Cursed Hearts (A Crossroads Novel) (49 page)

“
My
Dearest Donna,

You
know I would never deny your request merely out of spite. I’m not so cold as to
kill a woman because she left me for another man. Still, I cannot do what you
ask. My magic is my life, without it I’m as meaningless as a sun without a sky.
And as for my family’s wand, if I were to return it to the yew, it might be
destroyed. You’re asking me to either live a life of anonymity, of powerlessness,
or quite possibly to surrender my life entirely. Giving my magic to the tree
could very well kill me. You had to have known this before you asked. I need
more time to think on this, but for now I have to reply with a resolute no.
We’ve been fine all these years, no serious harm has befallen you. I’m
beginning to believe this was all just an elaborate hoax, the shenanigans of a
tired, lonely soul. I wish the best for you, but I think we should cease
contact from this point on. I’m sure you understand.

Richard
”

The
paper slipped out of her fingers, falling between her knees to the
floor. That was the decision that had killed
Rome’s mother. Aria
couldn’t help but let out a hysterical laugh,
catching her head in her hands as she hunched over in disbelief. It was so
simple, and yet it wasn’t. Her magic, her wolf, possibly her life – that was
all she had to give up to save them. That was
everything
she treasured, other than their love. A knock at her door
demanded her
attention. It was then that Ariahna realized she didn’t know how long she’d
just been sitting there. For all she knew, it could have only been minutes, or it
might have been hours. She clambered to her feet in a daze, shuffling over to
the door. “Who is it?” she asked.

“Special
delivery,” Christian whispered.

She
frowned at the back of her door, opening it reluctantly. Christian somehow
moved into the room using only the inch of space she’d made to peek out into
the hall. His back was turned to her and it looked like he was
holding his stomach. “Christian?” He jumped a
little and made a pained
noise. “Are you alright? Turn around, let me
see.”

He
turned around with a smile on his face while a look of confusion washed over hers.
She was staring at the lump under his shirt in perplexity. “I got you
something,” he said, whispering excitedly. Her mouth opened slowly, but no
words seemed to be coming out. “Can you guess what it is?”

The
small kitten under the fabric of his shirt chose that moment to let out the
softest, most adorable meow anyone had ever heard. Aria melted as
soon as he pulled out the little black and white
tuxedo cat. He handed it to
her, and she took him despite the fact that
she was shaking her head no. “He was the best dressed kitten there. I thought he
might remind you of me,” he joked.

She
held the little guy up in the air, smiling at his innocent face.

“I
can’t keep you,” she said, “but you’re so cute.” She held him close to her
chest, petting him as he began to purr in her arms. “Christian… why would you
get me a cat? You know they don’t allow animals in the dorms.”

“Do
you like him? I remembered the way you were with the cat downtown the other day
and, I don’t know, I guess I just couldn’t resist. He kept looking at me with
those green eyes, and that only made me think of you. I’ll admit it wasn’t my intention
– I didn’t go into town on a kitten hunt. I just knew when I saw him that I had
to get him for you.”

“You
are such a sweetie,” Aria breathed.

Christian’s
face lit up, even after he realized she was talking to the cat. He wasn’t even
sure she’d heard anything he’d said over that little fluff ball of cuteness.

“Rome’s
afraid of cats,” she said distractedly.

“I
forgot that,” he lied. “So, what are you going to name him?”

“I
can’t name him. I can’t even keep him.” That didn’t stop her brain from combing
through possible selections. “How did you know?” she asked, looking up at
Christian for the first time since she’d taken the kitten.

“Know
what?”

“That
I was upset.”

Christian
frowned. “I didn’t… I don’t think. Oh, is it because of your letter?” he said,
pulling it from his back pocket. He’d almost forgotten. “Logan and a bunch of
his friends had it, but I got it back for you.
Unfortunately it wasn’t until after he’d decided to open it. It was kind
of
lucky that I was even out there at the time to hear him reading it. Aria,
I’m sorry. It was my fault you were down at the courts that night. Everything’s
kind of my fault, actually.”

