DanielsSurrender (19 page)

“The surgery went well. He had a lot of internal bleeding,
and we had to transfuse him, but once we removed the spleen, that settled down
and now he’s stable. He’s in recovery.” Her voice was surprisingly girlish,
though husky with fatigue. “It will probably be two or three hours before he
wakes up, and then he’ll be very groggy.”

“When can we see him?” Carrie had a supportive hand on
Marcus’ arm as she spoke. The man looked numb with relief.

“Once he’s in his room, he can have visitors.” The doctor
cast a warning look around the room. “Only two at a time, and only immediate
family.”

“Oh.” Carrie lied easily. “Shannon’s his fiancé, and Daniel
is our brother.”

Shannon looked relieved. Daniel didn’t know whether to feel
relieved or trapped. He didn’t know how he could face Matt, pale and still in a
hospital bed, and not lose it completely. Images of Daniel’s mother came to
mind. Her cancer-ravaged body, slowly wasting to nothing in a hospital that
looked and smelled like the one they were standing in.

The surgeon looked unconvinced by Carrie’s claims, but let
it slide.

“Well, you should decide who will go in first once he’s in
his room.”

* * * * *

It was after one, and Shannon was leaning on Daniel’s
shoulder as he played with her hair when the nurse came in to tell them that
Matthew was out of recovery and in his room.

Marcus sent her an inquiring glance, and she quickly spoke
up.

“Of course you and Meredith will go to him first.” Meredith
shot her a look that said she’d never expected anything different, but Marcus
just nodded.

“We’ll keep the first visit short so you have a chance to
see him for yourself.” Shannon gave him a watery smile. She was finally
beginning to see why everyone seemed to adore the man. He was intimidating,
abrupt and arrogant, but he had a compassionate and understanding heart under
that rough exterior. And boy, did she appreciate it now.

After only five minutes, Meredith re-entered the waiting
room. Her eyes were wet, and her nose was red. Gesturing to Daniel and Shannon,
she flapped her hand at the door before melting into Tony’s arms where she
began to quietly weep. As Daniel walked Shannon to the door, Carrie hurried to
the other woman and wrapped her and Tony into a three-way hug.

When Shannon arrived in Matthew’s room, Marcus was sitting
by the bed with the younger man’s hand clasped in his. Matt’s eyes were closed,
but when Marcus softly greeted her, they slid open and wandered in her
direction.

“Heeey.” His voice was thick and slow. He tried to reach his
free hand out to her, but it immediately fell back, limp against the covers,
seemingly dragged down by the I.V. hook-up taped to it.

“You look ’mazing.” His glazed eyes were almost pure gray, a
color she’d never seen there before. “God, babe. I really fucked up your
birthday, din’t I?”

His words seemed to break the paralysis that had frozen her
in the doorway. She flew across the room.

Marcus released Matt’s hand and she quickly claimed it,
pressing a kiss to his knuckles before holding his palm to her cheek.

“You big liar,” she sniffled. “I’ve been crying for hours. I
look like shit.” She kissed his hand again, so very, very grateful to see that
irritated flicker in his eyes. So grateful he was alive for her to see it.

“And to hell with my birthday.” Her tears bathed his hand,
and he flexed his fingers to stroke her soft skin. “You scared the crap out of
us, Matty.”

Her voice was fierce as she examined every bit of him that
was visible. With a soft sound she ghosted her fingers over the stitches on his
forehead and the lacerations on his chest, which was bare above the sheet.

“You scared the crap out of Daniel, too,” she added in a
quiet enough voice that Marcus, who’d crossed the room to give them some
privacy, wouldn’t hear her.

Matt gave an almost imperceptible nod and addressed his
brother.

“Marc?” His voice was low, and the word seemed to take
almost more effort than he could bear. The other man crossed the room
instantly. “Can you go and tell Carrie I’m okay?” When he looked ready to
argue, Matt added, “I’m sure she needs to see you. And we…” He blew out a weary
breath. “
I
need to see Daniel.”

