His surprise must have shown on his face. She laughed again. “I know. What happened to that woman? A friend talked me into taking a belly dance class and I was hooked. By that time, Pete and I were pretty serious. I told him I wanted to quit school and become a dancer and he urged me to go for it. That’s when I knew he was a keeper. We got married a few months later.”
Mike was sure he would have told her she was crazy to abandon her education.
“You know what they say about too good to be true,” she said. “That was Pete. I didn’t realize until after we’d married that he had a drinking problem.”
“He was an alcoholic?”
“That’s not what I called it at the time. His drinking never interfered with his job, so I rationalized it wasn’t so bad. He just liked to drink hard when he was off, and once he started, he wouldn’t stop. He was never mean or violent when he drank. He just wasn’t there—he was off in some other world where Riley and I didn’t matter.”
“Did you say anything to him about his drinking?”
“Oh yes. We had some spectacular fights. He always made the excuse that he worked a stressful job and was entitled to a release. And then he’d promise to cut back and we’d kiss and make up. For a while, things would be better.”
“So you stayed with him.”
“When he wasn’t drinking, Pete was a great guy. A terrific father. Riley adored him. And I loved him. When you love someone, you forgive their shortcomings. I thought if I stuck with him, we could work it out.”
“I hoped Melissa and I could overcome our problems, too, but she didn’t share that hope.”
“In the end I think I did overlook too much.”
“Why do you say that?”
She hesitated, then said, “Pete always promised me he’d never drink too much when he was alone with Riley. I suspected that wasn’t always the case, but I pretended it was. I couldn’t believe he would ever do anything to endanger his son.”
“My God—the accident?”
“Pete had been drinking that evening. He lost control of the car on an icy road. It rolled down an embankment and he and Riley were both killed. No other cars were involved, but a man saw them go over the edge and reported it.”
Mike shuddered. He could picture the scene, see the bodies, as he’d seen so many others when he’d worked a rotation in the emergency room during his training. “Where were you that night?”
“Dancing at a private party.”
She’d left her son with a man she knew might not stay sober—to go work. On the surface it was such a damning statement, as damning as “he was a doctor and never realized his own daughter was sick.”
“It was my job,” she said. “I’d made a commitment and needed to keep it. But I’ve never stopped feeling guilty about it, asking myself, what if I’d stayed home that night?”
“I’m surprised you didn’t give up dancing.”
“I thought about it, but it’s what kept me sane. Through the worst of it, I could turn on the music and dance and forget, at least for the space of one song. Without that refuge, I think I would have lost my mind.”
“I’ve always wondered how someone survives a tragedy like that,” he said.
“I think part of me died with them that night.
The part that trusted easily and believed everything always works out. But I didn’t want to become a sad, bitter woman who lives in the past. Life goes on and I have to move forward, too. To do otherwise feels like it would be dishonoring their memories, somehow.”
“You’re remarkable,” he said.
She shook her head. “The grief has a way of am bushing me. I’ll be fine one minute, then something will happen and it’s like it’s brand-new all over again.”
“Like the picture of Taylor in the hospital.”
She nodded and blinked rapidly, her eyes shining.
He slid his hand across the table and twined his fingers with hers. She gripped him tightly, holding on, and again he felt the pull of attraction.
He wanted to comfort her—to make love to her and, in doing so, to comfort himself. He wanted to protect her, and to protect himself and Taylor from the kind of tragedy Darcy had suffered. She’d lost everything, and he had come to the very brink of the pit she was climbing out of.
Being with her forced him to face the reality that he only imagined he was in control of his life. She proved he wasn’t. The idea repelled him and made him want to turn away.
But the woman herself compelled him to stay, the tension between them winding ever tighter, until all he could do was hold his breath and wait to see what the next words—or the next kiss—would bring.
“I just have a lot on my mind.” Darcy glanced at the clock. “I think we’ve worked enough for one night, ladies. Keep practicing at home. Only four weeks until our show.”