She
took the letter from Christian’s hand with dread, turning it over to read the
elegant cursive. This was the letter she’d been expecting from her father. How
long had Logan had this? The thought of anyone reading something like that—she
couldn’t help but fear what might have been written inside. “He was reading it
out loud?” she murmured, setting the kitten down on her bed. She bit her lip
anxiously, looking up at Christian with bright eyes brimming with tears. “Thank
you, for getting it back…”

“You’re
welcome,” he said. “Do you maybe want a hug? You look like you could use a good
hug.” He opened up his arms with a smile, gesturing with his hands for her to
come closer. “I give fantastic hugs. You’ll feel instantaneously better, I
promise.”

Aria gave him a skeptical pout before finally giving in.
He
wrapped her
up, pulling her close to him and
squeezing gently. She did somehow feel better, even though part of her worried
it might’ve been awkward. Rome’s words were an unwelcome whisper at the back of
her brain. Was it possible she actually still had feelings for Christian? She
couldn’t deny that she cared about him, and that only made her feel like an
idiot. But ever since those rumors had started, he’d just been… different.

Maybe
it was the curse, she thought.

“Do
you want to go do something together?” he asked.

“I
can’t,” she said distantly. “I have class.”

“Aria…
classes are done for the day. They’ve been over for a while
now,” he said. “Are you alright?” He looked down at
her as she leaned against
his shoulder, noticing the confused frown on
her face. “Why don’t we get you out of this room?”

“What
about Frederick?” she murmured.

“Frederick?
Oh! You named him,” he grinned. “He’ll be okay. We won’t be gone long.”
Christian snapped his fingers and the toys and supplies he’d bought for the
kitten materialized in the room. Aria looked stunned. “I didn’t want to bring
all of this in until I knew you liked him.”

She
looked up at him with a grateful smile.

“You
really are… such a sweetie,” she whispered.

“Stop
it, you’re going to make me blush.”

They made sure Frederick had everything he needed before
using an incantation to hide him and his food and toys. Christian cast a
silencing charm
on
her door so no little meows would draw anyone’s attention. She giggled when an
invisible, purring ball of fur brushed up against her leg as she bent to
collect her family’s wand. She just felt better about keeping it on her for
some reason. When they were sure there was nothing else to be done, she blinked
them down to the beach.

“Nice
choice,” Christian smiled.

“I
like it out here,” she said. “It’s peaceful.”

He
nodded, taking a seat in the sand as she moved to join him. “What’s on your
mind? It seems like you got caught up in something.” She frowned at him. “The
letters all over your room?” he elaborated.

“Oh,
that. They’re love letters, between your mother and my father. We found them
tucked away in my father’s study—Rome and I, I mean.” Ariahna pulled the wand
out, holding it delicately in her hand for him to see. “And that’s not the only
thing we found.”

Christian
gazed down at the elegant piece of wood. It was nearly black from tip to
center, and a combination of soft browns made up the rest of the design. He ran
a finger over the spiraled handle, feeling the smooth grain of the wood against
his skin. A small sphere sat at the far end in a claw shaped design, connecting
it to the handle. It reminded him of a castle piece from an old chess set. In
the center of the wand laid a similar sphere, oblong in shape and only slightly
lighter in color than the piece on the end. Only then did he recognize them for
what they were. They were the two pieces of yew, the two representations of the
curse, as the old man had put it.

“He
thought we could just destroy it,” she whispered. “But that’s not what’s going
to break this curse.”

“You
sound like you know what will.”

“…I
do. I found the answer in those letters.”

“Is
that why you’re upset?” he asked.

Aria
gave him a grim expression. “I have to… give up my magic.” She’d barely
breathed the words. Saying them aloud hurt, it made it feel real. She
understood now why her father might have paused when making that decision. She
knew she had to do it, and just as absolutely, she knew that it would break
her.

