Authors: Samantha Garman
“I just—want to make sure.”
“Make sure?”
“Make sure nothing goes wrong this time.”
His arms tightened around me, and I hoisted myself up to stare in the direction of his eyes. I brushed my lips across his chin.
“We’re having dinner with my family tomorrow. They’ll know something when you ask for club soda instead of bourbon.”
I shrugged. “Let them guess. It’s bad luck to tell anyone before the third month anyway.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” he asked.
“We told people before the third month last time. Look how that turned out.”
He threaded his hands through my tangled hair. His thumbs gently rubbed behind my ears before he scratched my scalp with his strong fingers. I curled into him like a cat.
“I was so happy,” I whispered. “I
am
so happy, but what if—”
“No.”
“But—”
“No, Sage,” he said more forcefully. “No more fear. Do you want the baby to feel that? Feel that kind of fear?”
I was quiet for a moment before I asked, “What happened to us? I thought you were the one that was afraid, and I was the one that had to talk
you
down?”
He kissed my lips, his mouth warm and beautiful, and full of comfort. “Are we going to plan for the worst or hope for the best?”
“We’ve already experienced the worst, haven’t we?” I placed my head against his heart; it pulsed in my ear, solid and steady with hope.
“We’ve got nothing but happiness. And anything that comes our way, we can deal with—even your fear.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yeah, I am. You taught me that.”
“Show me what I’ve taught you,” I commanded. “I don’t remember.” His hand stroked the knobs of my spine and I said, “There’s a good chance this might all just be my hormones going insane.”
He laughed, and I felt the rumble under my hand. “I thought about that, but even if it is, I’ll still find a way to reassure you.”
I breathed him in and closed my eyes, warm relief rushing through my limbs. “It will be winter soon.”
“Can we build a snowman? We haven’t done that together.”
“There’s a lot we haven’t done together yet. Snow angels, for instance,” I said. “There’s nothing like lying in the snow, closing your eyes and catching snowflakes on your eyelashes and tongue.”
“Is that something you and your mother used to do?”
“One of the many things. I still can’t believe she’s not here to make snow angels with us.”
I rolled onto my side, and Kai pressed himself against my back. His hands splayed across my belly, reminding me that I sheltered the center of our world in my body, reminding me to be grateful for the joy.
Chapter 31
Sage
I clambered out of the car and slammed the passenger door shut. I stared at my in-laws’ large and imposing house, but for some reason I no longer found it intimidating.
There was a nip to the air, and I anticipated the first snow of the season soon. Kai came around to grasp my hand. He brought it to his lips and smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. I shivered and not just from the cold.
“We agreed, remember? Not to tell anyone until the third month,” I reminded him.
“I know,” Kai said.
“Wipe that grin off your face,” I commanded. “You look way too happy.”
“I’m about to tell my family that I’m going to be a guest musician on Béla Fleck’s newest album. I could be smiling for that reason.”
“You could be, but you’re not,” I teased. “You look like an actor from a chewing gum commercial. Tone it down.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
We walked into the house, the smell of dinner wafting from the kitchen.
Meat.
I hoped it was lamb. We headed to the library, knowing the family was partaking in cocktail hour.
“About time y’all arrived,” George grumbled, standing up from the couch and setting down his bourbon. He hugged me before turning to his son and shaking his hand.
Wyatt slapped Kai on the back, and Lucy embraced me quickly. I turned to Claire, wondering what to expect from her. At Kai’s going away BBQ we had seemed to come to an understanding.
She smiled at me, looking as nervous as I felt. My mother-in-law was beautiful when she smiled. Without thought, I enfolded her in my arms, refusing to let distance continue to rule our relationship. I heard her sigh of relief in my ear, and I pulled back.
“I’m glad you’re home,” she said to Kai.
He kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand. “It’s good to be back.”
Without asking, George poured two bourbons and handed them to us. “To homecomings,” George said, holding up his glass. We clinked glasses and smiled, and Kai took a healthy sip. I faked a swallow, but caught Lucy scrutinizing me with a narrowed gaze, and I turned away.
“Dinner is ready,” Claire said. “Let’s go into the dining room.”
We settled around the table and I asked, “Where’s Dakota?”