Marcus gave him an odd look before nodding quietly and
exiting the room.

* * * * *

Daniel didn’t know what to expect when he entered the ICU.
He just knew that he’d see Matthew, hurt and vulnerable. When he opened the
door, Shannon ran immediately to throw herself into his arms, murmuring, “He’s
going to be okay. We’re going to be okay,” between soft kisses to his neck and
jaw.

He allowed her to hold him for just a moment, shoring up his
strength to face the man in the hospital bed.

And, fuck. It was worse than he’d imagined.

A tube wound around Matthew’s ears to send a steady flow of
oxygen under his nose. He was hooked to an I.V., and to several machines that
seemed to be monitoring everything from the level of oxygen in his blood to his
heart rate. His normally sun-kissed golden skin looked pasty. Even his lips
were pale.

It was all Daniel could do not to tear out of Shannon’s arms
and run from the room. But then Matt opened his eyes.

Shannon returned to Matt’s side, pressing as close against
the hospital bed as she could without crawling up and wrapping herself
protectively around the injured man. They beckoned Daniel to his bedside.
Daniel reluctantly scooted a chair next to the bed as Matthew’s dry, rough
voice spoke.

“I think I totaled my car, man.”

Daniel smiled but couldn’t find his voice. Shannon scooted
off her chair and pressed a kiss to Matt’s forehead. He closed his eyes,
looking exhausted. He made a gesture to touch her cheek, but his hand fell
limply back to the pale-blue covers.

“I need to grab some water.” Daniel knew Shannon was giving
him a moment alone with Matt, and he didn’t know whether to be grateful or
angry.

Matt reached his hand out an inch, begging with his eyes for
Daniel’s touch. Daniel looked to the door to make sure they were alone, and
then clasped the younger man’s hand.

Matt’s skin was so cold. He tried to talk, but Daniel cut
him off.

“Don’t, Matty. You need to rest.” Leaning in, Daniel lifted
Matt’s hand to the level of his heart, all the while trying to deny it was
where both Matt and Shannon already lived. His forehead hit their entwined
hands and his chest constricted.

God, what was happening to him? He let his eyes devour
Matt’s pale, pain-marked face as his lover’s eyes drifted shut.

You weak, pathetic man… Look at you, ready to get all
weepy!

Daniel shook off the image of his dad, drunk at the kitchen
table.

This was too much. His body was throwing adrenaline all over
the place. His heart hammered as he desperately tried to regain control of
himself. They could have lost Matthew tonight. He could have lost Matthew
tonight. He knew that a part of him would have died along with him.

Fuck me!

Why hadn’t he called this thing off weeks ago? If he had,
they wouldn’t have taken Shannon to The Whitney and Matt wouldn’t be lying on
this bed, wrapped in wires and tubes.

This was all his fault. He’d allowed himself to love the
feeling of being with them both. Their taste, their smell, permeated most of
his thoughts. The need to see them, hold them,
take
them had become
paramount. And to what end? He was sitting here ready to pray to a God he
hadn’t spoken to in almost twenty years, ready to beg for Matt’s health, for
his life.

A shoe on the tile floor caught Daniel’s attention. Marcus
stood just inside the room, his arms crossed as his gaze flashed from Matt to
Daniel and then to their clasped hands.

Daniel carefully placed Matt’s hand back on the sheet. He
stood up, unable to meet Marcus’ knowing stare.

“Tell Shannon I’m in the waiting room.”

“And what should I tell Matthew?”

Daniel left without answering.

Chapter Twenty

Marcus sat in the chair vacated by his best friend. Memories
of the last few weeks, stolen glances, brief, intimate touches, suddenly made
sense. He’d read the whole situation wrong. Dan and Matt weren’t just sharing
Shannon, they were sharing each other.

“Daniel?” Matt’s eyes slitted open.

“No, Matty. It’s me. Dan went to the waiting room.”

Matt, still groggy, let his eyes drift closed again.