Christian
exhaled heavily. “Is that even possible? I’ve never heard of a witch giving up
their magic before. I can’t imagine what that would be like…” He went quiet in
thought. “I would never ask you to do that, and I would understand if you
didn’t. That’s—that’s an incredible sacrifice.”

“Nothing,”
she said softly, “is more important than a life.”

“…Even
if it’s my life?”

She
looked at him with compassionate eyes.

“Especially
because it’s yours,” she whispered.

“What
I said this morning… I’ve never said that, to anyone. But I want you to know
that I meant it. If you gave up your magic, you would have me in return. If you
wanted me, I mean.”

Ariahna
smiled sadly. “I was wondering about that,” she breathed.
“Could you really love someone who wasn’t like you?
Would you even love me at all, once this curse is gone? I’m not sure the answer
to either of those is yes. I know how you feel about people who don’t have
magic.”

“I act like a jerk, but it’s not really who I am. And I’ve
wondered that
too…
if it would go away. But this, the way that I feel about you, that’s not
something that can be lost.”

“Does
Rome know?” he asked suddenly.

“No.
I just found out.”

Christian leaned back on his palms, biting the tip of his
tongue and trying to figure out how to phrase this. He’d been poking around the
subject, but she hadn’t taken the hint. He leaned forward again, folding his
arms self-
consciously
around himself.

“Do
you think you could love me?” he blurted out.

Aria
stared down at the sand, lips parted slightly and heart aching in
her chest as she tried to respond. “…Yes,” she
whispered. She closed her
eyes as a sigh escaped from her mouth. She
wasn’t sure who had said that, but it felt as though someone else had answered
for her. It was true though, and she wasn’t sure if she was happy or devastated
by her answer. “But I’m afraid if I do,” she said, “that you’re going to break
my heart.”

Christian
didn’t have the words to reassure her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders,
pulling her in slow as he gazed into her eyes. Their lips met in a gentle
embrace. This was the only way he could tell her how he felt.
“I’ll never hurt you again,” he promised,
clenching his eyes shut as he
pressed
his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry.” Christian lifted his necklace quickly
over his head, holding it out to her. “I want you to have this,” he said. “It’s
the only thing that was left for me, other than a bank account. I don’t know if
it belonged to my mother or my father, but—as much as it means to me, you mean
more.”

“I
can’t take that,” she said.

“You’re
not taking it, I’m giving it to you,” he replied, slipping it on her before she
could try and protest again. Aria brushed her hair out carefully from beneath
the chain and he smiled as she tucked it safely into her blouse.

“Do
you want to go for a walk along the water with me?”

“…I’d
like that,” she smiled.

Chapter 41

There
are very few things in life that strike us quite as hard as having
our personal space invaded. Ariahna’s room was a
disaster. She stood
near the foot of her bed as tears of shock filled
her eyes. The sound of stunned breathing slipped through the air, and she’d
almost forgotten Christian was with her until an angry curse rung out at her
back. Her room had been trashed.
All of her
possessions were scattered across the hardwood floor, most of
them
broken or otherwise destroyed. The doors to her closet were hanging open, and
she could see from here that her dresser had been rifled through. Panties and
bras hung hazardously over the edges of the drawers, littering the floor in
front of it. The contents of her desk had been tossed across the room, and the
empty drawers, nearly ripped out of their slots, were now drooping down towards
the floor. The love letters that Richard and Donna had shared were stacked in a
neat, mocking pile in the very center of her desk. But the most noticeable
touch had to be the cutting word that had been burned into her bed.

Slut
, it said.