Jane lingered after the others left. “Hannah says the girls’ class is going really well. She can’t wait for Wednesdays and she’s driving me crazy, changing her mind about her costume every five minutes.”
“Hannah’s really patient with the younger girls.”
Jane beamed at this praise for her daughter. “I’m glad you started the class. You obviously really enjoy it. You look…I don’t know,
happier
, lately,” Jane said.
“I thought maybe you’d met someone.”
Darcy silently cursed her tendency to blush so easily. Mike was
someone
, all right, but how to explain her relationship with him when she didn’t know how to define it? Mike was a friend, who knew things about her no one else did. But since when did she kiss a friend the way they’d kissed the other night? And since when did a mere friend punch out a guy for getting a little overenthusiastic about her dancing?
She still couldn’t believe Mike hit that guy. It seemed so unlike the quiet, reserved doctor. Mike obviously had hidden emotional depths—depths she’d glimpsed again when he’d kissed her so passionately.
“I’m not dating anyone, if that’s what you mean,” she said.
“The offer’s still open to introduce you to Eric’s friend.”
Darcy debated taking Jane up on it. It might be good for her to date someone. Someone without children. Going out with someone didn’t mean she had to make a commitment to them, right? “I’ll think about it.”
She missed the days when she was young and her first thought at the promise of romance was of all the good times that lay ahead. Too much had happened to allow her to be that innocent again. Love could make a person happy beyond belief, and losing that loved one could damage her forever.
That’s what Darcy was really afraid of, that she was too damaged to love again, that her heart was too broken for anyone to put it back together.
“I’m tied up here at the office this afternoon. Could you keep Taylor until I can get away to pick her up?”
His words—so practical and businesslike, so focused on his daughter—brought Darcy back down to earth. Of course there was nothing between her and Mike. He wasn’t presuming anything based on a single kiss. She had nothing to worry about.
“Of course I’ll look after Taylor,” she said. “I have a few errands to run, so why don’t I bring her to you at your office?”
“Not the office. I’ve seen two flu cases this morning and have a possible third scheduled for this afternoon. I don’t want her exposed.”
“I can take her to your house, then.”
“I’ll have my neighbor come over and watch Taylor until I get home. She’s done that for me before.”
“I don’t mind staying with her,” she said. “I don’t have any more classes this evening.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Thanks. Taylor would like that.” He hesitated, then added, “I’ll look forward to seeing you too.”
As declarations went, it wasn’t much, but it was enough to launch her back into giddy uncertainty. Which was silly. After all, it was only one kiss. She looked around the room for Taylor. “Your dad is busy at the office with a bunch of flu cases,” she said. “So I’m going to take you home.”
Taylor made a face. “Do I have to stay with Mrs. Winslow?”
“I’ll stay with you.”
“All right! Mrs. Winslow won’t let me out of her sight for one second. I think she’s afraid I’m going to drop dead of a heart attack in front of her. If I so much as cough, she panics and wants to call Dad.”
Darcy sympathized with the skittish Mrs. Winslow. While she didn’t fear an imminent heart attack, the knowledge that Taylor’s health was vulnerable was daunting. “I’m glad we get to spend some more time together,” Darcy said as they climbed into her car.
“I’m old enough to stay by myself,” Taylor said. “I mean, it’s only an hour or so.”
“Not my call,” Darcy said. Though she wouldn’t blame Mike if he refused to leave Taylor alone until she was eighteen.
At Mike’s house, Taylor unlocked the door and they trooped inside. “Want to see my dad’s ties?” she asked. “He has some cool ones. I like to go through them and pick out ones for him to wear.”
“I shouldn’t be going through your dad’s things,”
Darcy said. “He’s entitled to his privacy. You wouldn’t want strangers coming in and going through your belongings, would you?”
“You’re not a stranger. Want to see my troll doll collection instead?”
“Troll dolls?” Darcy laughed. “They still make those?”
“Sure.” Taylor led her into her room, to an alcove beside the bed lined with shelves. The shelves were filled with troll dolls, their wild hair in every color of the neon rainbow. “Someone at the hospital gave me one when I first got sick,” Taylor said. “I loved it, so other people started bringing them to me.”
