Crushed (13 page)

“What does this have to do with what happened on The Beach?”

I swallow and take a deep breath. “Calista was with Alex. They looked like they were together.”

There’s no sound from Ellie. She lifts her head from my shoulder and folds her hands in her lap. “You still like her?”

“Maybe?” I shake my head. “I don’t know.” Even though it’s awkward as hell, talking to Ellie about Calista is calming me down. “She shot me down. Hard. The first girl I said ‘I love you’ to, basically laughed at me.”

Ellie chews on her ring finger. I’m beginning to suspect it’s a nervous tick. But why would she be nervous? “You said ‘the first girl.’ Do you plan on saying it to more girls?”

“What? I don’t know. Why?”

“Maybe she was afraid? Your reputation as a man-whore might have scared her.”

I gape at Ellie. Is that even possible? My reputation scared Cal off? “It doesn’t matter. She’s obviously not interested. Besides, there are plenty of other girls, you know?”

Ellie leans away from me and furrows her forehead. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

She jumps off the tree and looks up. The sun lights up Ellie’s face and casts a long shadow behind her. She turns her head to the side and stares into the distance, at some unseen thing just beyond the fog line. Air pulls slowly through her parted lips, her chest rising and falling in steady, even breaths.

“Don’t live your life in a fog, Fletch. Don’t. You might not see what’s right in front of you.”

She slaps my leg and starts running, teasing me to chase after her. 

17

Ten minutes into the drive, I ease my car to the shoulder, hop out, and say, “Dude, I can’t take anymore of your whining. You can drive.”

I throw the keys at Reid as we pass behind the car to switch sides. He had been riding shotgun and torturing us with weird Japanese pop music – another of his attempts to prove how Japanese he is. 

Reid pulls himself into the driver’s seat, keys clenched in his hand. He got his license over the summer and constantly begs to borrow my car. He’s reminded me about two hundred times that Calista, he and, as of today, me, are the only eighteen-year-olds. Which means we’re the only ones who can legally drive.

With a huge smile, he guns the engine, eases off the gas, and pulls back onto the road. 

As the passenger, I now have complete control over the music. I unplug Reid’s iPod, hook mine up, and scan my playlists, looking for just the right one. Music blares over the speakers as I mess with the bass, sending tremors rippling through the car.

The massive SUV seats eight, but it’s a tight fit. Paige, Calista, and Alex are squeezed into the third row while Brady, Sarah, and Ellie occupy the middle. Libby decided she didn’t want to come – something about having too much homework. 

“What?” I shout when Reid mimes wildly to me. He keeps one hand on the wheel while the other hits the dashboard. 

I turn down the music. 

“Are you trying to make us all deaf?” he asks.

“Sorry.”

For the most part, no one talks much. Every so often, when I turn around to talk to Brady, I catch a glimpse of Calista. Seeing her next to Alex doesn’t hurt as much it did. I’ve had a few days to get used to it. As long as I don’t have to watch them play tonsil hockey, all should be well.

When we leave the fog and redwoods behind, the rolling brown hills of dairy farms stretch out as far as I can see. About forty minutes past that, neat rows of grapevines replace cows and we’re almost there. 

Reid maneuvers the SUV down a long, curving, tree-lined road. 

“Take the next right,” I say. “It’s kind of hidden, so start slowing down.”

He takes the turn slowly, like a beginner, and we drive through the iron gates marking the boundary of my parents’ country home. The house looms at the end of the long, narrow driveway.

Behind me, someone gasps, and I spin around. Ellie and Sarah stare, their eyes huge. Sometimes I forget this isn’t normal for everyone.

“Your parents live here?” Sarah asks, craning her head out the window.

Calista answers, a little condescendingly. “No, this is their country home. Fletch’s parents mostly live in San Francisco.”

With the music off and the windows down, the crunch of gravel fills the air. Reid parks in front the main house, because, yeah, there are multiple buildings on the property. Before he shuts off the engine, I jump out.

Brady opens his door and stands next to me, waiting for the Sarah and Paige to climb out of the car. Ellie, Alex, and Calista exit the other side.

“Crazy house, huh?” Brady asks Sarah. She nods. “Wait till you see the inside.”

“It’s a mansion,” she whispers.