“I need him, Marc. I need him and Shannon both.”

“Don’t worry, little brother. I’ll make sure both of them
are here for you.” Even if he had to drag Daniel in here kicking and screaming.
Fuck. How could he have been so blind?

A giant light bulb had gone off when he stepped into the
room. Discovering Daniel holding Matt’s hand in his had taken Marc’s breath
away. His arrogant friend had been hunched over, his face lacking its normal,
distant expression. For the first time in their friendship, Marcus had seen
Daniel devastated. It was disconcerting, Daniel’s vulnerability laid out for
whoever walked in the room to see. He’d been so absorbed in his own thoughts
that he hadn’t even noticed Marcus’ entrance.

He wouldn’t say anything just yet, Marcus decided. Watching
the situation would be better at this point. Matt and his recovery were all
that mattered right now.

* * * * *

Matthew kept swimming in and out of consciousness. He
repeatedly thanked God for nurses who were on their game, doling out pain
medication at regular intervals. Shannon’s presence next to him, her soft hand
on his cheek, comforted him even more than the drugs.

The only thing that would have made things better was
Daniel.

Matt understood the other man’s retreat. Especially as it
seemed that Marcus had seen more than either of them would have liked. Still,
Matthew thought, he and Shannon needed Daniel’s steadying presence. And, if he
weren’t mistaken, Daniel needed them too.

Feeling a prickling sensation, Matt dragged his weary eyes
to the door. Daniel stood there, and Matt felt such a rush of relief he got
lightheaded. Or maybe that was the morphine. Struggling to come the rest of the
way awake, he croaked out, “Hey, man. Getchur ass over here.”

Shannon’s head snapped up from where it had been resting on
the bed next to him, and she sent a tired, glowing smile in Daniel’s direction.
Daniel smiled back, but it wasn’t the warm, naughty smile they’d become used
to. No, this was his old smile. The detached, cool smile he gave his lovers
before he sent them on their way.

Suddenly, the morphine wasn’t enough to dull Matthew’s pain.

Then he looked deeper into Daniel’s turbulent eyes. For all
his cool expression, it was clear that the man was in agony.

“Sorry, bud. My ass has to get home. Marcus and the Ice
Princess’ll be here all day tomorrow, and Shannon will be too, so now that I
know you’re going to be okay, I need to go into work in the morning. Someone
has to hold down the fort for you slackers.” His voice was studiedly light,
unemotional. Matt wasn’t buying it for a second.

Neither, apparently, was Shannon.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Her voice was tart, though her eyes
were compassionate. “We need you here, now and tomorrow.” She rose, heading
toward him. “And you need to be here.” There was no doubt in her voice. No
compromise.

To Matthew’s considerable shock, Daniel backed away from
their pint-sized angel, avoiding her eyes and any physical contact.

Almost as if he were afraid that if she got too close, he
might give in.

Sending a jaunty smile that didn’t reach his eyes, Daniel
sketched a quick salute and backed away from the door. Matt noticed that his
usually smooth, sinuous movements were stilted.

“I gotta go, man. I’ll check in. Shannon’ll keep me updated,
but I’ve gotta go.”

Without entering the room, without touching either of them,
Daniel fled.

“You need to go after him.” Matthew’s voice was faint, but
firm.

“Baby, I’m not leaving you,” Shannon protested. “God, I
almost lost you tonight. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” She grasped his
hand, holding it to her cheek. “Matt, I don’t think either of us could have
survived if you hadn’t.”

“You’re stuck with me, Shan.” He curled weak fingers around
her cheek. “I love you, and I’m not going to let a little thing like a
catastrophic car accident take you away from me. Or me away from you.” He
managed a brief smile, but his energy was fading fast.

“But I’m afraid that if you don’t go after him now, Daniel
is the one who might be lost.” He sighed and pulled his hand away. “You can
come back tomorrow. Tonight, he needs you more than I do.”