Aria
stumbled backwards, bumping shoulders with Christian before her back hit the
wall. That word was reverberating through her head, accompanied by a litany of other
negative thoughts. They were things she’d heard people whispering, or
occasionally shouting at her the past few days.
Some of them were even things she’d told herself before. That she was
stupid, that she was worthless, that she’d never be good enough, that no one
could ever love someone like her. Usually she could keep them at bay, but with
all of her defenses suddenly crushed, those horrid thoughts had started to creep
into her mind. Some sounded like things her father might say, things that could
have been written in that letter. Most of them were variations of her own fears
and insecurities. Between the two of them, he in his unwavering disappointment,
and her with her self-loathing, those poisonous thoughts threatened to swallow
her whole. She slid to the floor, curling in on herself and clenching her eyes shut.
What had she done to deserve this? she wondered, pressing her forehead to her
knees.
She was breathing erratically
and trying to will away the feeling of extreme violation, of hate. Someone
hated her. They wanted her to hurt, to suffer, to
know just how disgusting
they thought she was.
The message had been received, loud and
clear.

Christian was pissed. Even with Aria’s emotions
slapping hard at his back, he was nothing but furious. He stood there looking
at everything, trying to figure out how it had come to this. He wanted to blame
himself; that was until he saw Trent’s knife in the back of her door. He’d used
it to pin up a picture, and by the looks of it, he’d done so right through her
mother’s face. This had Logan written all over it. He wanted them to pay for
this, but right
now, in this moment, all he
could do was get her somewhere else – somewhere away from this room.
“Aria?”
he said, kneeling down in front of her. “Why don’t you come with me, and we’ll
go see the Dean first thing in the morning? You can sleep in my bed, that way I
know you’re safe.”

Christian wasn’t about to put anything past those
two psychos.

“She was right,” she mumbled, feeling tears slip
from her eyes. “It’s better to be invisible than to be seen for the wrong
reasons.” She laughed emptily, forcing her mouth closed again when she started
to fear the laughter might turn into sobbing. Aria wiped her hands over her
face and up into her hairline. “I never thought anyone could hate me as much as
I’ve started to hate myself. I guess I was wrong.”

Christian cupped Aria’s face in his hands,
staring at her pleadingly and stroking her hair. She looked so far away from
him right now. Had she even heard anything he’d said? Her sadness was so strong
he could taste it, and her fear was overwhelming.

“This is how I feel inside,” she said, looking
around her room.

She was speaking so softly, Christian could
barely hear her.

“Violated?” he guessed. “Scattered?” Her eyes
locked on him finally, forging a connection between them with a mere glance.

“…Broken.”

Christian’s heart felt like it was shattering into
a million pieces.

“You’re not broken,” he insisted. “And you’re not
a slut.”

“Damaged, then,” she countered. “And how would
you know what I am?” She shook her head, lowering her gaze. “No, you would know
better than anyone, wouldn’t you?” Ariahna exhaled, and the breath felt just as
strained as her body and mind. Exhaustion and fear didn’t usually coincide
within her at once, but today seemed an exception. “I want to be alone,” she
said, biting her lip after the words had slipped free. “Go away… please.”

“Well what you want and what you need are at
odds,” he said.

“Christian,” she said, tilting her head and
looking up at him.

“Don’t. Whatever you’re about to say, it won’t
matter, because I’m not going to leave you alone. And I’m not going to let you
stay here. Aria, I’ve never cared about someone as much as I care about you, and
I know who you are inside, even if you don’t. You’re kind, and gentle, and
loving. You are the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. You’re smart, and beautiful,
and… and I
love
you. So let me take care of you.”

She was crying freely now, and as Christian
pulled her into his arms, she decided to let herself feel safe with him, to
feel loved; even if he didn’t mean it – even if it was just another lie. She
needed that lie right now, or she just might crumble. “Frederick,” she said
suddenly, pulling away and staring at Christian with worried eyes. “Where’s
Frederick?”

“Oh shit,” he said. Christian snapped his fingers
and the small cat tree and toys reappeared in the room, but there was no
Frederick. He made a small clicking noise with his mouth, and called him by
name a few times. The edge of her comforter moved, and then he was poking his
little face out from under the bed. He was okay. Fredrick took a few timid
steps out into the room and then ran right to Aria. She scooped him up in her
arms, petting him and blinking back more tears.

