Dark Solace (29 page)

Lash had seen Theo and I that day in the
kitchen, when I’d reached out and held his face as I now was
holding Lash’s. I’d told Theo with my eyes how much I’d loved him,
and what he meant to me. I’d told him in that one look that I was
his, and he was mine, and that was all that mattered. Lash had
wanted to be there with me, standing in Theo’s place. He had wanted
me to touch him like I had touched Theo, to tell him that he meant
something to me. And every time he had held my face in his hand, he
had been trying to tell me that he cared about me, that all his
words about how our being lovers didn’t mean anything had been
lies.

I kissed his cheek gently. “I missed
you.”

Lash closed his eyes for a moment, and put
his hand over my hand on his face, just holding it there as if to
commit the feeling to memory. With a sigh, he reached out to me,
taking my face in his hands, kissing me roughly, his hands
caressing my face and neck, gently rubbing my warm skin with his. I
opened my mouth on his, and gently licked him with my tongue. Lash
groaned, and twined his long forked tongue around mine, stroking me
gently, and making me whimper a little in longing.

Theo would be pissed if he ever found out,
but part of me didn’t care. I wanted to share this last moment with
Lash, and he wanted to share it with me.

And God, could he kiss.

* * * *

Lash kissed me for a good twenty minutes,
until it was all I could do to stop from asking him to take me
right there. I could feel his body straining against the front of
his jeans, wanting to be inside me. I was aching for him, the
desire to feel him stroking me with his body undeniable. It had
been so good between us. I wanted badly to run my hand across the
length of him, to touch our naked bodies skin to skin, to let him
make love to me again...

But he was right; that was moot. Giving in to
my weakness for him was not going to fix any of my problems; it was
only going to give me more problems. I told myself with a little
anger that I should have remembered that weeks ago, when I had
given in to temptation with him. It was past time to stop thinking
with my loins and to start thinking with my brain.

“We have to stop,” I said breathily, pulling
back from Lash. “I want you too badly, and we can’t do
anything—”

“I know,” Lash replied, agonized. He backed
away from me with a sigh. “Go inside. I’ll be gone tonight and
tomorrow, but wait for me on the couch, say about six? Maybe we can
watch a movie together, or get dinner. Devlin hasn’t told me your
plans yet, but I doubt you’ll be going out. Devlin hasn’t gone
anywhere at night at all, except to teleport to Danial, since his
burning last month. Even if you are going somewhere, it won’t be
without me, not after what happened last time.”

I nodded, and went inside, shutting the door
after me without a last look at him. Drawing it out wasn’t going to
make it any easier to leave.

I went upstairs to Devlin’s bedroom, and ran
the water for a cold shower, wondering where Titus was. Maybe after
all of the events of the last weeks—i.e., us now being “demon
“kin”—he didn’t need to check me anymore? In any case, it was a
relief. He’d have a lecture for me after one whiff of snake
scent.

I disrobed, and stuck all my clothes in my
bag. I’d wash them when I got home. Then I stepped into the cool
water, stifling a yelp.

Along with washing off Lash’s scent, the cold
shower helped cool my wanton thoughts. Sleep was probably the only
thing I was going to be doing tonight in bed. I hadn’t brought
anything racy with me, either. There was no point trying to look
sexy for a man who only wanted to sleep in my arms.

About ten minutes later, I was in bed,
pajamas on, reading the newest Vampire Hunter D book. I was fully
engrossed when Dev walked in and slammed the door behind him.

I looked up and met his annoyed eyes.

“Haven’t I asked you not to read that series
here?” Devlin said peevishly. “It’s like me reading a book series
based on a hero serial killer.”

With sheer will, I kept in my retort that the
book was fiction, that it took place in the future, and that the
hunter was a good guy, a dhamphir like my son (plus if he wanted to
read hero serial killer books, that was okay with me). There were
bad vampires that got killed in this book series—all diabolically
bad, of course—which means they had a lot in common with Dev.

I put the book aside. “Sorry,” I said
apologetically. “I forgot. I’ll bring another book next time.”

Devlin nodded, and his expression softened as
he gazed at me. The seconds became a minute, then two as he
continued to stare at me.