“Spending the night with Tristan’s parents,” Lucy said. “We’ll pick him up in the morning. We promised him a trip to the zoo.”
I looked at Kai. “Why haven’t you taken me to the zoo?”
He grinned. “You want to go to the zoo? We’ll go to the zoo.”
“You’re welcome to come with us,” Wyatt said, his gaze darting between his brother and me.
“Sounds fun,” Kai said without pause. I glanced at Lucy, and we smiled in mutual understanding. Fences were mending.
As we were served our soup, a split pea and ham, George piped up, “I want to hear about your meetings in New York.”
Kai leaned back in his chair, his foot touching mine underneath the table. He looked peaceful and happy as he explained what would occur in the spring.
“This calls for champagne,” Claire said.
Kai groaned. “No champagne, Mom. That stuff is terrible.”
“Bourbon,” Wyatt and George said at the same time.
Kai laughed and shot me a look. “Nah, I’m good. Let’s just enjoy the food.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Kai was trying to spare me from having to refuse liquor. I tried the soup, pepper and ham gliding over my tongue. Everything tasted better. I was almost finished when my stomach rolled. Apparently my morning sickness didn’t know the time of day. I set my spoon in the bowl and took a deep breath, pressing a hand to my lips.
“Sage?” Claire asked. “Are you feeling all right?”
“Sage?” Kai whispered.
I shoved back from the table and ran from the room. I found the nearest bathroom and threw up the creamy, delectable soup. I gripped the edge of the sink and groaned. I was washing out my mouth when there was a knock.
“Sage? It’s me.”
I opened the door and let Kai inside. There was a slight smile on his lips. “I thought morning sickness only happened in the morning.”
“Not this time, I guess.” I frowned. “What did you tell them?”
“Nothing.”
“
Nothing
?”
“You won’t let me.”
“I just threw up in the middle of dinner. I can’t lie my way out of this.” I glared at him. “Stop looking smug.”
He took my hand and led me back to the dining room. Four faces stared at us, waiting for an explanation. I sighed. “I’m pregnant.”
Lucy cracked a smile and shot a look at Wyatt. “Told you! Wyatt thought it was the flu.”
“She was pale and shaky,” Wyatt defended.
“Pregnant?” Claire stood and came to us, her eyes never leaving my face.
I nodded.
She reached out to grasp our hands, her voice quivering when she said, “This
definitely
calls for champagne.”
“Absolutely,” George said. He left the dining room and returned a few moments later with a chilled bottle.
“Want me to open that?” Lucy asked. George thrust the bottle at her. “I was a waitress once upon a time,” she explained to me.
I raised an eyebrow. Claire set down flutes, even one in front of me. “Just to cheers,” she said, patting me on the shoulder. Lucy moved around the table serving the bubbly liquid. We raised our glasses, and Kai stared at me, his grin wide.
He gripped my hand and said, “To a perfect moment.”
•••
“If you want ice cream,” Lucy said to Dakota, “then you have to get down off of Uncle Kai’s shoulders.”
Kai winked at me, but said to Dakota, “You can get back up there when you’re done.”
“Promise?” Dakota asked.
“Promise.” Kai lifted Dakota to the ground, and the little boy latched onto Wyatt’s hand. Lucy took her son’s other hand, and they approached the snack stand that served ice cream, pretzels, and cotton candy. Half the fun of the zoo was the food.
“Dakota loves his Uncle Kai,” I said, kissing Kai’s cheek.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and kept me close to him. “It’s because I buy his affections.”
“You’re not the one getting him his ice cream.”
“No, but I did promise to take him to a baseball game and buy him a hot dog.”
He tightened the plaid scarf around my neck. It was chilly and we wore gloves, but it wasn’t quite cold enough for hats yet.
“What kind of ice cream did you get?” I asked Dakota when he came running back to us, Wyatt and Lucy trailing behind him.
“Chocolate.”
“Is chocolate your favorite?” He nodded. “Mine, too.”
He held out his cone and grinned. “Wanna share?”
I crouched down and took a small lick. “Hmmm, delicious. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.”
“I like to share.” He looked at his mother.
“Did you teach him that?” I asked Lucy.
