In any case, there was no telling what time or place it might take her to.
It seemed far safer, to her mind, to focus on going back the way she’d come and allowing them to trade her would benefit both of them.
She’d escaped King Fart before. She saw no reason why she couldn’t manage it again.
Of course she might not be able to escape without being raped by the nasty bastard, but she could close her eyes and hold her breath and manage it … somehow. It couldn’t be worse than what was happening to their babies.
They’d nearly killed Aydin! She couldn’t bear to think of doing nothing and allowing that to happen to more of their babies.
It hurt her to think of him enduring such horrors when he’d been nothing but a baby! No wonder he was so … distant. She doubted it was anything anyone could ever really get over.
Well, if Aydin and Colwin didn’t want to do it she didn’t imagine their tribesmen would be overly squeamish about it. They must hate the hoonans. They’d probably jump at the chance to trade her to get their babies back!
Of course, Colwin hadn’t actually said he didn’t want to, but she didn’t think he would go against Aydin in this even if he usually did just the opposite of what his brother wanted simply to annoy him.
He was still angry with her, maybe a little hurt. He didn’t volunteer to walk her to the stream to get water. It was Aydin who escorted her when Colwin seemed disinclined even to look at her.
“Are you angry with me, too?” Emma asked tentatively when she’d finished drinking.
Aydin glanced at her sharply. “He is not angry.”
Could’ve fooled her! “But you are?”
His lips tightened. “No one is angry. It is just a complication that we had not counted on and now we must decide what to do.”
Emma digested that, wondering what they needed to decide on. She’d thought they
had
decided. “You believe me, then?”
Aydin rubbed his neck tiredly. When he dropped his hand, he crouched at the water’s edge to drink. “I suspected almost from the first,” he said finally. “Colwin did not say so, but I think he did, also.” He grimaced. “Hoonans have an aversion to water and they cannot swim.”
She couldn’t say she was surprised to hear it. As short as her stay with them had been, that was something that jumped right out—if you weren’t careful! They were hairy brutes and hair lice was rampant. That was her first order of business when she’d been left alone—checking for lice! Ugh!
Emma frowned. “I believed Colwin when he told me what would happen to the two of you if the king’s men caught up to us. Don’t you think it would be better just to leave me here and go on? I mean—you only did it to free your brother. This could be worse than not freeing him in the first place.”
He sent her a speculative glance. “You are that anxious to go back there?”
Emma sighed. “I’d be happy never to go back there. I’m just saying it might be better for everyone all the way around. I came through around there somewhere. If I could find it …. And even if I didn’t, you and Colwin would still be better off. I don’t think they’re as likely to chase you if you didn’t have me along.”
“So you are more concerned about us than yourself?”
Emma thought that over. “I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I don’t think I have as much to worry about.” She grimaced. “I don’t have any balls.”
“He would rape you until he tired of you and then he would give you to his men,” Aydin ground out tightly.
Emma felt a little faint. She swallowed several times convulsively. “I … uh … I wasn’t actually thinking about going back to the castle. I figured I’d just search the woods for the right tree, you know?”
He studied her face for a long moment. “Which direction would you go?”
Emma blinked at him. “Direction?”
“The castle—you said that you came through near there. Which direction is that from here?”
Emma considered long and hard but she couldn’t recall what direction they’d taken when they’d left—because it had been nighttime—and she hadn’t really paid that much attention since then since she figured they knew where they were going, or at least what direction to take. “Uh … well, maybe you could just point me in the right direction?”
He shook his head at her. “If you are so anxious to return home, then you must stay with us until we return to our tribe. My father can show you the way and you would not run the risk of becoming their plaything.”
Emma bit her lip. “I’m sorry it makes you angry that I want to go home, but I had a life that I was satisfied with. I had family. I belonged there. I don’t belong here. I don’t understand the customs and I don’t even know how to live here!”
“There are children to teach here. There would be family here and there is nothing that is different here that you could not learn,” he said tightly. “But I will not try to persuade you when it is clear that you have already decided.
“I also will not have a hand in your death! If you must go, then you will have to wait until my father can show you.”
Emma studied him in dismay. “But … you said yourself no one had tried that one since before Colwin was born! How old is he? Twenty-five? Twenty-six?”
“Twenty-four.”
Oh god! She’d had sex with a twenty-four year old! He was practically a baby! She felt like a total pervert! “Well, there you go! Twenty-four years and I don’t even know if it would take to me to
my
time and place!”
“You cannot know until you try.”
“Yes … but …What if it’s worse than this place?”
She knew she’d really stuck her foot in her mouth the moment the words were out but there was no way to recall them. Aydin’s expression hardened.
“If it was worse, then you can always come back,” he said tightly and rose abruptly to his feet.
She followed him back to the campsite trying to think of something to say to take the sting out of what she’d already said, but nothing came to her. Colwin had put out the fire and lain down. She didn’t know if he was asleep or not, but he’d left the pallet they’d made for her.
“Get some rest,” Aydin said, moving to the other side of the camp and settling to watch.
Emma stared at his back unhappily for a few minutes and finally settled on the pallet, trying to empty her mind of the thoughts swirling there so that she could sleep. She’d already turned over twice trying to find a comfortable position when she heard a sound that made her hear thump in her chest.
It was such a sweet, melancholy tune that she felt her chest tighten with almost equal parts sadness and pleasure.
Turning over again, she stared hard into the darkness until her eyes finally adjusted and she could see Aydin playing the pan flute from which the beautiful music emerged.
