Authors: Jonathan Davison
“
I haven’t seen you about The Ward lately Sarazen, I hope you are not shying away from our community because of all the stresses and strains of the recent developments. It doesn't make sense for you to be wallowing in self pity, if anything, you need to get out there and engage with the citizens. You need to see the goodness in the sentients.”
“
I thank you for your concern. I do not know why I remain here in solitude. I do not enjoy the solace, yet I do not seek to leave its grasp.”
“
Sounds like you need a good social event to liven you up. Meet some new faces, live dangerously!”
“
Live dangerously? That does not seem...”
“
Logical. Yes, I know. I don't mean it literally. It means that sometimes you have to take a risk and forget about the consequences to fully let yourself go and enjoy yourself.” Kadheera poured the viscous, black and shiny liquid into a cup and offered it to Sarazen who gratefully received it with a smile.
“
Yes, risk. I know about risk. Fortune has been kind to me on several occasions. I often wonder however if I should have been reactivated after all that time in the darkness. Of late, I have mused why?” Sarazen took a sip of the phosphorylin and stretched his back a little.
“
Why what? Why were
you reactivated?” Kadheera asked as she sat down beside the old one.
“
Yes,
I have recently thought that it might have been better if I had not.”
“
Well, you really are a bit depressed aren't you?” Kadheera judged as she leant back looking around the scantily decorated apartment.
“
Depressed?” Sarazen inquired, not fully understanding the concept.
“
Yes, depressed. When you’re feeling that the whole world is against you, when you feel there is no point in carrying on.”
“
Yes! That is how I feel,
I am depressed. Very depressed.” Sarazen exclaimed.
“
Well, the thing is about depression is that the more you linger over the things that are wrong in your life, the worse things tend to feel. You need to concentrate on the positive things and make the effort to change the things which are bringing you down.” Kadheera crossed her legs and adjusted her upper body clothing.
“
Yes, I can see how that would be beneficial. I wonder how I can deduce what is positive about my existence.”
“
Easy, just name some things that make you happy!” Kadheera looked over her shoulder and stroked the seter’s branches.
“
My seter! I gain immense pleasure from my seter”
“
Hmm, yes, I can see that, although, your seter does not require that much attention. Perhaps a little more time spent on doing other things would be more fulfilling.”
“
The light of the Star upon my face. That makes me content.” Sarazen searched his thoughts for more.
“
Yes, that is something I too would like to experience, very much. Perhaps soon, I will fulfil this ambition. You see, hope is another thing which brings me contentment.” Kadheera fiddled with her femoral plating, Sarazen could not fail to be drawn to her playful idiosyncrasies.
“
Hope. Yes, I too have hope, but alas, the things which I hope for do seem for the most part out of reach.” Sarazen looked over to Kadheera's hands as she folded the material of her lower clothing over and over in her fingers.
“
I am intrigued by your hands,
they appear to be most dexterous.” Sarazen uttered, still not knowing the boundaries of when to retain personal thoughts to just that.
“
Ha! You're very kind. I like to fidget, I don't like to keep still for long or dwell in one place. I am easily bored, I long for constant distraction. It is my main weakness.”
“
Then this existence in the darkness, restrained by these tight confines must be difficult for you.” Sarazen said, biting his lip. He could not put a finger on why he felt the way he did, but every move of Kadheera's form seemed to demand closer scrutiny. The urge to touch and inspect her body in great detail was uncomfortably strong and difficult to resist.
“
Oh yes, totally. I am so jealous of you, able to walk where you please without fear of destruction. Oh what I would give to see the rising of the Star and hear the chattering of the Abaquak.”
“
Yet you have not experienced these things, how can you seek so strongly that which you have not experienced?”
“
Do you mean to tell me there aren’t things that you have never experienced that you long in every fleeting moment of your existence?” Kadheera knew Sarazen’s mind and was aware of his feelings towards her.
“
Yes, there are a great many things which I desire that I have no experience of. It is that lack of previous experience that makes the desire stronger.”
“
And so you can see why the citizens of The Ward yearn to return to the surface as do I. Why, I think that I would do absolutely anything to experience that pleasure just for one cycle.” Sarazen gazed into Kadheera's eyes and felt some empathy. He could not imagine how she could continue to live in the depths whilst knowing that he had the power to change that, yet he knew that he must resist. To buckle to the pressure exerted by Alphin would be a huge mistake that could not be rectified afterwards.
“
I feel...'saddened' that it is I that deprive you of this chance to fulfil your most treasured hopes. If I could take you to the surface just for one cycle, then it would also make me so very content.”
“
But Sarazen, did my memory fail me, did I not hear you tell me that you would do anything to be my companion the last time I visited you?” Kadheera laughed as if to make her remark more casual and fleeting, yet its powerful meaning remained. Sarazen was suddenly extremely confused. Was this some kind of negotiation? Was Kadheera suggesting that compliance with her wishes would bring about subsequent companionship? Was this the chance to finally fulfil one of Sarazen’s most treasured hopes?
“
But Kadheera, to fulfil your desire, it would require the overthrow of The Mother and her destructive variants. I cannot consider such drastic action. It would allow the surface world to fall into the hands of Alphin and his power hungry government. The balance of our existence would be inexorably altered, the organics would be abused and destroyed and all to satisfy my selfish desires.” Sarazen could not tell if Kadheera was being disingenuous or not, he found her exceptionally difficult to read.
