Cooper didn’t smile. Well, his lips didn’t, but I saw a gleam of humor in his eyes.
“Unless I can fuck the burger, it won’t help much, but pigging out might soothe my broken heart.”
“Seasoned fries?”
“Yeah, and bring me the appetizer thing with chicken strips. I’m really going to pig out so when I get wasted tonight, my stomach won’t care.”
“I’ll get this in for you.”
When I turned away, Cooper reached for me. “Don’t you miss me at all?” he whispered roughly. “You said you loved me and yet you look at me like I’m nothing. How cold are you?”
My eyes burned. “I miss you.”
“Bullshit.”
“You and I don’t work. I make you angry.”
“Everything makes me angry. When my team doesn’t win a ballgame, I get pissed, but I don’t stop watching football. Why would you walk away if you really loved me?”
Glancing around, I saw the place was dead as usual. When I turned back to Cooper, I forced out the words.
“You think I’m a lesbian using you for money. And that day at your place when you got so mad, I thought you were going to hit me.”
Cooper flinched then let go of my wrist. “I don’t hit girls.”
Nodding, I felt awkward under his gaze. “Some men can love a woman and still hit her when they get angry.”
“Some men. Like who? Like Daddy? Or do you have a secret ex who smacked you around?”
Stepping back, I wanted to find Cooper another waitress. He reached for my hand before I moved too far away.
“When my sister and I fight, I never lay a hand on her. When I had a girlfriend who keyed my truck and slashed my tires, I didn’t hit her. Even when she tried to cut me, I didn’t hit her. Look at me,” he said, tugging me closer. “Look at me, Farah.” When I finally met his gaze, he exhaled hard. “I don’t hit women. I’m not an out of control freak who hits people because I can’t stop myself. Everyone I hit, I hit on purpose and I would never hit you on purpose. I would never hurt you or any woman, but especially not you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, you would never hit me.”
“Damn it,” he grumbled when I tugged my hand free. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I am.”
“No, you’re humoring me because you’re at work. Just talk to me please. I miss you and it’s killing me pretending otherwise.”
Glancing around, I wished someone needed me, but I was alone in the dining room with Cooper. When I looked back at him, I was startled by the pain in his expression. I hadn’t really thought about how much our breakup would affect him. Mostly because I figured he could find someone else. A pretty fun girl who laughed at his jokes like I did and who enjoyed sex with him like I didn’t.
“I’ll be on break in a little bit. I could come back and talk then.”
“Why not now? There’s no one here.”
“I’m not on break though.”
“No one cares.”
“I do. I like rules. Without rules, people do whatever they want.”
“So you think I need rules, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, I’m saying some people can get away with doing whatever they want like you do. Some people are like me and breaking the rules will ruin them.”
Cooper inhaled hard then let it all out. His tight shoulders eased as did the stiffness in his jaw. Nodding, he laid his hands palms down on the table.
“Fine. When you have your break, I want you to bring a drink for yourself and something to eat too. I want you to sit down and act like we’re friendly and not like you have no choice. Can you do that?”
“Yes,” I said, turning away. “I like your haircut.”
Unable to see Cooper’s reaction, I didn’t dare look back. Instead, I put in his order then brought his drink. He watched me walk to his table and he watched me walk away. I wasn’t sure what to do so I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes while his food cooked.
Cooper was everything bad for me. He was violent in such a casual way as if hurting someone was like breathing. While he was beautiful, his tattoos reminded me of my greatest fear. He was wealthy, but that just gave him a sense of entitlement. I had nothing and maybe I was nothing, but I wanted to be someone. I wanted to have the life I had dreamed of since I was a kid. A teacher who lived in the suburbs and lived a safe calm life. Could I really have that with Cooper? Not only did he mock my dreams, he would hate living in the suburbs. He already had to be a lawyer for his family so the last thing he needed was to create a dull life with me.
Yet, why did it have to be about forever? Couldn’t we just spend time together now in college then go our separate ways when we were older? If I could keep Cooper for a while and know it was short term, I wouldn’t feel so suffocated. Not only by the intensity of our relationship, but also by the idea that anything I did wrong could cause him to leave me.
If I stopped thinking love meant forever, I could enjoy all of Cooper’s good qualities. No one made me laugh like Cooper except for Tawny. Since my sister was out of my life for now, I deserved a taste of happiness and I wanted Cooper.
When I brought his food to the table, I included a drink for myself. Watching me full of need, he exhaled softly when I joined him.
“You didn’t get anything to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Eat a fry.”
Frowning, I didn’t take the fry he offered. “You can’t boss me around so much.”
“You need to take better care of yourself.”
“I don’t want a father especially a bossy one like my actual father.”
“Your dad is bossy?” he asked, eating the fry I wouldn’t take.
“He sometimes drank and got edgy and bossed me and my sister around.”
Cooper studied me. “Did he hit you?”
“I really missed you,” I said, changing the subject to one I was certain he would like.
“Hell, Farah, I feel like I can’t breathe since yesterday.”
“I love you, but…”
“No, buts.”
“Yes, buts. You scare me. You nearly punched me in the face.”
“I was never going to hit you.”
Eyeing Cooper, I refused to turn to mush just because I missed him so much. “How was punching a hole in the wall next to my face a good thing? You wanted to scare me.”
“I was angry. I want you so much and you hate being with me. You hate when I touch you and it was making me nuts, but hitting the wall was a mistake. I do that shit with Bailey and she laughs it off because she knows I’d never hit her. I thought you knew that too. I mean, I was pissed because you were forcing yourself to do things with me that you didn’t want to do. I was angry because I wasn’t a better man for you, so why would I turn around and hit you?”
