Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3) (31 page)

“Of course I can, these are my favorite jeans I wear them all the time.” Oh shit, it’s happening isn’t it? I’m getting fat!! “Maybe if I lay back on the bed I can get it.” I continue to struggle refusing to believe my body is changing. Evan smirks and crosses his arms over his chest to watch the show. I try again on my back with no success; I want to cry.

“I will get you something else, baby, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not ok! Why can’t babies grow in a pod on the dresser, why do they have to ruin my body?”

“Nothing could ruin your body, if the doctor says it’s ok we will start to swim every morning to keep you in shape. I’m dying to get back into the water anyway and Dr. Carmichael says it’s ok for me now. Won’t that be fun, swimming together every morning?” He’s collected a different pair of pants for me to wear, leggings…great.

“Yea sure, swimming, fun,” I say with zero enthusiasm grabbing the leggings as he peels my jeans from my growing body when they are off he crouches at eye level with me to tweak my nose like a kid.

“It is fun, you’ll see.” I bat his hand away and stuff my feet into the leggings which I have to admit are much more comfortable than my unforgiving jeans. “All set?”

“Yea, but it’s too early to leave yet.”

“We are going down for lunch first.”

“You’re going to let me walk?” I straighten up in excitement

“No, don’t be silly. I will carry you down but I think it should be ok to sit at the table by now, don’t you?” I sag in partial disappointment, I can’t walk, but I’m going to sit at the big kids’ table…yeah. The things I have to look forward to lately are pathetic.

He loads me into his arms, and we start toward the kitchen. The smell of bacon assaults me on, and I clamp my hand over my mouth. My God, it smells like someone cooked an entire pig’s worth of bacon in this house!

“You ok?”

“Mmmhmm, I think so,” I say under my hand. “It’s just the bacon smell; it’s so strong!”

“I think you have a heightened sense of smell, baby, it’s not that strong. Mr. Saint is making BLTs.”

“Saint? Where’s Cecelia?” He clears his throat nervously and I repeat “Where the hell has Cecelia been, you said she had a cold, but I haven’t seen her since we came home, you’re keeping something from me. I know it, now spills
!”

“Ok, don’t get upset.”

“Too late! I’m upset! Something’s going on with her, and you haven’t told me!”

“Shush…damn it, Mia, I wish you would stop getting so distraught it’s not good for you or the babies!” That’s it; I jerk in his arms causing him to stop and before he can react I wiggle out of his grasp and whirl to face him toe to toe.

“I will be so much more upset if you don’t start telling me things, important things, I’m not an invalid I’m fucking pregnant, now tell he what’s happened to her!” I try to stay calm but by the end of my rant I’m shouting and stomping my foot.

“She’s in the hospital.” I open my mouth to give him a piece of my mind, but he intercedes grabbing my shoulders and spinning me around, so my back is to his front, his hand covering my mouth. Shit he moves like a fucking ninja, I never even anticipated an attack.

“Listen to me, lady, you are going to calm down or I will not give you one single shred of information about Cecelia. This is precisely why you have been kept in the dark about it. I knew you would never stay put in bed if you thought she needed you, which she doesn’t. She is well cared for.” I’m panting with anger as well as the flood of adrenaline that always surges through my body when someone touches me unexpectedly.

This has never happened with Evan, he’s always been very cautious and mindful of my hang-ups, except for the handcuffs, those were a total surprise. I struggle, and he clutches me tighter.

“Uh uh, calm down first.” He says authoritatively in my ear, and I try, really I do but it’s hard, I’ve had a million hours of self-defense training since my attack and every cell in my body screams
get away, hurt him, run!
Hormones and frustration win out, and two tears stream down my cheeks onto his hand.

“Oh damn it, Mia.” He curses and loosens his hold turning me to face him where I stand woodenly, arms at my sides, forehead against his chest looking at the floor.

“She has uterine cancer; we found out in Italy, but she wanted to come home for treatment.” Oh my God, cancer! That’s a far fucking cry from a cold!

“You lied to me!” I step out of the circle of his arms. “For your own good.”

Seriously? “I am a grown woman not to mention a nurse and your
wife
! You have to stop making these decisions for me, stop holding back important information. I’ve been through hell and back in my life, Evan! Frankly it’s insulting that you think I can’t handle the truth, I’ve been broken and mended more times than I can count, don’t treat me like china. I’m fucking tough as nails!” When I’m mad, really really mad, my vision blurs for a few seconds and my eyeballs shake in their sockets, right now is one of those times but I don’t think it’s just my eyes, my entire body is vibrating with anger. Evan takes a step forward, and I take one back, ironic that seems to be how our relationship works except it’s more like the saying one step forward
two
steps back, will this ever be easy?

“I am going to go into the kitchen, it’s obvious you are angry with me, and I understand you need a moment, but you must know this so listen,
please.”
His hands uncharacteristically slide into his pockets; he tilts his head to the side narrowing his eyes before he continues. My own hands have tightened into tiny fists, and I feel a trickle of perspiration slide down the middle of my back, it’s so damn hot in here!

“You, my Mia… are my world, my universe, my infinity, without you I am nothing, gone, a fleeting memory. I live for one sole purpose now,
one…
to make you happy, to ease your pain, to release you from worry and make damn well sure that every minute of the rest of your life knowing without a doubt that you are cherished and loved by me. I am not accustomed to failure, and I feel I am failing you. This is the way I love, it’s all I know, it’s who I am, I don’t know another way. If you aren’t happy and, it’s clear that you are not, I am asking you to teach me and be patient because I am a stubborn man who resists change. I wanted to spare you the pain of Cecelia’s illness, I have seen how much you care for her and as you said, you have been to hell and back… broken… at times I’ve even been the cause. I simply cannot allow you to suffer like that anymore.” His words are like water thrown on a fire extinguishing my anger, reversing the entire flow of energy in the room from an electrical storm to a peaceful spring day.

