you’re doing so we can do our job!”

“
Fuck you!” I screamed, then wrapped one arm around Cecilia at my chest and flung the other in front of Cameron. “Get your guns off my boy!”

Cameron
’s head whipped toward me as I moved closer to him.

“
Excuse me, ma’am?” The cops looked confused, but they didn’t drop their weapons.

“
Get your guns off my son, or I swear to God I’ll cause such a fucking stink not one of you will be able to flip burgers at McDonald’s when I’m done,” I growled, finally coming to a stop with Cameron directly behind my right shoulder.

“
Your son?” the cop repeated, lowering his weapon to our feet.

“
That’s what I said,” I yelled back, my heart racing in my chest as Cameron laid his hand against my back.

“
Lower your weapons,” the cop ordered, looking around to his men. “Ma’am, we were led to believe that you’d been kidnapped?”

My body sagged in relief.

It was over.

Farrah

By the time we got back to Cody that night, Cecilia was getting a rash from the drugstore disposable diapers the police had provided, Tommy’s body was being located and the scene examined, and someone had given Cameron a shirt to wear.

I
’d cried when Cody finally showed up with my dad, and though he’d never admit it, I think he did too.

The cops were still calling Cameron my son, and neither Cody
nor Slider corrected them as we left the station. It didn’t matter, anyway. The case was pretty cut-and-dried kidnapping and self-defense, and even if they’d tried to do anything with Cameron they would have failed. Grease was Cameron’s godparent—Trisha had left a will.

The men had
brought a minivan to come pick us up, and as I cuddled next to Cody in the backseat on our way back to Eugene that night, I filled them in on all the things we’d learned from Tommy. They were in complete shock, but as I told them more, they seemed to start putting it all together. Later, Cody would tell me it was like the missing puzzle piece that answered a bunch of questions they’d had about the Portland deal. I didn’t ask what the questions had been. Frankly, I just wanted to put it all behind me.

It took hours to say hellos and good
-byes at the club, everyone wanting to hug us and make sure we were okay, and by the time we were driving home in Gram’s car, I was ready to drop.

“
I’ll get some pillows and blankets for the couch,” I told Cameron quietly, looking over Cecilia’s new car seat that was buckled in between us. “We’ll find a new place soon so you can have your own room.”

“
I don’t mind the couch,” he answered anxiously.

“
Dude. You’re not going anywhere,” I told him firmly. “You belong with us, okay?”

“
Yeah.” His voice was almost inaudible.

“
You sure you want to stay with us?” I asked. “Because seriously, dude. If you’re staying, you’re staying. You can’t go crying to Grease if I yell at you for leaving the toilet seat up.”

A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth.
“I’m sure,” he replied.

And that was that.

We hadn’t really talked about where he would live or what would happen after we’d left the police station, but as we’d stood up to leave the club, he’d walked silently over to my side carrying a small duffel bag of clothes. I guess when I’d told him all those months ago that he was welcome at my house anytime, he’d taken that literally.

Of course, calling him my son in front of four armed police officers probably sealed the deal.

“I’m making breakfast whenever you wake up in the morning,” Gram informed me as we climbed out of the car to find Cody waiting next to his bike.

“
I’m making coffee!” Lily called out, blowing me a kiss as she headed toward Gram’s apartment.

“
Let’s go inside, Ladybug,” Cody whispered softly, kissing my lips before moving me out of the way so he could get Cecilia out of the car.

My little family made our way over to my apartment door, and I paused outside it
, searching for my keys before realizing I’d left them in the ignition in my car. I shuddered at the memory.

“
I’ve got it, baby,” Cody said, handing his keys to me so we could unlock the door.

As I walked in the room, my eyes widened at the sight of flowers covering every available surface.

“Holy hell!” Cameron gasped.

“
Watch your mouth,” I replied automatically, my gaze roaming the room.

“
Uh, I was apologizing this morning,” Cody grumbled as he set down Cecilia’s car seat on the kitchen table on top of what looked like daisies.