* * * * *

The house was dark when Shannon quietly let herself in. She
stood against the door for a moment, eyes closed, drinking in the silence.
After the chaos of the hospital, the peace was like a balm on her nerves.
Opening her eyes, she paused to let them adjust to the dim room. Finally she
made out Daniel in silhouette.

He sat on the couch, elbows planted on spread knees, his
head in his hands. He looked so alone and defeated that all of her protective
instincts rushed to the surface. But her man was skittish, so Shannon
approached him cautiously.

She dropped to her knees at his feet and slowly wriggled her
way between his legs to rest against his body. He was strung as tight as a bow,
and seemed to vibrate in her arms when she wrapped them around him.

At first she just held him fiercely, but then suddenly his
arms, which had remained limp at his sides, wrapped brutally tight around her,
crushing her to his chest. His body shook, but there was not a sound, no tears.
Only his arms, steel bands around her back. His breath, gusting against her
neck. His heart, thundering under her cheek.

He didn’t cry, so she cried for him. She couldn’t help it.
The joy and anticipation of the evening, the sudden fear for Matthew, and now
Daniel’s silent pain were all like acid on her overstretched nerves. The tears
were a tincture, meant to wash the pain away.

It was far too soon when Daniel loosened his arms and sat
back. He regarded her as she knelt with her hands resting on his thighs. His
gaze was intent, probing, but wouldn’t hold hers for more than a second at a
time before flickering away.

“You should be with Matthew,” he rasped.

When she would have moved back into his arms, he guided her
instead to the couch next to him.

“Marcus and Meredith are staying with him all night. They
don’t need to share their half-hour visits with me.” She shrugged. “I’ll be
there all day tomorrow, anyway.” She shifted to face him, the skirt of her
silky teal dress riding up on her thighs, a reminder of the celebration that
wasn’t.

“Besides,” she added into his silence, “tonight we went
through hell together.” She blinked as tears threatened yet again. “Daniel, you
were the only thing that kept me sane for all those hours while we waited for
news.” He looked away, directing his gaze back to the floor between his spread
feet. “I needed you tonight,” she persisted, “and you were there for me.”
Placing a hand along his sandpapery jaw, she forced him to meet her eyes.

“I still need you.”

His eyes flared, glowing sapphire. She couldn’t tell if it
was tears, or desire, but the glow seemed to burn straight to her heart.

“And tonight, I think you need me, too.” She didn’t give him
a chance to respond, to deny. “And God, Daniel, I need to be here for you.” She
moved closer when he would have pulled away. “Just this once, let me be here
for you.”

Daniel hadn’t thought he would ever feel anything beyond the
pain again. He should have known better. Just when he was about to give up, in
came his angel, bringing comfort and sunshine. He suddenly understood what
people were talking about when they called their lover a “soft place to land”.

The feel of her crushed against him, her hair against his
cheek and lips, wiped away the tension of hours spent in hospital chairs. The
sound of her soft voice, so musical and unlike her singing voice, drowned out
the lingering sound of machinery beeping and whirring. She smelled of orange
blossoms and a faint hint of musky perfume, and breathing her in, he could
finally erase the acrid hospital smells that still filled his head.

When she insisted he’d been there for her, the guilt nearly
swamped him. He hadn’t held her for her sake, but his own. Even now he knew she
should be with Matt. But he was selfish, and he didn’t want to let her go. She
was absolutely right—he needed her desperately. And not just for one night. But
to admit that was to admit his own weakness.

Love makes you weak, boy… You’ll end up like me—broken

Hell. He already was broken. Maybe he hadn’t crawled into a
bottle yet, but he was definitely well along the road to the weakness and
destruction that characterized life with his old man.

She sat quietly next to him for a while, seeming content
just to lean against his arm and rest her head on his shoulder. She was silent
for so long that he thought she might have gone to sleep, but eventually she
rose and beckoned him to follow her as she headed to the kitchen.

Vaguely, feeling numb and disconnected, he took the seat she
directed him to and watched her rummage through his refrigerator.