Brady shrugs. “Not to his parents. That would be their chateau in the south of France.”

Ellie and Sarah both gave me incredulous looks. 

“He’s kidding?” Ellie says.

“Sadly, he is not.” I respond. 

Ellie whistles. “What do your parents do?”

Reid cracks up, like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “Are you serious?”

Her gaze ping pongs between Reid and me. “Yes.”

“His dad founded
GroundFloor
.” 

“Holy shit, really?” Ellie exclaims. Sometimes, when people find out who my dad is, I’ll get an earful about how much they love
GroundFloor
or use it to stay in touch with their grandmother or whatever. But mostly, I think, they’re kind of surprised I’m Will Colson’s kid. 

I shrug. 

Calista waits for us on the front stairs. “Can you guys get the bags? I’ll let Leticia know we’re here.”

Brady grimaces as we each grab two bags from the back of the SUV and follow the girls onto the wrap-around porch.

“What?”

“She’s marking her territory.” He means Calista.

“She’s being helpful,” I counter. “Besides, I think she and Alex are hooking up.”

Brady raises an eyebrow, like that’s new info to him.

When we step through the front door, the lofty entryway soars before us. Two staircases flank each side of the enormous room and from here, a sweeping view of the Napa Valley is visible. 

Ellie sighs. “This is rather amazing.”

“I guess.” After awhile, it becomes normal. I don’t really think about it.

Calista moves around the house with the familiarity of someone who’s spent her whole life visiting. Which she has. This, in many ways, is her home as much as mine.

“Leticia!” she calls. “We’re here.”

From high above us comes an excited “Happy Birthday, Fletch!” 

Leticia, the house manager, leans over the upper floor railing and waves. Years ago, she was my nanny, living with us in San Francisco, but after I left for school, my parents asked if she wanted to oversee the Napa property. I think her job is mostly hanging out here, making sure anyone who rents it – mostly for photo shoots and weddings — has what they need, and keeping the place ready in case we decide to visit. Doesn’t seem like a bad job, if you ask me.

When she reaches the bottom step, she holds her arms open wide. I know Reid and Alex are going to give me shit, but I walk across the spacious room and let her hug me. I squeeze her back, lifting her feet off the ground.

“You used to be this big.” She holds her hands slightly apart. “Now look at you. So tall!” She spies Cal. “Do you remember how little he was, Calista? I thought he’d never grow!”

Cal forces her lips into an annoyed smile. “I remember. He was also afraid to swim in the deep end of the pool. You kept throwing him in until he finally got over it.” She focuses on me and says the next words slowly. “It took him awhile.”

Leticia spent many summers taking care of the two of us. Cal had an ever-revolving line-up of nannies. But Leticia was our constant. She was around more than our parents.

“Introduce me to the rest of your friends, Fletcher.”

She already knows the guys and Paige. “This is Sarah.” I point. “And Ellie.”

“Nice to meet you, girls.” Leticia takes my hand. “Everything is set up. Your mom said to make sure the house was fully stocked. Do you needed me to stay?”

Leticia lives in one of the guest buildings. Where would she go if I wanted her to leave? “Of course you can stay.”

“You won’t even know I’m here.” She winks.

***

We crowd around the outdoor kitchen, waiting for the girls to change into their bathing suits. The coolness of the open fridge sends a chill down my spine as I sort through the bottles of beer, soda, and water. I find my favorite beer — one of Dad’s local microbrew finds — and pop the top off on the side of the counter. The bitter taste works its way over my tongue and down my throat.

“You’re not going to make it past tonight.” Brady lines shot glasses up across the counter top.

I take another swig of the beer. “What do you mean?”

He grins. “It’s your birthday. Don’t you think maybe Ellie might be interested in giving you an ‘extra-special’ gift?” 

“Shut up, Brady.”

“I’m just saying. Alcohol, some weed, a birthday – sounds like an easy score to me.”

Alex leans against the bar and places one baggie, then another, on the counter top. A variety of pills fill the first and the second brims with the finest pot available. 

Happy birthday to me, indeed.

“If that doesn’t do it, this should,” Alex says tossing me a bag of Xanax.

I hold the bag in my palm, like I’m weighing it. “I’m not going to drug Ellie. She’s my friend, that’s it.”