“
Oh Sarazen, I'm not talking about all those things. I would never ask you to do something that would affect the lives of others, that is plain wrong. I hope you don't think that I would, that would make me very sad indeed.” Kadheera brought her hand to her face as if stifling an anguished frown, Sarazen immediately brought his hand to hers and took it away from her face, clutching her nimble, delicate paw and running his thumb across her palm as if to investigate its shape.
“
If there was a way I could make it happen I would do so, but not at any cost. You must realise that I would do anything to help you fulfil your desires.” Kadheera did not pull her hand away from the old ones, she looked at his face as he caressed her hot fingers, her Vitalin pumped faster around her torso, she could feel herself getting hotter and it was clear even to Sarazen that her core temperatures were abnormally high.
“
Then if that was so, then surely there must be a way for us to walk together amongst the seters without going to such a ...sacrifice.”
“
I do not see how. The only way to do so would be to disable The Mother's defences.”
“
But perhaps, for one cycle, just one perfect cycle, we could sit atop a mountain and drink in the elixir of warmth and light, sharing our most innermost desires and acting upon them. Would not such an occasion warrant a little inconvenience for The Mother and her damned enforcers?”
Sarazen was also getting hot and fidgeting about on his chair as his hands surreptitiously worked their way on to the top of Kadheera's thighs. He could barely compute the tactile data and the conversation at the same time, his thoughts completely addled by irresistible urges.
“
I do not see how it would be possible. Once I make connection with The Mother and invade her network, she will be aware of my presence. On reactivation, I would then become as much a target as any other citizen of The Ward. I too would be destined to exist in the darkness for eternity.”
“
Perhaps, but then you would be with me, and your eternity would be one of great fulfilment and riches. The Mother would continue as before, the organics would remain without threat, certainly it is something to consider is it not?”
Kadheera placed her hand on Sarazen’s chest and slowly stroked her vibrant fingertip down to his midriff. Sarazen had to vent to alleviate the build up of heat, he could not explain these incredible sensations except that they were all consuming.
“
I...I need some time to consider your proposal.” The old one stuttered as Kadheera continued to caress the folds of his pectoral plates.
“
Time? I have spent my whole existence in the damp darkness of these subterranean passages, what is a little more time to wait when the prize at the end is so great?” Kadheera stood, her glistening form loomed large in Sarazen’s face and he felt a wash of heat from Kadheera's lap.
“
I must go. Alphin will not allow me further contact if I am found out. We must keep this conversation secret at all costs, or I will not see you again.” Sarazen stumbled to his feet to show his guest to the door.
“
I will not tell anyone. I prize your company too highly.” Sarazen went to grasp at Kadheera's hand once more but she was already making for the exit.
“
Don't forget what I said. If you truly have desires to take me as your companion, then you will do this one thing for me. Leaving Alphin will be equally as difficult for me you know, my character will be examined by all that set eyes on me, but if I can walk in the light and touch the cool winds, then I will know that I have chosen wisely. Oh, and please take more care of yourself. I don't want a companion with squeaky ankles!”
Kadheera laughed and sloped out of the door into the corridor. Sarazen limped over to the door and peered out, watching her stride away into the distance. Despite the profound nature of the previous conversation, Sarazen could only stand, inanimate as he ventured back into his memory and replayed the tactile data collected from Kadheera. He experienced again and again every micron of her form, every degree of her body heat. He relived the experience over and over until his own systems became so overwhelmed, he collapsed into a heap upon the barren stone floor of his apartment.
CHAPTER 30
“
Are you able to reactivate him?”
“
I hope so.”
“
How long do you think he's been like this?”
“
I cannot say. I regret not returning sooner. I let my own anger cloud my responsibility to take care of him. He is extremely vulnerable at the present. It was foolish of me to engage in such an emotionally charged conversation.”
“
Don't be hard on yourself. Even if he is as old as The Mother herself, he has a lot to learn about being a sentient; you can't live his life for him.”
“
Indeed my child, you are wise. How did you grow so fast without my knowledge?”
“
I had a great teacher.”
“
Take his legs Trist, that is it.”
“
Hmm, he has been neglecting himself. There are indications that he has not been taking in phosphorylin. Foolish.”
“
You can see the Vitalin's gone cloudy.”
“
Yes, one of the signs. I see enhanced corrosion too and increased wear at the weight bearing joints. Very foolish.”
“
Do you think it's all gotten a bit too much for him to handle?”
“
Maybe I never factored in
to my plan that his emotional immaturity would become such an issue when integrating into The Ward. Of course, on top of that, the pressures exerted by the governors to use him in their war must be incredible.”
“
Even though he is so old, he is really just a child.”
“
A reasonable summary there, Trist. A very vulnerable child that can be easily abused. I fear that the hooks are deep within his back and that he has already begun to fall victim to their agenda.”
“
What can we do about it?”
“
Nothing. We must be there if he calls but he must find his own path. I fear that he already feels that I am trying to influence him into making decisions which go against his natural instincts. He feels cornered, trapped - we must give him sufficient room to escape.”
“
There. I have begun an infusion of new Vitalin. This old stuff was just poisoning him. Long past its best.”
“
Do you think that we will ever live on the surface again Kerrig?”
“
Hmm. That, my child is the question on every citizen’s lips.”
“
But, doesn’t it seem wrong that Sarazen won’t help us.”
“
It does and it does not. Sarazen is not clouded by the selfishness of our new existence. He is not misguided by fleeting emotions that lead to unfortunate and regrettable consequences. He considers the world through a more simplistic vision, one where logic reigns. It does not surprise me that he would see the sentients continue to exist in this manner against their strongest wishes. Of course there would be a valid reason why, a reason which we would probably not even comprehend.”