I confess. “Yes, I am. He's my whole world, Erika. I can't wait for you to meet him. I think you'll like him.”
“I can't wait to meet him either. But your world shouldn't be all about him, Kamiyah.”
Mmmph. Looks who's talking.
“You have school and dance to think about, too. He should be only a part of it.”
Well, he's not!
“I know, I know,” I say, looking up at his bedroom window. It's dark throughout most of the house. The porch light comes on. “He's so different, Erika.”
“I'm sure he is. Still . . . it's not healthy for anyone to get too wrapped up into another person. You don't need to make him your whole world.”
Oh, like you did with Leon! Well, too late. . . he already is!
“He's not.”
Lies!
“But he is a very special part of it.”
“And so he should be. Just don't allow him to become all of it. You have a promising future ahead of you, Kamiyah. I'd hate to see you throw it all away for what might feel like love.”
“Erika, I'm not stupid,” I say defensively.
“I'm not saying you are. All I'm saying is, be careful.”
“I
am
careful. Very.”
“That's all I ask. Are the two of you having sex?”
I tell her, “No. I'm still a virgin.”
“Good,” she says, sounding relieved. “Take it from someone who's been there, done that. When you're young, your emotions are all over the place and sex complicates things. Hell, it can get complicated for adults, too. I'm glad you're saving yourself for the right guy.”
“Well, what if Sincere
is
the right guy?” I ask her, closing my eyes, remembering the way his hands felt on me, imagining what he'd look like naked.
“Then you need to
wait
for the right time.”
“And when is that supposed to be?”
“When you've graduated high school, completed Juilliard, and have toured the world.”
I laugh. “So basically, when I'm an old maid.”
She laughs. “Well, not that long. But definitely long enough to accomplish what you want out of life.”
“Why didn't you wait?” I ask, texting Sincere to let him know I am outside on the phone talking to my sister.
Although Erika is finishing up her law degree and is engaged to a really nice guy, she was fifteen when she lost her virginity, and had kept it a secret for almost a year until she thought she was pregnant. Luckily she wasn't. But Mom blacked on her and tried to keep her locked in the house, which is probably why they fought so much. Still, every chance she got she was sneaking out of the house to be with him.
“Girl, back then you couldn't tell me a thing. I thought I was grown. And I thought I was
in love
. I had already given Leon my heart. But when I didn't think that was enough to keep him, I gave him my body, too. I wanted him to have all of me. Problem is, that still wasn't enough. I thought having sex with him would prove to him how much I loved him. And I thought it would make him love me more. But all it did was make my life more difficult. It made letting him go harder. Everything about him was all wrong. And I knew it. But when I was in his arms, and whenever he touched me, he felt so good. Everything felt so right. And that's what kept me going back. Leon was everything to me.”
Sincere texts back. K
Leon is the bum who used to beat up on her. She would lie to our parents about the bruises she'd have on her face. The ones on her body she could hide from them, but not from me. I saw those nasty black-and-blue marks. I would tell on her. But she would lie. Tell them she got hurt from cheerleading or from gymnastics. Erika was always making up excuses, always defending him. And my parents acted as if they believed her, up until the time he pushed her down the steps and she sprained her wrist and twisted her ankle. Then they realizedâwell,
Daddy
realizedâthat Leon was abusing her. They filed charges against him and everything. OMG, it was a mess! Erika was with him for almost three years before she was finally able to break away from him.
“Do you regret it?”
She sighs. “I don't regret what I felt for him. But I do regret not waiting. Once you give that part of you away, there's no taking it back. Once it's gone, it's gone for good. Sex sometimes clouds our judgment. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did.”
Erika must really think I'm a member of dumbo.com or something
. “I won't,” I tell her, glancing at the time.
OMG, I can't believe we've been on the phone for almost thirty minutes. I need to hurry up and get off this phone so I can be with my man.