What was wrong now? “Are you going to shower
first, or come to bed?”

“I need to shower,” Devlin replied.

He’d always had a libido the size of Texas.
Yet there was no lust in his words, no longing for me like I’d
heard in Lash’s tone earlier. He didn’t even kiss me on his way to
the bathroom.

As the door shut behind him with a soft
click, I lay back and thought of how to broach the subject. What if
Dev had been hurt too badly to regenerate? Ulysses had burned him
repeatedly on his penis and his testicles, as well as cut him
there. Since then, he’d been careful to keep his clothes on
whenever I was around. In the beginning, I’d understood that he
hadn’t wanted me to see how bad the damage was. I’d tried to give
him privacy and space while he healed, knowing he was mortified
that he wasn’t the gorgeous specimen of manhood that he had been
before. But nearly a month had passed. Dev’s face had completely
healed, so the rest of him had to be healed by now to the extent
that it could happen. If the permanent damage was bad, I needed to
know so we could deal with it together. But how to ask about it so
he wouldn’t be hurt?

Theo had been scarred before. When we’d
reunited, he’d been embarrassed about them, even though his scars
weren’t permanent. It hadn’t mattered to me, but he’d been visibly
relieved when the last scar tissue had faded. Theo’s scars hadn’t
been on his sexual organs, just on his hip and back. How much more
daunting must it be for Dev because of where he was hurt?

I understood that feeling of worry, of shame.
But the issue wasn’t going to solve itself if we didn’t talk about
it. Dev wasn’t going to bring it up himself.

Devlin came back in the room, his golden hair
wet from the shower. He undid his robe, revealing purple colored
silk pants, tossed it neatly on a nearby armchair, then crawled
into bed beside me. As I cradled him to my chest, he sighed a
little, but didn’t speak. I sighed inwardly, and forced the words
out.

“Dev, what’s wrong?”

He immediately went rigid in my arms. “What
are you talking about, Sar?” he said with a cool tone. “Nothing is
wrong.”

Even if I hadn’t already known something was
wrong, here was proof. “Dev, I know you,” I began as I ran my
fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. “Please tell me
what’s got you acting so distant from me.”

Devlin remained rigidly motionless and
silent.

How to phrase it, so he wouldn’t be either
hurt or offended, or feel like I was demanding sex? Even though Dev
had often demanded it of me, I didn’t want to do that to him. “I
care about you,” I said finally. “And it follows naturally that I
want to be intimate. I don’t want you to feel rushed before you’re
comfortable. Though I desire you as much as I ever did, I’m willing
to wait however long you need me to, until you are ready.” I kissed
his cheek. “I just wanted you to know that, Love.”

Devlin sighed and looked up at me, his golden
eyes shining. Oddly, the gold of his eyes seemed to me dimmed with
fear and moroseness. “I’m not ready yet, Sar,” he whispered.

I hugged him tighter. “It’s okay if you
aren’t,” I reassured. “Get some sleep.”

As I reached over and turned off the light,
Devlin snuggled against me, his head over my heart. We lay for a
long time in the darkness, but we didn’t sleep. We just lay
together, thinking our own thoughts.

* * * *

The next morning, I prodded a grumbling Dev
off me and went downstairs in search of breakfast. Serena was in
the kitchen.

“Hey!” she said, giving me a hug. “I didn’t
know you were here.”

“Today and part of tomorrow,” I said, giving
her a smile. “I haven’t been spending time with Danial, so Dev
wanted the time—”

I trailed off, realizing I’d said more than I
wanted to. Flushing, I got some cereal, longingly eyeing the bagels
in a bag on the counter. But my jeans didn’t lie; only the loosest
pair would fit me now. Until I lost some more weight, there would
have to be carb sacrifices.

Sardonically, I theorized that not burning
enough calories was not all my fault: if I spent more time in bed
active instead of sleeping, I’d likely be back to my right
weight...

“Want some coffee?”

I flushed, and put my weight out of my mind.
“Yes, it smells delicious.” I poured a cup and began putting in
sugar and milk.

“You drink coffee?” Serena said, confused. “I
didn’t know that.”

“Very rarely,” I answered, giving her a
smile. “It makes my stomach upset, usually. But it smelled good to
me today, for some reason.”

