Authors: Mary Stewart
Soon after this, when winter came and the stars were out early, he taught me their names and their powers, and how a man could map them as one would map the roads and townships. They made music, he said, as they moved. He himself did not know music, but when he found that Olwen had taught me, he helped me to make myself a harp. This was a rude enough affair, I suppose, and small, made of hornbeam, with the curve and fore-pillar of red sallow from the Tywy, and strung with hair from my pony's tail, where the harp of a prince (said Galapas) should have been strung with gold and silver wire.
But I made the string-shoes out of pierced copper coins, the key and tuning-pins of polished bone, then carved a merlin on the sounding-board, and thought it a finer instrument than Olwen's. Indeed it was as true as hers, having a kind of sweet whispering note which seemed to pluck songs from the air itself. I kept it in the cave: though Dinias left me alone these days, being a warrior while I was only a sucking clerk, I would not have kept anything I treasured in the palace, unless I could lock it in my clothes-chest, and the harp was too big for that. At home for music I had the birds in the pear tree, and Olwen still sang sometimes. And when the birds were silent, and the night sky was frosted with light, I listened for the music of the stars. But I never heard it.
Then one day, when I was twelve years old, Galapas spoke of the crystal cave.
It is common knowledge that, with children, those things which are most important often go unmentioned. It is as if the child recognizes, by instinct, things which are too big for him, and keeps them in his mind, feeding them with his imagination till they assume proportions distended or grotesque which can become equally the stuff of magic or of nightmare.
So it was with the crystal cave.
I had never mentioned to Galapas my first experience there. Even to myself I had hardly admitted what came sometimes with light and fire; dreams, I had told myself, memories from below memory, figments of the brain only, like the voice which had told me of Gorlan, or the sight of the poison in the apricot. And when I found that Galapas never mentioned the inner cave, and that the mirror was kept covered whenever I was there, I said nothing.
I rode up to see him one day in winter when frost made the ground glitter and ring, and my pony puffed out steam like a dragon. He went fast, tossing his head and dragging at the bit, and breaking into a canter as soon as I turned him away from the wood and along the high valley. I had at length grown out of the gentle, cream-coloured pony of my childhood, but was proud of my little Welsh grey, which I called Aster. There is a breed of Welsh mountain pony, hardy, swift, and very beautiful, with a fine narrow head and small ears, and a strong arch to the neck. They run wild in the hills, and in past times interbred with horses the Romans brought from the East. Aster had been caught and broken for my cousin Dinias, who had overridden him for a couple of years and then discarded him for a real warhorse. I found him hard to manage, with rough manners and a ruined mouth, but his paces were silken after the jogging I was used to, and once he got over his fear of me he was affectionate.
I had long since contrived a shelter for my pony when I came here in winter. The hawthorn brake grew right up against the cliff below the cave, and deep in the thickest part of it Galapas and I had carried stones to make a pen of which the back wall was the cliff itself. When we had laid dead boughs against the walls and across the top, and had carried a few armfuls of bracken, the pen was not only a warm, solid shelter, but invisible to the casual eye. This need for secrecy was another of the things that had never been openly discussed; I understood without being told that Galapas in some way was helping me to run counter to Camlach's plans for me, so — even though as time went on I was left more completely to my own devices — I took every precaution to avoid discovery, finding half a dozen different ways to approach the valley, and a score of stories to account for the time I spent there.
I led Aster into the pen, took off his saddle and bridle and hung them up, then threw down fodder from a saddle-bag, barred the entrance with a stout branch, and walked briskly up to the cave.
Galapas was not there, but that he had gone only recently was attested by the fact that the brazier which stood inside the cave mouth had been banked down to a glow. I stirred it till the flames leapt, then settled near it with a book. I had not come today by arrangement, but had plenty of time, so left the bats alone, and read peacefully for a while.
I don't know what made me, that day out of all the days I had been there alone, suddenly put the book aside, and walk back past the veiled mirror to look up at the cleft through which I had fled five years ago.
