Darius (Starkis Family #5) (21 page)

“Oh.” He nodded. “Is it serious?”

“We haven’t been dating long, but I think maybe it has the potential to be someday.”

He smiled. “You don’t sound too sure of yourself.”

After the way we’d left things this morning, I wasn’t. “Even though it’s new, we’ve had some ups and downs already. He’s the first man I’ve dated since your brother died, so I’m feeling my way through it. Trust doesn’t come easily for me, and Darius is… well, he’s not your average guy.”

“What does that mean?”

“His family is very wealthy. In fact, he’s the one who bought the club and offered me the job. He’s been so good to me, even letting me and Daphne stay in his apartment while they’re renovating the club.”

“But…?”

I wasn’t surprised Nate could sense my hesitation. I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my misgivings about Darius. “You know I have a hard time opening up to people. Even before Shaun it wasn’t easy, but—”

“My brother really did a number on you.”

I didn’t want to make any disparaging comments about Shaun to his brother. Nate knew that I still felt a lot of anger and confusion about my husband’s death and probably always would.

“I just don’t know that I’m ready for a serious relationship yet. But the more time I spend with Darius, the stronger my feelings get and the more confused I become about where we go from here, where we’ll end up.” I linked my hands on the table, looking at the finger where my plain gold band had been. “I just feel like it’s not fair to lead him on if I can’t do the whole marriage-and-kids thing.” So much for not confiding in Nate about Darius.

“Do you think you want to try that again?” Nate asked. “Marriage?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.” I propped my chin in my hands, staring at the man I still considered my brother-in-law. “It’s a huge decision. Not that we’re there yet. Not even close. Darius said he’s fine taking it slow, but what if we spend years together and I decide I can’t go through with it, that I can’t marry him? He’ll have wasted all that time on me.”

Nate smiled. “I don’t think any man would consider time spent with you a waste, but I know what you mean. There’s a lot to consider.” He seemed hesitant, as though he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure he should. “I may be out of line here, but my brother said you and he decided you didn’t want kids. You’ve changed your mind?”

“I don’t know that I have. That’s another part of the problem. I guess for now I’m just trying to remain open to the possibility.”

“Sounds like you have a lot of things to figure out.” He chuckled when I nodded. “And I’ve just made things worse, haven’t I?”

“No, I’m flattered you want me to be your partner. It’s an incredible opportunity, a dream come true, really.” My own home, my own business. Before I met Darius, I would have jumped at the opportunity. “What about Daphne? We’re sort of a package deal. Could I bring her with me, give her a job at the club?”

“Of course, whatever you want. She could share your apartment or get one of her own. The rent in Kansas City is only half of what it is here, so she could afford her own place if she wanted to.”

Daphne would love that. As much as we loved being roommates, we often talked about how great it would be to have our own places someday as long as we weren’t too far apart.

“I’d miss my friends at the club. They’re like family.” That was when I realized I was really considering Nate’s offer. But how could I not? It was everything I’d ever wanted. A chance to be an independent woman, my own boss, without the financial struggles that had plagued me my whole life.

“I know I’m asking a lot,” Nate said, “but I’m offering a lot in return.”

I didn’t want him to think for a second that I wasn’t grateful. “This is seriously one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered to do for me. I don’t even know what to say.”

“Say yes.”

“Can I have a few days?”

“You need to talk to Darius?”

“And Daphne.”

He reached into his pocket for his wallet. “Of course, I understand.” I reached for my purse, but he waved me off, scowling. “I’m going to be here for a few more days. Just call me when you decide.”

I stood to hug him. “Thank you. You’ll never know how much it means to me that you want me to help you with this.”

He kissed my forehead. “I lost a part of myself when my brother died. I feel like I can get that back with this club, and you’re the only one who can help me bring this to life, Chelsea. Please don’t say no.”

***

Daphne’s jaw dropped when I told her about Nate’s offer. “When do we leave?”

“It’s not that easy for me,” I said, staring at the
Big Bang
rerun we’d been watching when I dropped my little bombshell.