“I like coffee, but I have to drink decaf,”
she replied. “It makes me too edgy, otherwise. So don’t worry about
the caffeine.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I don’t need to be
hyper today.”

We sat at the kitchen table and sipped our
drinks. I was disappointed; the coffee had smelled better than it
tasted. This was why I didn’t usually ever drink it, because nine
times out of ten, I always...

“It’s because of Lash, isn’t it? Danial is
upset because you went to bring him that potion for Titus. And
something happened, didn’t it?”

I didn’t reply.

“No one has said anything,” she added. “But
I’m not blind. I see how Devlin is treating Lash—”

I shot her a beleaguered look. “Are they
fighting?”

“No. But Devlin has been sending Lash out on
jobs, and he never did that before this late in the fall. The jobs
aren’t important enough—from what I overheard them arguing about—to
warrant his skills. It’s just meeting with clients and making
arrangements, mostly. I think he’s doing it so Lash isn’t around
when you are.”

“I thought that, too,” I said quietly, and
sipped my coffee. But it was too bitter suddenly for me to swallow.
Grumpily, I got up and poured it out in the sink.

“Sar, why were you with Lash again?” Serena
burst out, trying hard to keep revulsion out of her words. “You
aren’t pregnant, and you have Theo, Danial, and Dev—”

Livid suddenly, I turned to face her in a
split second, and slammed my coffee cup in the sink so hard I was
surprised it didn’t break into ceramic shards. “What exactly is it
about him that makes you revile him so much?” I hissed at her.

Serena’s eyes went wide at my anger, and she
immediately backed off. “Sar, I—”

“Tell me,” I ordered, crossing my arms over
my chest. “Is it because you smell that he’s a snake, and maybe a
fox’s natural enemy? Because he kills people? Because he can be
scary sometimes?”

“All of those things,” Serena said,
shuddering. “But mostly because of his eyes, and how cold he can
be—”

“He was never cold to me,” I said
passionately.

Serena’s eyes went wider still.

“And I—”

I shut up quickly, before my mouth spilled
out everything I was thinking. I wasn’t stupid. Devlin could hear
me up above, and was probably listening to every word. Hearing me
say what I’d almost said would have made him furious.

“And you what?” Serena ventured, watching me
as if I might bite her.

“You shouldn’t bar him from your bed,” I said
tiredly. “He was a good lover, Serena. I just wish you would
reconsider, and let him come to you like the other weres.”

“You want me to have sex with him?” Serena
said incredulously. “I don’t understand.”

Sar, you can handle this. Get out the words!
“I want him to be happy, or as happy as he can be,” I said slowly,
pulling the words out of me as if they were my intestines. “I care
about him, Serena. I know you aren’t snake. But if he shows
interest, please don’t deny him your favors. Don’t treat him like
an outcast. Let him come to you like the others.”

“I’m afraid of him,” Serena said with a
tremor of fear.

“He won’t hurt you,” I said with surety.
“He’s not the one with the sadistic streak.”

Serena got what I was making a point to say
and nodded, reluctance in her eyes. “I’ll mention when I see him
that I spoke to you.”

“Don’t mention me,” I said quickly.

Serena gave me a look. “Sar, he knows how I
feel about him, especially about being his lover. I don’t think
he’ll believe that I just came to my senses out of the blue. I
can’t just smile and say, ‘By the way, it’s okay if you want my
services’.”

Probably not. Lash was as smart as I was, if
not smarter. “Fine, then,” I amended. “Tell him that I told you how
good he was, and you want to experience it for yourself. How’s
that?”

“Okay,” she said with a shrug of her
shoulders. “But I still don’t understand why you want me to do this
if it’s you who care about him.”

“Because I need to focus on my marriage,
which is falling apart. I need to spend time with my children. My
oldest son is almost an adult, and I want to spend time with him
before it’s too late. Elle isn’t too far behind—”

Serena nodded, sipping her coffee.

“—
and Venus already is no longer a
baby. She’s going to say her first word any day now. Devon has
doubled in size, and he’s getting bigger too. Theo plans on helping
him change for the first time in November.”

“Do you know how old he’ll be when he
changes?” Serena asked.