The change in him was instant. He wrapped his free arm around her back and hauled her tight against him as he tipped her head back and penetrated her mouth with his tongue. Erin moaned at the show of hunger and strength, a bolt of sensation shooting through her core. The intensifying throb between her legs grew painful as he held her close to his body, letting her feel the leashed strength that hummed through him and the hard ridge of the erection pressing into her lower belly. On her knees she wiggled closer, wanting more, flattening her breasts against the wide expanse of his chest.
Wade gave a little growl that vibrated in his chest and tangled his tongue with hers. Holding her head still with the hand in her hair, he licked and caressed her tongue so seductively that she shuddered. The potent mixture of hunger and restraint he was using made her feel special and cherished and so damn desperate for more she wanted to tear off his clothes so she could explore all those delicious muscles without fabric in the way.
Unable to get any closer, she gave a frustrated whimper and rubbed against him, parting her legs to get more pressure where she needed him most. Wade made an approving sound low in his throat and shifted her so that she straddled his thigh. She gasped into his mouth as the aching flesh between her legs made contact with the hardness of his thigh. Her head was spinning. She was so wet already, and all he’d done was kiss her. She’d fantasized about him a lot over the past few days, but nothing had prepared her for this wild, dizzying response, the desperate hunger racing through her body now.
Moving her hips as she rubbed slowly against him, she whimpered as pleasure shot outward from where she pressed against his thigh. It was both amazing and frustrating. And as good as it felt, she’d never be able to come like this. She needed skin on skin contact against her clit, his fingers stroking her, or even better, his cock, and coming off the last part of this deployment, she was sick and tired of feeling nothing but her own hand when the need became too much.
She opened her mouth to beg him to touch her, but the words turned into a fractured moan when he slipped the hand on her back around her ribs to cup her breast. Even through her sweater and bra her flesh was sensitive, the nipple hard and straining. Kissing her deep and slow, Wade curved his hand around her and rubbed his thumb across the aching center. She dug her fingers into his shoulders and moaned into his mouth, craving more. Everything he had to give, until he satisfied this empty ache he’d created inside her.
Wade froze at the sound. He broke the kiss and pulled back to stare at her, one hand locked in her hair, the other still cradling her breast. His brown eyes were so dark, the firelight reflecting in them making them appear to glitter. His breathing was slightly unsteady, his nostrils flared and she could feel the heavy thud of his heart against her chest. She licked her lips, feeling dazed as she gazed back at him, unsure why he’d stopped.
Before she could ask what was wrong he bent and pressed a gentle, almost chaste kiss against her lips and slid her off his lap before releasing her. Confused, Erin curled her legs beneath her and licked her lips, tasting him all over again. “Why did you stop?”
He raked a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Erin blinked at him. “Uh, I’m not complaining, in case you haven’t noticed.”
A slight smile curved his mouth, his lips still wet from the kiss. Her body throbbed all over, clamoring for release. “That’s good.” He lowered his gaze, either unwilling or unable to look at her. “Things are…complicated. Taking this further would be a bad idea.”
It took a moment for her to process the words and let them sink in. “Would it?” Because even though she knew he was a trained killer and a skilled manipulator and actor, she also knew that he was an honorable man at his core. He’d protected her at risk to himself, and pulled back from her now to avoid hurting her even though she’d just felt the proof of how much he wanted her. She couldn’t deny the insane pull she felt toward him, or how much he fascinated her. She still wanted him despite everything, even though she knew he was everything she’d sworn to avoid since David was killed. “I’ll be going back to Bagram shortly, maybe as soon as ten days.”
He nodded. “I know. That’s another reason why I shouldn’t have started anything.”
She cocked her head at him, struggling to understand, sensing there was more to this. “I don’t expect a commitment from you, if that’s what you’re worried about. And I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about us.”
“No, it’s not that.” He started gathering the plates, seemed to struggle with finding the right words for a moment. “It’s been…a long time since I’ve gotten involved with anyone. And you… you make me lose my head.”
