Damaged But Not Broken (New Adult Rockers) (13 page)

My eyes take in the gorgeous sight
of his muscular body; his firm sculpted chest, the thick sinewy ropes of raw
muscle bulging in his arms, and the trail of sinfully cut abs that lead into a
V down to his massive...

“Oh come on,” Blake says, “Let’s
take a swim.”

I stare at him for a long moment,
then he smiles at me, shrugs and dives into the deep end.

“Lord, help me,” I murmur as I
watch his lean body swim halfway across the pool before he emerges, wet and
dripping.

“Water’s great!” he calls out.

“No shit,” I say under my breath.

“Come on, Paige! Live a little!” he
teases, trying to splash me.

I know that I shouldn’t swim with
Blake, that this is bordering on inappropriate – alright, it is inappropriate,
but I’ve known Blake for half of my life.

“Oh, fine, whatever!” I scoff, even
though I’m secretly delighted. “Let me go put on a bathing suit.”

“No way! I’m not wearing a bathing
suit! You don’t need one either.”

I freeze and look over at Blake.

“You know that isn’t right,” I say
in a low voice.

Blake looks like he’s about to make
a smartass comment, but then he bites his tongue.

“I know,” he says quietly. He
pauses. “But I don’t care. No one will find out.”

I have stayed true to my word, and
I haven’t done anything to pursue Blake. And technically, this is nothing but
some harmless flirting.

Alright, nothing is harmless
between Blake and I.

But before I can talk myself out of
it, I pull my green tank top over my head and slip out of my black shorts. Ever
since what happened to me, I’ve never been comfortable taking my clothes off in
front of a man unless I'm drunk, and honestly, it’s only been an issue once or
twice, but here in front of Blake, I don’t feel any hesitation at all. It’s
like second nature.

This is bad.

Blake lets out a low whistle. “Hot
damn, woman. That should be illegal.”

I glance down at my coral bra and
matching panties. I’m just glad I didn't decide to wear a thong.

“Oh, shut up,” I call, trying to
lighten the mood. I run right past him and dive into the deep end myself. The
water hits my skin like a cool breeze, and I come to the surface feeling calm
and refreshed. Blake is still staring at me like I’m some kind of freak.

“Will you stop staring at me?
Geez.”

“I can’t help it, Paige. You’re so
damn sexy.”

I’m not sure what to say, so
instead I dive under the water, wiggle my legs like a mermaid, and come up on
the steps at the shallow end. Blake makes his way over to me.

“Have I said too much?” he asks,
his hair dripping in his face.

“You’re engaged,” I point out.
“What would Savannah,” I can’t help but make a face when I say her name, “say
if she knew you were here and that you and I were swimming together in our
underwear?”

Blake sighs as if the reality of
the world is suddenly coming back to him.

“She’d have my balls.”

“I thought so.” I stop and wring
out my hair and twist it up towards the back of my head. “I want us to be
friends, Blake, but I doubt this is the best way to go about it.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s pretend I
didn’t say that. Let’s just float around and enjoy the water.” He grins at me.
“And let’s pretend we’re wearing bathing suits.”

I roll my eyes and swim away from
him. We manage to spend the next twenty minutes floating lazily about, keeping
a wary distance from one another. I’m not exactly sure that I trust Blake, and
I don’t know if I can trust myself.

“I guess I should get going,” Blake
finally says, floating on his back with his eyes closed.

“Probably,” I agree.

We've hung out long enough and I’m
sure he has other things to do. I swim past him towards the steps, and I
accidentally brush up against his leg.

It happens so quickly, that my
brain doesn’t even have time to process.

“Paige,” Blake says in a hoarse
voice, and he whips around and grabs me by my hips.

I gasp as Blake pulls me towards
him, crushing me against his solid, wet body.

“Blake!” I try to protest, feebly pushing
him away, but I can’t seem to stop myself. My body is pressed hard against
Blake and I can feel his muscular chest against me, and his strong hands at the
small of my back.

“Paige, please don’t fight it,” he
whispers, and then he presses his mouth hard against mine. An uncontrollable moan
escapes my lips as Blake’s familiar lips work against my own.

My brain screams to push him away,
but I can’t, and instead, I move my lips against his, matching his passion. I
part my lips so his insistent tongue can enter me, and he groans deep in his
throat as his tongue slides into my mouth.

I let him take me as he pulls me
closer, all my inhibition fades and I can’t hold back anymore, mashing my own
tongue against his as we both work in long, luscious strokes. He tastes just as
I remember him, only sweeter.

Blake pulls me tighter, and the
weightlessness of my body makes my feet come off the bottom of the pool. He
wraps his arm under my ass, and I realize he wants me to wrap my legs around
him.

