Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3) (14 page)

“No, we can’t do this, you know we can’t…” I scramble out of his reach but he’s not stopping me, there is no resistance, something is wrong. When I’m on my feet, I realize he’s holding his head with both hands squeezing his eyes shut.

“Fuck Evan, why did you do that? Shit, shit, shit.” Returning to him I slide the shirt from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor, I kneel again this time of my own accord and remove his shoes and socks before rising up and sliding my body under his arm and using all my strength to help him stand.

He’s shaky, eyes still closed I steer him toward the bed and I hear him count quietly to himself. “One, two, three, four.” On four, we have made it to the bed, he’s counting his steps, learning the room as if he were blind, oh God I hope that isn’t an omen. I turn him so that the back of his legs are against the mattress, and quickly I unbutton his jeans. I work them down; he sits when he knows they are free from his feet, and I help him lift his legs and swing them around, so he is finally in the damn bed. Before I can pull the covers up he turns to his side away from me pulling his legs up into a fetal position.

I’ve never seen him lie this way or sleep in this position, ever. He looks so vulnerable, my foundation shifts and I feel my world vibrate every so slightly. I pull the duvet up and quickly press a kiss to his shoulder before I make a beeline for his bag of prescriptions that we picked up before coming home. I dump the bag of bottles at the foot of the bed and begin to search for what he’s supposed to take at five o'clock even though it’s now six fifteen.

Immediately, I realize all the instructions are typed in Italian, shit! Ok, that’s cool, I can figure this out, I know meds, I’m a nurse right? I open one bottle, and I don’t recognize the pills to be anything for pain. I repeat this with two more prescriptions before I grab my phone and google prescription pills. This helps me determine quickly the medication he needs, identifying each pill by the letters and numbers stamped on them.

Evan hasn’t moved or said anything. I grab a bottle of water Cecelia has blessedly left on the night table and crawl across the bed to him.

“Evan baby, you need these, here open your eyes for a second.”

“I can’t, just help me,” he says and I place the pills into his open mouth and hold the water bottle to his lips while he swallows them down.

“I’m sorry, God, I’m so sorry, I knew better.”

“Shush.” He’s shushing me? I’m trying to comfort him and as usual he is doing the same for me. He pats the spot next to him, only raising his fingers up and down, minimal movements to avoid jostling himself and causing more pain. I place the lid back on the water and toss it behind me before I gently, softly, move to mirror his position.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispers.

“Never.” I lay with him for hours, watching him breath, watching his eyes dart back and forth under his lids when he enters REM sleep. I watch as he relaxes, and the pain evaporates from his body when the medication kicks in, his legs stretch out and his fists unclench.

I could watch him forever. His hair has started growing back already; his whole head covered with a dark shadow of what will be a thick mane of soft curls in a matter of a week or two. His perfect bronze skin, the strong jawline where a muscle ticks when he dreams, his full lips slightly parted, and his warm breath escapes allowing me to breathe in a part of him.

I watch, and I watch, and I watch until I hear the soft tinkling of my phone alarm reminding me it’s time for another round of meds. I hate to wake him; he looks so peaceful, but if I don’t he could end up in the same condition as he was earlier, paralyzed by pain. I reach out and gently lay my hand on his cheek.

“Evan, you have to take some more medication. Wake up.” He inhales a short burst followed by a deep shuttering breath and exhales before he lazily opens his eyes. He looks at me dreamily for a moment before blinking away the sleep and becoming more alert.

“Where are Yes and No?” I screw up my face and consider the dose of his pain
meds; did I give him too much? Then it hits me, the kittens! Crap, I forgot all about them! Shit, I hope somebody has been taking good care of them, we’ve been gone a long time, they won’t even know us anymore.

“I don’t know, what made you think of them?”

“A dream. We were under the bed; you were smiling, and they were playing in your hair.” He reaches out and slips a chunk of my curls between his fingers examining it, pulling it free from my braid. “Let your hair free.”

“What?”

“Take your hair out of that braid, you never let it free anymore, I love your hair.” I sit up and cross my legs while I work it free from the fat tangly braid.

“It’s a mess; I haven’t been able to keep it nice at the hospital.” I work my fingers through the curls fluffing it and bringing some forward so he can see it.

“Beautiful. Now call Mr. Saint and find your kittens. And tell Cecelia I’m starving.” Music to my ears, he’s hungry, yes! I flash him a huge smile, and he makes me squirm with his smirk and a wink. Lord the things that combination does to me! I turn and begin scooting off the bed to make my phone call and get his meds, but he grabs my hand before I’m out of reach.

Looking back over my shoulder at him he mouths I love you before he releases me.

“I love you more,” I say feeling it deep down in my bones.

“Never leave me…”

“Never.”

I’ve been awake for hours sitting here with my arms wrapped around my legs and my chin propped on my knees staring at Evan waiting for him to wake up. Yes and No are surprisingly curled up with him, Yes is in the bend behind his knees and No is in a ball with his head upside-down near but not touching his chest. I can’t believe how much they’ve grown while we were gone! And what’s even more interesting is the way they have taken to Evan. Both of them were immediately drawn to him, crawling all over his chest, nuzzling their heads under his hands demanding to be scratched. Not a second glance at me! He seemed a little guilt ridden from all of their attention and kept pushing them toward me but to no avail, they both ignored me and made their way back to him. I’ve decided to attribute their behavior to animal instinct, they sense his injury and want to make him feel better, at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

When my bones begin to ache, I leave the bed quietly and slip on a robe to go check on breakfast with Cecelia. Eyeing my phone on the entertainment center I pick it up and drop it in the pocket of my robe. I’ve been neglecting my friends at home; it won’t be long before we are able to travel, and I can’t wait to get back to some semblance of a normal life. We need a get together; I miss girls’ night out. We haven’t had one since the night Evan woke up from his coma and threw a fit. I left my girls dangling after only one drink
to rush to his side. I’m not counting the disastrous taco and movie night that never really happened at mom’s house when I was a hollow version of my current self. Time to make things right.