Her eyebrows rose, along with a surge of pride. Throwing a man as hard and jaded as Wade off his game? She’d take that as a compliment. “I’m not sorry for that, by the way.”
He huffed out a laugh, glanced up at her for a moment before lowering his gaze once again as he reached for the remainder of the cake. She’d never again eat chocolate cake without remembering him and the taste of him on her tongue. “I need to keep a clear head until I know the threat to you is over. I can’t do that if I let things go any further.”
The threat to
her
. As if he wasn’t under the same or worse than she was. “And what about when this is all over? Any objections then?” She wasn’t into flings, and even though she knew he’d leave a big scar on her heart when he walked away, it still wasn’t enough to dampen her desire. She wanted him, at least once, and was willing to suffer the consequences for it.
He blinked at her and she could tell she’d caught him off guard with that one. “Uh, no, guess not.”
What the hell kind of answer was that? The man had gone without sex for the past few years at least, maybe more, he clearly wanted her and she was giving him an official green light. And all he could say was
guess not
?
Unwilling to deal with that head-fuck and recognizing that this was a firm
no
on his part, she got to her feet, though her legs were a little weak and her body was still humming with an arousal so strong that she’d have no choice but to deal with it alone once again if she ever wanted to get to sleep tonight. “I’ll take that,” she offered, reaching for the cake as she struggled to get her heart rate back to normal. There was no way she could just forget this had happened. How the hell was she supposed to live here alone with him and keep her hands to herself after what he’d just made her feel? He wasn’t playing games, she understood that, but wished she could have thought of something to make him change his mind.
“No, I’ve got it.” He glanced up at her briefly, and a shot of satisfaction flashed through her as he raked his heated gaze down the length of her body before looking away again and gathering up the dishes.
“Well, guess I’ll turn in then,” she said after an uncomfortable pause. Even though it was two hours before her normal bedtime, retreating to her room rather than being forced to endure the torture of looking but not touching seemed like a much more appealing option until she could get her body back under control.
He nodded. “Okay.” Was it her imagination, or did he sound almost disappointed? “Have a good sleep.”
“Thanks, you too.” But she already knew sleep was going to be a long time coming. Now that she’d had a taste of him, she only craved him more. If he could set her on fire that fast with nothing but a kiss, she was dying to find out what he could do with his hands and mouth once they were naked. Except now she wasn’t sure if that would ever happen.
Pushing out a breath as she jogged up the stairs, she battled the frustration and disappointment swamping her. And when she slipped beneath the covers after brushing her teeth and changing into her jammies, she stared up at the ceiling, acutely aware of the unrelieved ache between her thighs. He was trying to protect her. She’d made it clear she would settle for just sex, when the truth was she wanted so much more from him, and he’d turned her down anyway.
That honorable core of his. While she didn’t want him to lose his focus, she had half a mind to wait until he’d gone to bed and then waltz in there and seduce him. She was pretty sure he’d give in eventually if she pushed hard enough. But she didn’t want him to sleep with her because she’d pressured him. She wanted him to take her to his bed because he couldn’t keep his hands off her.
So why did it seem like a huge mistake, lying here in the dark without him as the minutes ticked away?
Groaning, she rolled to her side and shut her eyes, convinced she was going to die of sexual frustration before this was all over.
****
Wade was deep in thought about the missing radioactive material as he left his bedroom the next morning, but his mind went completely blank when the bathroom door opened and Erin emerged wearing nothing but a towel. She paused when she saw him, offering a little smile that seemed a bit hesitant as she tightened her fist in the material knotted between her breasts. It ended at mid-thigh, giving him an eyeful of those shapely bare legs and his mind immediately imagined them wrapped around his naked back or shoulders. Her long, dark hair was damp around her shoulders, her face free of any makeup.
