The furrow between her eyebrows told him she wasn’t convinced. “What about you?”
“My levels were even lower than yours.”
She seemed to sag in relief at that, her eyes closing as she pulled in a slow, shaky breath. Then her eyes snapped open in alarm and she swallowed hard, putting a hand to her stomach.
“You gonna be sick?” When she gave a jerky nod, Wade frantically looked around for something to use and grabbed a pressed cardboard tray from a shelf over her bed. He handed it to her and she latched on with both hands, her grip made awkward by the cast covering half her left one. Before he could do more than put a hand on her back to support her she starting retching. And retching. And retching, until there was nothing left to come up and she was dry heaving.
Finally she stopped and dragged in a gulp of air. He dumped the tray into the garbage and found a facecloth to dampen in the sink. He got some water for her to rinse her mouth with, wiped at her face as she trembled and gasped for breath.
Finally she relaxed and allowed him to help her back against the thin pillow. Her skin was pale and sweaty, her eyes wide and full of terror as she stared up at him. “What if it’s radiation sickness?”
Her fear cut through him like a white-hot blade. He slid a hand beneath her nape, squeezed gently as he held her gaze. “Even if it is, you’re still okay. Your levels were low. It’s been five hours since the bomb went off, so if the exposure had been severe the symptoms would have started a long time ago. The vomiting could be from the minimal dose you received, but it could be the anaesthetic and shock, too.”
She absorbed all that for a moment and nodded. “You’re right, and I know all of that, but…God. I can’t stop jumping to the worst possible conclusion.” She exhaled and seemed to sink back into the bed, clearly exhausted.
She’d also been through hell, and no one could blame her for fearing the worst. “You should sleep.”
Her eyes opened. She ran her gaze over him in a thorough way he recognized, paused when she noticed the bandages on his left forearm. She’d flipped straight into nurse mode. Tensing visibly, she sat up, her eyes full of worry as they flashed up to his. “Oh my God, I didn’t even ask—What happened? Did you find Rahim—”
He stopped her by laying a finger against her lips. “Yes.” He didn’t want to talk about it or think about it right now. All that mattered was her, and keeping her calm and safe through this.
She searched his eyes, kissed the pad of his finger before curling her hand around his and holding it to her chest as though she was afraid he might get up and leave. He had no intention of budging from her side until he knew for certain that she was going to be okay. “What’s that, then?” she asked, nodding at the bandage.
“Flesh wound. It’s nothing, I’m fine.”
Frowning as though she didn’t believe him, she met his gaze once more. “And Rahim?”
“Dead.”
She didn’t flinch at the blunt delivery but her eyes filled with sympathy. “Were you the one who…”
He nodded, dropped his eyes to their joined hands because he couldn’t bear to hold her gaze any longer. “It was…intense.” His emotions were a roiling mass in his chest. Guilt. Regret. Anger. Bitterness.
Shit, his throat was starting to tighten up again.
“I’m sorry, that must have been awful,” she said softly. “But I’m so glad you’re okay. Come here.”
Knowing she needed the comfort, he didn’t protest when she slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him down so that his head rested against her shoulder. But then a strange thing happened. As he lay there, some of the tension melted away and he realized he’d needed this as much as she did. The steady thud of her heartbeat reassured him. She was alive and safe and that’s all he cared about. Except until now he hadn’t let himself think about what had transpired on that ship, the deadly struggle on that platform; he’d been too worried about Erin. Now everything flashed back to him like a movie on fast forward. He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek harder into her, tears burning the backs of his eyes.
“I couldn’t get it out of him,” he whispered roughly. “I had him pinned underneath me and still couldn’t find out where the bomb or the target was.” And she’d paid for it, along with many others. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it.” He’d done his best but it hadn’t been enough. The guilt was already eating him alive.
“Hey.” She squeezed him once, then pressed a kiss to the top of his head before stroking her hand over his hair. “Wade, it wasn’t your fault.