“How did we end up with no food?” She shot him a chastising
look. “I swear I grocery shopped less than a week ago. You and Matthew are like
locusts—you descend and devour anything in your paths.”

Her words were scolding, but she smiled when she said them.

After a moment she came to the table and presented him with
her culinary masterpiece—a thick, gooey peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. The
piece de resistance was a tall, cold glass of milk. He looked at it doubtfully
but quickly capitulated when she glowered over him until he took a bite.

To his surprise, it was good. It tasted innocent and homey.
Just like the woman sitting across from him, chasing her own sandwich down with
long sips of milk punctuated with slow licks along her bottom lip.

His sex stirred, but he beat it back. Making love to Shannon
tonight, without Matthew as a buffer, when his emotions were so raw, would be
nothing but a mistake.

Still, when they’d finished, working together to wipe the
table and counters and rinse the dishes, he allowed her to lead him into the
bathroom and stood without argument as she began to run a steamy shower.

He looked so lost. And that was a description Shannon never
thought to apply to Daniel. He seemed torn between his need to hold and be
held, and his need to pull back and rebuild his walls. The longer she was with
him the more she realized Matt had been right—tonight they risked losing Daniel
to the demons of his past.

She didn’t plan to let that happen.

She’d had a moment of insecurity when she’d presented him
with his sandwich, but quickly decided that they could enjoy roasted
whatever-it-was another night, when Matthew was healed and could join them. The
vanilla crème brûlée wasn’t going anywhere.

From his reaction to her gourmet dinner, no one had ever fed
him peanut butter and milk before. She didn’t know much about his parents, but
found herself cursing the mother who obviously hadn’t taken care of her
remarkable son. She’d bet he’d never had grilled cheese, either.

After clearing the table, she stood beside him and combed
her fingers through his hair, savoring his light shudder when she dragged her
nails over his scalp in just the way he liked. Tonight wasn’t about sex, she knew,
but about being close. About touching more than each other’s bodies. Sex would
certainly be a part of it, but tonight was so much more.

She was surprised when he allowed her to lead him to the
bathroom. He stood quietly while she adjusted the temperature and water
pressure until it was just the way he liked it. Knowing these little things,
how he liked his shower, how he fixed his coffee, the way he liked his clothes
arranged in the closet, all gave her a warm feeling every bit as gooey as the
peanut butter they’d just shared.

Once the shower was running, Shannon moved to face Daniel.
He’d lost his tie sometime during the endless hours at the hospital, and his
silk shirt hung open just enough to offer tantalizing glimpses of golden skin
at his throat. His jacket was gone too, and through the thin silk, which was
quickly absorbing the steam in the air and beginning to cling to his torso as
lovingly as she wanted to, she could make out every ridge of muscle.

With a low sigh, she went to work on his buttons.

The skin she bared was the deep-gold of brushed satin. His
chest, nearly hairless, beckoned her hands, and she willingly answered,
stroking him softly. Not so much to arouse, but more to calm. She pulled the
tails loose and slid her hands inside, sliding them around his waist and then
kneading her way up his back. He stood silent, docile, but she could see the
effect of her touch in the way the small muscles around his eyes softened while
the large muscle between his thighs hardened.

She undid his French cuffs, dropping the gold and emerald
cufflinks on the counter, and slid the shirt off entirely. He let her, and his
lack of participation seemed to shout how emotionally traumatized he was.

“You know,” she said, looking down at his shoes. “I could
use some help here.”

He toed them off and commented, “Sorry, angel. I thought
this was your show.”

She sent him a naughty smile from below her lashes. “Oh, it
is.” She was hard at work on his belt. “I just wanted to move things along.”

It didn’t take her long to have him naked, and she couldn’t
resist taking a moment to appreciate the male beauty displayed before her. Once
she’d looked her fill, she prodded him into the shower, ignoring his mumbled,
“Hey, no fair. I didn’t get to see you.”