“
It’s gorgeous,” I called back. “I’m going to get Cam a blanket.”

I hurried down the hallway to grab a blanket of
f the end of my bed, only to change my mind at the last minute and pull my quilt from the bed instead. Then I made my way back into the living room and sat next to Cameron on the couch.

“
I’m gonna lay Cecilia down,” Cody informed me, looking between me and Cameron. “’Night, Cam.”

“
’Night, Casper.”

As soon as we were alone, I reached out and grabbed Cameron
’s hand.

“
Sometimes shit happens that totally sucks,” I started, pausing when Cameron snorted. “Shut up. Sometimes things happen that totally fucking suck, and even though we think we’re fine with it, eventually we’re not so fine with it.”

I met Cameron
’s eyes, giving him a sad smile. “This is my quilt. You probably saw it when we were staying at the club.” I paused as he nodded. “I’m giving it to you.”

I stood up and waited for him to
lie back on the couch before flipping the quilt out so it floated over his body, covering him from neck to toes. Then I sat down again at his hip.

“
Bad shit happened to me too, you know? If you ever want to talk to me, you can. If you don’t, that’s cool too. But this quilt right here? This was made with love, and it was given to you with love, so if you ever find yourself not okay with the bad shit that happened and you don’t feel like talking to me or Cody about it, well, wrap yourself in this. Okay?”

My throat clogged with tears as he sniffled once, and I stood from the couch.
“We’re right down the hall. Yell if you need anything.”

I made it to the
entrance of the hallway before I heard his voice, sounding so young it was like a punch to my chest. “I love you, Farrah.”

“
Love you too, dude,” I choked out. “Get some rest.”

I shuffled quietly down the hallway, tears falling
down my face until I was caught up in strong arms and carried into the bathroom.

“
You okay, Ladybug?” Cody asked gently, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs.

“
Yeah, just—Cam. Oh my God.”

“
He’s gonna have a hard time,” he said with a nod. “But tonight he’s safe and loved, and he’s got Aunt Lily’s quilt wrapped around him, which we both know can heal a whole lot of shit.”

“
Noticed that, did you?”

H
e wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Ladybug, I haven’t taken my eyes off you all night,” he replied, leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. “Don’t know if I’ll ever let you and the kids outta my sight again.”

“
We’re okay.”

“
Thank Christ.”

“
Thank Cameron too.”

“
No shit,” he murmured, reaching down to grab the bottom of Cameron’s T-shirt that I was still wearing. “I don’t wanna have sex, Ladybug. But I need to check you out, okay?”

“
Okay,” I whispered back, raising my arms above my head so he could pull the shirt off.

“
He didn’t hurt you?” he asked again for the twentieth time since he’d reached me.

“
No, handsome. He didn’t hurt me, I promise.”

He nodded his head, then knelt down to pull off my shorts and underwear, pausing to run his fingers over the gauze on my knees. I hadn
’t realized at the time, but I’d cut the hell out of them when I’d fallen out of the car and into the gravel.

Cody leaned his head against my belly and took a deep breath, while I ran my fingers gently through his hair.

“He touched your tits,” he spoke quietly, his voice barely noticeable over the sound of our heater blowing through the vents.

“
Barely,” I answered. “It was disgusting, but it’s over.”

“
He touched you.”

“
Look at me,” I ordered, pulling his head back so I could meet his eyes. “It’s over. The man is dead and I’m right here with you. Safe and whole. Cecilia and Cam are in the next room, safe and whole. We’ve got a lot to be thankful for, handsome. Don’t waste time worrying about shit that doesn’t matter.”

“
You gut me,” he whispered, reminding me of a time when he’d said those same words to me long ago.

“
Why? Because I pretend to forget what’s happened to me?” I asked quietly.

“
No, because you protected our children and then walked eight miles carrying a twelve-pound baby to get them to safety. You are by far the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and I am the luckiest man on the planet.”

I gave him a small smile as tears rolled down my face, then nodded once and replied dryly,
“You really are.”