He
planned all this, not you. You did everything you could to stop it, including risking your own life in a way I don’t even want to think about because it’ll give me nightmares for the next ten years. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
He let out a hard exhale, letting her words flow through him. She might not blame him, but he wasn’t sure if he could forgive himself. He’d brought all this down on her. Twice today she’d nearly died. She’d suffered too much.
“They brought Schafer in while you were in surgery,” he said, knowing she’d be worried about him. Her soft heart was one of the things he loved about her most, and it also scared the shit out of him because it made her vulnerable. He wanted to protect her from everything and everyone.
Yeah, great job you did at that.
“That’s great news.”
Wade nodded and slapped away the derisive voice in his head. “I think he’ll be going into surgery soon to get his legs set. They were both busted up pretty bad. He told me what you did, said you were amazing and asked me to tell you he owes you.”
“He doesn’t owe me anything,” she grumbled in annoyance, still stroking his hair.
Wade hated to think of her trapped beneath all that rubble, scared and alone. “That must have been really hard for you down there.”
She swallowed audibly. “Yes. But I kept thinking of you, and I knew you’d come for me if you could.”
Meaning, if he lived through the op to bring down Rahim. Which he almost hadn’t. “When I heard the bomb went off at headquarters, I—” He paused to wrestle his emotions back under control before continuing, soaking up the tender way she held him. “I’ve never been that scared before in my life. Ever. Because I didn’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
“I felt exactly the same way, waiting for word about you. And after the explosion when I woke up in the darkness and was freaked out of my mind, thinking about you gave me hope.” Her voice caught on the last word.
Raising his head, Wade met her gaze, his heart squeezing when he saw the tears standing in her eyes. He brushed them from her lower lashes before they could fall. That they were both still alive after everything that had happened today was a fucking miracle. He didn’t intend to waste a moment more of it.
“I love you.”
Her expression softened and the tears spilled over, faster than he could catch them. She wrapped her arm around his back and buried her face in the side of his neck. “I love you too. And don’t you ever scare me like that again, running off to save the world by offering yourself up on a silver platter to the most dangerous terrorist on the planet.”
No, he wouldn’t be doing a repeat of that anytime soon. Once the dust settled he’d be in some intensive debriefings and meetings. Hell, he didn’t know what he’d be doing after this was finished, but he knew he wanted it to include Erin.
Smiling, thanking God that she was alive and in his arms, Wade hugged her tight. “Deal.” No matter what happened next, he knew he could never let her go.
Five days later
Erin sank onto her parents’ leather couch in the family room and let out a tired sigh. It was only a little after nine but it felt like it was two in the morning. Considering she was still running on Eastern time, that wasn’t far off. The familiar, comforting sounds and smells of home surrounded her. She was finally where she’d wanted to spend her leave…except it didn’t feel right now that she was separated from Wade.
Her parents’ nine year old shepherd-lab mix, Hairy, hopped up on the couch and curled up on top of Erin’s feet. Idly she reached down to stroke the dog’s soft ears, earning a contented sigh from him in return. She’d always adored him but ever since she arrived home this time he’d seemed to pick up on her inner turmoil and stayed close, as though to comfort her.
“Sure you’re up to a movie?” her dad asked, ensconced in his favorite recliner across from her.
“Yes, just don’t be offended if I nod off partway through.” She liked having company around. The night before, all alone in her room in the guest cabin, she’d barely slept. It had been stupid to stay alone after what she’d gone through but she’d hoped the solitude would help her unwind. In reality, it had done just the opposite.
Her arm had bothered her despite the pain killers she’d taken, but it was the nightmares that were the worst. They were more like flashbacks than dreams, and so vivid they’d jerked her out of her fitful sleep a handful of times, leaving her heart pounding and her body soaked with sweat. Tonight she didn’t want to be alone and planned to camp out on the couch once her parents turned in.
Her mother came in from the kitchen with a bowl of fresh popcorn and a glass of iced tea. “Move over.” She nudged Hairy aside and curled up on the opposite side of the couch, her feet touching Erin’s.
Erin laid her head back against the buttery soft leather and tried to focus on the movie, but she was too tired to concentrate. The stress of the past few days had finally caught up with her and combined with the lack of sleep and uncertainty about her and Wade’s future, she knew she was crashing.