“You’re not failing me; my God, you have never failed me.” I launch myself into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist clinging to him desperate to find a way to make him understand that I adore him and the crazy untraditional way he loves me, that he could never ever fail me, that he fills my soul with joy and happiness even though he infuriates me. There is no way to express my feelings with words, so I rely on this closeness to speak for me.

“I love you so very much,” he murmurs into my neck. “I won’t live without you.”

“
You will never ever have to, just remember, you go I go.”

“I don’t want breakfast anymore I want to go to the hospital to see Cecelia.”

“She won’t see you, she won’t see anyone.”

“What? Why?”

“She has known you were pregnant since we left Italy; she didn’t want to cause you more stress by worrying about her.”

“Well for fuck’s sake, of course I’m going to worry about her. She has cancer!” He shakes his head sighing deeply in defeat.

“Come on, I’ll feed you and call the hospital to see if she will make an exception. I know you won’t let this rest. The specialist you see today is in the clinic attached to the hospital where Cecelia is, if the doctor takes you off of bedrest
maybe
, and I mean
maybe
we can stop to see her if she allows it.” I’m not given time to consider his offer when he scoops me behind my knees and around my shoulders to transport me to the bright sunny kitchen. This manhandling is really making me feel like a toddler. The new doctor better take me off of bedrest before I lose my mind. Mr. Saint is at the stove when we enter putting together BLTs, which just moments ago nauseated me but are now sounding pretty damn good.

“Who eats BLTs for breakfast anyway?”

“We do; it’s just like bacon and toast.” he rationalizes

“And tomatoes and lettuce and mayonnaise.”

“Oh hush, you want one I know you do.” I’m tempted to tell him no actually I don’t want one just to be a brat, but I can’t, they smell too good and he’s just been so sweet proclaiming his love for me in the foyer that I can’t mess with him… yet.

“Yea, I do.” Saint slides a plate with the most enormous sandwich I’ve ever seen, and I side glance at Evan, who is drinking coffee, mmmm I miss coffee.

“I want some coffee.”

“Decaffeinated? Because that’s all you’re getting.” I sigh and roll my eyes.

“I don’t want it then.” I pout, and he gives me the funniest look, I can’t pinpoint what’s behind his eyes relief maybe, disappointment?

“What?” I ask he is quiet for a moment with his coffee suspended halfway to his mouth.

“I don’t like refusing you anything.” His voice is low and his tone serious, I straighten up leaning into him and answer in my own serious tone.

“Then don’t.” The left side of his beautiful lip lifts in his trademark smirk

“I said I don’t like to, not that I won’t.” I scrunch up my face and stick out my tongue at him.

“Ohh no. you did not just stick out your tongue at me!”

“Did too.” I sass

“That’s five, missy, and you know I don’t like uneven numbers.” I’m tempted to do it again but refrain so that we can be stuck on the very irritating number five for a very long time.

“I know what you are thinking and I am going to be extra watchful today for slip-ups that might get you to six, Mrs. Lawson.”

“Yea yea ok.” I flip my hand at him dismissively and smash down the monster sandwich so that it fits into my mouth. From the first bite I try to figure out just what makes this the best BLT I have ever eaten, it must be the company. Evan makes even the simplest situation special with his unique aura of authority and tenderness.

He has been nonchalantly watching me chew and enjoy every bite with a look of total satisfaction on his face while he reads the news on an iPad.

“When did you get that?” I say gesturing to the new electronic device and my mouth half full still chewing

“Mia, agh chew your food, I can’t understand you when you talk with your mouth full.” I press my lips together and giggle while I finish chewing the oversized bite.

“I said, when did you get that?” His eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“You gave it to me. It arrived yesterday with a note from you. Did you order it so long ago that you forgot?”

“Uh no…I wouldn’t forget ordering something like that for you, what did the note say?” I ask curiously. He flips the black leather case around and inside a pocket there is a blue note, he hands it to me, on the opposite side is a hand-written note that says
For your music
a shiver runs the length of my spine

“Evan, I did not send this to you, and it’s not signed by me, or anyone! Didn’t you think that was unusual?”

“You use an iPad for music all the time; it didn’t seem strange for you to want to share that with me but now…you really didn’t send this?”

“No!” We both stare at the mysterious gift.

“Did you check to see if there is a playlist?” I ask “Well…no, I guess I didn’t think…”

“You never read much Nancy Drew growing up, did you?” I say with exasperation, how can such an all-seeing
mind reader be so blind? I grab it from him and tap my way to iTunes where I find a playlist that’s been created titled ‘You Did It To Yourself’ there is only one song listed and it’s titled “Lies,
Greed, and Misery.” Oh God my heart plummets into my stomach.

“Mia, what is it? You’re white as a sheet!” I pass it back to him and stare out the window into the garden. I know the hook to that Linkin Park song “I wanna see you choke on your lies, swallow up your greed, suffer all alone in your misery.” Somebody is coming for him… or us, they want him to suffer which is the same as wanting us all to suffer, all four of us because we are one now, a family, a unit, a body that does not function without one of its vital organs. His voice is muffled in the fog of my thoughts, I can’t decipher his words. I’m too focused on the fact that we are again looking down the barrel of doom. I’m finally snapped out of my daze when he raises his voice.