“I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you what to do, 'cause I'm not. I know you're going to do what you want, regardless. I just don't want to see you get hurt. That's all. You're still young, Kamiyah. I don't want you to ever have to go through what I went through with Leon. You know he was my whole life. I put him before anything and everything else, including myself.”
“Erika, you don't have to worry. I'm not you. And Sincere is nothing like Leon.”
“Let's hope not,” she says as I'm getting out of my car. I set the alarm, rolling my eyes.
I walk up the stone walkway. “Erika, I gotta go.”
Before I hit the first step, Sincere opens the front door, looking all sexy in a pair of blue Seton Hall basketball shorts and a blue Seton Hall Pirates T-shirt.
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I end the call before she can open her mouth to say another word.
Sincere smiles at me, stepping back to let me in. And I smile back. He quickly closes the door, then pulls me into his arms. “Damn, you feel good.”
I breathe in his soapy, fresh-showered smell, getting lost in his scent, and his hug. “Mmmm . . . so do you.”
13
I
'm at my locker taking out books for my first three periods, lost in thoughts of Sincere. Missing him like crazy, even though I was with him Friday night, and had gone to the movies then out to eat with him. Afterward, I went back to his house and cuddled. Then I was with him on Saturday
and
Sunday, then again, all day yesterday. And when I got home last night, I stayed on the phone with him until almost two in the morning.
Then first thing this morning I called him 'cause I wanted to hear his sexy voice. But he didn't pick up. Some people need caffeine to jumpstart their morning. Hearing Sincere's voice is all I need to get my blood pumping. Anywaaayz, I've sent him three texts that he
still
hasn't responded to. And I know for a fact he doesn't have classes today until eleven o'clock. And I know he doesn't sleep past eight.
So what's up with him not hitting me back? He shoulda texted me back by now.
I glance at my watch. I only have ten minutes until the homeroom bell rings. Not enough time to drive over to his house to check to see if his car is in the driveway and be back here on time.
But if I slip out now, I'd only be a few minutes late. I could forge another note stating I had an emergency at home.
“OMG!” Brittani shrieks, cutting into my thoughts. She's pointing at my neck. “Let me find out that's a hickey.
And
you played hooky from school
.
”
Okay, so here's the scoop. Remember the night I went over to his house after dance last week? Wellll, Sincere gave me a soothing foot massageâyes, my man handled my feet! He even kissed them. And what?! Anywaaayz, at some point Sincere and I ended up in his bedroom. He lit candles and put in a CD that his father made, with old-school slow jams. I got so caught up in the moment that I felt myself fading, getting lost in his kisses. I didn't know what was going on until I felt the electricity and a flash of heat shooting through my body. I had never experienced anything like that before. And I loved it. And I wanted him to do it to me again and again and again. I'm not gonna front. That night awakened something in me I never knew existed. And it was right at that very moment that I felt something in me snap open. . . and there'd be no turning back.
So,
yes
, I skipped school yesterday to experience it all over again. I left my house at seven o'clock as if I were going to school, chilled with Sincere all day, then left his house around three o'clock to get to dance class. I walked back up in my house at seven o'clock in the evening as if I'd had a full day of school and dance. Well. . .I didârolling around in the bed, though. Then as soon as I walked up in school this morning, I went into the attendance office and handed the secretary a note signed by my mother. Well, okay, a note signed by me. Yup, I forged her signatureâsomething I would never have done last year, or any other year. Maybe it's because of this thing called love that has me thinking and feeling differently. I've never felt what I feel for Sincere with anyone else. He makes me feel special and needed and wanted. Maybe it's because I'm finally taking control over my life and not letting my mother dictate my every move. I don't know. But what I do know is, I can't wait to see Sincere!
I roll my eyes, sucking my teeth. “Geesh, broadcast it to the whole school, why don't you,” I state, mushing her.
“So what y'all do all day together, Miss Nasty?” she asks, grinning.
“Nothing, really,” I say, fumbling with the combination to my locker. “We chilled, watching movies and whatnot.”