It had taken two days to finally get clearance to leave the hospital, and another to travel here to Montana. Wade had to stay in DC for debriefings and other security clearance protocols, then he had a whole bunch of meetings to attend about Rahim and his network. She didn’t know when he’d be finished or what he’d be doing next, let alone when they’d see each other again. That didn’t help the constant buzz of anxiety in her stomach.
They spoke on the phone every night, and though he played it cool she could tell he was physically and mentally exhausted. It still wasn’t easy for him to open up to anyone, not even her, but he was gradually letting her in even more, little by little. The latest intelligence Wade had relayed to her said the immediate threat from Rahim’s network was over, but the ongoing one was not.
Now that the war had been brought back to U.S. soil, the tide had shifted irrevocably. Everyone was on edge. The cleanup effort at the bombing site was an enormous undertaking and very expensive. Officials had rushed to downplay the danger and the threat level to the public. But Rahim’s operatives and others like him were out there, actively looking for an opportunity to strike.
Sighing, she snuggled deeper under the throw quilt her mother always kept draped over the back of the couch. A gentle hand rubbed up and down her calf. “Need anything?”
“No, thanks,” she murmured, and let her heavy eyelids drift closed. It felt good to be home, and awesome to spend time with her parents again. They’d listened patiently to everything she’d told them about Wade and the bombing, though certain things about Wade’s past and his job she’d kept to herself for security reasons. Her mother had fussed over her and Erin had been more than happy to let her.
The nausea she’d experienced that first day at the hospital had continued right through until morning, then dissipated. It hadn’t bothered her since, but now she was constantly fatigued. The doctors said it was likely more from stress and exhaustion than mild radiation sickness, and she hoped they were right. Thankfully her levels were normal, her body having already absorbed or shed any of the radioactive particles she’d been exposed to, and she hadn’t experienced any other symptoms. Right now the worst thing was that she missed Wade so much it hurt.
Hairy sighed again and rested his chin on her thigh. Shifting her cast against her hip to make her arm more comfortable, she let herself drift, secure in knowing that she was safe and surrounded by her family.
She woke sometime later when Hairy let out a low woof. Erin sat up, blinking groggily. The TV was still on but her father had paused the movie. “What’s wrong?” she muttered, rubbing at her eyes. Hairy jumped down and ran to the window, ears perked, tail up.
“Someone’s here.”
Fully awake now, Erin leaned back to peer through the gap in the curtains behind the couch. A pair of headlights swung around as the vehicle parked at the top of the driveway next to the garage. Her father got up and went to the door, opened it with Hairy at his side. She couldn’t see who it was, but she could hear their footsteps crunching against the gravel at the base of the porch steps.
“Evenin’,” her father called out.
“Hi, Mr. Kelly.”
Her heart leapt. She’d recognize that deep voice anywhere.
“Wade!” Vaulting off the couch so fast her mother gasped and spilled popcorn everywhere, Erin raced for the door. Her father stepped aside, a big smile on his face, but she barely noticed, her eyes all for the man coming up the porch steps. He was dressed in a dark leather jacket and jeans, and the grin he flashed her in the midst of the heavy stubble made her heart stutter.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
With a glad cry, Erin flew across the porch and threw herself into his arms. Her cast thunked against his back, sending a flare of pain up her arm, but she ignored it. Wade caught her with a good-natured grunt and chuckled, his arms closing tight around her. She thought she might burst from happiness as she clung to him, drawing in the scent of leather and spicy soap. “What are you doing here?” she asked against his neck.
“Finished up early this afternoon, told Robert I needed a few days and caught a flight into Billings. Surprise.”
Lifting her head, she beamed up at him. “Best surprise
ever
. Come in.” She snagged his hand and drew him into the house. After introducing him to Hairy and her parents, his mother insisted on feeding him and they sat around the family room while he ate. He seemed perfectly at ease with them, which surprised her, given how tense and uncomfortable he’d been when they’d first come stateside a week ago. Already the adjustment was becoming easier for him. Unless he was just putting on a good show. Either way, she loved him to pieces for his effort.