Dark Angel (31 page)

"How well you play."

"I'm rusty. I don't get much practice these days. Though I must admit it was the harpsichord that made me decide to take these rooms." Adam ran his finger over the keys in a rippling
glissando,
then looked up and studied her face. "It was hard for you today, wasn't it?"

Caroline was caught by surprise, the music still echoing in her head. "What was?"

"Going back. Seeing your old home." He leaned forward and rested his arms on the harpsichord. "Are you going to miss Lisbon?"

Caroline hesitated. It was a question she had not really considered. She had not formed the friendships in Lisbon that she had in Acquera, though she had lived here far longer. And yet..."In a way," she said, moving into the room and droping down on a cushioned stool near the harpsichord. "I learned I could take care of myself here."

She looked up at Adam, wondering if he would know what she meant, and saw understanding in his eyes. "A valuable lesson," he said, "though I'm sorry it was so harshly learned."

Caroline glanced away, made uncomfortable by his sympathy.

"Caro," Adam said softly.

She raised her head to find him regarding her steadily, a question in his eyes. "What will you do when we get to England?" he asked.

Caroline stiffened. He had violated their unspoken rule and asked about the future. Yet it was a future she could not avoid much longer. She adjusted the worsted shawl she had thrown over her nightdress. "Emily and I can stay with Jane, at least for a month or so." While Adam would go to London to pursue his inquiries about Talbot. Caroline was aware of a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. It occurred to her that Adam might be wondering how much longer he would be burdened with the care of a woman and child. "We can take the stage from Portsmouth," she added. "You needn't escort us all the way to Sussex."

Adam's brows drew together. Then he grinned. "Don't go self-sacrificing on me, my girl. It doesn't suit you. I'll take you into Sussex if that's what you want. But you can't stay with Jane indefinitely. What then? Did Jared leave you any money?"

"I don't know." Caroline leaned forward and rested her chin in her hand. Strangely enough it did not seem odd to be discussing such things with Adam. "There was some sort of settlement, but it wasn't a great deal, as I had virtually no dowry, and I think most of it was invested in the foundry. I didn't understand it all, but Jared got me to sign some papers. There'll be an army pension, of course. It may be enough for Emily and me to take lodgings somewhere. If not I'll have to swallow my pride and go to my brother."

"You couldn't go to Lord Anandale? He
is
Emily's grandfather."

"I won't humiliate myself in front of that man, Adam," Caroline said, sitting up very straight. "Not after what he did to Jared." Besides, she could not ask Lord Anandale for money to support a grandchild who carried no Rawley blood.

Adam was watching her intently. "I'd like to take care of you, Caro," he said.

The words were spoken with deceptive quiet. Caroline looked into his eyes. For a crazy moment, she wondered if he was about to ask her to marry him. And if she might accept. It was madness, of course. Whatever Adam was offering, he was offering it out of generosity. There was no way she could accept. "Thank you," she said. "But we'll be fine. I really have learned to take care of myself."

Adam was silent for the space of a heartbeat. "I don't doubt it," he said. "But there's no harm in accepting help when it's offered. If you like, I can take you to my aunt. She and her new husband live in London. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you and Emily as guests for as long as is necessary. And while you're in London you can find out about Jared's estate."

He was smiling, a smile of easy friendship. Was this what he had meant all along? Or had her words put an end to a more serious offer? Caroline clasped her hands and found they had grown clammy. "You're very free with your aunt's hospitality," she said. "She hasn't seen me in nine years." And at their last meeting, Caroline had seen the disapproval in Magaret Sanders's eyes. She doubted if Aunt Margaret had forgiven her for that last quarrel with Adam.

"She likes you," Adam said. "She always has. And she'd love having Emily about. So would her husband. Besides, it will save me having to take you to Sussex. If you're determined to be noble, think of that."

Caroline smiled. It was a tempting offer. Jane and her husband would welcome her and Emily warmly, but they had been hard pressed making ends meet four years ago and they'd had two more children since. Adam was right. In London she would be able to speak to a solicitor about Jared's estate. And, most tempting of all, she would have a few more weeks in Adam's company. "Thank you," Caroline said. "If your aunt is willing to have us, Emily and I would be most grateful."

"Good. It's settled then."

Silence hung between them. Caroline knew it was time for her to return to her own room. She got to her feet, but instead of going to the folding doors, she walked to the windows and looked out at the city. Houses spilled down the steep hill on which the Alfama stood, their lights shining with comforting warmth in the colorless landscape. Beyond the city spread the vast, dark waters of the Tagus. With its battle scars hidden beneath a veil of moonlight, Lisbon had a haunting beauty.

"One of my favorite sights," Adam said, coming to stand beside her. "It's like getting a glimpse into the past. Before the war."

Caroline felt the heat of his body through the muslin folds of her nightdress. Yielding to impulse, she stepped closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder. Adam was still for a moment. Then his arm came round her. For a long while they stood without speaking, looking out over the city.

Caroline closed her eyes and savored the moment of tranquility. Adam's fingers moved against her shoulder in a gentle caress. His breath stirred her hair. The quickened beat of his pulse was beneath her ear, and his lips were against her temple. Her body began to sing with desire. She half turned within the circle of his arm. "Adam—" she breathed, the words an unabashed plea.

"I know." Adam's hand came up to cup her cheek. "You're so very beautiful, Caro." His fingers trembled and his voice was not quite steady. "I want to take you to bed, but your daughter is in the next room and I haven't got a bed, only a couch and a damned uncomfortable one at that."

Caroline smiled. Then the laughter stilled within her as she remembered another sitting room and another couch.
I
do not pay in favors, madam, I pay only in kind.
Adam's words echoed in her head. She had accepted what he had done to Jared. But she couldn't bear to remember the pain of what he had said to her. Now, so close to England, it could not be ignored.