“I don’t really know you and you don’t know me. You shouldn’t assume I’ll take things the way you mean them. I have no experience with having a boyfriend,” I said then added quietly, “I’d never even been on a date before you.”
Cooper rubbed at his head and sighed. “You love me though, right? I need you to love me because I’m drowning in how much I love you.”
“It’s too fast. We just met and I just moved here. It’s a lot to deal with and I feel cornered.”
Cooper’s expression darkened. “Damn, is there anything I’m doing right?”
“I said I liked your haircut.”
Fighting a grin, Cooper leaned back in the booth and flipped me off. “I got drunk and shaved it off as a form of protest.”
“Against what?”
“My fucking heart.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“If we could be more casual, I think I could learn to be with you and not feel so cornered. Like maybe it’s not only you that’s to blame for our fights,” I said then watched him raise a cocky eyebrow. “Well, it’s mostly you, but I’ll take like ten percent of the blame.”
“Twenty five percent and we have a deal.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, but if we spend time together, we’d need to keep it more casual.”
“I have no idea what you’re fucking saying. Spend time together? Does that mean you’ll give me another chance and we’re together? And what is more casual? That usually involves fucking other people. I’m not fucking anyone else and I certainly don’t want you fucking anyone else.”
Squinting at him, I had to wonder if all of the booze had made him stupid. “After all the trouble I have being with you, do you really think I’d want another dick around me?”
Cooper grinned. “Is it wrong that my dick responded when you called its name?”
“Very wrong, perv,” I said, laughing. “So do we have a deal?”
“No because I don’t know what you’re asking for?”
“We date and have fun and don’t make it mean anything more.”
“I love you and I’m not pretending otherwise. Screw casual.”
“You’re too intense.”
“You need someone to take care of you.”
“I need my freedom and to find my own way.”
“Nope.”
Leaning back, I drank my soda. Cooper studied a fry then reached out and pushed it against my lips.
“Someone’s hungry.”
“Fuck off,” I nearly yelled then covered my mouth while Cooper laughed his ass off.
“Someone’s going to get fired and need her rich boyfriend to pay for shit.”
“I didn’t say we were back together.”
“You said you loved and missed me. Close enough.”
“I did miss you,” I muttered, ignoring the fry still caressing my lips. “I’m not eating that.”
“Need a ride home?”
“Maybe.”
“Yes, it is. Now, open up for the fry.”
Staring at him, I managed to launch Cooper into a staring match. “I’m going back to work.”
“Your break isn’t over,” he said, finally shoving the fry into his mouth. “You look tired. Did you sleep okay last night?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to sleep over and give you a foot massage?”
Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t fight my smile. “We’ll see.”
“Yes, it is. Man, you’re very agreeable tonight.”
Cooper looked full of life, just floating on a cloud as he devoured his burger with one hand and tapped to the overhead music with the other. I reached for the free hand and caressed his bruised knuckles.
“Get in any fights?”
Frowning, Cooper stopped mid-chew and sighed. Once he swallowed, he looked down at where my hand still held his.
“No one you know.”
“Your hands scare me,” I said, running my thin fingers over his strong ones. “When they touch me though, they seem so gentle. I guess that makes you complicated.” Lifting my gaze away from his hand and meeting his intense stare, I sighed. “What?”
Cooper wanted to say something that I suspected wasn’t light and casual. He finally shrugged. “The fair is this weekend. Go with me.”
“I can’t. I’m picking up extra shifts on the weekend.”
Cooper frowned as he took my hand into his. “You need to work less, not more.”
“I need the money for new clothes. Someone said I look like trailer trash. Maybe they were full of shit, but I feel insecure now and want to buy new clothes.”
“Who said that?” he asked in a hard low voice.
“It was a girl so you can’t hit her.”
“What girl? I’ll send Bailey after her.” When I smiled softly at him, he rolled his eyes. “I’ll push her into the pool for you.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said, choosing not to mention the lump. “She was protecting you, but I want to make sure I look like everyone else.”
“You look gorgeous just being you.”
“I’m not like you, Coop. I don’t want to be different. Average is my goal.”
“You aren’t average. You’re special because you’re the only girl who’s ever made my heart hurt. You’re mine and I’ll buy you new clothes so you don’t have to work this weekend.” When I started to protest, he shushed me. “If you don’t want to shop with me, I’ll give you cash and you can go with Skye.”
“I don’t want you for your money. I’m not using you.”
“I know,” he said, giving me a nod, “but I don’t care if you use me. I want you so much I don’t care why you want me.”
“That’s crap,” I whispered. “You care. As much as your money seems like an easy way out for me, I won’t use you. Not only because you matter to me and I want you to know my feelings are real. I also want to survive as a grownup on my own.”
“A grownup?”
“Don’t make fun. I have dreams and they involve hard work.”
“Work hard during the week then blow off the weekends. The fair is awesome and my family will be there and I want you to go. I want to share that with you because you work hard here and at school and you look tired. You look like you need to relax and working all weekend while everyone else plays isn’t relaxing.”
“I already told Arnie I’d work so the other girls could have time off.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
Sighing, I scooted down in the booth and pulled away my hand. “You can’t control everything. It’s like you’re a finished product and I’m a brand new idea. You’re making all the decisions about who I can be and what I can do, but I can’t make any decisions about who you are.”