She looked fresh and pretty, and her hesitance made something sharp twist inside him. With her standing there looking good enough to eat and the scent of soap and her shampoo drifting from the steamy bathroom, he had a hard time believing he’d actually found the will to put the brakes on last night. He deserved a fucking medal for it. He’d lain awake for a long time before giving into the need and fantasizing about her as he’d taken care of the erection that just wouldn’t go away. And God, when he’d pictured her spread out beneath him, naked, her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth parted on a cry of ecstasy as he drove deep inside her and made her come, he’d joined her, barely able to muffle his groans of pleasure as he came.
“Morning,” he said, sorely tempted to throw caution aside, walk up to her and yank that towel away. The attraction wasn’t going to go away, they couldn’t erase the kiss last night, and they sure as hell couldn’t avoid each other living in this place together. Fuck. He’d never wanted a woman this much, and he knew it had nothing to do with him coming off a four-year long dry spell. He wanted Erin and no other woman could interest him at this point.
“Morning. You going back into the office today?”
He nodded. “What are you gonna do?”
She sighed. “I dunno. I’ll find something to do, I guess.”
After another day of this solitary isolation she’d likely be ready to climb the walls, and he didn’t blame her. He’d go fucking nuts sitting around here, cooped up all day and night. “I’ll talk to the security team. Have one of the guys take you out for a while.”
Her gaze sharpened on his. “To do what?”
“I dunno.” In all honesty, there wasn’t much she
could
do. The boredom would drive him fucking crazy, and he was sure it did her too. He was thankful she was dealing with this whole thing so amazingly well. He respected the effort she was putting forward to make the best of things. “A walk, maybe some local shopping. Something.” Anything to get her out of these walls for a while.
“We’ll see,” she murmured, tucking a damp lock of hair behind her ear, drawing his gaze to the pulse in her throat. He hadn’t gotten the chance to taste her there last night. If he sucked on her skin right there would she shiver and squirm? Tip her head back in a silent plea for more, arching those soft breasts toward him? He envisioned her like that, needing him, her nipples hard, begging for his mouth…
God
. As his jeans started to get uncomfortably tight again, he shifted. “I was going to—” His phone rang. Pulling it from his pocket, he checked the display and met Erin’s gaze as he answered Bill’s call. “Hey, what’s up?”
“You coming in?”
“Was just about to leave here. Why?”
“Schafer’s here. Thought you’d want to talk to him.”
Fuck yeah, he did. He had plenty to say. “I’ll be there in a while.”
“Bad news?” Erin asked softly as he ended the call, and he realized he was scowling.
“The guy I told you about is at Langley for questioning. They’re gonna let me talk to him.”
“Oh. So that’s a…good thing?”
“Dunno yet.” He intended to get answers though, and lay this stupid fucking rivalry/grudge thing to rest once and for all. If it turned out his former teammate really had set him up or had a hand in anything involving Rahim, Wade wasn’t sure what he’d do, but he knew things would get ugly in a hurry.
He rubbed at the back of his neck, aware that he needed to get going, while at the same time reluctant to leave Erin. His gut said Rahim was up to something big and while he couldn’t divulge the details to Erin, he hated leaving her here alone even with the security detail. Not that he wanted her to see him after he’d gone toe-to-toe with Schafer. That overdue confrontation was guaranteed to put him in a piss-poor mood. “You wanna come in with me? You could…” What? Hang out in the staff lounge down in the lobby to wait for him? Helluva lot of fun for her. He tried to think of something she could do, but came up blank. Shit, he hated her being in this situation.
“Nah, it’s okay,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ll just read and putter around. But don’t expect another spread like last night. Have to be careful not to spoil you.”
He grinned at the wry note in her voice, the weight of guilt and responsibility for keeping her caged up like this easing somewhat. “Too late. Already spoiled.”
She flashed him a genuine smile that hit him square in the heart and he had to order himself to stay put and not pull her into his arms. Under different circumstances he’d be going after her with everything he had. Full-on seduction, dates, long, erotic nights in front of the fire together. He’d never thought much about having a relationship again since going undercover, but he already knew he could never just have a fling with Erin. No way in hell he could have her once—or a dozen times, for that matter—and then walk away.