I told myself that I was only curious to see if it was as I had remembered it, or if the crystals, like the visions, were figments of my imagination; whatever the reason, I climbed quickly to the ledge, and dropping on my hands and knees by the gap, peered in.
The inner cave was dead and dark, no glimmer reaching it from the fire. I crawled forward cautiously, till my hands met the sharp crystals. They were all too real. Even now not admitting to myself why I hurried, with one eye on the mouth of the main cave and an ear open for Galapas' return, I slithered down from the ledge, snatched up the leather riding jerkin which I had discarded and, hurrying back, thrust it in front of me through the gap. Then I crawled after.
With the leather jerkin spread on the floor, the globe was comparatively comfortable. I lay still. The silence was complete. As my eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, I could see the faintest grey glimmer from the crystals, but of the magic that the light had brought there was no sign.
There must have been some crack open to the air, for even in that dark confine there was a slight current, a cold thread of a draught. And with it came the sound I was listening for, the footsteps of someone approaching over the frosty rock...
When Galapas came into the cave a few minutes later I was sitting by the fire, my jerkin rolled up beside me, poring over the book.
Half an hour before dusk we put our books aside. But still I made no move to go. The fire was blazing now, filling the cave with warmth and flickering light. We sat for a while in silence.
"Galapas, there's something I want to ask you."
"Yes?"
"Do you remember the first day I came here?"
"Very clearly."
"You knew I was coming. You were expecting me."
"Did I say so?"
"You know you did. How did you know I would be here?"
"I saw you in the crystal cave."
"Oh, that, yes. You moved the mirror so that the candlelight caught me, and you saw my shadow. But that's not what I was asking you. I meant, how did you know I was going to come up the valley that day?"
"That was the question I answered, Merlin. I knew you were coming up the valley that day, because, before you came, I saw you in the cave."
We looked at one another in silence. The flames glowed and muttered between us, flattened by the little draught that carried the smoke out of the cave. I don't think I answered him at first, I just nodded. It was something I had known. After a while I said, merely: "Will you show me?"
He regarded me for a moment more, then got to his feet. "It is time. Light the candle."
I obeyed him. The little light grew golden, reaching among the shadows cast by the flickering of the fire.
"Take the rug off the mirror."
I pulled at it and it fell off into my arms in a huddle of wool. I dropped it on his bed beside the wall.
"Now go up on the ledge, and lie down."
"On the ledge?"
"Yes. Lie on your belly, with your head towards the cleft, so that you can see in."
"Don't you want me to go right in?"
"And take your jerkin to lie on?"
I was halfway up to the ledge. I whipped round, to see him smiling.
"It's no use, Galapas, you know everything."
"Some day you will go where even with the Sight I cannot follow you. Now lie still, and watch."
I lay down on the ledge. It was wide and flat and held me comfortably enough, prone, with my head pillowed on my bent arms, and turned towards the cleft.
Below me, Galapas said softly: "Think of nothing. I have the reins in my hand; it is not for you yet. Watch only."
I heard him move back across the cave towards the mirror.
The cave was bigger than I had imagined. It stretched upwards further than I could see, and the floor was worn smooth. I had even been wrong about the crystals; the glimmer that reflected the torchlight came only from puddles on the floor, and a place on one wall where a thin slither of moisture betrayed a spring somewhere above.
The torches, jammed into cracks in the cave wall, were cheap ones, of rag stuffed into cracked horns —
the rejects from the workshops. They burned sullenly in the bad air. Though the place was cold, the men worked naked save for loincloths, and sweat ran over their backs as they hacked at the rock-face, steady ceaseless tapping blows that made no noise, but you could see the muscles clench and jar under the torchlit sweat. Beneath a knee-high overhang at the base of the wall, flat on their backs in a pool of seepage, two men hammered upwards with shortened, painful blows at rock within inches of their faces.
On the wrist of one of them I saw the shiny pucker of an old brand.