Adam's fingers stiffened against her skin. Caroline looked at him and saw that he too remembered. There was something dead and cold in his eyes where before there had been warmth and life. Without speaking, Caroline pulled herself out of his arms and retreated to the sanctuary of her own room. The scars of the past might be veiled, but they would never be erased.

Even at anchor, the deck of HMS
Sea Horse
pitched slightly with the movement of the water. A gust of wind came up, flapping the sails and bringing with it the sharp, briny tang of the sea that lay beyond the mouth of the Tagus. Caroline tucked a loosened strand of hair beneath her bonnet. It felt odd to be wearing a bonnet again. She was constantly aware of the stiff brim about her face and the confining feel of the ribbons. She was wearing a fresh dress as well, muslin instead of merino, and a pelisse instead of her cloak. All old and well-worn, but they seemed ridiculously formal.

Emily leaned against her mother's legs and tugged at her hand. "Will everyone in England speak English, Mama?"

"Nearly everyone," Caroline told her.

Emily giggled, as if the thought of a place where everyone spoke English was extremely funny. Then she released Caroline's hand and moved toward the rail, which was several inches higher than her head. "I can't see," she said, trying to pull herself up.

"That's easily remedied." Adam appeared beside them and swung Emily up onto his shoulders. Emily gave a shriek of delight. Caroline remained where she was, aware that Adam was looking at her. Since that night in the sitting room two days ago, they had managed to avoid being alone together. Adam had spent much of the time at the Embassy or visiting acquaintances in Lisbon. Caroline missed the companionship they had found on the journey from Acquera more than she cared to admit.

Emily, who could not remember her previous voyage to Portugal, asked Adam questions about the ship. She was still chattering when they were joined by Hawkins. He smiled as he came to stand beside Caroline at the rail, but there was an unaccustomedly grave look on his face. Caroline had little difficulty guessing the reason. She had noted the constraint between Hawkins and Elena these past two days and their subdued parting this morning. She wished she could ask him what was the cause of the trouble, but for all they had shared, she feared she did not know him well enough for such a question. She looked at him uncertainly, wanting to offer sympathy but not sure what she could say. "Goodbyes are hard," she ventured.

"That they are, Mrs. Rawley," Hawkins agreed, his hands on the rail, his gaze fixed on the water lapping against the side of the ship.

Hearing the note of regret in his voice, Caroline felt an unexpected moment of kinship with him. "Considering everything we've been through this past month," she said, "don't you think you could call me Caroline?"

Hawkins looked up from the water with a welcome grin, then suddenly froze, a look of disbelief on his face. He was staring beyond Caroline at the expanse of water between the
Sea Horse
and the quayside. As Caroline turned to see what was the matter, Emily, still perched on Adam's shoulders, gave an excited cry. "Look, Mama, there's Elena!"

Chapter Fourteen

Adam grasped hold of Emily's legs to steady her. Caroline leaned over the rail and looked in the direction her daughter was pointing. Through the maze of frigates, schooners, merchantmen and fishing boats that dotted Lisbon harbor, a boat was cutting a path toward the
Sea
Horse.
A woman stood in the bow, waving excitedly, a bundle clutched in her arms. The wind tugged back the hood of her cloak, revealing her bright gold hair.

An appreciative whistle sounded from the rigging above. Hawkins gave a stifled exclamation. Caroline met Adam's gaze, the constraint between them forgot.

"Is Elena coming with us?" Emily asked.

"It looks that way," Adam said.

Hawkins was staring at Elena as if transfixed. "I'll never understand women. What the devil is she about?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Durward." The ship's first lieutenant, Mr. Forbes, a tall, serious-faced young man, joined them at the rail. "Would the young woman in the boat be a member of-your party?"

"Apparently so." Adam turned to Forbes with a friendly smile. "I hope the captain will understand. It seems Plumb's wife has decided she can't bear another separation from her husband."

Hawkins drew in his breath to protest, but Forbes spoke first. "Oh, quite," he said, visibly more relaxed. "Sorry for asking, it's just that the captain's a bit particular about women on board. Not wives, of course," he hastened to add. "Or widows. Another matter entirely." He glanced at Caroline and gave a confused cough. "I'm sure the captain will be delighted to have Mrs. Plumb on board. If you'll excuse me, I'll have a word with him about accommodations."

When Forbes had left, Hawkins rounded on Adam. "What the blazes were you trying to do?" he demanded in a low voice.

"Save you from two weeks of celibacy." Adam turned back to the rail and waved to Elena.

Emily waved as well. Then she looked down at Hawkins. "Is Elena your wife?"

Hawkins started to speak, broke off, and turned to Caroline with an expression of helplessness. "She's like his wife," Caroline said.

Emily nodded as if this was a perfectly logical explanation, and waved again. Elena's boat had nearly reached the
Sea Horse
now and several sailors were hurrying toward the gangway to help the new passenger on board. "Come on," Adam said, pushing Hawkins forward. "Or she'll be so surrounded by men you won't be able to get a word in edgewise."

"Yes," Caroline told him, "you wouldn't want her to think you're not glad to see her."

They reached the gangway just as two sailors were helping Elena over the ship's side. Hawkins seemed at a loss for words. It was Adam who stepped forward and took Elena's hand. "I'm delighted you decided to join us after all, Mrs. Plumb."

Elena's smile of greeting was wiped from her face. "I'm not—"

"No," Adam agreed, giving her arm a warning squeeze, "you aren't expected, but the first lieutenant assures us they will have no trouble accommodating you."

Emily, who was still sitting on Adam's shoulders, leaned down toward Elena. "I'm glad you're here."