She shook her head and gestured with her chin to Wyatt. Wyatt ruffled his adopted son’s hair. “You ready to see the monkeys, bud?”
“Yeah!” Dakota shrieked. His mouth was stained with chocolate, but like all prepared mothers Lucy held a stack of napkins and wiped Dakota’s face. He squirmed, trying to get away, smearing the chocolate even more in the process.
“Almost done,” she said. She threw the soiled napkins into the trash and grinned. “Let’s go.”
I watched the three of them trek towards the primate building. They were a family.
“God, he looks just like Tristan,” Kai said.
I squeezed Kai’s hand gently as we walked.
“If I bought you an ice cream, would you share it with me?” Kai asked.
I looked up at him and smiled. “Not a chance.”
He laughed. “It’s because I’m not as cute as Dakota, right?”
“Definitely.”
“This is nice,” he said.
“It is,” I agreed.
“I’ve become a family man.”
“So you have.”
“I know they want to see the monkeys, but can we sneak away to see the penguins?”
“I’m good with that. Penguins are cute. They mate for life, you know.”
His eyes found mine. They were vast, a pool of flinty blue. He swallowed, emotion catching in the back of his throat. “Yeah, I know.”
•••
The soft sounds of Kai’s mandolin teased me awake. Before I even opened my eyes, I knew it was the middle of the night. It was happening with greater occurrence—Kai and I would fall asleep together, but inevitably, he’d stir, slip out of bed and spend a few hours writing music. Come dawn, he’d collapse next to me, sinking into a deep, rhythmic sleep.
I got out of bed and went downstairs. Kai sat on the couch, his mandolin across his lap. A pad of paper rested on the coffee table, and he scribbled something before looking up. The fire cast him in demonic shadows and hid the tiredness in his eyes.
“Did I wake you?” he asked, setting the instrument aside. I sat down next to him and curled into his side.
“Not really. I was coming out of a dream.”
“What did you dream about?”
“Dragonflies.”
“Dragonflies?”
I nodded. “I was on the bank of the lake, the one behind the farmhouse. The dragonflies were all different colors, and I felt the beat of their wings against my cheeks. A fish shot out of the water, parting it like a seam. It looked like a trout, but it was gold. Its scales caught the sun and shot prisms of light across the lake. I thought it was beautiful. Then it suddenly opened its mouth and devoured the dragonflies—and me, in one bite.”
“Where was I?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I didn’t even think of you. Not in the dream.”
“Your heart is racing,” he said, his hand at my neck.
“Play me a song.” I pulled away from him. His brown hair had grown past his chin. It fell into his eyes, and he brushed it back. The scruff along his jaw made me sigh in longing. But none of that compared to the look on his face when he picked up his mandolin and played me a song from the depths of his heart.
There weren’t lyrics.
The song didn’t need any.
When he stopped, I could barely make out his shape through my tears. “How do you do that to me?” I whispered.
He placed his mandolin in its case. I pulled him to me, my back hitting cushions, his body looming over mine. Kai traced the arches of my brows, the curve of my mouth, the apples of my cheeks with his thumbs.
“We are so lucky,” I said into his lips.
“You and me?” he asked, brushing away emotion that had escaped the corners of my eyes.
I smiled. “Yes, but I meant the baby and me. We’re lucky to have you, Kai Ferris. We’re lucky we get to love you.”
Chapter 32
Sage
The Ferris library was overrun with family. George and Claire had invited the Chelsers to spend Christmas with us. The tree had been trimmed for weeks, long before the first snowfall. At the moment, we were waiting for a blizzard, but none of us cared. We were inside, warm and happy.
Alice handed me another glass of her homemade Eggnog and I took a sip, enjoying the sugary creaminess. I sighed. Though it was good, it would’ve been better with rum.
“It’s too bad the Germains couldn’t come for Christmas,” Keith said, his arm around his wife. “I would’ve liked to have met them.”
“Celia said Christmas is their busiest time of year. And Jules wanted to spend the holiday with Luc. Can’t say I blame her.”
“You guys ready to open presents?” Wyatt asked.
“But Christmas isn’t until tomorrow morning,” I said.
“We’re a present-on-Christmas-Eve kind of family,” Kai explained. “What was Christmas like with your Mom?”