“Because of Darius?”

“Of course.” I sighed. “But he’s not the only reason. The people at the club are like family to both of us. Wouldn’t you miss them?”

“Sure, but as long as we have each other, we can get through anything, right?”

I smiled at her, thinking she was one of the few people I couldn’t live without. I just had to decide if Darius was another. “Right.”

“Are you in love with him?” Daphne asked, reaching for the remote to mute the TV.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I have really strong feelings for him, that’s for sure. I love spending time with him.”

“But?”

“I don’t know where this is headed, if anywhere. We may be too different to make this work, then I’ll have given up the opportunity of a lifetime for nothing.”

“True,” Daphne said, biting a hangnail. “I think it’s obvious he cares about you, but let me be the devil’s advocate for a minute. How do you know he won’t meet someone else next month?”

“Someone without all my baggage?”

“I didn’t say that,” Daphne said, leaning forward to slap my knee.

“You didn’t have to. You were thinking it. So was I.” I’d been asking myself that same question ever since I’d met Darius Starkis. How long before he met the woman of his dreams? Because no matter how many times he might claim that woman was me, I didn’t think I’d ever believe it.

“So what did you tell Nate?”

“I asked him for a few days before I give him my answer. He had no problem with that, but I know he’s anxious to get to work on this. I can’t leave him waiting too long.”

“He got a business degree, didn’t he?” Daphne asked, reaching for a handful of pretzel sticks from the bag she’d left on the table.

“Yeah, that’s what would make him the perfect partner.” I laughed. “I couldn’t write a business plan to save my life.”

“And he wouldn’t know a good comedian if they bit him in the ass. I’d say that makes you two the perfect partners.”

“Maybe.” I still wasn’t convinced.

“Are you attracted to him?” Daphne tipped back her diet soda.

“Are you crazy?” I asked, appalled. “He was my husband’s brother!”

“Yeah, his identical twin brother. You can’t pretend it’s not weird, seeing Nate again.”

“It did kind of catch me off guard,” I admitted. “I guess because it’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I’m sure I’d get used to it if I saw him every day.”

“If you say so,” Daphne said, sounding unconvinced. “So when are you going to talk to Darius about Nate’s offer?”

“He had to go back to the Hamptons today. He said he’ll try to make it back tomorrow night so we can talk. It’s not like I can tell him about this over the phone.” I thought about how distant he’d seemed when he left and again on the phone when I’d called to ask when I could see him. “I think I may have made a mistake with Darius.”

“Why?” Daphne asked, offering me the bag of pretzels. “What happened?”

“We were in his hotel room, and Shaun’s name came up. He asked me if Shaun had left me a letter.” I considered what I’d been thinking when I offered to let him read it. It was the ultimate act of trust for me, but judging by his strange reaction, I suspected he hadn’t seen it that way. I glanced at my roommate, who was wide-eyed while she waited for me to continue. “I told him that he had. And I offered to let him read it.”

“Shut up! You haven’t even let me read that letter!”

I winced, feeling a pang of guilt. “Would you like to read it?”

“Later. Right now I want to know what happened with Darius.”

I wished I could describe it, but there was no way to pinpoint when things had gone wrong. There had definitely been a shift in his demeanor after he’d read the letter, but he’d been off even before that. As soon as Shaun’s name came up, his body language changed. “I don’t think he has a very high opinion of Shaun for bailing on me the way he did.”

“None of us will ever be able to understand why he felt compelled to do what he did.” Daphne sighed. “He was clearly sick.”

So many people had told me that, as though he’d been diagnosed with a terminal illness he’d been too tired and weak to fight. But I had a hard time seeing it that way. Part of me believed his depression drove him to make a bad decision, but I couldn’t help wondering why he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me he was thinking about taking his own life.

“So what did Darius say after he read the letter?”

“He said it was obvious Shaun loved me.” I thought about his words, his tone of voice. He’d almost sounded resigned, though I couldn’t imagine why.

“And?”