I follow his lead, wrapping my legs
around his body, and he spins and presses me hard against the pool wall.

“Oh!” I cry out, surprised by his
passion and strength. I wrap my legs tighter around him, squeezing him firmly
as I feel him harden against the thin wet fabric of my panties.

With my body pressed against the
pool, Blake is able to grasp my face, and I feel the rough skin of his palms
against my cheeks.

“Blake! We shouldn’t!” I manage to
moan, breaking our kiss for a split second. But it's an empty statement. I
can’t help fisting my hands in his wet hair. I've waited so long to feel his
lips on mine again, the sweet dormant passion now burning free from within me.

I haven't felt this happy in
thirteen years.

“I have to,” he pants, kissing me
even harder.

His hands run up and down my arms
and across my stomach. If I wasn’t pressed so hard against the wall, I think I
would be grinding back against him.

I’m consumed by passion and lust,
and my mind spins from these feelings that have eluded me for so many years. Even
with my couple of college boyfriends, I never felt anything close to this. Any
type of physical activity was forced, and I always felt like I
had
to be
intimate to keep them. And by intimate, I mean kissing and some lackluster oral
sex. I was
never
able to bring myself to have intercourse with any of
them.

I kiss Blake harder, letting all of
my emotions and feelings for him come to the surface and bubble over. I can’t
get enough of him, and I’m gasping for him, drinking him in, devouring him
because I’ve imagined this so many times, thought of him over and over again.

This is how it should be – Blake
and I together. And for a few short minutes I don’t think once of Savannah, nor
do I care that I’m kissing someone else’s fiancé.

Finally, my conscience takes over
and I know that I have to stop.

“Blake! We can’t,” I say
forcefully, pushing him away hard this time.

This seems to get his attention and
he pulls back from me and looks at me. Really looks at me. His green eyes
search my face and then I see it creep onto his face.

Regret.

“Shit,” he murmurs, releasing me as
I gently touch the bottom again.

I rub at my lips, feeling how raw
they are from our kiss.

Wordlessly, Blake hoists himself
out of the pool and starts pacing across the patio. I quickly swim to the steps
and hurry out, feeling incredibly exposed in my soaked and now see-through undergarments.

Blake wheels around to look at me,
his face a surprising mask of anger.

“I’m not sorry!” he says angrily.
“I won’t apologize! I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment I laid eyes
on you.”

“Blake,” I say quickly. I hurry to
him and then stop short, I have no right to reach out to him, no right to touch
him. “It was wrong. It’s okay to be sorry. I swear, I’ll never tell anyone.”

Blake exhales loudly and runs his
hand through his hair. “Dammit, Paige! Don’t you be sorry! This is all on me,
you have nothing to apologize for.”

He hurries toward his discarded
clothes and before I can turn around, he whips his wet boxer shorts off and
starts pulling his jeans on. I quickly cover my eyes and when I look back, he’s
fully dressed, clutching his wet boxers in one hand.

“I need to go,” he explains.

As if that wasn’t obvious. Even
though the sun is bright and warm, I’m shivering. Blake’s face softens and he
takes my hand.

“I’m not sorry, Paige. We can talk
about this later, but I’m not sorry about what happened.”

And then he walks away, leaving me
alone, dripping wet in my underwear. I gaze after him until he is long gone and
then I slowly make my way across the patio to my wing.

Robotically, I open the doors to my
bedroom, and step inside. I peel off my wet clothes and leave them in a soggy
heap on my floor. I step into the shower, and turn the nozzle as hot as it will
go. I feel revitalized as the water flows over my skin but my mind continues to
race, what did I just do?

That was just the best and worst
kiss I’ve ever experienced. Dozens of feelings and emotions wash over me, and I
grip the side of the shower because I don’t know if I can handle them all.

And then, finally, the tears come.

They start off slowly, running down
my face and mixing with the stream of the shower. They become heavier, until my
body wracks with sobs, and I can no longer stand on my own two feet.

I sink to the shower floor,
clutching myself as if I need to hold myself together, and sob until there’s
nothing left inside.

ELEVEN

Blake

Willing to Risk Everything

I drive home from Paige’s house
without really seeing the road. I can still taste Paige on my lips; still feel
her soft body pressed against mine. I know I should feel guilt, consuming,
overwhelming guilt. But oddly, and sadly, I only feel relieved. Kissing Paige
was like coming up for air. It was like nothing had ever changed between us,
yet everything was so different, exciting, and new.

I keep waiting for the guilt, but
it doesn’t come, I only feel bad about
not
feeling bad. Damn, I’m
turning into a chick.

I know what Paige and I did was
wrong, and I don’t blame her at all for being upset. She told me that she
wasn’t going to pursue me, that she wouldn’t make the first move. And she
didn’t. It was all me. My choices, my decisions. And even when Paige tried to
stop me, I kept going.