One of the hewers at the face doubled up, coughing, then with a glance over his shoulder stifled the cough and got back to work. Light was growing in the cave, coming from a square opening like a doorway, which gave on a curved tunnel down which a fresh torch — a good one — came.
Four boys appeared, filthy with dust and naked like the others, carrying deep baskets, and behind them came a man dressed in a brown tunic smudged with damp. He had the torch in one hand and in the other a tablet which he stood studying with frowning brows while the boys ran with their baskets to the rock-face and began to shovel the fallen rock into them. After a while the foreman went forward to the face and studied it, holding his torch high. The men drew back, thankful it seemed for the respite, and one of them spoke to the foreman, pointing first at the workings, then at the seeping damp at the far side of the cave.
The boys had shovelled and scrabbled their baskets full, and dragged them back from the face. The foreman, with a shrug and a grin, took a silver coin from his pouch and, with the gambler's practiced flick, tossed it. The workmen craned to see. Then the man who had spoken turned back to the face and drove the pick in.
The crack widened, and dust rushed down, blotting out the light. Then in the wake of the dust came the water.
"Drink this," said Galapas.
"What is it?"
"One of my brews, not yours; it's quite safe. Drink it."
"Thanks. Galapas, the cave is crystal still. I — dreamed it differently."
"Never mind that now. How do you feel?"
"Odd...I can't explain. I feel all right, only a headache, but — empty, like a shell with the snail out of it.
No, like a reed with the pith pulled out."
"A whistle for the winds. Yes. Come down to the brazier."
When I sat in my old place, with a cup of mulled wine in my hands, he asked: "Where were you?"
I told him what I had seen, but when I began to ask what it meant, and what he knew, he shook his head. "I think this has already gone past me. I do not know. All I know is that you must finish that wine quickly and go home. Do you realize how long you lay there dreaming? The moon is up."
I started to my feet. "Already? It must be well past supper-time. If they're looking for me —"
"They will not be looking for you. Other things are happening. Go and find out for yourself — and make sure you are part of them."
"What do you mean?"
"Only what I say. Whatever means you have to use, go with the King. Here, don't forget this." He thrust my jerkin into my arms.
I took it blindly, staring. "He's leaving Maridunum?"
"Yes. Only for a while. I don't know how long."
"He'll never take me."
"That's for you to say. The gods only go with you, Myrddin Emrys, if you put yourself in their path. And that takes courage. Put your jerkin on before you go out, it's cold."
I shoved a hand into the sleeve, glowering. "You've seen all this, something that's really happening, and I
— I was looking into the crystals with the fire, and here I've got a hellish headache, and all for nothing...Some silly dream of slaves in an old mine. Galapas, when will you teach me to see as you do?"
"For a start, I can see the wolves eating you and Aster, if you don't hurry home."
He was laughing to himself as if he had made a great jest, as I ran out of the cave and down to saddle the pony.
It was a quarter moon, which gave just enough light to show the way. The pony danced to warm his blood, and pulled harder than ever, his ears pricked towards home, scenting his supper. I had to fight to hold him in, because the way was icy, and I was afraid of a fall, but I confess that — with Galapas' last remark echoing uncomfortably in my head — I let him go downhill through the trees a good deal too fast for safety, until we reached the mill and the level of the towpath.
There it was possible to see clearly. I dug my heels in and galloped him the rest of the way.
As soon as we came in sight of town I could see that something was up. The towpath was deserted —
the town gates would have been locked long since — but the town was full of lights. Inside the walls torches seemed to be flaring everywhere, and there was shouting and the tramp of feet. I slipped from the saddle at the stableyard gate, fully prepared to find myself locked out, but even as I reached to try it the gate opened, and Cerdic, with a shaded lantern in his hand, beckoned me in.
"I heard you coming. Been listening all evening. Where've you been, lover-boy? She must have been good tonight."
"Oh, she was. Have they been asking for me? Have they missed me?"
"Not that I know of. They've got more to think about tonight than you. Give me the bridle, we'll put him in the barn for now. There's too much coming and going in the big yard."