Curtains (7 page)

The level of hurt I saw in his posture almost knocked me down with guilt. He got in his sedan and left. I turned to Alex, who was still on the ground holding his jaw, then back to Rhy
s
'
s retreating car.

Walking to my car, I did not give a damn about Alex or his newly aching jaw. As I was reaching for the handle, he protested.

"
Just let me talk to you
.
"
I turned to face him. He was standing now, still cupping his face as a small amount of blood trickled from his lips. I closed my car door and charged him.

"
Talk
,
"
I snapped, ready for the answers I had deserved for far too long.

"
I
'
ve always been this way and
I
'
ve always hidden it. When I met you, I fell for you, Violet, I did. I truly loved you, but no matter how hard I tried, it was still there. I still wante
d
..
.
men. And then I met Chris and it just happened
.
"

"
How long
?
"
I asked, hating myself for it.

"
A little over a year
,
"
he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, his jaw turning purple.

"
I knew that
.
"
I could
n
'
t control my disgust.

"
I was going to end it, Violet, I was. Get it out of my system, be a better husband, but I fell in lov
e
—
"

"
Skip it, I do
n
'
t care. How did Sandra fall into this
?
"

"
We were away on that weekend retreat to brainstorm for new ideas for the Lux campaign and she brought him. She introduced me to him. It started with him, Violet. I had no idea abou
t—
they introduced me to all of this
,
"
he said, pointing at the club
.
"
Everything changed for me. I had no idea how to explain this to you. I was completely selfish. I wanted him
.
"

"
So you and Sandra
?
"
I asked, suddenly feeling guilty for even having the discussion.

"
I hate her, but she has Chris, so I stay. She threatens me with outing me all the time to keep me in line. You know my parents. I would lose everything
.
"

"
So you are
n
'
t int
o
—
"

"
I
'
m gay
,
"
he admitted.

"
And all the phone calls
?
"
I asked.

"
At her insistence. And now that I think about it,
I
'
m sure she wanted you to know. Sh
e
'
s sic
k
—
"

I held my hand up
.
"
No, i
t
'
s you. Blaming her is easy. You did this to yourself and to me. You let it all happen. Jesus, Alex, how could you be so cruel
?
"

"
Violet, just know that
I
'
m sorry. What I did was unforgivable and
I
'
ll always regret hurting you, always
.
"

"
I can see yo
u
'
re sincere and I sincerely do
n
'
t give a shit. I can also see that yo
u
'
re drowning in misery
.
"
I took a step toward him, my curiosity getting the best of me
.
"
Tell me, Alex, why, if h
e
'
s the one you want, ca
n
'
t you get him away from her
?
"

"
He loves her
,
"
he said with a humorless laugh.

"
Hurts, does
n
'
t it
?
"
I said, unable to keep the bite from my words
.
"
God
,
"
I exhaled
.
"
What happened to when things were just simple
,
"
I said, not really wanting an answer. I turned from Alex, needing to distance myself from him, and from the entire situation.

"
It looks simple with him, Viole
t
..
.
with Rhys. He seems to really care about you. I know I have no right to ask, but how did you end up here? Involved with him
?
"

I whirled on hi
m
,
"
Yo
u
'
re right. You have no right to ask. And do
n
'
t you dare give me permission, Alex. I do
n
'
t need it from you
.
"
He nodded quickly, but was watching me closely.

"
The vasectomy
?
"
I asked, knowing the answer. It had nothing to do with Sandra or Chris. He had
n
'
t met them when he took the possibility of a family with me away. It was simply the first nail in our coffin.

"
I think I knew all along we would
n
'
t last, Violet. I did
n
'
t want to take that chance
,
"
he said, pushing gravel with his shoe, unable to look at me when he spoke.

"
I
'
m sure your new Dom found it so very convenient
,
"
I said, disgusted. Disgusted with him, with his excuses, with the whole situation, I could no longer stomach any more truth.

I would never believe he ever loved me.
I
'
d been nothing more than a cover for his sexuality; a way of him to save face and keep his secret from his parents. It was never a real marriage.

Alex took a step closer to me as I took one back
.
"
You did
n
'
t do anything wrong, Violet. You were a good wife, the perfect wife, and I never deserved you. Please know that
,
"
he said in a plea then turned and made his way back towards the club. He looked back at me briefly before entering the club, remorse in his posture, and something
I
'
d never seen written all over his feature
s
… defeat.

I stood staring at the door as it closed.

The very door I had opened months ago that led to my new adventure, the door that led me to Rhys, was now the door that had answered so many questions; questions I had agonized over for almost a year. I got into my car and stared out my windshield, all of the answers swirling around in my head.

The familiar heaviness in my chest returned. It had nothing to do with Alex, or the unraveled truth. It had everything to do with the man who had just walked away from m
e
..
.
again.

I watched Bryce sleeping in the guest bed at my parent
s
'
, unsure of my next move. It was times like this that I was certain I was in over my head. Physically, I craved her more than ever, but even deeper I could feel the tear of her absence. It was debilitating and had started to take its toll.

I
'
d watched her confront Alex in the parking lot. I knew then I had nothing to worry about. He was never a threat to me. Then again, as long as Sandra was around I could
n
'
t be sure.

The revelation that Sandr
a
'
s level of toxicity had spilled into both of our lives should be more surprising to me, but it only affirmed what I already knew.

She was pure poison, and now, somehow, sh
e
'
d managed to seep into everything good in my life and taint it indefinitely.

When I saw Alex take a step closer to her, I cringed. I had no regrets when I right handed the son of a bitch. No problem at all with the crack of his jaw against my knuckles. Thinking that she still cared for him in any capacity had sent me over the edge. With her, I was selfish. I wanted all of her. I did
n
'
t want to acknowledge any part of her that still harbored anything for him, in any form. I watched their exchange closely, white knuckling my steering wheel, unable to tear my eyes away. Fucking vulnerability was not my strong suit and I had no cards left to play. I had to leave it all up to her. I had overreacted, but then again, so had she.

There was
n
'
t a damn thing I could do to help her. My jealousy got in the way of that and might have pushed her away from me. That and the fact that I had
n
'
t told her about Sandr
a
'
s unannounced visit, or my short meeting with her ex-husband. Things that seemed so unimportant then might now be the reason I lose her.

Sh
e
'
d deserved the answers, and the apology attached to it; one I had no right to deny her.

The sinking feeling in my chest told me that I might never get a chance to explain.