“I can’t believe I just left him here…”

“He’s alright,” he said. “He’s a tough little
guy.” An odd thought occurred to him, and he couldn’t stop himself from saying
it aloud.

“It’s lucky you took the wand.”

“I just had a feeling that I needed to keep it
with me.”

He took one last glance around the room before
scooping Aria up in his arms. She made a startled noise, and he smiled down at
her softly. He was happily surprised when she simply rested her head against
his chest and let him walk her down the hall. Thankfully it was late, and he
got back to his room without issue. Christian set her gently on the bed and
proceeded to grab a pillow and an extra blanket to set up on the floor for
himself. “Do you want something to sleep in?” he asked. “I can’t imagine the
school uniform is very comfortable.”

Aria watched Frederick hop out of her arms and
onto the floor, making himself at home on the blanket Christian had laid out.
She let out a faint giggle. “You don’t have to sleep down there,” she said.
“Besides, it seems like somebody has stolen your bed.”

“Mm, I’m not sure sharing the bed is a good idea,”
he admitted. “Not that I don’t want to, I just don’t trust myself not to be,
you know…”

“We slept together the other night. I trust you.”

He stood there hesitantly for a moment before
nodding. “Okay,” he
said. “Did you want a
t-shirt to sleep in, maybe some boxers?” She shook her
head and he
grabbed her some clothes out of his closet, turning around to
let her change. Just knowing she was going to crawl
into his bed with him
was filling his head with all kinds of enticing
thoughts. He couldn’t help fantasizing about her, and he was trying to forget
that she was probably naked right now, in his room, only a few feet away. Christian
risked a glance over his shoulder, watching her slip off her blouse, and then
her bra. Frederick chose that moment to meow softly, startling him. He was
staring straight at him in open curiosity, and those innocent little eyes were
making him feel
guilty. He’d been caught by
the cat. God, maybe getting her a kitten was a
bad idea, he thought. He
wasn’t sure he could do anything with it watching.

Aria finished neatly folding her uniform, setting
the articles of clothing on his desk and tugging on the large, soft t-shirt
he’d given her. It was so long, it practically hid the shorts she was wearing,
making it appear that there was nothing underneath that shirt but skin. It
smelt of him, and she smiled slightly at that. Christian’s scent was
comforting. “Thank you,” she
said, turning to
find him sprawled out on the bed. He was wearing nothing
but boxers, and
her face flamed to life in embarrassment.

“Is that all you’re wearing?”

“Sometimes I don’t even wear this,” he smiled.

“You know, I’m sure my room’s safe,” she said
nervously.

Christian sat up, leaning over and taking her
hand. He pulled her
gently into the bed and
underneath the sheets with him. “See, this isn’t so
bad, is it?” Even as
he said the words he was fighting not to touch her, not to bring his lips
straight to her neck. “How about a goodnight kiss?” he whispered.

It was her turn to be apprehensive.

“Just a little one, right here,” he said, tapping
his cheek.

Ariahna narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not
falling for that again,” she said, half smiling. “I remember your tricks.”

“How about this, if it’s a trick, you have
permission to slap me.”

“I need permission for that?” she laughed.

“No, I guess not,” he grinned.

Aria moved to kiss him on the cheek, and
Christian turned at the last moment, kissing her so hard it took her breath
away. When he finally pulled back, she fixed him with a half-hearted glare. “You
said it wasn’t a trick,”
she
complained,
slapping him lightly across the jaw.

He laughed, gazing back at her in amusement. “No,
I said if it was, you could slap me. I never said I wouldn’t like that,
though,” he smiled. “In fact, that was a little weak. Why don’t you try again?”

She smiled at him in disbelief, jutting her jaw
out and shaking her head. “Why do I find your most aggravating traits
endearing?”

“Maybe because you love me.”