Authors: Samantha Garman
“Buy you a drink?”
I turned to the voice—it was the young man who’d been watching me. He was tall and thin, with a wide, crooked smile. His brown eyes looked their fill, and liked what they saw.
“No, thanks,” I dismissed.
“You have a boyfriend?”
“Yes.” It was a lie. Kai and I hadn’t talked about it, but even if we had, Kai didn’t encompass the word—he was more, but I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself, let alone to a stranger.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Your choice.”
“Let me buy you a drink,” he insisted.
“I’m just here to enjoy the music.”
“Dinner then—let me take you to dinner.”
His persistence annoyed me. Resolute that I wouldn’t be able to get another drink, I went to leave, but the man grabbed me by my upper arms. “What the hell?” I yelled, attempting to fight him off. He kissed me, and I gagged on the taste of beer and street vendor food.
The young man pulled back, looking pleased with himself even as he swayed, barely able to stand upright. “Now you want to go out with me, don’t you?”
The band played on, but the sounds of Kai’s mandolin were suddenly absent. Before I could register why, a fist came out of nowhere and collided with the Frenchman’s jaw. My head whipped around to find Kai shaking out his hand and cursing under his breath. The drunken Frenchman slumped against the bar, his tongue lolling in his head. I might have found it comical if I hadn’t been in outright shock.
The bartender started yelling for us to leave, and I managed to coerce Kai out of the pub before the Frenchman’s friends came after us. “What the hell were you thinking?” I demanded, my voice booming across the cobblestones.
“I wasn’t.”
“Clearly.” I glared at him. “I was about to slap his face.”
“Really?” Kai raised his eyebrows, the set of his shoulders taut with anger.
“Really. I know you’re Southern, but
come on
.”
“His lips were on yours,” Kai said through a clenched jaw.
“I’m well aware of that fact, and I didn’t like it any more than you did.”
He took a step closer to me, his face harsh, almost grotesque in the moonlight. “Don’t pretend to be offended by what I’ve done. Do us both a favor and admit you liked it—liked me fighting for you.”
“Fuck you!”
He yanked me into his arms and kissed me. The breath left my body, and I wrapped myself around him, hating him for speaking the truth, and hating myself for knowing it. I shoved him away and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as if I could remove the taste of him. I had pieced a life together around a man, and I hadn’t been aware I’d done it. I’d stopped thinking of Kai as something temporary. When had it all changed?
He took my chin in his hand, compelling me to look at him. Kai with a steady gaze was more unnerving than Kai with unknowable intensity. Unable to say all the things I wanted to, I said instead, “You’re were supposed to be a seed and blow where the wind carried you. You weren’t supposed to stay.”
“I wish you’d show me what you write in those journals. The ones you talk to when you can’t talk to me.”
“Why?”
“I want to know you.”
“You know me fine.”
His stare was unflinching. “I want to know your heart, and I think you put it in those pages.”
I took a deep breath and forced myself to admit, “I’m not some great mystery, Kai. My mother’s death wrecked me, and I barely survived. You’ll wreck me, too. Maybe forever.”
“You think I’ll continue to wander, don’t you?”
“When was the last time you felt the urge to stay?”
“I’ve never spent more than one night with the same woman. Don’t you get that?”
I couldn’t tell him he was a love ballad, a song that would play in my blood long after he’d left me for someone else.
“I need some ice,” he muttered.
“Don’t you have to go back in there and continue?”
“I effectively ended the set. Besides, I don’t think I can flex my fingers to play.”
We began to walk in the direction of my cottage.
“You’re falling in love with me,” he stated, putting his arm around my shoulder. “That’s why you’re upset. Not because I punched some guy who deserved it.”
I didn’t reply because I wasn’t falling in love—I’d crashed into it, and it gripped me in an unyielding embrace
.
I was already
there
.
•••
Kai was on the couch, cradling his hand in his lap while I filled a bag with ice. Handing it to him, I sat and stared into the blazing fire I’d lit upon arriving home. The bottle of bourbon on the coffee table was open; we didn’t bother with glasses. I took a swallow out of it and then handed it to him.