Darcy picked up a pink-haired troll mama with a snaggletoothed troll baby.
“I used to spend a lot of time combing their hair and stuff.” Taylor stroked a purple-haired troll. “But now I just look at them.” She set aside the purple troll and picked up one with bright red hair, dressed in a kilt.
“My mom brought me this one from Scotland.”
“Did you have a good time with your mother last weekend?” Darcy asked.
“Yeah. It was okay.” She replaced the troll on the shelf. “We went to the ice show on Friday and shop ping on Saturday, then had pizza Saturday night.”
“Sounds like a fun weekend,” Taylor said.
“Yeah, but…” She worried her lower lip between her teeth and glanced at Darcy. “Being with her is more like hanging out with a friend than a mom.”
Darcy hoped when Melissa and Taylor were alone that Melissa paid more attention to her daughter. Taylor was at the age where she still enjoyed listening to her mother’s stories, but how long would that last if she wasn’t able to confide in Melissa in turn? Still, Melissa managed to remain involved in her daughter’s life despite her hectic schedule. It wasn’t Darcy’s place to judge her. “I’m sure your mother loves you very much.”
“Oh, I know that,” Taylor said. “And I love her, too, and I like seeing her, but sometimes I wish she was more like a real mom.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wish she did stuff like volunteering at my school and cooking dinner and things like that.”
Darcy had done that kind of “stuff” for Riley. She’d helped in the school library and chaperoned field trips and brought refreshments to baseball practice. She’d made dinner most nights, even if it was only heated-up chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese—his favorite.
“I almost forgot! I got a cool new computer game to show you.” Taylor raced to the desk in the corner.
Darcy forced a smile, determined to set aside her sadness and focus on the child in front of her.
By the time Mike came home, Darcy had learned the ins and outs of a computer game involving dragons, princesses, handsome warriors and, yes, trolls, and was determined to survive at least one onscreen battle without going up in flames. She was so en grossed she didn’t even notice Mike until he was standing behind her. “I see Taylor’s introduced you to her latest obsession,” he said.
His hand rested on the back of her chair, his fingers just grazing her shoulder. That casual contact sent a jolt of awareness through her. “Yes, I…yes, we were having fun,” she stammered. “I’m afraid I’m not very good at it. She’s beat me every round, but she’s gracious enough to let me try again.”
Stop babbling.
She shut her mouth and stood. “I guess I’d better get going now.”
“I at least owe you dinner for looking after Taylor this afternoon.”
“Dinner? Oh, I don’t know…” Dinner was too much like a date. The thought of being able to eat anything with her stomach fluttering so wildly was almost laughable.
“Please.” He took her hand. “Taylor would enjoy it and I know I would.”
His tone was warm and reassuring, his touch calming, spreading a pleasant heat through her. If this was an example of his bedside manner, it was a wonder he didn’t have women lined up for blocks, waiting to see him.
This wouldn’t be a date, really. Not with Taylor along. “All right,” she said. “I’d love to have dinner with you.”
The restaurant he chose was a small bistro near his home, with blue-and-white tablecloths and murals of the French countryside. The adults ordered steak and Taylor opted for chicken strips. Darcy’s earlier nervousness had subsided, replaced by a pleasant buzz of energy. She thought Mike must have felt it, too. He smiled at her often and took every chance to touch her, fingers lightly brushing her hand as he passed the salt or poured wine. Taylor chattered away, seemingly oblivious.
They had just settled down to their meal when the door opened and Dave and Carrie came in.
“Darcy!” Dave quickly masked his surprise and strode to their table.
“Dave, this is Mike and Taylor Carter. Mike is a doctor. This is my brother, Dave.” Darcy made the introductions. “Taylor is one of my students,” she added. Maybe later she’d tell Dave about Taylor’s heart, but not now. “And this is Dave’s girlfriend, Carrie Kinkaid.”