No one who could compose and play such beautiful music could possibly be a barbarian, she realized abruptly. Neither Aydin nor Colwin even behaved like barbarians. What had made her decide that they were? That they were so primitive that it was ordeal even to have to deal with them? The things the hoonans had said about them? The fact that they were so clearly at home in the woods? Their clothing?
She’d judged them by the others, she realized, those awful people she’d first met. Maybe she’d even decided, in her subconscious mind, that if the people who most resembled her race were so primitive the centaurs could only be
more
primitive?
She’d made conclusions about them based on a lot of insignificant things, she realized, instead of paying attention to the fact that they were clean and healthy, well mannered, honest and honorable, weren’t crude or disgusting.
It was very discomforting to realize she’d judged without even giving them a chance.
No! She’d made up her mind and turned a blind eye to the things she should’ve noticed.
Chapter Eight
Emma pretended she didn’t notice and it didn’t bother her that Colwin no longer offered to carry her after their discussion about her going home. It wasn’t as if she would’ve minded Aydin carrying her under different circumstances. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t just as attracted to him. Maybe she was even a little more drawn to him in some ways than she was Colwin, although that would be a hard call.
Then again, she got the same silent treatment from Aydin that she did from Colwin. It wasn’t quite as noticeable because Colwin was more outgoing—usually—and Aydin tended to be introspective anyway, but she felt it.
She would’ve liked to have convinced herself that she was just imagining it, but unfortunately neither one of them left her in any doubt that they were anxious to put as much distance between them as possible and were sorry circumstances, and their sense of responsibility, wouldn’t allow them to simply dump her and leave.
Resentment slowly usurped her feelings of guilt over it. It wasn’t as if she’d refused to have sex with them!
Well, she supposed it might have sounded like that when she’d made it clear she didn’t want to get pregnant, but Aydin had pulled out, damn it! She didn’t see what the big deal was! If they wanted to have sex, she wouldn’t mind. She was sure she’d been very clear about that! She hadn’t even
tried
to act coy or the least bit reluctant!
It wasn’t as if she ever had the chance to just behave wild and free when she was home. It wasn’t as if she was going to have the chance of lovers even almost as sexy as Colwin and Aydin were, ever again!
It was bizarre! That was what it was! They were men! Alright, centaurs, but still men, damn it! She wasn’t especially needy. She hardly ever got sex anyway, but shouldn’t they be anxious for a repeat performance? She was half-naked for gods sake! Shouldn’t that
bother
them?
Was it just not good for them? Was that the problem?
Or were they just in to commitment and didn’t want to have sex if she had no intention of committing herself?
That was just downright laughable!
It was ridiculous!
Alright, so it did seem that way, but she thought it was more likely that she’d insulted them. Somehow, she’d given them the idea that she wasn’t ‘in’ to them, maybe that she was a total bigot and the idea of having sex with centaurs appalled her.
Glumly, she acknowledged that that was a strong possibility. The things she’d said, she realized, had probably convinced them that her enthusiasm before was just an act.
Trust men not to know the damned difference!
Maybe she could just give them a little nudge in the right direction? Maybe
she
should initiate?
Her belly cramped with anxiety at the idea. She realized she not only didn’t really know how, because she never had, but she was afraid of being embarrassed. What if they rejected her?
She’d already rejected them, she realized. That was why they were so stony, so uncommunicative and unfriendly. When she’d flat out refused even to consider the possibility of mating with them, she’d rejected them.
She hadn’t actually meant it that way, but she didn’t suppose it mattered. They were probably as uncomfortable as they were angry about it. They probably didn’t really know how to behave or what to say when she’d told them flat out that she had absolutely no interest in hanging around longer than it took to find her way home.
She’d apologized—to Aydin—for cussing them out, but she realized it wasn’t something ‘I’m sorry’ could really patch up—especially after that witless comment about the possibility of finding herself in a place worse than this one.
Not that it wasn’t a legitimate worry as far as she could see, but she could’ve said it differently. And, actually, she had every reason to consider this an awful place! It was really unreasonable of him to get mad about it when he knew what she’d been through!
* * * *
Aydin stopped abruptly when he caught a glimpse of the face in the tangle of vines, feeling his heart thump uncomfortably in his chest. Colwin, who’d been brooding for days, didn’t even notice he’d stopped at first and kept going. “Hold up!”
Colwin glanced back at him with a mixture of curiosity and irritation, his gaze flickering to Emma for a split second before he met Aydin’s gaze. “What is it?”
“I found something,” Aydin said slowly, moving closer to the stone figure and hacking at the vines with his short sword to clear them away.
“Gods!” Colwin exclaimed when he saw it. “What do you think it is?”
Aydin studied it, frowning as he struggled to dredge up some long forgotten memory. “A totem of some sort,” he said slowly.
“What do you think those symbols mean?” Emma asked curiously.
He flicked a glance at her, but focused on the totem again, studying each of the symbols she’d mentioned carefully.
“The legends!” Colwin exclaimed abruptly. “Do you think this might have something to do with the lost tribe?”
Aydin glanced at him sharply and then looked at the totem again. “Maybe. I can see similarities to our own writing now that you mention it.”
Colwin moved closer, pulling at the vines himself to reveal more of the stone carving. “It would be a warning,” he said finally, “if it does have anything to do with the lost tribe.”
Aydin grunted, lifting his head to look around a little uneasily. “The ogres that guard the valley ….”
“What ogres?” Emma asked sharply.
Colwin glanced at her. “From the legend.”
“Yes … but … if it’s a legend, that would mean it’s from a long time ago, right? There wouldn’t still be ogres … would there?”