She lowers her voice, shutting her locker. “Have y'all done it yet?”
“Ewww, no,” I state, twisting my lips up. What we did is none of her business. I stare at my neck in the mirror that's hanging on the back of my locker door.
The Wicked Witch will flip her wig if she sees this
, I think, shutting my locker. “Have you and Stevie?”
“Heck no! I'm making him wait. And if he can't, then on to the next.”
“So you're not worried if he cheats on you?”
She shakes her head, pulling out her phone and texting. “Nope, not at all. My mom says if a guy can't wait for you, then he's not worth your time. And he's definitely not worthy of you. So he can go ahead and act single if he wanna, and act like he don't care, and it's gonna be a wrap.”
I laugh at her paraphrasing a line from Mary J's song. My phone buzzes, letting me know I have a text. I fish it out of my bag, then read the text: HEY, BABY. MISS U
I text back, smiling. MISS U 2
Just that quick, I forget that only a few minutes ago I was feeling some kinda way about not hearing from him.
U COMIN' OVA AFTR SCHL?
I text back: YES!
Zahara walks up on us, holding a box. “What y'all tramps up to? Oh, here”âshe hands me the box I'd had shipped to her houseâ“this is for you.”
“Oh, thanks,” I say excitedly, stuffing it into my locker.
“Welllllll . . .
I
haven't been up to anything,” Brittani says, smirking. “But this one here”âshe flicks a finger over at meâ“been doin' all kinds of nasty things. It's obvious she and Sincere been makin' all kinda oohs and aahs.” She laughs.
“What a liar. We have not. You make me sick.”
“Mmmph, well y'all shoulda been making something pop since you cut school to be with him. He must have you really strung, 'cause you ain't ever ditched school for anyone, especially a boy.”
“
Whaaat
ever. Anywaaayz, y'all heard from Ameerah?” I ask, changing the subject.
“She texted me saying she's not coming to school until third period,” Zahara says, pulling her books out of her book bag, then stuffing it into her locker. She shuts the door. “Are we still going to the mall after school?”
Oh, shoot, I forgot all about our plans to hang out after school today. “I can't. I told Sincere I was coming over to his house.”
Zahara frowns, putting her hand on her hip. “Oh no . . . waaaait one minute.” She turns to Brittani. “Boo, please pinch me and tell me that this heifer isn't about to diss her girls to be up under some boy,
after
we already made plans. And
after
she spent all weekend with him.”
“Mmmph, sounds like it to me,” Brittani says, twirling her hips around and turning her back to me. “So much for our pact to never put boys before our girls.”
“Uh-uh,” Zahara says, rolling her neck and talking with her hands. “This is
not
acceptable. You need to let Sincere know that you made other plans that
don't
include him. We are hanging out; all four of us. Just because you're
finally
getting a little sumthin'-sumthin', that don't mean you get to put us on the back burner, sweetie. We let you slide last week.”
I huff. “I was on punishment
last
week.”
“Whatever. And you were
still
sneaking out. But it wasn't to chill with your girls. So ya point?”
“The point isâ”
She throws a hand up in my face. “
Beep!
Talk to the hand. Like I said, we let you slide all last week. But not this time. So get it together.” She claps her hands together. “Chop, chop. Act like you know. Or get cut.”
“Ohmygod, Zee, you are so damn dramatic,” I state, laughing. “I'm not finally getting anything. And I'm not putting y'all on the back burner. What's so wrong with me wanting to spend time with my man, instead of sitting up in y'all birds' faces?”
“Nothing,” Brittani says. “Go on ahead and diss us. It's all good. Do you. But know this. My birthday is
three
weekends awayâOctober first, in case you don't rememberâand we are all meeting up at my house. And you better be there. In the meantime, I'm sure we
birds
can manage without you. C'mon, Zahara,” she says, looping her arm with Zahara's, “let's bounce.”
“Ohmygod, y'all so wrong,” I say, watching them walking off.