What the hell does that mean?

As I pull into my driveway, I know
exactly what that means. It means that I’m willing to risk everything with
Savannah just so I can have a few stolen moments with Paige. I honestly don’t
want to hurt Savannah, but I keep making shitty choices that will eventually
hurt her. If she finds out.

Do I want her to find out?

Luckily, I still have some time
before she is due home from work and I briefly consider coming clean and
telling Savannah everything that's happened. Just as quickly, I forget that
idea. Savannah would do everything in her power to make my life miserable –
which I could handle.

But I also know that she will do
everything in her power to make Paige’s life miserable, and there is no way in hell
I'm going to let that happen. Paige has enough shit to deal with and the last
thing she needs is Savannah fucking with her.

“Fuck!” I scream out loud, pounding
my fists on my refrigerator door.

I open the fridge and grab a cold
beer. I sit at the kitchen table and slowly sip my Blue Moon. It seems that my
safest choice is to forget that it ever happened, and hide it from Savannah
forever.

I know Paige won’t tell a soul.
Knowing Paige, she probably feels worse than I feel right now. She's probably consumed
with guilt, all because of a kiss I initiated. Now I really feel like a dick
head.

But God damn it! There's no denying
that there's powerful chemistry between Paige and I. How do I plan to avoid her
and stay away completely?

I'm pretty certain that if I left
Savannah, Paige would be there. She said she had never loved another man. The
thought of being with Paige, really being with Paige, sends an excited shiver
down my spine. It's easy to imagine what life would be like with Paige.

But I had made a commitment to
Savannah, and I
do
love her. However, she was making that harder and
harder every day. I despise the fact that she went to Paige's house and tried
to intimidate her.

But could I ever really leave
Savannah? Would I be willing to throw everything away for Paige? It was
something that I would have liked to talk to Paige about, but I knew I needed
more time to think about it.

Paige would probably balk at the
idea, and I knew she would feel awful if she was responsible for me calling off
my engagement. I wouldn’t want her to feel like she was waiting in the wings.
What would I say?
Hey Paige, if I left Savannah would you be there for me?

Every woman’s dream, I’m sure.

No, if I was going to leave
Savannah, I needed to be prepared to do so knowing Paige may or may not accept
me.

Shit.

I sit at the kitchen table for a
while longer, daydreaming about leaving Savannah, and then the real-life
repercussions that would come with such a choice. Especially, if I took up with
Paige afterwards. I don’t even want to think about how Jeffrey and Scarlett
Devlin would take such a break up. I think they would be more upset over their
daughter’s humiliation than actually losing me as a son-in-law.

When I hear Savannah’s car pull
into the driveway, I snap out of it, toss my beer bottle in the recycling and
hustle into the office to make it look like I’m working.

“Sugar?” Savannah’s voice rings out
a few moments later.

“In here!”

I hear the clicking of heels
getting closer and then Savannah is standing before me, licking her glossy
lips.

“How was your day?” I ask, messing
with my guitar.

She sighs dramatically. “Fine. I’m
so sick of dealing with so many babies at work.”

I bet those so-called babies at work
are sick of dealing with Savannah, too.

“Sorry, babe.”

“What did you do today?” she asks,
eyeing me.

I feel like she can see through me,
but I try my hardest to play it cool.

“A little of this, a little of
that.”

She narrows her eyes. “It looks
like you got some color.”

Shit. I was outside for a while.

“I did a little work on my truck.”

“Why didn’t you do it in the
garage?”

“It was too hot in there. I wanted
some fresh air.”

Savannah seems to buy it and walks
into the kitchen.

“So, when do you play again?” she
calls out.

“Tomorrow night.”

“Alright. I think I’ll come out and
see you.”

Savannah hardly comes out to see me
play anymore, and I bet it has something to do with her insecurity over Paige.
I sigh, knowing I’m going to have to get in touch with Paige.

For starters, I need to make sure
Paige isn’t playing too – that would be a disaster. Secondly, I have to make
sure that Paige isn’t planning to come see us play even if she
isn’t
playing. Not that I expect her to show up, but I can’t take any chances.

Christ, this is exhausting but I
brought it on myself.

I pack my guitar up, make a mental
note to call Paige tomorrow, and head into the kitchen to see what Savannah
wants to do about dinner.

I hope my kiss with Paige was worth
all the trouble it was already causing me.