Alex and Brady glance at each other. Brady says, “So far, that’s the story she’s preaching too. “

Alex pulls out a pipe and packs it. “Guess we’ll find out soon, won’t we?” He lights it, takes a draw, and hands it to me. “All yours, birthday boy.”

I make a no-thanks motion, and Brady raises an eyebrow at me. “What? Don’t trust yourself?”

“I trust myself.” Not really. Not at all. “I want to eat first.”

Brady shakes his head. “When was the last time you said ‘no’?” 

“Said no to what?” Calista wiggles between Alex and me, her perky tits bursting out of a microscopic bikini top. 

She looks amazing. 

“Fletch just turned down a bowl,” Reid replies as he sets his beer down. “However, if you’re sharing, Alex, you can pass it this way.”

Calista spins my bottle cap on the counter. “You guys better get the barbecue going. I’m starving.”

I need to get away from her. Away from her legs and curves and smile. 

“I’ll get the burgers. Leticia said they’re in the fridge, right?” I ask Cal.

Cal takes a deep draw on the pipe. She exhales and the smoke swirls around her head. “Yes.” 

My bare feet slap against the tile floor in a steady rhythm as I walk toward the kitchen. I have no idea where Leticia disappeared to, but if she has an ounce of self-preservation, she’s barricaded herself in her house, far away from us. Better to feign ignorance than contribute to our delinquency. 

I turn a corner, and the kitchen island dominates my view. Two huge stainless steel refrigerators stand side-by-side. I open the lower drawer on the first only to find rows of carefully measured home cooked meals, labeled and organized by entrée type. 

I move to the second freezer. The burgers are individually packaged and marked “Grass-fed, organic beef burgers,” along with cooking directions. Mom thought of everything.

“Need help?” 

I jump and nearly hit my head on the open fridge door. Calista stands in front of the other fridge, watching me.

“I’m good.”

“You sure?” 

I dig around in the cabinets, searching for something to carry the burger packs on and find a large metal tray.

“Positive.” I stand up. Her eyes are glassy – I’d say it was from the pot, if her lip wasn’t quivering. 

“Cal? Are you okay?” I clench and unclench my fists, remembering fighting with Alex. The muscles in my body coil.

She touches the inside corner of her eye. “I’m fine. It’s the pot. You know how I get.”

“You get hungry and sleepy. Not weepy.”

She stands with her back against the counter, places her hands on it, and hefts herself up. Sitting like that, she’s just a little shorter than me. 

“Do you remember the last time we were here?” she asks.

The last time. When I told her I loved her, and she crushed me. My heart pounds. “Of course I do.”

Calista stretches her arms toward me, like she’s waiting for me to step into them. When I don’t, she drops them. “I wanted you to mean it. I wanted you to choose me.”

I don’t understand her. She’s not making sense. I saw her with Alex on The Beach. Why is she doing this? I close my eyes. The truth batters my teeth and forces its way out. “I did choose you. I told you I loved you.”

Thump. Thump. Thump. Her heels kick the counter. “Right. Which is why, as soon as you got back to Harker, you crawled into bed with Hannah Chan.” She runs her hand over the back of her neck. “That’s what you call love?”

The crack running through my heart grows larger. It trembles, threatening to splinter. “You shot me down. You told me no.”

“Fletch, you don’t want me. Look how you’re running around with Ellie.”

“She’s just my friend, Cal. Just a friend. That’s it.” 

Calista shakes her head. Her curls bounce, and I remember how I used to love playing with them. “I don’t believe that.”

She slides off the counter. “I thought you should know.”

“Know what, Cal? That you don’t trust me?” 

“That I wanted you to mean it. I wanted you — not your mom or mine — to choose me. You.”

We stand there staring at each other. What is she saying? Why can’t she just tell me what the hell she means?

I’m about to ask her when the sound of feet in the hallway stops me. 

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” Ellie hold her hands up near her face.

“No. Calista is just accusing me being an insensitive jerk.” Might as well be a total ass. 

Cal smiles sweetly at Ellie as she passes her on the way to the door. “Don’t let him fool you. He really isn’t a bad guy.” 

As soon as Calista’s gone, feeling rushes back into my limbs. It is nothing like the little pinprick stings after sitting in the car for too long. No, this is a throbbing, aching burn.