I shoot a group text to the girls and apologize for the long period of silence and give a very brief explanation of what’s been going on,
very brief
. I promise them dinner and drinks at our house when we return, and all of the girls respond enthusiastically but no word from Claire. I wonder how she’s doing, Claire is my most mysterious friend, I’ve never really connected with her closely and I feel like she has secrets, we all have them but I think Claire has dark secrets, maybe like my own.

I’ve got tentative plans set up by the time I reach the kitchen and smell bacon and toast wafting through the air making my stomach growl loudly; I’m famished!

“Ahh Buenos Dias, Señora Lawson!” I stop short at the sight of Mr. Saint and Isaac sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, Saint with a newspaper in his hands and Isaac’s laptop open next to him.

“Well good morning, what’s everybody doing here for breakfast?” Saint smiles a friendly smile, which feels really odd as he has only recently accepted that my feelings for Evan are real and irrefutable. He returns his attention to the paper and Isaac is on his feet pulling out a chair as soon as he hears my voice.

“Morning Mia,” Isaac says, “How are you?”

Saint glances at Isaac with lifted brows.

“And Evan, how is Evan this morning.” Isaac stumbles over his change in the direction of the conversation. I worry my lip for a moment. I hope there hasn’t been a misunderstanding between Isaac and I, he has to know how devoted I am to Evan. No that’s ridiculous.

“I’m great, Isaac, thank you for asking, and Evan’s fine too, he’s sleeping,” and then I add “With the cats.” I open my eyes wide and giggle, who would have ever thought big tough Evan would cuddle up in bed with a couple kittens?

Isaac smiles and shakes his head back and forth. “I wish we were still watching you two on the monitors, that would be a sight to see,” he says and again Saint glances out of the corner of his eye, this time not as obviously but I saw it just the same.

“So, why’s everybody here this morning?” I ask again

“Well since I live here, I believe she’s speaking to you, Isaac.” Saint says with a touch of sarcasm. I swing my eyes from Saint to Isaac.

“Oh I’ve got some things to go over with Mr. Lawson this morning; I need his signature and the green light on a few projects.”

I roll my eyes, “Isaac, don’t you think you could call him Evan? You’ve known each other for years; you’re friends!” He wipes his mouth with a linen napkin and tosses it on the table.

“He’s my boss, Mia; he will always be my boss. We’ve been over this, ya know.” I swear I see a satisfied look on Mr. Saint’s face now, what’s going on with these two? I sigh and lean back to allow Cecelia room to slide eggs onto the plate in front of me.

“Thank you Cecelia.” I say “And whatever Isaac.” I roll my eyes.

“Coffee?” he asks me dodging my response.

“Yes.” I’m annoyed, and he knows it, why can’t those two just be both friends and work together?

“I don’t think he’s up to much work just yet,” I say as he pours my coffee in a cup that says ‘The Bride’ on it, what the hell?

He sets the cup in front of me adjusting it perfectly so I can read the words.

“What’s this?”

“Cecelia,” he says nodding in her direction. She looks over her shoulder while she continues to cook and grins wildly, I can’t help but laugh. She’s something else.

The amount of sugar and creamer I add to my coffee makes both men gawk.

“What? I like sugar.”

“Obviously.” Saint responds with more sarcasm, he’s really not much fun; I can see why he and Evan have gotten along so well for all these years. I wish Evan would be closer to Isaac instead.

“Well if you don’t think he’s up to any work I’d better be getting to Dominus, thank you for breakfast, Cecelia.” She moves from the counter wiping her hands on her apron before she pulls Isaac close and kisses him roughly on the top of his head.

“You’re a good boy.” Poor Isaac blushes bright pink and Saint chuckles at his expense.

“I’ll see you later,” I say sympathetically, he nods and escapes the embarrassing position he’s unexpectedly found himself in.

Now with just Saint and me at the table I work on my breakfast and Cecelia brings me toast and fruit. I need to start working out again. I haven’t been in a gym or a pool in forever, well-swimming laps in a pool anyway. My thoughts begin to drift to the afternoon not long ago when Evan I made love in the pool downstairs, and I’m officially daydreaming when Saint brings me back.

“You should know he’s in love with you.” He bursts my perfect bubble with his off the wall comment.

“Huh?”

“Isaac. It’s clear he loves you. You need to deal with it now before Evan realizes it.” Before Evan realizes it?
I
don’t even realize it! He snaps his paper closed laying it neatly next to his empty plate and looks expectantly at me.

“Seriously…hey, what’s your first name anyway?” I feel like we know each other well enough to be on a first name basis.

“Just call me Saint, Mia, that’s fine.”

“Why? Why don’t you want me to know anything about you?”

“This is why you’re having difficulty with Isaac; you get too close to the help. I keep things strictly business when it comes to Evan.”

“You call him Evan; Isaac doesn’t even call him by his first name.” I raise my chin defiantly, and he leans forward laying his hands flat on the table.