Who am I kidding? It was.

~~~

I sling my guitar over my shoulder
and get ready to go onstage with Ben and Ryan. I lucked out when I learned that
Paige was neither performing at the same club tonight, nor did she have any
plans to come out and see us. She admitted that she didn’t even know our
schedule, which was just fine by me. Turns out, she had a gig at a different
club tonight.

Savannah was in the audience,
surprisingly alone. I imagined that Abby hadn’t been available to come meet her.
Part of me was happy that Savannah was there supporting me, but a larger part
felt annoyed because I knew that Savannah wasn’t there out of the goodness of
her heart; she had ulterior motives.

We take the stage after our
introduction and play a five-song set. Everything goes smoothly and we rock the
hell out of the crowd. We finish to cheers, and the club owner Theo jumps up on
stage to take the mic.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I'm
thrilled to announce that our very own Rust is going on a 15-date  tour in the
coming weeks!" Theo announces. "Be sure to show your love and keep
your eyes out for CDs in the back, thanks everybody!"

The audience cheers loudly and
screams of congratulations ring in our ears.

I always feel a rush after
performing onstage, as do Ben and Ryan, and once we come offstage and put our
things away, we get ourselves a round of beers and sit with Savannah.

Ben and Ryan both like Savannah,
even though they think she is seriously high maintenance. I know they don't
mind sitting with us and having a drink or two while they scope out the scenery
before they start making rounds to pick up girls.

“Nice job, sugar,” Savannah purrs
when I come up to her and peck her on the cheek. She grabs my face, and turns
it, making sure to kiss me hard, thrusting her tongue into my mouth. It would
have been hot if I knew she hadn’t been doing it for show.

Ben whistles. “Get a room you two.”

Savannah grins like the cat that
swallowed the canary. She’s all about a good show and any male attention she
can get. Ryan makes no comment, but takes a long swig of his beer.

“You boys sound real good,” she
drawls, nursing her cranberry and vodka. “Y’all are going to be great on tour.”

We spend a few minutes talking
about the tour, and then I see Kenny Lawson pushing his way through the crowd.

“Hey, I didn’t know Kenny was here
tonight,” Ben comments, seeing him at the same time.

“Hey guys!” Kenny calls out in his
deep, smooth voice. “I got here just in time to see your last song. Y'all are
on fire!” He slaps me on the back, and beams at Ben and Ryan.

“Thanks, Kenny. We weren’t
expecting you tonight,” Ryan says.

“I wasn’t planning on coming by
either, but I just left the Blue Bird.”

Fuck. That’s where Paige was
playing tonight. I really hope he doesn’t bring her up.

Anxious, I take a big sip of my
beer.

“Anyway,” Kenny continues, “I
wanted to be the one to share some good news with you. I found an opening act
for your tour.”

My stomach drops and my heart leaps
at the same time. I know what Kenny is about to say.

“Damn, that’s great!” Ryan
exclaims, “We’ve been wondering who you were going to bring on!”

Kenny grins, and then rubs his
hands together, looking slightly nervous. “Now I don’t want you boys getting
any ideas here, thinking that I’m playing favorites, because I really thought
hard about this but the response has been overwhelming.”

Ben and Ryan look on expectantly
and I feel the dread creeping over me.

“But I’ve decided it’s the right
thing to do for all of your careers.” He pauses dramatically, unable to hide
his proud smile. “I’m putting my baby girl on your tour. Paige is going to open
for y’all!”

I say nothing, because I know there
is no good way to react.

“Sweet!” Ryan says, wearing a
devious grin on his face. I know he’s not thinking about Paige’s talents. He’s
thinking about how he’s going to have all the time in the world to make a move.

“Yeah, that girl of yours can
sing!” Ben agrees, and he jabs Ryan in the ribs as if to say he’s up for the
challenge.

Kenny narrows his eyes. “Now,
neither one of you go gettin’ any ideas,” he says sternly, looking right at Ben
and Ryan. “I know I don’t have to worry about this one,” he says, jerking his
thumb at me.

I finally look over at Savannah, her
eyes are downcast and she sits still, eerily frozen. She was all on board for
our tour, but now I can see those days are over. This tour has suddenly become
my number one enemy.

Before I can even open my mouth,
Kenny puts his arm around Savannah. “So, what do you think, honey? You alright
with your boys here touring with Paige?”

Savannah seems like she wants to
answer, but she doesn’t say anything.

Kenny chuckles and puts his arm
around her. “Now, don’t you go worrying about your man here and my little
girl,” he teases, “that was a long time ago.”

Fuck. He’s just opened a can of
worms.

Savannah pushes off Kenny’s arm,
and looks at me with eyes cold as ice.

“I think it’s time to go, Blake,”
she says in a clipped tone, “We have some talking to do in the car.”

And by talking, she means screaming.
I can see that she is gearing up for some serious shit.

With that, she gets up and stalks
out of the bar.

“What the hell was that about?”
Ryan asks, and I can see the surprised looks on Ben and Kenny’s face.