“Nice to meet you.” The men shook hands, sizing each other up the way men do. Darcy wondered what her motorcycle-riding, construction-worker brother thought of the doctor. Mike had taken off his tie, but he still wore gray suit trousers and a blue-and-white pin-striped shirt. The top button of the shirt was unfastened and he’d rolled the sleeves to just below his elbows. Darcy kept staring at the fine dark hairs on his forearms and his thick, masculine fingers.
“How are you, Carrie?” Darcy asked.
“I’m good,” Carrie said. “We’ve been looking at houses.”
“
She’s
been looking,” Dave said. “I’m just the chauffeur. I like my place.”
Carrie’s mouth tightened. “Now’s a great time to buy a house,” Carrie said. “It would be a good investment.”
“Yeah, all those people who’ve invested in real estate are really rolling in it now, considering how housing prices are down,” Dave said.
“Which makes it a buyer’s market,” Carrie countered. “And prices will come back up.”
“I don’t think they’re going anywhere right now,” Dave said. “We’ve got plenty of time.”
“I’m not so sure we do,” Carrie said.
She had the uncomfortable feeling Carrie wasn’t talking about the house. Darcy wondered what it was that kept Dave from marrying Carrie and settling down. After five years together, what was he waiting for?
“We’d better get out of here and let you eat,” Dave said. “Nice to meet you, Mike. You, too, Taylor.”
The hostess seated Dave and Carrie at a table across the room. Carrie said something to Dave and he scowled and shook his head.
“Are they going to get married?” Taylor asked.
The question surprised a gasp from Darcy. “Why would you think that?”
Taylor shrugged. “You said they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and they’re buying a house. I mean, I know sometimes people just live together, but a marriage is more romantic, don’t you think?”
“Some people would argue that marriage isn’t always romantic,” Mike said. But his eyes glinted with humor.
“Some parts of marriage certainly aren’t romantic,” Darcy agreed. There had been nothing romantic about her fights with Pete, and something much deeper and more enduring about their making up. She had many regrets about their relationship, and would always believe she should have done more to protect Riley. But she’d never regret the real love she and Pete had known when times were good.
“Are they going to get married?” Taylor asked.
“Taylor, that’s none of your business,” Mike chided.
“It’s okay,” Darcy said. “I don’t know if Carrie and Dave will marry. They’ve been together a long time, and she’d like to get married, but he’s not sure.”
“It can be a scary proposition, to make that kind of commitment to another person,” Mike said. “Especially when you’ve been on your own awhile.”
Was he speaking from his own experience, or merely making conversation?
“If he loves her, I think they should get married,” Taylor said.
Darcy nodded. The strength of her conviction surprised her. After all she’d been through with Pete and Riley, she would have said she never wanted to risk that pain again.
Of course, they were talking about Dave and Carrie. It was high time her brother got over his fear of commitment or belief in family curses or whatever was holding him back and settled down to raise the family he claimed he wanted.
She glanced toward the table where Dave and Carrie sat silently across from each other. Her heart ached to see two people she loved at such odds.
“When Taylor’s mother and I bought our house, we had a hard time agreeing on a place,” Mike said. “She wanted to be near the airport. I wanted to be close to my office.”
“Your house is nowhere near the airport.”
“Only because the schools on this side of town are better,” he said. “And Melissa liked being by the lake. But it took us a while to get to that compromise. Maybe your brother and his girlfriend will find their perfect place, too.”
Darcy had had a perfect place once, with a husband and son she loved. Losing them had destroyed her belief in perfection. Now she only wanted peace—a calm, Zen existence with dance and music and meditation, and no anger or fear or pain or any of those messy emotions that made life so hard.
Her eyes met Mike’s and she knew he understood. They were after the same thing, really.
Which made the kiss they’d shared, and this attraction between them, a very scary thing. Being with someone else meant giving up some of that hard-won control. Taking risks.
Darcy liked Mike. And she adored Taylor. But she wasn’t sure that was enough to move her past her fear of loving someone only to lose them.