“It wasn’t so much what he said… it was the feeling I got, like something had changed between us. Things were going so great. I felt closer to him than ever, but we started talking about Shaun, and it was like he checked out on me.”

“It’s a lot to process,” Daphne said. “I mean, what if he had a late wife and you knew he was still in love with her?”

Was I still in love with Shaun? There was a time I’d thought I would love him forever, but that was before I imagined it was possible to move on with someone else. “A part of me will always love him,” I said, weighing my words as I spoke, trying to decide what felt right. “He was my first love, my first lover. But am I still in love with him? I don’t know. Is it possible to love two men when one of them is no longer here? Is that even fair to Darius?”

Daphne grinned.

“What are you looking so smug about?” I asked, tossing a cushion at her.

“So you are in love with Darius. You just asked if it was possible to love
two
men.”

Damn. Guess I hadn’t been weighing my words as carefully as I’d thought. If I had, that never would have popped out. I ran a hand through my hair, scraping my nails over my scalp. “Maybe I am. But I still don’t know if he feels the same way about me.”

“You’ll know just as soon as you tell him about Nate’s offer. If he freaks out and pleads with you to stay, he loves you. If he doesn’t, it’s better to let him go before you get hurt.”

Daphne was right. One way or the other, my next conversation with Darius would tell me unequivocally how he felt about me.

Darius

I’d asked Chelsea to come to my hotel room instead of meeting her at my apartment. If she was going to dump me, I didn’t need an audience. When I talked to Cat, she’d told me I was being paranoid, that Chelsea was crazy about me, but the look on Chelsea’s face when I’d read Shaun’s letter told me it was him she was still crazy about.

I’d spent the last two days trying to process my feelings. Admitting I was jealous of a man who’d been dead for years wasn’t easy, but I didn’t know if I could continue to be with someone who would always love another man more than she could love me. Cat claimed I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe she was right. Tonight would tell the story.

Chelsea tapped on the door, and I took a deep breath before answering it.

“Hey.” Damn, she looked adorable. Instead of heels, she was wearing red ballerina flats with her black skinny jeans and chambray shirt. But it was her dimples when she smiled at me that did me in every time. “You look great.”

“So do you.” Her eyes traveled over my tight black button-down shirt and faded jeans. “Always.”

“Come in,” I said, reaching for her hand and tugging her inside. “I wish you’d have let me pick you up the apartment. It would have saved you from taking a cab.”

“No worries. I was at Exodus. I just walked.”

She walked eleven blocks while the sun was setting? I wasn’t thrilled with that, but at least she was here, safe and sound. “Have you eaten? I can order room service.”

“I’m not very hungry.” She dropped her red purse on the floor by the desk. “Actually, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep much for the past couple of days. I’ve had something on my mind. That’s what I need to talk to you about.” She gestured toward the white couch in the living area. “Do you mind if we sit down?”

My stomach was suddenly tied up in knots. I wasn’t ready for this to end, but I had a feeling she wasn’t going to give me a choice. “Sure.”

I waited for her to get comfortable before I sat next to her. She’d been in the room for several minutes, and neither of us had attempted to hug or kiss the other. I was dying to pull her into my arms though, if for no other reason than to reassure myself that we would be okay.

“You know that Nate wanted to see me…”

“Yeah. What did he want?” I’d asked her that question when we talked on the phone that night, but she’d been evasive and promised to tell me about it later.

“His mother passed away recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I watched her carefully, trying to read her thoughts, her body language, anything that might give me some insight into what she was thinking or feeling.

“Yeah, she was a lovely lady.” She took a deep breath, as though she was gathering her nerve. “So long story short, Nate wants to use his inheritance to open a comedy club in Kansas City, and he wants me to be his partner.”

“What?” Surely I hadn’t heard her right. No way in hell could she be considering bailing on me to go into business with her former brother-in-law. She’d already committed to managing
my
comedy club.

“It came as a huge shock to me too,” she said, wringing her hands. “Nate and Shaun used to talk all the time about the possibility of Shaun opening a club. Then when he met me, we planned to do it together.”