“Whatever, tramp,” Zahara says over her shoulder. “Make sure you're in the parking lot after school so we can hit the mall, or there will be a situation. And the only feathers gonna be plucked are
yours.
”
I sigh. “Okay, okay. Geesh. See y'all at lunch.”
Zahara stops walking. She turns to face me, cocking her head to the side. “Ain't nobody say nothing about seeing ya ugly face at lunch. I
said
we better see you in the parking lot after school. School gets out at two forty. Roll call is at three o'clock. And we're pulling out at three ten. So you need to text your boo-thang and let him know he's on pause until
after
you chill with ya girls. You know. The ones you're tryna diss for him. Now
boom
!”
She spins on her heels and the both of them switch off toward their homerooms. I turn to go in the opposite direction toward mine, pulling out my phone. I send Sincere a text to let him know that I forgot I promised to hang with Zahara and them. I let him know I'll come over afterward.
A few seconds later, Sincere texts back. OH A'IGHT. HIT ME UP WHEN U COMN THRU
“Yo, Kamiyah, what's good?”
It's Jarrell. I glance up at him, dropping my phone back into my bag. He's smiling.
“Nothing much. What's up with you?”
“I'm waiting on you to come to your senses and give me another chance,” he says, walking alongside me. “You know I'm big on you, girl.”
“And you know I have a man. So let it go.”
“Yeah, a'ight. What is it about this dude? What does he have that I don't?”
I stare at him, then blink. I tilt my head. “Me,” I say, walking into homeroom just as the bell rings. Jarrell follows behind me. I glance over my shoulder, catching him staring at my butt.
Ugh!
He grins, licking his lips.
He is sexy, though
. I roll my eyes.
“I'ma still wait on you,” he says, taking his usual seat in the back of the room.
I laugh, waving him on. “Well, you let me know how that works out for you.”
Â
The rest of the school day flies by. At three o'clockâeven though a) I'm not feeling it, b) I don't appreciate how Zahara came at me earlier, and c) I feel like she's trying to make me choose between them and my booâI'm walking out to the parking lot with my phone pressed to my ear, talking to Sincere. And,
yes
, with an attitude.
“You miss me?”
“Yup, yup,” he says. “How was your day?”
“It was good.”
Yeah, 'cause I spent it thinking about you
.
“Kamiyah, girl, will you hurry the heck up,” Zahara says, placing a hand up on her hip.
I put a finger up, signaling for her to give me a minute.
“Trick, c'mon. We're ready to go. You can talk to Sincere later. Dang.”
“Yo, who's that?”
I suck my teeth. “Zahara. She's rushing me off the phone, like she's my mother or something.”
He laughs. “Well, don't let me hold you.”
Boy, I want you to hold me
. “Oh, you're not holding me. They can wait. Talking to you is more important. The mall isn't going anywhere.”
“Aaah, that's wassup. So y'all getting ready to hit the mall? Which one?” I tell him that we're going to Short Hills. “Oh, that's wassup.”
I glance at my watch. “We'll probably get something to eat at The Cheesecake Factory while we're out there. But I'm only going to be out for a few hours, then I'm coming straight over to your house.”
“Oh, damn,” he says, bursting my bubble. “I kinda made plans to hang out with my boys tonight since you said you were chillin' with your girls.”
“You did
what
?” I snap. “I told you I was coming over, so why would you go and do that?”
“Look, you need to take all that loudness in my ear down a notch.”
I frown. “I don't have to take nothing down. You knew I wanted to see you.”
“And I wanna see you, too, Miyah.”
Yeah, right
. I grunt. “Mmmph. Oh, really?”
“Yeah, really. Didn't you text me earlier and say you forgot you had made plans to hang with your girls after school?”
“Yeah, and I also
told
you I was coming over right afterward. So why would you make plans to hang out?”
“Because I figured I'd either see you later on tonight, or tomorrow. Relax. It's not that serious.”
Maybe not to you!
“Mmmph. Yeah, you're right. It really isn't. So, do you.”