“It’s a good thing people can’t die from guilt,” he said.
“You don’t have to feel guilty anymore—I forgive you for treating me like a trophy.” My tone was full of brevity.
He grinned in sardonic humor. “I’m not talking about that.” He took a long drink from the bottle. “I was supposed to be in the plane.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
Kai was silent for so long, I didn’t know if he’d speak again. “It was a little two-seater, and Tristan was flying. We were celebrating because he’d gotten his pilot’s license. I won
rock, paper, scissors
, but Reece looked so depressed I let
him go instead of me.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
Flames danced in his eyes as he leaned over and pressed his lips to my throat, saying words against my skin. “Please don’t leave me out here alone. Let me in.”
I placed a hand on his chest, the steady beating of his heart solid and reassuring. Kai covered my hand with his and then brought it to his lips. My breath hitched, and I tried to hide my tears, but they came and I couldn’t stop them. “I already have, Kai.”
He pulled me to him. “Damn, what you do to me.”
“Do you regret leaving?”
“I regret
how
I left.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t even leave a note. I just…left. Do you judge me for that?” His gaze was open, honest, and he hid nothing, including the blackest parts of himself.
I shook my head. “I’d be seven shades of hypocrite if I did. I haven’t spoken to my best friend in weeks. I silence her calls. I ignore her emails.”
“Do
you
have any regrets? About leaving New York?”
“No. I left a job that meant nothing. I couldn’t stay with Connor and pretend my mother’s death didn’t change everything,” I touched his face, “but you left behind your entire family. How are you supposed to come back from that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know who I am anymore,” he said, like it was a revelation.
“Would your friends want this? You feeling guilty because you lived and they died?”
“Don’t tell me they would have done any better if I had been the one who died. You’ll never know them, and they’ll never know you.”
“Tell me about them. It will only give me a vague idea, but tell me anyway.”
He took my hand. “Reece was quiet until you got to know him. He liked to watch things…people. Tristan though—that kid jumped in knee-deep before any of us decided to follow. He got into so much trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“He smoked and drank—bought a motorcycle, that sort of thing. Ran around with a bunch of women, but then he fell in love with Lucy.”
“Lucy?”
“His wife. Life is so unfair.”
“It is,” I stated. “How did she manage to get Tristan to settle down?”
Kai laughed; it was the first genuine sound of happiness that had come out of his mouth all evening. “We met Lucy in fourth grade. She was this gangly girl with freckles covering every inch of her face, huge glasses, and hair more orange than red. But she got super hot around the time we were in high school, and she understood Tristan like no one else. She didn’t berate him for drinking or smoking, and when he found acceptance in her, he fell hard and fast. I didn’t understand it…not until now.” He touched my cheek and smiled. “If this is what healing feels like, I’ll take it.”
I wanted to crawl into him and bury myself. I could no longer hold back the tears.
“Ah, darlin’,” he mumbled into my hair, letting me sob out my anguish.
Hope, tinged with despair permeated my voice as I asked, “Do you think we have a chance at happiness? We’ve both lost so much.”
He smiled before capturing my lips, demanding and greedy. We were rough, clawing at each other in zealous passion. It was devastating, so complete, leaving nothing but heated breaths and desire. When we lay together, spent and exhausted, Kai pulled the blanket from the couch over us.
“Tell me,” I demanded, knowing he would know what I needed.
“I love you.”
His declaration was my salvation.
Chapter 15
Sage
“Where are you going?” I whispered the next morning.
Kai grinned and pressed a kiss to my exposed shoulder. “My, how the tables have turned since we first met.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I teased as I stroked his face. “Don’t even think about shaving.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“So where
are
you going?”
“I want to track down Dorian and Finn and apologize for last night. See if I ruined our place to jam.”
“Can I convince you to shower first?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Will you join me?”
After, I kissed him on the lips and saw him off, then went in search of Luc. We would have to coexist, and I refused to avoid him any longer. I found Armand instead.
“Walk with me,” he said. We ambled through vines that were still quiet, still waiting for spring. I rolled my shoulders, wanting to stretch and open like a new flower.
“How are you settling in?”
“It’s weird. I feel like I’ve been here forever.”
“Magic of this place,” he agreed with a grin. He turned serious. “You can talk to me. I mean, I know it’s probably easier with Celia, but I knew your mother, too.”
It was a knife to my heart, a reminder that I’d gone on living. I’d told Kai that Tristan and Reece would want him to find peace, find happiness. Would my mother have been any different?
Death was hardest on those left behind.
“Tell me a story about my mother.”
“Did she ever tell you about the time she wanted to learn to work in the fields?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“She got so sunburned, she looked like a crispy chicken.”
We laughed, and I sighed knowing I had people to help me remember her.
“Is my son still avoiding you?”
His question jarred me. “You know about that?”
“Celia might have said something, and Luc isn’t here.”
“Where is he?”
“Visiting friends in
Marseilles
. You didn’t notice he was gone?”
My cheeks bloomed. “Ah, I’ve been sort of…occupied.”
“We’ve noticed. You both should come to dinner tonight.”
“Dinner?”
He nodded. “I think it’s important we get to know the man you’ve been spending time with.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I have a family.”
Armand grinned. “Whether you want us or not.”
“I do want you,” I said, not at all surprised to find my eyes burning with emotion. “It’s nice to be cared for.”
“Not cared for, Sage. Loved.”
•••
“This isn’t ‘meet the parents’,” I explained.
“It feels that way,” Kai said.
“I don’t have parents, remember? But Celia and Armand have become family to me.”
“And what am I?”
“Too soon to tell,” I lied.
We walked into the kitchen; Celia covered a pot of water with a lid, and Armand sat at the table with a glass of wine.
“Do you ever cook?” I asked Armand, who grinned at the question.
“Not if I can help it.” He stood and went to shake Kai’s hand. “Get you a glass, Kai?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
Celia watched Kai with an unnerving stare, and I had a brief glimpse of what it would have been like if my mother had met him. Mom had barely been able to tolerate Connor. Would she have accepted Kai? Would she have liked him?
The tension grew insurmountable until Celia said, “Kai, how are you at making salads?”
“Can’t hurt to give it a try.” He went to the sink and washed his hands.
“Stuff’s on the counter.” Celia’s gaze slid to the doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here.” Luc sauntered into the kitchen and looked at Kai. After a moment he glanced in my direction and asked, “Can we talk?”
Impeccable timing.
“Please?” he pleaded.
Kai’s face was unreadable. Shrugging, I followed Luc into the courtyard. The sun had set and it was cold, so I wrapped my arms around myself and bounced from one foot to the other.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been an ass.”
“Yes, you have been,” I agreed, “and you’ve been avoiding me.”
“You’re happy with him, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m glad for you.”
“
Really?
”
He shrugged. “Not yet, but I’ll get there.”
“How long do you expect that to take? Kai’s in your kitchen.”
“So he is.”
“I don’t need you to like him, but what about us? Can we be friends?”
His eyes were hopeful. “I didn’t blow it?”
“Of course not. We were well on our way. I emoted all over you when I first got here, if you recall. That makes us friends, right?”
He laughed in relief. “Do you mean it?”
“I do. Let’s just forget everything, okay?”
“You can do that?”
“Why not? What is there between us, Luc, except friendship? In time, you’ll realize I wasn’t right for you.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not trying to.”
We stared at each other, and Luc’s shoulders lost their tension.
“Let’s go eat. Maybe pretend you like Kai?”
We went back inside to a quiet kitchen. Kai diced vegetables, and the only sound in the room was of the knife hitting the cutting board. Celia enjoyed a glass of wine while Armand rubbed her shoulder.
Luc and Kai stared at one another, not saying a word. My eyes dodged back and forth between the two of them, wondering how things were going to play out. Luc inclined his head, and Kai did the same. I didn’t know what it meant, but they seemed to have come to an understanding.